After what she’d done with them – to them – she was surprised she could still look either of them in the eye without keeling over from mortification. She should feel sinful.
But she didn’t.
If anything, she wanted to do it again.
She’d lain awake in her cabin last night hoping Connor would knock on her door after he tracked down Rylan, but she’d learned this morning that the two of them had spent half the night combing the woods for the wolf. To no avail, apparently, because Rylan had been spitting mad over breakfast, vowing to cut the wolf’s head off and wear it like a hat.
“My dad told me that taking the Lord’s name in vain used to be considered blasphemy.” Xander interrupted her thoughts, shrugging at his own remark. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. There aren’t many folks practicing religion out here. Most people gave up on God and Jesus once the bombs started falling.”
“The ones who survived the war didn’t pass it on to their children?”
“Some did.”
“Did your parents?”
“Not really. I mean, I know the stories, but my parents didn’t take any of it seriously.” He shifted around in his chair. “Talk to Kade when you get a chance.”
Her brow furrowed. “About what?”
“The city. He’s gonna have some questions for you.”
Discomfort roiled in the pit of her stomach. “What kind of questions?”
Xander’s tone went gruff. “He still has some family there. I think he wants to know if they’re okay.”
“Oh.” She swallowed. “I don’t think I’ll be much help with that. I didn’t have contact with a lot of people. I worked in a sector that most citizens don’t have clearance for.”
“Medical. Yeah, Con told us.” His lips tightened. “So it’s true, then?”
“What’s true?”
“The council really does decide who lives and dies.”
Although the accusation wasn’t directed at her, Hudson couldn’t stop another rush of guilt. Her father had founded the Colonies, after all. He’d made the decision to withhold medicine from society. Warranted or not, she felt like that made her responsible too.
“It’s not decided on a case-by-case basis,” she said clumsily. “Only the Enforcers get the treatments. And the children of council members. And, well, the council members, of course.”
What was the matter with her? The people in West City accepted the practice because… well, because they’d never known anything else. But Hudson had witnessed the injustice firsthand, watched her father receive house calls from doctors while denying his own wife the same privilege. It was so much easier to grasp the unfairness of it when you saw both sides of the screwed-up system. So why was she defending it?
“The fact that you listed three different groups who are deserving of lifesaving treatments confirms what I already knew,” Xander muttered. “The GC are sadistic motherfuckers.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I got defensive. Believe me when I say that I absolutely agree with you. It isn’t fair.”
“Life seldom is.”
She couldn’t argue with that, so she pointed at the laptop instead. “If you manage to hack into this system, will you be able to get the phones to work?”
“That’s the plan.”
“I’ll let you get back to it, then.”
Nodding, Xander shifted his attention back to the computer, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he attempted to… do whatever the hell he was trying to do. Hudson was proficient with technology, but not to the extent of hacking into global satellites.
She watched him work for a moment, smiling at his intense concentration. Then her face heated, because she realized the last time she’d seen that crease in his brow was when a woman’s mouth had engulfed his dick.
The clench between her legs sent her stumbling back to her stack of tablets, but the idea of going through them again suddenly sounded tedious. She’d much rather ogle Connor as he worked in the garden.
Since she couldn’t go out there empty-handed or he’d know her true intentions, she popped into the cellar first to fill up a few bottles from the cistern that stored cold water.
The men were bare-chested and hard at work when she stepped outside, but they all glanced up at her approach.
She held up the bottles. “I thought you guys could use a water break.”
Rylan and Kade set down their tools and wandered over gratefully, Rylan winking at her as he took the bottle. Connor stayed put, and when his gaze met hers, it was obvious he’d seen right through her. Heat unfurled in his eyes and rippled in her direction, going straight to her core.
She stared at his chest, remembering the way she’d touched it last night, how his muscles had tightened beneath her fingers. She was nowhere near close to having her fill of him, and she didn’t understand it. Why wasn’t it like that with Rylan too? She found Rylan attractive and liked being with him, but she didn’t crave him the way she craved Connor.
Connor was… addictive. She wanted to lick every inch of his body, to find out what it would take to summon that deep rumble from the back of his throat again. He’d made that sexy sound when her mouth was on his cock, but what if she licked his nipple? His earlobe? Bit his neck?
She was dying to find out.
Connor made his way toward her and took the bottle from her suddenly shaky fingers. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
He offered a knowing look. “Anything else you want to give me?”
Hudson gulped. “Nope. Just… the water. I’ll be inside if you need me.”
His soft chuckle followed her back into the lodge, where she resumed the annoying task of exploring the contents of the tablets. She was trying to access the communication system that the Enforcers used, but although the icon for it was right there on every screen, she couldn’t find the link that would normally take her to the password page, and she was too afraid to ask Xander for help because she didn’t want to explain how she knew about the program.
She spent the rest of the day alternating between working on the tablets and popping outside with any excuse to see Connor. By the time late afternoon rolled around, she gave up on the tech and busied herself by cleaning up the lodge.
It was hours later when the door swung open, sending a wave of humid air into the room. She sensed Connor before she saw him. His presence was like an airborne drug, infusing her system and heating her blood, making her entire body buzz with anticipation.
She turned, and her heart stopped when she glimpsed the look on his face.
“Xander,” he said.
The other man absently looked up from the computer screen. “Hmmm?”
“Get the fuck out.”
A beat of silence.
Then Xander chuckled and scraped his chair back. A few seconds later the door quietly creaked shut behind him.
Connor approached with the strides of a predator. “Did you enjoy yourself today?” he asked.
“Um. Yeah. I guess. I was messing around with the tablets and —”
“You were messing around with me.”
Her pulse sped up at the dark gleam in his eyes.
“If you want to fuck me, come out and ask for it,” he drawled. “You don’t have to make excuses to come outside. You don’t have to flaunt that sexy little body while I’m trying to work.”
“Why would I ask for anything? You call the shots, remember?” She was surprised by how composed she sounded, when her heart was pounding hard enough to shake the walls.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t tell me what you want.” A rakish grin stretched across his mouth. “I just decide whether or not to give it to you. But don’t worry. You made your needs more than clear.” He raised one eyebrow. “Take off your clothes.”
Her hands automatically grasped the bottom of her shirt, then stilled as a frown touched her lips. “Why can’t I say no to you?”
“Do you want to say no to me?” He was mocking h
er again, the way he always seemed to do. “Do you want to keep your clothes on?”
“No. I want them off. I want yours off too.” Helplessness jammed in her throat. “I want to feel your skin against mine and your hands all over me.”
She took a breath, struggling to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. She didn’t understand the swift obedience he summoned from her. The way her brain stopped functioning the moment he voiced a rough command.
“Maybe the question I should be asking is – why am I so quick to say yes to you? I don’t even stop to think about it. I just… do what you ask.”
He stepped closer, dragging his knuckles along her jaw as his voice thickened. “The other night you asked me what your kink is. You still haven’t figured it out?”
She slowly shook her head.
“You don’t want to think, Hudson. You want someone to tell you what to do.”
The frown returned, digging a groove into her forehead. “That’s not true. I can think for myself.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t.” His blunt fingers meandered down her neck. “I said you don’t want to.”
“That’s… not true.”
“You don’t want to be in control.” He touched the center of her throat, his thumb pressing into the pulse point that was throbbing erratically. “Because you’re always in control – aren’t you, sweetheart?”
No. Yes. She didn’t even know anymore. She couldn’t form coherent thoughts when he was touching her.
“That’s how it is with city folk. You don’t even realize you’re doing it – putting up walls, guarding your thoughts, reining yourself in. You don’t realize how frustrated you are. The GC gives you food and protection and so-called equality, but deep down you know something isn’t right. You become hardened without even realizing it.”
She was hypnotized by his eyes. His words. His callused hands sliding beneath her shirt.
“And then you come out here and your guard drops, inch by inch, until you’re stripped bare.” He lifted her shirt to expose her breasts, then eased it off and tossed it aside, leaving her naked from the waist up. “But even then you’re still stuck in that old mind-set, so concerned about following the rules, trying to figure out what’s right or wrong or sinful.” His lips quirked. “Here’s a little secret for you, baby – there are no rules out here.”
He drew her zipper down, and she instinctively helped him take her pants off, lifting one leg and then the other to step out of them. He kicked the jeans away, his molten gaze resting on her skimpy panties.
“There’s no reason for you to think right now. All you have to do is feel.”
He cupped her pussy over her underwear, and arousal jolted through her. She was feeling, all right. So much sensation. Pure lust overload.
“It’s exhausting, isn’t it?” he murmured. “Doing what’s expected of you, wanting so badly to let go but being unable to do it because you don’t trust anyone but yourself.” His fingers slipped inside her panties, hovering over her clit without touching it, without giving her the contact she craved. “Stop fighting it. Stop thinking. That’s your kink – letting someone else take control, even if it’s for a few hours, a few minutes.”
Was he right? She was scared that he might be. But she hadn’t been raised to let someone else take the lead; she’d been raised to be in control. And yet she’d been denied the outlet a person needed when all that responsibility inevitably took its toll on you.
How was that fair? Dominik and his men were allowed to do whatever the hell they pleased. They came back after their colony sweeps and were able to release their frustration and aggression and just feel, while she was banished to her room and ordered to bottle up her urges. Unable to feel pleasure without worrying about Dominik punishing the man who gave it to her.
Connor’s finger ghosted over her clit, barely a caress, nowhere near enough, but the featherlight contact muddled her mind even more. Another thought niggled at her, trying to breach the haze of desire – who was he really talking about? Her? Or was it he who longed to let go, who suffocated under the burden of staying in control every second of every day?
She didn’t have time to dwell on that, because suddenly there was pressure on her clit. His finger. Rubbing. Teasing. Sending tiny shock waves up her spine with each circular stroke. His tongue came out to moisten his bottom lip, and she watched it in fascination, the ache between her legs throbbing harder. She wanted his tongue on her, in her. She wanted to feel that dizzying rush of pleasure he’d made her feel last night when he’d licked her pussy with damn near desperation.
But Connor had other ideas.
“Get on the table. Lie back and spread your legs for me.”
She obeyed without question. The wood table was cool beneath her back, rough against her ass. She felt so damn vulnerable as he loomed over her, his hot gaze roaming her naked body.
“Wider,” he muttered.
Her legs shifted farther apart and his eyes burned into her.
She couldn’t breathe. She lay there watching him, waiting. It seemed like forever before he began shedding his clothes. His jeans. His boots. His black sleeveless shirt. Each time a new patch of bronzed skin was revealed, her heart beat faster. By the time he was fully naked, all she could hear was the sound of blood rushing in her ears.
He lazily jacked his erection. One stroke, two, before he reached for his jeans and pulled a strip of foil packets from the back pocket. Condoms.
Hudson’s curiosity momentarily overshadowed her lust. “Where did you get those?” She didn’t imagine there were a lot of general stores in the area selling condoms or manufacturing plants to produce them, yet the outlaw population clearly had access to methods of birth control. Otherwise there’d be a lot more children in their midst.
“You can get your hands on anything if you know the right people.” He gave a wry look. “The way Rylan screws his way through life, I make sure to get them in bulk.”
Her answering laugh was cut short when he gripped his shaft again, the pad of his thumb absently rubbing the blunt head. Then he deftly rolled the latex on and stepped into the cradle of her thighs, but his cock stayed in his hand.
Her inner muscles clenched around painful emptiness, making her squirm in agitation. “Please.”
“Please what?”
“I want you inside me. I need you inside me.”
His other hand traveled between her legs. He slipped one finger into her pussy, not even an inch deep. A wicked tease, enough to bring a desperate plea. “More. Please.”
He eased in another inch.
Still not enough.
And he knew it, judging by his smug look. He was purposely toying with her.
The tip of his finger dipped into the moisture gathered at her opening before traveling up her slit. His wet fingertip rubbed little circles around her clit, scarcely enough pressure to do anything but drive her crazy with need.
“You’re not in the city anymore, baby. Tell me what you want, and feel free to be filthy about it.” He flashed a rare grin that robbed her of breath, one that was soft with humor instead of hard with derision. Then he pumped his cock in a quick stroke and stole the remaining oxygen from her lungs.
“Stop tormenting me and fuck me.”
His grin widened.
“Damn it, Connor. Put your cock inside me and fuck me until I scream —”
The penetration was so deep and unexpected that the screaming part came sooner rather than later. As a wild cry left her lips, her body stretched to accommodate his size, her inner muscles tightening to keep him inside. Full. So full. Her brain turned to mush, pleasure racing through her in a dizzying rush.
“Is this what you wanted?” He chuckled, one hand splaying over her belly as he stood motionless in front of her, his cock lodged deep inside.
“Yes.” Her voice cracked. “No. I want more. I want you to move.”
“Like this?” He withdrew slightly, then eased back in. Slow and teasing, as if he had all
the time in the world.
An anguished sound slipped out. “No. Not like that, and you know it.”
“All I know is what you tell me. What you beg for.”
He was lying. He knew what her body was telling him. He knew exactly what she needed – he just wanted to hear her say it. If she wasn’t so damn needy and aroused, she might have been embarrassed by the pleas that spilled out of her mouth.
“Hard and fast,” she begged. “I want you to fuck me so hard that I feel it for days.”
Satisfaction darkened his gaze, and then his hips shot forward and he slammed deep, hard enough to shake the table. Each punishing thrust sent her mind spinning into sweet oblivion, until her entire world narrowed to the frantic slide of his cock and his hot, heavy-lidded gaze.