I lost my best friend the day I lost you/ And now, here alone, I've only regret/ You, me, we love, and the rest is untrue/ I think you thought I thought you were a pet/ You need to know, you, us, I won't forget/ Ignore my pain, forget it's relentless/ Ignore the dry tears, forget the cold sweat/ Please remember, you, us, our lost caress?/ We meld, fuse, and tear apart in duress/ The things we've seen and done, I won't recall/ I'd burn the words, to transform our mess/ More to be done; reconcile the squall/ All you've done for me I do for you now/ If we get even, please, let's take the vow
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Like layers of fog stacked up to the sky/ With a piercing full moon burning through haze/ The thought of your kiss won't cease to amaze/ The kiss I get between your inner thighs/ Yeah, I'm lost in the words, I'm left to die/ And I have seen dishonor in your gaze/ When I ask where you go all these damn days/ To which your inner thighs kiss me goodbye/ It is as though the air has come into life/ And I won't know why the fuck you aren't here/ There's too much to know to leave me alone/ I've shown you life on the edge of a knife/ I know of a way so peaceful and clear/ If you learn you will feel the dead moan
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I'd have liked to avoid the twilight zone/ My heart went out to you so long ago/ You've lost your innocence and now it shows/ My heart, lost, is losing its mind alone/ Your distant deliverance I can't condone/ Nor your twisted way of taking it slow/ I am the mouse and you are the crow/ You cannot see if you will not be shown/ My allegiance is to you forever/ Your pain seethes across my every last nerve/ Your flesh is like paradise on Earth/ On our wavelength we can never sever/ I melt into you at every last curve/ Will you ever understand your true worth?
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It seems at last I've found myself so lost/ In dreams that drift through long days so awake/ Silent screams the rift, and dead earth don't quake/ Poison streams quench the thirst for you, at cost/ With inside out doubts it's me you accost/ Dead sprouts rot and writhe like mummified snakes/ Blood spouts out, down, as dry nerves fry and shake/ Eyes cry and fallout as mouth shouts burnt frost/ Spirit master. Ghost of the wind slaughter/ Face of plaster. Host of the masquerade/ Love disaster roasts quartz sand of laughter/ Here I followed the wandering daughter/ A sad hollowed painful fractured charade/ Where wallowed I in shallow hard water
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Your absence is like ether on my skin/ Like absinthe or weak acid through my veins/ By chance a noose like unforgiven sin/ My balance, a broken chair, hands in chains/ All day my yang burns so hot for your yin/ You say you care then leave and pain remains/ Empty hearts are the worst when they're silent/ Despair starts quiet then becomes violent/ Painful arts, I've bled more than I repent/ Dark deserts embrace. My eyes, confused fire/ Wherefore dost my love go when I get ill?/ Yes, this hurts, but whose is, this, is whose ire?/ Blood I've lost when she wanders off could kill/ Babe reverts, comes alive, while I expire
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The reason I keep dreaming about one girl is because my obsession with her is what has been destroying my relationships. I've been wanting the wrong thing. Death, to me, means saying goodbye to everything at once. Never getting a word in, a thousand times at once. I understand that tarot reading now. Fuck. Four of swords. There you are so clearly, face down like the others. How can recharging my batteries be the final outcome? Being a loner means you are apart from the social hierarchy. Being a loner is to be a king and a peasant unto one's self. Behold the Sioux Falls Clonazipam/ Aphetemine Salts Twist of 2009: At some point a few months ago, sordid interactions of drug chaos circumstances rooted themselves into my memories only to disappear, only to return as a recollection in regards to a current, less sordid, drug interaction- not literally- regarding a new circumstance possibly related to the first. Amphetemine salts; the blue and orange pills; Blue, 5 and 10 milligrams, time released capsules for the extended relief; Orange 20, 30, even 40 milligrams, time released capsules for the extended relief. Best when snorted and swallowed simultaneously, in large quantities (50 to 90 milligrams in the beginning, then go less. Always consider personal health first- how's your heart, how are your nerves?), with pot or moderate alcohol. 8:00 am one day, I was almost done on the ten hour work shift. The Virus called and told me to meet him at the coffee shop across town. Some shit went down at my apartment while I was at work. He'd robbed a girl he was hanging out with; something to do with amphetamine salts. I arrived, bought a drink, waited, sat Zazen. He arrived after I'd been waiting 45 minutes. His face was hanging to the floor. Eyes dead to the universe. The Virus could hardly stand up crooked, forget straight. His bike was broken from falling too much. It was backward. He'd told me he was on speed all night. He shoulda been perked up and strung out. Regardless, he was belligerent and beyond coherent cognition which he clearly demonstrated to an employee who'd been admiring my badass van. Nonetheless. He thought the cops were going to be in our affairs at the house. He wasn't thinking well, of course. I called this girl he'd robbed and left her a polite message telling her, to back off their bullshit issues, and to not interfere with my life. She broke my bathroom mirror, somehow, into a few pieces. The house was an ashtray. The only thing that mattered was that there were some drugs kicking around. Also, I made him throw me 30 dollars of the stolen money (I don't think he ever paid me that). I researched these four green pills the next night at work. They were actually clonazepam. Which explains The Virus' state of incapacitation, although, that day he insisted on standing around the van while I slept. I assume he was keeping an eye for police. Also, he thought he was strung out on speed, uppers. Placebo opposition. He'd been doing downers. I thought this drug guise strange but wrote it off as a single occurrence. Until now. Months later Shenequa, this random, somewhat heavy set, black chick- a possible lunatic but docile enough- that is becoming a friend of mine via living in my living room gave me an amphetamine salt on the promise that I give her, and a mysterious “hot blonde” friend, guitar lessons. That's whatever, but the pill was pink and I had even seen it before, but I didn't know that at the time. I told her that amphetamine salts have always been blue or orange and she is the second person to claim otherwise. And this is the only town where I've seen this. Only recently have I ever heard of other things being passed as the salts. But, ya know, maybe I was wrong, so I took the pill. I'd been pretty manic this day, watching good movies from the library (STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE for Stella, HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG, THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, THE MOTOR CYCLE DIARIES, FIRST BLOOD to give you something to do, if videos from 2012 are an option for you. Hope you aren't reading this underground in a fallout bunker), drinking rum, and getting high on weed. Then I took the pill and talked to Rachelle over the phone, from our distance. By the time I got off the phone the pill had set in. I knew it wasn't amphetamines. Maybe she'd meant Ritalin, the other pill that is prescribed similar to amphetamine salts. But at the same moment that I recognized the effect of the drug, I recalled the identity of that pink pill Shenequa had given me. I had been staring at that pill at my job every work shift for months. Knowing that the non- verbal old man with autism getting the dose was so drugged out on several other things that him reacting to a missed dosage might not be observed by the staff. And if I only did it once? That pink pill. The same one I'd just taken. I think. Clonazepam. A great downer, a great drug, in its own right. I've raised my claim about this with Shenequa and she refuses to believe me. She's just in denial. I'll prove the trivial matter tomorrow. All that remains to be answered is that one question that always stumps us; why? Who is lying about this pill? Clonazepam is even, in general, worth more on the street. I want to meet the lying or misinformed source of this disarray. Trying to sleep, my eyes don't stay closed well. They were time released. Hence not much rush. Just insomnia. I was completely wrong. Once again, I was the misinformed source of disarray. Later, at the library I am checking out movies from the guy working. From, neither distant nor far across the way, behind the desk
s, the brunette librarian with the eastern European accent gazed into my eyes from her task at hand. Her eye literally twinkled when she stole a glimpse of everything there was to be seen and she smiled knowingly. This one's for Malcolm X and Hamlet. Thanks for happening, each in your own rite. The internet however confirmed that I had taken amphetamines. Not the salts though. Apparently the salts have become pass A. I never understood that term though, 'salts.'
Cor/ 135/ celtic cross on back
Thats code for:
Cops/ The new breed/ Still, it's been the same since the bible and before/ The same breed/ Cops/ Still, the same deeds, now without failure/ Police vehicles/ And tom, dick, or harry/ With too much power/ One mind and one mission/ Dictated from a system/ Beyond out of reach/ Armed and out of touch/ Jails are filled with people/ Who deserve to be there/ Disheveled and disgruntled masses/ All at the ends of their own ropes/ Cops/ They come from a terrible place/ And they pull you back with them/ Remember when there was hope?/ That's why the stars were in the sky/ And that's why we can't see them anymore/ This cannot end well/ I am finished writing the names of cops with capital letters/ The same goes for any other government official/ Judge not lest ye be judged/ We are born judged to live out the verdict/ We can pretend/ That there isn't something wrong with this world/ And that there always wasn't/ Just stop pretending we don't have means to change this/ They want us divided and conquered/ Unite. While it's still legal/ We don't have the means because they won't give us the means/ Help me?/ This is what I ask:/ Stop capitalizing the names of people/ Who have too much power over you/ Stop capitalizing the names of those in government/ Judicial, Executive, Legislative/ They are not us/ They don't live like us/ They don't think like us/ They are below us/ They deserve to have something taken from them for a change/ The future must know who to hold responsible/ Lowercase the capitalists
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Grim came back from the hills again/ He hadn't been home since November when/ Grim didn't come home from the hills again/ A wide eyed son who knew only love/ God came down from up above/ And snatched up- that boy we love/ The rest of Grim come home today/ The best of Grim has gone away/ This thing come back today to say/ It's time we all go away/ He says it's time we go away/ A force vaguely resembling hell/ Licks life from us like fire on our heels/ We're torn asunder is how this feels/ This boy, he ain’t god/ And he ain't the devil/ Little Evil Grim is an animal/ Little Evil Grim, gunna exterminate man/ Going on and on about the animal plan/ I hear and know nothing but if you can/ Save the world from this A.L.F demon/ How long have I been singing this song?/ And praying my memories become delusions?/ Confined and starved, sleep is a confusion/ How long have I not known/ Known the fates of those I adore/ Grim was lost but what about Catherine?/ Evil told me what he planned to do/ And Evil showed me what he can do/ Then he left me here in a little white room/ Alone, endlessly singing to a vacuum/ Endlessly. Singing to a vacuum.
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Love can save lives. Sure, maybe/ If the air itself- it is- is not evil/ Live everyday with blinded eyes/ Maybe you will see when you die/ Good intentions break wills like glass/ I've felt worse, but it's always bad/ Breathe this toxic petroleum perfume/ Humanity stench makes you choke/ Light the fires and run breathlessly/ Hide away and wait until dark/ Praise your achievements and awards/ Yet the truth- your love’s freedom- scorn/ Joy is for the day of exaltation/ Descension madness is pure sadness/ Fuck over whoever, just worship your lover/ Frustration makes the dead fight/ Laugh if you will but that's the plight/ Humanity is so horrendous I could cry/ Forward thinkers already know doom/ None are catching up looking backward/ Up, jump, rise, fly, and bestow your gifts/ Before too late; you'll drop, fall down fast/ In spring your will will be your destiny/ Until then you must remain cast out/ Freedom comes at the reversion point/ Without this the sky rains acid fascism/ Yoni is the yin- so love-/ To the yang of a lingam/ Cold temperatures are for within/ Get without when the air is hot/ Cardinality sets in motion/ What will be still and fixed?/ Will the whole be mutable?/ I don't know what I feel/ Perhaps the whole is hurt/ Or maybe it is pleasure/ An ache is on and off/ You shout to a friend for fun/ I scream in pain to god/ With a few words on this page/ What if existence is wuji?
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Live in fear or don't live at all/ All choices black and white/ I don't want to write these times/ I'd rather not witness crimes/ Let's leave this place to the meek/ Give it to the least guilty/ Meet up on the other side/ Together, after we died/ Unreal pain of others/ Lofts vividly on the breeze/ Souls drift in the atmosphere/ And don't care the end is near/ I don't want to write these times/ I'd rather not witness high crimes/ So we'll go out in tandem/ With no reason to condemn/ The horrible actions/ Of a few wealthy men/ With an inhuman agenda/ An inconceivable genocide/ We'll watch with open dead eyes/ In an era where the corpses cry/ Nothing we can do is wrong/ Now is for coming undone/ When there is no brotherhood/ This view must be understood/ I don't want to write these times/ I don't want to witness high crimes/ If this were Rome,/ Why would they/ Catch their empire/ With a butterfly net?
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Domestic pets are essentially whores/ Through human intervention/ The traditional pet animals know/
Inherently/ Who puts the food in their dish/ Puppies lick faces and/ Cats cuddle up close/ Pigs and ferrets/ And others, too/ Can figure out quick/ Who butters their bread/ The only significance of this/ Is to further raise the awareness/ That we are in debt/ To the ones we do wrong/ By overpopulation/ and euthanasia/ Let the dogs live among us/ Let the cats live among us/ And walk the streets freely/ To live free or die/ In closing:/ When our greed creates/ a situation-/ Animals for profit/ That we must atone for:/ One vegan world
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I never/ even/ knew.../ what a dissident was/ They die in revolutions/ And that will be me/ Quite possibly/ Asthma doesn't get me out/ Neither does the booze/ The psychosis nor/ Flat feet in my shoes/ Might I give my life for the future?/ Would you?/ We won't have an option/ We may just have to/ I lost my mind this time/ At least I'm not arrested/ For committing a crime/ All of this for a lost love/ I never knew. I can't endure/ I never knew pain til I lost her/ Where do you wander when your heart beats for no one?/ Why do I wonder where if you were me you would run?/ Every time I write to you I die a little inside/ You make me want to hurt him/ He makes me want to die/ Another dead poet/ With a romanticized butcher knife/ Then the girl who tried to hide/ Will appear at the cemetery/ Where she will realize/ The answer is the tears she cries/ And I can't sympathize/ because I am not alive/ And all she wanted was me/ But all she could have was him/ And as certain as the animals die/ As certain as the ocean acidifies/ I wanted her and she wanted me/ But society stood in the way/ Uncompromisingly
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Disguised As A Quo
Startled aware from traffic dreams. Foregone destinies after fate’s murder. There is no stopping the unstoppable. Or so we aspire. Pushing relentlessly through time and oceanic tides. Maniacal empire as vast as the starry sky. There are sharks in the water. Connect the charger. Batteries run low, burning hot. This will have to be what it is not. As we are who we aren't. Photos can't show what I have to tell. Like a penitentiary can't compare to hell. Maniacal empire vast as starry skies. There are sharks in the water. The big swim. We dive in. Over and over and over again. Ever ready. Ever anxious. The kings business cannot be performed slackly. We are the guardians of his ransom. There are sharks in the water. We are seals to the slaughter. We’re prey. Never safe. Still. The king’s business is not to be performed slackly. Take me away mighty current. Take me away so far. I am off to fight the war.