“Where did you go, Travis?” It was Garrett.
“I had to be in Denver for a few days. I needed to see a man about buying some of our cattle.”
“I haven’t seen lots of cows,” Wyatt told him, his voice starting to fade.
“You will. Come spring, you’ll see plenty of them.”
“Will we get to ride horses?”
“Go to sleep, boys. We can talk about it in the morning.”
Travis made himself stay awake until he was certain they were sound asleep, and then he finally let his body relax. The storm had calmed some but was starting up again. The days of travel, however, were getting to him. He was just about asleep when he heard Rebecca’s voice.
“Travis?” she said softly.
“Right here,” he called just as quietly toward the doorway.
“Are the boys with you?”
“Yes. They were afraid of the storm.”
The room lit momentarily, long enough for Travis to see that Rebecca wasn’t comfortable with the storm either. Her arms were wrapped around her waistline, and she was hugging herself as though terrified. He thought the boys had just been talking when they said she was afraid of storms.
“Come on in,” he urged her. “We have room. Go to the other side and crawl in beside Garrett.”
He could feel her hesitation in the darkness and thought for certain she would decline, but a moment later he heard her feet on the floor. The bed moved ever so slightly as she slipped under the covers.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes,” came her soft reply.
“Good night,” Travis told her, and Rebecca returned his comment.
As tired as Travis was, he suddenly felt every nerve in his body. It was late and he was exhausted, but his wife was across the bed from him. It didn’t help that his bed was a perfect fit for two but a little cramped with four. Assuming he would never sleep, the weary cowboy was completely surprised to open his eyes sometime later and see that it was morning.
35
Travis woke slowly. The room was just beginning to lighten, and he felt warm and comfortable. He was on his side, and Wyatt was still cuddled up against him. He felt better than he had the night before but thought he could still sleep more. However, it was a workday, and he knew Lavena would be preparing breakfast. He also needed to meet with Lucky to talk about what he’d learned in Denver. He peeked one eye open before both eyes opened wide. The person snuggled against him was his wife. Travis couldn’t stop his smile. It had been too long since he’d held her to identify her in his sleep, but now with his eyes open he wondered how he couldn’t have known. The boys were no longer between them. He didn’t know why, nor did he care.
Not the least bit worried about waking her, Travis eased his arms around her and pulled her a bit closer to his chest. She was warm and soft and smelled like Rebecca, his Rebecca. Travis half hoped that she would wake up and see where she was, but it didn’t happen. She slept on, completely unaware. Travis knew a strong sense of contentment and would have been more than willing to let the feeling linger, but he fell back to sleep a few minutes later.
Rebecca woke up feeling completely disoriented. She was warm and the storm was quiet, but she couldn’t move. There was a small, warm body to her back and a large, warm presence to her front. Rebecca’s eyes popped open all at once when she realized very suddenly where she was. However, she was awake by herself. Travis was holding her securely against him, but he was still sleeping. The boys were obviously asleep as well, or they would not have still been in bed.
She wanted to be outraged. She wanted to be furious, but a quick shift of her eyes told her that she was the one who had moved. Travis was still on his side of the bed, but the boys no longer separated them. She quickly realized that it was impossible for her to shift or move. If she rolled, she would land on her son; if she climbed out she’d have to go over Travis, not to mention the fact that his right arm was keeping her from even sitting up. Rebecca was still deciding what to do when she was pulled even closer. Her eyes flew upward to find Travis looking at her.
“Good morning.” His voice had a morning growl to it, and Rebecca felt something inside her melt.
“Hi,” she barely managed.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I think so. I seem to have moved.”
Travis’ smile, a little sleepy and very intimate, was devastating. Neither one spoke, but at the moment no words were needed. For the first time since her return, Rebecca didn’t stiffen. For the first time, all defenses were down. She was warm and huggable, and Travis was going to enjoy what was offered. His head dipped, and his mouth touched hers ever so gently. He heard her sigh, and his own heart tumbled.
“Oh, Reba,” he breathed before kissing her again.
Rebecca gave herself up to her husband’s kiss, her brain barely functioning. It felt so right. He held her tenderly, and Rebecca decided that she never wanted to move.
“What are they doing?”
“Kissing. Haven’t you seen kissing before, Gary? Remember Angel and Preston? They kissed all the time.”
Travis and Rebecca both turned to watch the owners of this conversation. The boys sat side by side at their mother’s back and stared at Travis, fascinated with the way he held Rebecca in the curve of his arm, his free hand tenderly cupping the curve of her cheek.
“How come you’re kissing?” Wyatt wanted to know.
For Rebecca, the spell was broken.
“We’re not,” she told him, sitting up in one move, forcing Travis to drop his arms. “I think you boys should go get dressed. It feels quite late, and you haven’t had breakfast.”
The mention of food was enough to propel the boys forward. They scrambled off the bed. Rebecca began to follow them, scooting to the other side of the bed to leave, but Travis caught her before she was off the mattress. With her gently pinned against the other pillow, he asked, “What happened just now?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Travis looked at her closed face. “So everything is fine?”
“Yes.”
“And when I turn in tonight, you’ll be here, your things all moved into this room?”
“No.” Her voice was cold.
“Then I’ll ask you again—what happened just now?”
Rebecca turned her head away, but Travis brought it back with a gentle hand to her jaw.
“Rebecca,” he said with soft urgency. “What is it? If it’s too soon, then tell me, but don’t shut me out.”
Rebecca just stared at him, and Travis moved away in defeat. She lay there as he climbed from the bed and then stood on his side of the bed looking down at her.
“I don’t know what to do next, Rebecca. One minute you’re kind and warm, and the next you’re like a porcupine. And this silence …” Travis shook his head, his hand going to the back of his neck. “I’m bone weary of living with a woman who won’t talk to me.”
Rebecca felt awful as he walked to the closet and disappeared from view, but she didn’t know how to make things right. It had been wonderful to be held by Travis, but she didn’t want to raise more children on her own. Her pride was already so great that she wouldn’t even ask for help with the boys. If she and Travis became intimate again, she would have even more children to deal with. And if she were ever to tell Travis how she felt, he would remind her that she was the one who had left. Rebecca didn’t know what to do, but soon there was a bump in the closet and she was reminded that Travis would be coming back out at any moment.
The frightened wife scrambled from the bed and headed toward the door. Her whole frame shook as she shut the door to her own bedroom and told herself to dress. She was determined to push Travis’ kiss from her mind. She rushed into her clothing and ruthlessly brushed her hair back away from her face. Her spectacles were on the dresser. As she put them on, she looked at herself. The image in the mirror was just what she needed.
In the glasses and bun I not only look ugly, I f
eel ugly. Rebecca leaned close to inspect her eyes again. “You just remember that, Rebecca, when you’re tempted to fall into that man’s arms,” she spoke outloud. “There can’t be anything good come of it. You just remember.”
“Who are you talking to?” Wyatt wanted to know as he burst in without knocking.
“Just myself,” Rebecca said lightly.
“Oh. Lavena says breakfast is ready.”
“All right.”
She followed her son from the room without a backward glance. She would talk to Travis if he kept his distance, but she wasn’t going to fall under his spell again.
“How do you romance your wife?” Travis addressed to the air as he rode toward Boulder, or more specifically the Langley home. “No,” he said testily, “that isn’t right. How do you romance your wife when she wants nothing to do with you?” Travis wanted to howl with frustration. He felt a headache coming on. It didn’t matter how he said it, he couldn’t bring himself to ask Robert Langley for help. He was desperate, nearly beside himself, but he had no idea what to do. Rebecca was speaking to him—she had been for almost a month—but only if he kept his distance.
He was at Robert’s front door before he was ready to face him, and his friend greeted him kindly. Why Robert had suddenly decided that they needed to meet for Bible study he didn’t know, but here he was on Tuesday morning as scheduled.
“Do you want some coffee?” Robert asked as soon as they’d gained the kitchen.
“Sure,” Travis told him and accepted the cup gratefully. “How are you doing?”
“I’m all right. How about yourself?”
Travis shrugged. “I’m a little weary right now. It’s hard riding the range in such cold weather.”
“Do the boys go with you much?”
“Some. They sure love the horses, but I won’t let them ride on their own. I can tell they feel torn. Other than the one time Lucky took one of them on his mount and I took the other, I can only take one at a time. They usually stick pretty close together, which means that even when it’s Wyatt’s turn to go, he spends the first 100 yards looking back at Garrett, who’s in the yard with his mother.”
Robert laughed. “They’re doing well in church.”
“Yes, they are,” Travis agreed, the Lord reminding him in a hurry that he had that to be thankful for. “I’m very proud of them. They even asked me some questions about Sunday’s sermon.”
“That is good news. How about Rebecca? Any interest at all?”
Travis shook his head. There was no disguising the pain he felt. It was the same pain Robert had witnessed in Travis on Sunday when Pastor Henley had asked him about Rebecca. Robert had determined on the spot to meet with his friend on a regular basis. He knew that living with an unsaved spouse could be an emotional desert.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Travis looked uncertain. “I don’t know, Robert.”
“You’re discouraged because she won’t go to church,” he tried to guess.
“No, I’m discouraged because she keeps a wall up between us.” Travis was utterly relieved to have it out, and it hadn’t been all that painful. “I certainly want her at church, but I want her to give us a chance just as much.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
Travis hesitated again. He had tried to talk to Rebecca, but she always accused him of wanting her in bed and then shrank further behind her wall of glasses and high-neck dresses. How in the world did he explain that to Robert?
“Can’t talk about it?”
“I don’t know, Robert. She thinks I have hidden motives. She’s made it clear that I can be a father to the boys and take care of all of them, but she doesn’t want a husband.”
Robert stared at his friend with compassion. What a hard position to be in. However, he believed there was hope.
“Have you shown her how much you care, Travis? Does she know that you love her?”
“I haven’t told her I love her, if that’s what you mean. I thought she would feel pressured if I shared my feelings. As for the other, I’ve done everything I can think of to show her I care.”
Robert wasn’t certain where the thought came from, but he suddenly said to Travis, “Show her your heart.”
“My heart?”
“Yes. Don’t be afraid to tell her all about yourself. Let her see the real man—who you were, who you are now.”
Something came over Travis’ face, and Robert knew that the words had hit a nerve, not understanding just yet that it all made such perfect sense to the searching cowboy.
“I think I’ve lost you.”
“No, you haven’t,” Travis told his host, “but you have made me think. There is more I can do to get close to Rebecca. I’ll just have to think of how to go about it.”
Robert nodded but didn’t question him. It was clear that Travis had enough on his mind. The men ended up talking over a few verses from James and spending the rest of the time in prayer. Travis was on his way back to the ranch just an hour later.
“The hotel? You want us to stay the night at the hotel?” Rebecca stared at her husband.
“No, just to go for dinner, the two of us.”
Rebecca still stared, but Travis was not going to be put off.
“You never get out on your own, Rebecca; that is, without the boys. I thought it might be nice to get away for a while. The food won’t be as good as Lavena’s, but I think you need to get out.”
This was the last thing Rebecca would have thought of, but the prospect of leaving the ranch was wonderful. She did feel completely cut off so far from town, but she had no idea that her husband was aware of her loneliness.
“Well—” Rebecca felt shy all of a sudden, and her gaze would not meet his. “I’d like that.”
“Great,” Travis said and had to tell himself not to shout and jump around. “I’ll tell Lavena that she’ll have the boys tonight.”
“What time did you want to leave?”
“How’s 6:00?”
“Fine,” she said as she finally looked up.
“Be sure to dress warmly, Rebecca.” His voice was kind.
She could only nod and look at him.
“I’m sorry, Rebecca.” His heart was in his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you out before. You must be getting tired, and I wasn’t sensitive to your needs at all.”
“It’s all right,” she told him and meant it. “I’ll be fine.”
Travis smiled down at her. “I’d better get to work.”
“Sure.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Stay warm today,” Rebecca called after him, and he raised his hand in a wave. She had had a dozen things on her mind, but now it was wiped clean. Once again, Angel’s words came back to her: Don’t reject a man who clearly wants to lay the world at your feet.
36
You’re in a panic over nothing, Rebecca told herself for the fifth time. He’s just taking you to dinner, that’s all. You’ve been like a caged animal for days. Go and enjoy this. But it still didn’t work. Rebecca was so worked up by the time she was ready to go downstairs that she thought she was going to be sick. Rebecca waited for Travis in the living room and tried to calm her stomach. The boys were already in the kitchen with Lavena. Of their own volition, her thoughts went to Travis. He had not acted too boldly when he asked her to join him or when he’d come off the range, but there was a difference about him. She couldn’t put her finger on the exact cause, but something was up.
She knew he had gone to see Robert Langley that morning but didn’t think that could be the cause. He had also told her that the Langleys had invited them to share Christmas dinner with them. Travis said they would only go if she wanted to, but Rebecca had been unable to give an answer. Was Eddie Langley the pretty lady Wyatt had seen at church? Rebecca didn’t know why she wanted to know, but their talk of Eddie had really bothered her. It was laughable really, considering she’d made it more than clear that she didn’t want a husband.
You don’t want him, but you can’t stand the thought that someone else would have him. What kind of a child are you, Rebecca? For some reason the thought was calming; the pretty lady and dinner with the Langleys went out of her head. By the time Travis sought her out in the living room, Rebecca had decided to make an effort and enjoy the evening.
The Travis Buchanans were rather quiet on their way into town—Rebecca with her new resolve but no idea where to start, and Travis thinking his wife was lovely. If he had been pushed into a corner, he would have chosen for her to remove her glasses, but he could still see her huge brown eyes and the soft shine of her hair. And she smelled good. He’d helped her with her coat and leaned as close as he dared to inhale the smell of her hair and skin.
“How were the boys today?” Travis asked as they entered the outskirts of town.
“They were okay.”
“Good. I couldn’t take either of them with me, and I didn’t want them going into a mood and giving you a hard time. They were no trouble at all?”
“Well, just a little.” Travis asked every day, and Rebecca had learned to be no less than completely honest. “They were sassy over lunch, but I was firm with them and they calmed down.” Rebecca’s voice took on a tone of wonder. “It surprised me a little because they don’t do as well for me, but then Garrett said you had told him something.”
“What was it?”
“Wyatt agreed with him. They both said they’re supposed to take care of me when you’re gone.”
Travis nodded, but it was too dark to see. “Yes, I did tell them that.”
“Why, Travis?” she asked without heat. “They’re only five.”
It was a good question, and good for Travis to have to think about.
“I guess I said it because my grandmother said it to me one time.”
“You knew your grandmother?”
They were in front of the hotel now, and after securing the horses, Travis helped Rebecca from the wagon. It was quiet on this Tuesday night in December, so they were given a table right away. Travis knew they would be interrupted by the waitress, but he wanted to get back to their conversation as soon as they sat down.