I had not walked out far enough to be quite clear of the town, upon the Ramsgate road, where there was a good path, when I was hailed, through the dust, by somebody behind me. The shambling figure, and the scanty greatcoat, were not to be mistaken. I stopped, and Uriah Heep came up.
"Well?" said I.
"How fast you walk!" said he. "My legs are pretty long, but you've given 'em quite a job."
"Where are you going?" said I.
"I am coming with you, Master Copperfield, if you'll allow me the pleasure of a walk with an old acquaintance." Saying this, with a jerk of his body, which might have been either propitiatory or derisive, he fell into step beside me.
"Uriah!" said I, as civilly as I could, after a silence.
"Master Copperfield!" said Uriah.
"To tell you the truth (at which you will not be offended), I came out to walk alone, because I have had so much company."
He looked at me sideways, and said with his hardest grin, "You mean Mother."
"Why yes, I do," said I.
"Ah! But you know we're so very umble," he returned. "And having such a knowledge of our own umbleness, we must really take care that we're not pushed to the wall by them as isn't umble. All stratagems are fair in love, sir."
Raising his great hands until they touched his chin, he rubbed them softly, and softly chuckled, looking as like a malevolent baboon, I thought, as anything human could look.
"You see," he said, still hugging himself in that unpleasant way, and shaking his head at me, "you're quite a dangerous rival, Master Copperfield. You always was, you know."
"Do you set a watch upon Miss Wickfield, and make her home no home, because of me?" said I.
"Oh! Master Copperfield! Those are very arsh words," he replied.
"Put my meaning into any words you like," said I. "You know what it is, Uriah, as well as I do."
"Oh no! You must put it into words," he said. "Oh, really! I couldn't myself."
"Do you suppose," said I, constraining myself to be very temperate and quiet with him, on account of Agnes, "that I regard Miss Wickfield otherwise than as a very dear sister?"
"Well, Master Copperfield," he replied, "you perceive I am not bound to answer that question. You may not, you know. But then, you see, you may!"
Anything to equal the low cunning of his visage, and of his shadowless eyes without the ghost of an eyelash, I never saw.
"Come then!" said I. "For the sake of Miss Wickfield--"
"My Agnes!" he exclaimed, with a sickly, angular contortion of himself. "Would you be so good as call her Agnes, Master Copperfield!"
"For the sake of Agnes Wickfield--Heaven bless her!"
"Thank you for that blessing, Master Copperfield!" he interposed.
"I will tell you what I should, under any other circumstances, as soon have thought of telling to--Jack Ketch."
"To who, sir?" said Uriah, stretching out his neck, and shading his ear with his hand.
"To the hangman," I returned. "The most unlikely person I could think of"--though his own face had suggested the allusion quite as a natural sequence. "I am engaged to another young lady. I hope that contents you."
"Upon your soul?" said Uriah.
I was about indignantly to give my assertion the confirmation he required, when he caught hold of my hand, and gave it a squeeze.
"Oh, Master Copperfield," he said. "If you had only had the condescension to return my confidence when I poured out the fullness of my art, the night I put you so much out of the way by sleeping before your sitting-room fire, I never should have doubted you. As it is, I'm sure I'll take off Mother directly, and only too appy. I know you'll excuse the precautions of affection, won't you? What a pity, Master Copperfield, that you didn't condescend to return my confidence! I'm sure I gave you every opportunity. But you never have condescended to me, as much as I could have wished. I know you have never liked me, as I have liked you!"
All this time he was squeezing my hand with his damp fishy fingers, while I made every effort I decently could to get it away. But I was quite unsuccessful. He drew it under the sleeve of his mulberry-coloured greatcoat, and I walked on, almost upon compulsion, arm-in-arm with him.
"Shall we turn?" said Uriah, by-and-by wheeling me face about towards the town, on which the early moon was now shining, silvering the distant windows.
"Before we leave the subject, you ought to understand," said I, breaking a pretty long silence, "that I believe Agnes Wickfield to be as far above you, and as far removed from all your aspirations, as that moon herself!"
"Peaceful! Ain't she!" said Uriah. "Very! Now confess, Master Copperfield, that you haven't liked me quite as I have liked you. All along you've thought me too umble now, I shouldn't wonder?"
"I am not fond of professions of humility," I returned, "or professions of anything else."
"There now!" said Uriah, looking flabby and lead-coloured in the moonlight. "Didn't I know it! But how little you think of the rightful umbleness of a person in my station, Master Copperfield! Father and me was both brought up at a foundation school for boys, and Mother, she was likewise brought up at a public, sort of charitable, establishment. They taught us all a deal of umbleness--not much else that I know of, from morning to night. We was to be umble to this person, and umble to that, and to pull off our caps here, and to make bows there, and always to know our place, and abase ourselves before our betters. And we had such a lot of betters! Father got the monitor-medal by being umble. So did I. Father got made a sexton by being umble. He had the character, among the gentlefolks, of being such a well-behaved man, that they were determined to bring him in. 'Be umble, Uriah,' says Father to me, 'and you'll get on. It was what was always being dinned into you and me at school; it's what goes down best. Be umble,' says Father, 'and you'll do!' And really it ain't done bad!"
It was the first time it had ever occurred to me that this detestable cant of false humility might have originated out of the Heep family. I had seen the harvest, but had never thought of the seed.
"When I was quite a young boy," said Uriah, "I got to know what umbleness did, and I took to it. I ate umble pie with an appetite. I stopped at the umble point of my learning, and says I, 'Hold hard!' When you offered to teach me Latin, I knew better. 'People like to be above you,' says Father, 'keep yourself down.' I am very umble to the present moment, Master Copperfield, but I've got a little powerl"
And he said all this--I knew, as I saw his face in the moonlight--that I might understand he was resolved to recompense himself by using his power. I had never doubted his meanness, his craft and malice, but I fully comprehended now, for the first time, what a base, unrelenting, and revengeful spirit, must have been engendered by this early, and this long, suppression.
His account of himself was so far attended with an agreeable result, that it led to his withdrawing his hand in order that he might have another hug of himself under the chin. Once apart from him, I was determined to keep apart, and we walked back, side by side, saying very little more by the way.
Whether his spirits were elevated by the communication I had made to him, or by his having indulged in this retrospect, I don't know, but they were raised by some influence. He talked more at dinner than was usual with him, asked his mother (off duty from the moment of our re-entering the house) whether he was not growing too old for a bachelor, and once looked at Agnes so that I would have given all I had, for leave to knock him down.
When we three males were left alone after dinner, he got into a more adventurous state. He had taken little or no wine, and I presume it was the mere insolence of triumph that was upon him, flushed perhaps by the temptation my presence furnished to its exhibition.
I had observed yesterday that he tried to entice Mr. Wickfield to drink, and, interpreting the look which Agnes had given me as she went out, had limited myself to one glass, and then proposed that we should follow her. I would have done so again today, but Uriah was too quick for me.
"We seldom see our
present visitor, sir," he said, addressing Mr. Wickfield, sitting, such a contrast to him, at the end of the table, "and I should propose to give him welcome in another glass or two of wine, if you have no objections. Mr. Copperfield, your elth and appiness!"
I was obliged to make a show of taking the hand he stretched across to me, and then, with very different emotions, I took the hand of the broken gentleman, his partner.
"Come, fellow-partner," said Uriah, "if I may take the liberty--now, suppose you give us something or another appropriate to Copperfield!"
I pass over Mr. Wickfield's proposing my aunt, his proposing Mr. Dick, his proposing Doctors' Commons, his proposing Uriah, his drinking everything twice, his consciousness of his own weakness, the ineffectual effort that he made against it, the struggle between his shame in Uriah's deportment, and his desire to conciliate him, the manifest exultation with which Uriah twisted and turned, and held him up before me. It made me sick at heart to see, and my hand recoils from writing it.
"Come, fellow-partner!" said Uriah, at last. "I'll give you another one, and I umbly ask for bumpers, seeing I intend to make it the divinest of her sex."
Her father had his empty glass in his hand. I saw him set it down, look at the picture she was so like, put his hand to his forehead, and shrink back in his elbow-chair.
"I'm an umble individual to give you her elth," proceeded Uriah, "but I admire--adore her."
No physical pain that her father's grey head could have borne, I think, could have been more terrible to me than the mental endurance I saw compressed now within both his hands.
"Agnes," said Uriah, either not regarding him, or not knowing what the nature of his action was, "Agnes Wickfield, is, I am safe to say, the divinest of her sex. May I speak out, among friends? To be her father is a proud distinction, but to be her usband--"
Spare me from ever again hearing such a cry, as that with which her father rose up from the table!
"What's the matter?" said Uriah, turning of a deadly colour. "You are not gone mad, after all, Mr. Wickfield, I hope? If I say I've an ambition to make your Agnes my Agnes, I have as good a right to it as another man. I have a better right to it than any other man!"
I had my arms round Mr. Wickfield, imploring him by everything that I could think of, oftenest of all by his love for Agnes, to calm himself a little. He was mad for the moment, tearing out his hair, beating his head, trying to force me from him, and to force himself from me, not answering a word, not looking at or seeing anyone, blindly striving for he knew not what, his face all staring and distorted--a frightful spectacle.
I conjured him, incoherently, but in the most impassioned manner, not to abandon himself to this wildness, but to hear me. I besought him to think of Agnes, to connect me with Agnes, to recollect how Agnes and I had grown up together, how I honoured her and loved her, how she was his pride and joy. I tried to bring her idea before him in any form, I even reproached him with not having firmness to spare her the knowledge of such a scene as this. I may have effected something, or his wildness may have spent itself, but by degrees, he struggled less, and began to look at me--strangely at first, then with recognition in his eyes. At length he said, "I know, Trotwood! My darling child and you--I know! But look at him!"
He pointed to Uriah, pale and glowering in a comer, evidently very much out in his calculations, and taken by surprise.
"Look at my torturer," he replied. "Before him I have step by step abandoned name and reputation, peace and quiet, house and home."
"I have kept your name and reputation for you, and your peace and quiet, and your house and home too," said Uriah, with a sulky, hurried, defeated air of compromise. "Don't be foolish, Mr. Wickfield. If I have gone a little beyond what you were prepared for, I can go back, I suppose? There's no harm done."
"I looked for single motives in everyone," said Mr. Wickfield, "and I was satisfied I had bound him to me by motives of interest. But see what he is--oh, see what he is!"
"You had better stop him, Copperfield, if you can," cried Uriah, with his long forefinger pointing towards me. "Hell say something presently--mind you!--he'll be sorry to have said afterwards, and you'll be sorry to have heard!"
"I'll say anything!" cried Mr. Wickfield, with a desperate air. "Why should I not be in all the world's power if I am, in yours?"
"Mind! I tell you!" said Uriah, continuing to warn me. "If you don't stop his mouth, you're not his friend! Why shouldn't you be in all the world's power, Mr. Wickfield? Because you have got a daughter. You and me know what we know, don't we? Let sleeping dogs lie--who wants to rouse 'em? I don't. Can't you see I am as umble as I can be? I tell you, if I've gone too far, I'm sorry. What would you have, sir?"
"Oh, Trotwood, Trotwood!" exclaimed Mr. Wickfield, wringing his hands. "What I have come down to be, since I first saw you in this house! I was on my downward way then, but the dreary, dreary, road I have traversed since! Weak indulgence has ruined me. Indulgence in remembrance, and indulgence in forgetfulness. My natural grief for my child's mother turned to disease, my natural love for my child turned to disease. I have infected everything I touched. I have brought misery on what I dearly love, I know--You know! I thought it possible that I could truly love one creature in the world, and not love the rest; I thought it possible that I could truly mourn for one creature gone out of the world, and not have some part in the grief of all who mourned. Thus the lessons of my life have been perverted! I have preyed on my own morbid coward heart, and it has preyed on me. Sordid in my grief, sordid in my love, sordid in my miserable escape from the darker side of both, oh see the ruin I am, and hate me, shun me!"
He dropped into a chair, and weakly sobbed. The excitement into which he had been roused was leaving him. Uriah came out of his corner.
"I don't know all I have done, in my fatuity," said Mr. Wickfield, putting out his hands, as if to deprecate my condemnation. "He knows best," meaning Uriah Heep, "for he has always been at my elbow, whispering me. You see the millstone that he is about my neck. You find him in my house, you find him in my business. You heard him, but a little time ago. What need have I to say more!"
"You haven't need to say so much, nor half so much, nor anything at all," observed Uriah, half defiant, and half fawning. "You wouldn't have took it up so, if it hadn't been for the wine. You'll think better of it tomorrow, sir. If I have said too much, or more than I meant, what of it? I haven't stood by it!"
The door opened, and Agnes, gliding in, without a vestige of colour in her face, put her arm round his neck, and steadily said, "Papa, you are not well. Come with me!" He laid his head upon her shoulder, as if he were oppressed with heavy shame, and went out with her. Her eyes met mine for but an instant, yet I saw how much she knew of what had passed.
"I didn't expect he'd cut up so rough, Master Copperfield," said Uriah. "But it's nothing. I'll be friends with him tomorrow. It's for his good. I'm umbly anxious for his good."
I gave him no answer, and went upstairs into the quiet room where Agnes had so often sat beside me at my books. Nobody came near me until late at night. I took up a book and tried to read. I heard the clocks strike twelve, and was still reading, without knowing what I read, when Agnes touched me.
"You will be going early in the morning, Trotwood! Let us say good-bye now!"
She had been weeping, but her face then was so calm and beautiful!
"Heaven bless you!" she said, giving me her hand.
"Dearest Agnes!" I returned, "I see you ask me not to speak of tonight--but is there nothing to be done?"
"There is God to trust in!" she replied.
"Can I do nothing--I, who come to you with my poor sorrows?"
"And make mine so much lighter," she replied. "Dear Trotwood, no!"
"Dear Agnes," I said, "it is presumptuous for me, who am so poor in all in which you are so rich--goodness, resolution, all noble qualities--to doubt or direct you, but you know how much I love you, and how much I owe you. You will never sacrifice yourself to a mis
taken sense of duty, Agnes?"
More agitated for a moment than I had ever seen her, she took her hand from me, and moved a step back.
"Say you have no such thought, dear Agnes! Much more than sister! Think of the priceless gift of such a heart as yours, of such a love as yours!"
Oh! long, long afterwards, I saw that face rise up before me, with its momentary look, not wondering, not accusing, not regretting. Oh, long, long afterwards, I saw that look subside, as it did now, into the lovely smile, with which she told me she had no fear for herself--I need have none for her--and parted from me by the name of Brother, and was gone!
It was dark in the morning when I got upon the coach at the inn door. The day was just breaking when we were about to start, and then, as I sat thinking of her, came struggling up the coach side, through the mingled day and night, Uriah's head.
"Copperfield!" said he, in a croaking whisper, as he hung by the iron on the roof, "I thought you'd be glad to hear, before you went off, that there are no squares broke between us. I've been into his room already, and we've made it all smooth. Why, though I'm umble, I'm useful to him, you know, and he understands his interest when he isn't in liquor! What an agreeable man he is, after all, Master Copperfield!"
I obliged myself to say that I was glad he had made his apology.
"Oh, to be sure!" said Uriah. "When a person's umble, you know, what's an apology? So easy! I say! I suppose," with a jerk, "you have sometimes plucked a pear before it was ripe, Master Copperfield?"
"I suppose I have," I replied.
"I did that last night," said Uriah, "but it'll ripen yet! It only wants attending to. I can wait!"
Profuse in his farewells, he got down again as the coachman got up. For anything I know, he was eating something to keep the raw morning air out, but he made motions with his mouth as if the pear were ripe already, and he were smacking his lips over it.
CHAPTER XL
The wanderer
WE HAD A VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATION IN BUCKINGHAM Street that night, about the domestic occurences I have detailed in the last chapter. My aunt was deeply interested in them, and walked up and down the room with her arms folded, for more than two hours afterwards. Whenever she was particularly discomposed, she always performed one of these pedestrian feats, and the amount of her discomposure might always be estimated by the duration of her walk. On this occasion she was so much disturbed in mind as to find it necessary to open the bedroom door, and make a course for herself, comprising the full extent of the bedrooms from wall to wall, and, while Mr. Dick and I sat quietly by the fire, she kept passing in and out, along this measured track, at an unchanging pace, with the regularity of a clock-pendulum.