Adrian laughed and said something in Greek. Grinning, Costa replied in the same language, and Adrian laughed again.
“Not fair,” I told them, and Jasmine echoed her agreement.
“Learn Greek if you’re curious,” Costa said, still grinning.
“Don’t worry,” Adrian told me, chuckling. “It’s mostly lies and wishful thinking on his part, anyway.”
Brutus suddenly popped onto the hillside, his broad features expressing alarm at all the sunshine, then relief when he spotted me and Adrian. I ran over to him and reached him right as Zach appeared out of seemingly nowhere, too.
“How’d you do that so fast?” I asked, surprised. “We thought you’d be gone for hours again.”
His brow arched. “I deliberately took longer before, and as anticipated, I had reason to delay.”
I didn’t touch that. There were a lot of things I wanted to talk to an Archon about, but my sex life wasn’t one of them.
“Thanks for getting us all here,” I said instead. “Brutus, don’t worry. We’ll find you a tree or something to hide under.”
“I can do better than that,” Zach said, walking down the hill. “Follow me, and I will take you to a place that has tents he can hide in, as well as food, water and dry pants,” he added, with a last glance at Costa.
I exchanged a surprised look with Adrian. We knew light realms had food and water; they had streams as well as fruit and nut trees. But I’d never seen one with tents. Or pants.
“Follow me,” Zach said again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
WE WALKED FOR what felt like an hour. Not that I was certain it was that at all. With light realms, you couldn’t really be sure what the actual passage of time was, hence it being hours on our end before Zach returned with Jasmine and Costa, although for them, it had been five minutes.
Demon realms had time anomalies, too. In some of them, what was hours in a realm equated to several days in the real world. Sometimes, it was the opposite. Adrian had spent most of his life in demon realms where time slowed to a crawl. It was how he looked to be in his midtwenties yet was actually around a hundred and forty. Demetrius had wanted to make sure that his son had over a century both to hone his skills and to immerse himself in demon culture, all so Adrian wouldn’t hesitate to fulfill his Judian destiny to hand me over to my death.
Some days, it amused me to think about how that plan had backfired on Demetrius.
“Look!” Jasmine said, pointing ahead. “Tents!”
I shielded my eyes and stared in the direction where she pointed. Yep, in the distance, I could see tents. Lots and lots of them. Some were the smaller ones you’d expect to find when camping; some were the size of modest apartments; and some were as large as football stadium domes.
“What is this place?” Adrian asked before I could.
“A refuge,” Zach replied, looking at me when he spoke. “We told you we would care for the humans who were rescued from the Bennington realm. This is where they have been convalescing.”
I was speechless as I stared back and forth between Zach and the tents. The night I’d first used the ancient, hallowed sling, it had been far more powerful than it was now. In one blinding burst, it had killed all the minions and demons in the realm I’d found it in, which—once upon a time—had been Adrian’s former realm. All that had been left after the sling was done were ashes and the realm’s traumatized human slaves. After Adrian and I had helped to get them out, Archons whisked them away, promising to take care of them. Once I knew they’d be okay, I hadn’t really thought about them. Now, here they were.
A loud horn blast suddenly came from somewhere inside the tent village. It sounded like a watchman sounding a medieval alarm, and when the people stopped what they were doing and all turned in our direction, I knew that blast was because of us.
“Why are we here, Zach?” The low, almost growling sound in Adrian’s voice startled me.
Zach, as usual, appeared unperturbed. “As I said, this place has dry clothing, shelter for Brutus, food, water—”
“Bullshit. You did this because of her.”
Adrian clearly meant me, but I didn’t know why. There was a good possibility that none of these people would remember me from that day. Even if they did, they might not recognize me. I think I’d been disguised by Archon glamour back then. Hell, Adrian had a better chance of being recognized than I did. With how slow time passed in the Bennington realm, some of these survivors might be from back when Adrian had been ruler. Since that had been in his demon prince heyday, I didn’t imagine he’d be remembered fondly by any who did know him.
“She knew there would be a price for me to bring everyone to safety here,” Zach replied, his tone changing from casual to unyielding. “This is it.”
I still didn’t get it, but Jasmine tugged my arm and said, “Forget whatever they’re complaining about. I think I smell food cooking! Come on, I’m starving!”
I gave a worried look at Adrian, but now his features were closed off in a way that I recognized well. He wouldn’t be revealing what was really bothering him anytime soon, and that might be for the best. I didn’t want him getting into a fight with Zach. The Archon would win.
Besides, whatever it was, I didn’t intend for us to be here long enough for it to fester. We’d get a change of clothes, maybe some food, and then be on our way, Zach’s baffling price paid. I let Jasmine lead me down the hill and we reached the outskirts of the tent village.
Another horn blast straight out of a battle in a historical movie ripped through the silence. Then people began shouting and rushing toward us. Adrian was at my side in a flash, pushing me behind him while he faced the crowd that was now surrounding me.
“What’s going on, Zach?” I asked, only to have my question drowned out by several people excitedly talking at once.
“It’s her!” I heard amid the cacophony of voices, and I was confused until one word rose up and became a chant.
“Davidian, Davidian, Davidian!”
Looks like I’d been recognized after all.
“Yes, it is she,” Zach said, his commanding voice ringing out over everyone else’s as he pointed at me. “Your savior.”
“No, I’m not,” I said at once, but no one paid any attention. Instead, I was overwhelmed by people hugging me even though Adrian tried to hold them back—kisses being pressed to my head, hands and even the edge of my shirt—and most of all, by an avalanche of thanks I didn’t deserve.
It didn’t take long for me to figure out why Adrian had been upset at Zach. It took even less time for me to wish I hadn’t come here. Each smiling face, each jubilant chant of “Davidian!,” the way I was repeatedly kissed, all the hands that reached out to touch me...these people were hailing me as their savior, and I wasn’t. Yes, I’d wiped out the demons and minions in the realm they’d been trapped in, but I hadn’t done it for them.
“Bless you for saving me and my baby,” a weeping, dark-haired woman said as she kissed my hand over and over.
“I didn’t,” I said, shame stinging me. She, her baby and all the rest of them had just been lucky enough to be in the same vicinity when I wiped out that realm to save Adrian. I should have gone back to it even if Adrian hadn’t been there. Even closing the realm gateways had directly benefitted me, Adrian, Jasmine and Costa. Had I ever done something just because it was right, and not because it also helped me or the ones I loved?
“All of you, get back!” Adrian shouted, picking me up and shouldering his way through the crowd. “You’re crushing her!”
Yes, but not physically. I’d heal from the accidental bruises I’d gotten during some of their attempts to hug and kiss me, but I didn’t think I’d heal from what I felt as I looked into the people’s joyous, grateful, unknowing faces.
“Let her pass,” Zach called out
. His command parted the crowd in a way that Adrian’s brute force hadn’t been able to. “I brought the Davidian for you to see and thank as I promised you,” he continued. “But now she must go.”
As I promised you...
I met Zach’s eyes over the top of the crowd. One glimpse into them, and I knew this moment had been planned since the day I first touched that ancient, hallowed sling. Maybe even since long before that. Zach had known that seeing these people and hearing their undeserved praise would shake me. He’d wanted it to.
I was startled by my instant anger. He had no right to try to shame me by bringing me here! I didn’t owe them or anyone else anything, least of all my life! They were glad that they were still alive. Well, I was glad that I, Adrian, Jasmine and Costa were still alive. Why did that make them normal while making me the bad guy?
Then, quick as that anger rose, I realized its source. The darkness inside me. Oh, how easy it would be to keep letting it fill me, until I felt nothing except my own angry defensiveness! But that wasn’t the right path, even if it was the easy one.
These people mattered. So did the ones still trapped in the realms, and I didn’t like who I’d become when I’d let the darkness lie and tell me otherwise. Adrian was right. I’d been kidding myself by believing that I could abandon them. Even if I didn’t have a chance at saving them, even if touching that spearhead would do nothing except kill me, I’d at least die knowing that I’d tried. That was a hell of a lot better than living knowing that I hadn’t. I’d rather live a short time in victory over the darkness slithering inside me than decades in defeat because it had turned me into someone I wouldn’t want to know, let alone be.
Adrian finally got us free from the crowd and almost ran back up the hill. I heard Zach tell them not to follow us, and I heard him also tell someone to find new clothes for Jasmine, Costa and the rest of us.
“You okay, Ivy?” Jasmine called out.
“Fine,” I said, and for the first time in a long time, I meant it. “Stay there and get what you need.”
Whatever she said was lost to the wind as Adrian ran faster. Soon, we were at the top of the hill and the people below appeared to be more of a large, indistinct mass. Adrian stopped, took one look at my face and began to curse in the filthiest words I recognized in Demonish.
“I fucking hate being right,” he finished in English.
“I’m sorry.” One of the only things I regretted was how this would hurt him. “But now I know what you meant when you said you’d been wrong to think that losing me would be the worst thing that could happen. I don’t want to lose you, either, but there are worse things. For you, it was seeing the pain in my eyes after you betrayed me again. For me, it was what I felt when I looked at these people. What I’ve been doing is the same as saying I’d rather see them all dead than risk my own life, and that’s not who I want to be. I want to be someone I can be proud of.”
Adrian’s sapphire eyes were brighter than I’d ever seen them. When the sun reflected in their shimmering depths, I realized that brightness came from tears. “You already are someone you can be proud of.”
My heart felt like it shredded within me. “I love you,” I said fiercely. “But just like you said before, now I know I can’t turn away from this. I might have been able to distract myself for a while, or rationalize my actions, but if I’d really made up my mind, if I’d truly been okay with my decision not to try to save those still trapped in the demon realms, it wouldn’t have hurt so much to see these people, and it did.”
“I knew this day would come,” he said in an anguished tone. “But I didn’t think it would be today. Ivy...just remember that you deserve to live, too.”
I let out a short laugh. “I think so, but maybe that’s not supposed to be up to me. Maybe I’m only supposed to do what’s right and let whether I live or die be up to...someone else.”
I didn’t say God. It felt hypocritical, especially when Zach had said more than once that he’d been given orders not to raise me if I were killed. There was only one source of his “orders,” so it didn’t seem that Zach’s boss was concerned about me surviving. Then again, in the big picture, my death was inevitable sooner or later, so maybe that was why it being “sooner” wasn’t a big deal to heaven’s head honcho.
It was a big deal to me, but I couldn’t let that stop me anymore. Of course, I was still hoping for some happy middle ground where I did the right thing and lived, yet I wasn’t too optimistic. But since I was going to start doing the right thing even if it was hard...
“I know this is too much for you,” I said, fighting not to let my voice betray how hard this was to say. “So I’ll understand if you need to leave, Adrian—”
He yanked me to him, cutting off my words from how tightly he pressed me to his chest. First, I felt his kiss on the top of my head, then on my forehead when he leaned down until we were eye to eye, and finally, it was on my lips.
“I love you,” he breathed against my mouth. “And I’m not going anywhere, Ivy. Not now, not ever again.”
I kissed him back, feeling relief, fear, optimism and dread swirl like a kaleidoscope within me.
I hope I’m not, either, but we’ll see.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
ADRIAN AND I went back to the place where we’d first arrived in this realm. It was easy enough to find. We just looked for the clothes hanging from a manna tree. Jasmine, Costa and Brutus joined us about an hour later, and I noted with surprise that they’d loaded tents, food sacks and water jugs onto Brutus’s back. The gargoyle didn’t look like he minded. He probably would have been happier if the fabric from the tents had been draped over his face to block out the sun.
For once, I agreed with him. Normally, I far preferred daylight to darkness, but right now, I longed for the concealing comfort of the dark. Without it, I had to force a smile onto my face as I ate with Costa and Jasmine, not surprised that all the food was vegetarian. The original Eden might have been filled with animals, but the Archon realm equivalents seemed to be animal-free.
After we ate, we pitched our tents: one for me and Adrian, one for Costa and Jasmine and one for Brutus. We gave him the biggest one, and although he wasn’t happy with a meal of grilled vegetables instead of raw meat, he was curled up in his tent and asleep within minutes. If I didn’t know better, I’d even swear I heard Brutus snoring.
I didn’t think either Adrian or I would be able to sleep, but neither of us wanted to continue to make small talk, so we retired to our tent under the pretext of being tired. I’d have to tell Jasmine what I’d decided very soon, yet I couldn’t bring myself to have that conversation now. I told myself delaying it gave Jasmine a chance to relax and enjoy the peace of our surroundings a little longer, but I knew I was only stalling.
I didn’t want to break her heart any more than I’d wanted to break Adrian’s. It seemed no matter what I did, I was hurting someone. All I could comfort myself with was the knowledge that this way, I was hurting fewer people for the right reasons versus hurting far more of them for the wrong ones.
Even still, as expected, I couldn’t sleep, and that was despite Adrian and me making love two more times. My body might be beyond tired, but my mind wouldn’t shut off. I didn’t want to tell him that or he’d insist on staying up with me, so I pretended to sleep. After a while, his deep, even breathing let me know that he’d drifted off. I stayed there, trying to soak in the contentment of being in his arms, but the knowledge that I’d metaphorically flipped the hourglass on our time together eventually drove me out of the tent.
The river wasn’t far. I’d take a quick dip and then try to sleep again. Hey, I’d have to bathe soon anyway. Doing it now meant that I wasn’t disturbing anyone.
I took a new change of clothes with me. Someone had loaned us a long green dress that looked handmade, although the fabrics had probably been supplied by the o
utside world. After my bath, I dried myself with my old clothes, then put on the green dress. It was knee length and sleeveless, which was comfortable with the warm temperatures. I’d made it halfway back up the hill toward where our tents were located when I noticed someone leaning against the trunk of a nearby manna tree.
I walked over to Zach and sat down. He never did anything by accident, so he must have something to say. But after several minutes, nothing happened except him sitting next to me. Finally, I couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“Archons aren’t supposed to lie, but you told those people I was their savior.” I kept my voice quiet so I didn’t wake Adrian or the others. “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”
“I did not lie.” Zach’s tone was smooth compared to the edge in mine. “You saved them, so you were their savior.”
“We both know I didn’t do it for them.”
He let out the faintest sniff. “They are free and safe when they used to be trapped and in constant peril. Your motivations are your concern, not theirs.”
“You’re right,” I said with a sigh. “And my motivations are the problem, or at least, they were. Everything I did before, I did because it helped me or the people I loved. Now I want to do the right thing because it’s the right thing.” I paused to give him a lopsided smile. “Sorry it took me my entire life to get to this point.”
His head tilted. “You don’t owe me an apology, and you’re wrong about why I brought you here. You and Adrian believe I did it to shame you into wielding the spearhead if you found it, but I did it to show you that your life does matter, even if you don’t use the final hallowed weapon. Look at all the people you’ve saved, and there are many more who are not here. No matter what happens, Ivy, you have achieved much, and I wanted you to know that.”
I was so touched by his unexpected kindness that it left me speechless. Zach didn’t seem to mind. We sat in silence for several minutes. Again, I found myself wishing it was dark. Then Zach wouldn’t be able to see how I kept swiping at my eyes.