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“Easy? You think it was easy to set all this up? Do you have any idea how difficult it was to put this together and keep it secret from you and mom?”
The delight on her face faded at the mention of my mother.
“Sofia, you do understand why we can’t tell my mom yet, right? I don’t think we’re ready to deal with all the drama that it would cause, and…”
“Yeah, I understand, Ben,” she cut me off. “Don’t worry about it. ”
I opened up the champagne and we drank and ate dessert. We then eased into a comfortable silence, our focus being the view.
When she finally broke the silence, I wish she hadn’t.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you a question, Ben…”
I could immediately sense her hesitation.
“While you were setting up the food, I tapped you on the back to get your attention. You didn’t respond. That’s happened so many times already. When you got beat up, I kept on accidentally brushing my hand or arm or whatever against your bruises and against your gash and you never once flinched…” Her voice was laced with concern that made me ache. “Why is that?”
I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to admit to it, but it was out there. “I think Claudia messed up my nervous system or something… I’m not sure what she did. All I know is that my sense of touch has been dulled. ”
“Ben… I…”
I didn’t want her pity. I’d had enough of feeling sorry for myself. “It’s why I want to join the hunters, Sofia. I don’t want to go through life pretending that I can go back to normal. Claudia took that away from me. ”
Her silence was enough of an answer. I doubted anything I could say would convince her that she ought to join the hunters. One mention of Claudia was enough to ruin my mood. My using my story as leverage to convince Sofia to join the hunters was enough to ruin hers.
“Let’s get out of here. ” I suggested. “I have one surprise left. ”
“Let’s. ” She agreed.
We drove back to the city. I had hotel reservations. Without Sofia’s knowledge, I already told my parents that we were going to go to a big slumber party with our friends, so they weren’t expecting us home that night.
I didn’t know what I was expecting. Perhaps it was a desperate attempt to assure myself that she was mine. I thought that maybe if we slept together, it would be harder for her to leave me.
The moment I opened that hotel room’s door, revealing the rose petals scattered all over the bed and the dim lighting, and I saw the expression on her face, I knew I had made a huge mistake.
She shook her head. “I’m not ready for this, Ben. I’m sorry…” Her voice revealed that she was close to tears. Her hand was clutching her purse, trembling slightly.
“It’s fine. I understand. ” I lied. “We don’t have to do it. It’s enough to be able to spend the night with you. ”
I pulled her to my chest and hugged her. We kissed. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like she was slipping out of my grasp.
I spent the night looking at her as she slept. So peaceful. So beautiful. I wondered if her calm countenance would eventually become marred by another nightmare. I wondered what horrors her fitful dreams involved. Was I in them? Was he in them? I wondered if she still thought about him. I wondered if I had somehow ruined what I was trying to build with her with the stupid stunt I tried to pull tonight.
Most of all, I wondered if she would ever truly be mine.
CHAPTER 27: SOFIA
The stadium was beginning to fill up with people. A collective sense of excitement could be felt throughout the bleachers. On one side, several of the school’s alumni – former football players themselves – were men being men, screaming and hollering, rooting for their team. The cheerleaders were doing what they did best and pulling off a brand new and rather impressive routine. On the bleachers above us, more than a dozen or so conversations were being exchanged – one of which was Lyle and Amelia’s as they gushed over how wonderful it was that Ben was once again back in the game.
Ben was the only reason I was there. I never was a fan of the game and didn’t really take the time to understand it. For the most part, I only understood what was going on during games because of the very helpful information the scoreboard provided.
While others around me were getting impatient for the game to start, I was looking forward to it ending – hopefully with Ben’s team coming out as the winners, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with him being a sore loser.
“Where’s Abby?” Amelia tugged on the sleeve of my cardigan.
“I thought she was with Lyle…” Lyle, after all, was the one who carried her to our seats.
“He went out for food. He told me Abby was with you. You were supposed to be watching her. ”
I looked at the seat beside me. Abby’s stuffed elephant, Colin, was seated where the five-year-old was supposed to be. I felt panic bubble up inside me. “I’ll look for her. ” I assured Amelia, before leaving my seat and weaving through the bleachers in search of the little girl. “Abby!”
“Sofia!” A male voice called out.
I whipped around to see where the voice was coming from. I sighed with relief when I saw Abby seated on the lap of Kendra James. Her husband, Mike, was calling my name. They were Connor’s parents and close friends of the Hudsons.
“Abby, you scared us to death!” I exclaimed as I neared them.
“I thought you said you asked permission before coming to us,” Kendra scolded Abby in a tone that was too light and sweet to make the kid take it seriously.
Abby flashed her winning smile, her curly blonde ponytail bobbing up and down as she began bouncing on Kendra’s lap. She fluttered her eyelashes in a way that reminded me of her older brother. She then shrugged and giggled. “I did. Sofia just didn’t hear me. ”
I rolled my eyes. The kid could get away with murder if she got any cuter. Mike and Kendra were particularly fond of Abby, largely because they had four sons, of whom Connor was the youngest, and no daughters. Kendra was thrilled when Amelia asked her to become Abby’s godmother. They adored the cute little runt and I couldn’t blame them. Abby was a charmer just like Ben.
“I think we ought to go back to our seats before your mother has a heart attack, Abby,” I coaxed.
“Sorry, Sofia,” Mike said. “She saw us and came over. We didn’t mean to make you worry. ”
“Oh, it’s fine. ” I smiled. Of course, the look on Amelia’s face when she asked me about Abby was far from alright. Amelia and I weren’t exactly on the best of terms. She hadn’t spoken much to me since Ben and I got back. I extended my hand toward Abby and she begrudgingly took it, but not before receiving a lollipop from Kendra.
“Say thank you, Abby,” I said.
Abby tilted her head to the side, some of her curls falling over her face. “Thank you, Kendra. ”
Of course, the couple found that absolutely “awwww”-worthy. I half-pulled, half-dragged Abby back to our seats, because she kept making friends with the strangers we passed by. She was one of those kids who would be easy to kidnap, because she was so friendly and comfortable around strangers. Amelia’s gonna have to keep a close eye on you, Abby. You’re setting yourself up for trouble.
“Where was she?” Amelia’s voice was flat and cold.
“With Mike and Kendra,” I responded.
“I don’t know what it is with you, Sofia, but my kids have a way of getting into trouble whenever they’re around you. ” It wasn’t meant to be a spiteful comment, just a careless one, caused by her worry over her daughter’s well-being. She began checking on her little girl to make sure she was alright.
“It’s not Sofia’s fault, mommy,” Abby stood in my defense. “I didn’t ask her if I could go. ”
I couldn’t really blame Amelia for her concern. I should’ve paid attention to Abby. The truth was that I was slightly jealous of Ben and Abby
for having a mother fawning all over them. The only distinct memories I had of my mother was her locking me up in the closet when I was being particularly naughty. Amelia was nothing like that with her children. She loved them dearly and it showed. It was clear to see through her actions that she kept their best interests at heart. I still found it heart-breaking whenever I caught her looking at Ben, her blue eyes glistening with tears. She never showed it to her son, but what happened to him was tearing her apart.
“The game is about to start in a few minutes. ” Lyle came to my rescue. “Settle down. It’s fine, Sofia. ”
I smiled and got on my seat. My phone vibrated in my purse and I fished it out to check. I found several text messages from Ben, expressing how anxious he felt. It was a big game after all. I messaged him saying I thought he was going to do great.
The teams were called out into the field and as Ben ran out, his eyes caught me amongst the crowd. He winked.
I gave him my best smile and blew him a kiss, hoping that Amelia wouldn’t make anything out of it. It was getting harder to hide from Amelia that Ben and I were dating. I knew she noticed the slight differences in the way Ben and I treated each other around the house. Truth be told, I was beginning to believe that perhaps it was for the best that she didn’t know.
After what he tried to pull off at the hotel room after prom, I began to take a serious look at what I had going on with Ben. It felt right and yet it felt wrong at the same time. It felt right because after everything we’d been through, it felt as if we owed it to each other to give the romance a chance. It felt wrong for the same reason. Sometimes, I felt as if I was with him because I somehow owed it to him to try and make the relationship work.
I knew he felt something for me. He was, after all, outspoken about it and never really backed away from showing his affections. I, on the other hand, knew that I loved him, but I was still unsure if that love could span anything more than just friendship.