Chapter Six: A Master Shot
“That one seeks the Philosopher’s Stone!” thought Hinzelmeier, and his cheeks began to burn. He strode off bravely towards the vision, but it was farther than it looked through the eyeglasses. He called to the raven, who had to fan his temples with his wings. Only after hours had he reached the bottom of the ravine. Now he saw before him a black, rough figure that had two horns on its forehead and a long tail that hung down behind him over the rocks. With Hinzelmeier’s arrival it took the chisel between its teeth and greeted him with the most courteous nod of its head as it swept together the debris with the tuft of its tail. Hinzelmeier was almost embarrassed by the salutation, so he nodded each time with the same civility so that these compliments lasted a long time. The other finally said, “Don’t you know me well?”
“No,” said Hinzelmeier. “Are you perhaps a master pump driller?”
“Yes,” said the other. “Something like that. I am the devil.”
Hinzelmeier didn’t want to believe it, but the devil saw him with two of those owl eyes so that in the end he was thoroughly convinced and modestly said, “May I ask, whether you intend to make a physical experiment with this monstrous hole?”
“Do you know the ultima ratio regum?” asked the devil.
“No,” Hinzelmeier said. “The ratio regum has nothing to do with my practice.”
The devil scratched behind his ears with his horse hoof and then said, assuming a superior tone, “My child, do you know what a gun cannon is?”
“Of course,” Hinzelmeier said with a smile, for he suddenly saw the whole wooden arsenal from his childhood rise up before him in spirit.
The devil clapped in delight with his tail against the rocks. “Three pounds of gunpowder, a spark of hellfire, then -- !” Here he put a paw in the bore-hole, and while he placed the other on Hinzelmeier’s shoulder he said confidently, “The world has become ungovernable! I want to blow it up.”
“Good heavens,” cried Hinzelmeier, “but that is a radical cure, a truly extreme cure!”
“Yes,” said the devil, “ultima ratio regum! Rest assured that it takes a superhumanly good nature to bear such a thing! But now excuse me for a little while. I have to inspect a little. With these words he drew his tail between his thighs and jumped down into the hole. All at once a quite supernatural courage overcame Hinzelmeier that he decided for himself to shoot the devil out of the world. With a firm hand he drew his tinderbox from his pocket, struck a flame, and threw the fire into the hole. Then he counted, “One.. two…” but had not yet counted “three” when this boundless pistol discharged its round together with the additional load. The earth was frightfully jarred in its orbit through the heavens. Hinzelmeier fell to his knees. The devil flew like a bombshell through the air, from one planetary system to another, where our planet’s gravity could no longer reach him. Hinzelmeier watched him for a while, but as the devil flew further and further and never seeming to stop, Hinzelmeier’s eyes almost popped out of his head. As soon as the earth had calmed down enough so that he could stand back on his two legs, he jumped up and looked around him. At his feet yawned the black burnt-out mortar. From time to time a cloud of brown smoke welled up and moved lazily toward the rocks. But the sun already broke through the fumes and gilded the tops of the rocks everywhere. Hinzelmeier then took his tobacco pipe from his pocket, and as he blew a blue cloud in front of him, he exclaimed triumphantly, “Well then! I’ve shot the Stumbling Stone out of the world! The Philosopher’s Stone can’t escape me!”
Then he continued his wandering, and Krahirius flew above his head.