Part of my brain finds it the logic “ancient demon caused worldwide magical corruption” very easy to understand. Much harder to understand is that I, a fifteen year old girl, caused it.
The problem is in the numbers.
Imagine (at the worst), knocking over a candle and burning a whole hall down – you could kill a thousand people in a medium-sized hall if it was packed. I could imagine understanding, deep down, that it was my fault, and that I’m a terrible person and so on and so forth.
The Voidmark killed five million! I would have to drop five thousand candles and burn down five thousand halls, to kill that many people. If I burnt down one hall a day, every day, it would take me almost fourteen years to kill that many people.
Brains can’t imagine numbers that big, so I can’t imagine that I might really have caused the Voidmark. It’s not sinking in.
I hope it doesn’t. I couldn’t live with it.
I can barely stand knowing Margaery is gone. I’d hoped she was all right, but that stupid dream, with those stupid memories took care of that.
I’d scream at mother and father for sending me into a trap, if I could get home.
Why did that stupid Sentinel have to dump me Helika?