But he’d tried, damn it. He’d tried to be what Maggie wanted, because he’d loved her and he’d wanted to make her happy. After her death, he’d finally allowed the depressing truth to sink in. Maggie had been wrong. Not just in her attempt to change him, but about the way she viewed the world.
“Her father sheltered her,” he said bleakly. “Maggie and her sisters grew up on an isolated farm. They’d never encountered bandits or Enforcers, never witnessed the kind of violence that existed beyond their little slice of paradise. Their father didn’t even bother teaching them self-defense, because he thought they were safe from the rest of the world, that nothing bad could ever touch them.” Connor angrily shook his head. “She never stood a chance.”
Hudson squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back, hard and desperate, because she was the lifeline keeping him from drowning in the memories.
Maggie’s lifeless body on the dirt. The bullet hole in her forehead. Her sisters. The others.
“Dominik murdered them,” Connor choked out. “I know my people, Hudson – they would have surrendered the moment he and his men showed up. None of them were trained. None of them would have fought back. Which means he opened fire on unarmed people who weren’t even a threat to him.”
Hudson’s breathing became labored. “What happened when you returned to camp?”
“I heard the gunfire from the woods and made my way back, but it had stopped by the time I reached the outskirts of camp. There were no screams, no shots. Just silence.”
It was macabre as fuck, but he’d always wondered if Maggie had screamed when the Enforcers had come. If she’d screamed when she’d watched her friends and family die. If she’d screamed before she’d died. Or had she still held on to hope in her final moments? Believed everything would be okay? That had been her favorite phrase. Everything will be okay, Con. I know it.
She hadn’t known a damn thing.
“I hid in the trees,” he said. “I watched the Enforcers leave the house and head for their vehicles, and I heard them talking. One of them sounded upset about what they’d done, said it wasn’t right. His buddy told him that orders were orders, and that Dominik wanted them to send a message to any outlaws who tried going against the council.”
“They used to give the outlaws a choice. Rejoin society, or face imprisonment.” Hudson’s voice shook. “Cold-blooded murder goes against their code, or at least that’s what my father told me.”
“Well, there was no fucking code that day,” Connor muttered. “And believe me, Dominik looked damn pleased with himself when he joined his men. He told them there was no point in disposing of the bodies. He said to let them rot.” His fists clenched, and Hudson yelped, a reminder that he was still holding her hand. He quickly loosened his grip. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to do that.”
“It’s okay.” She swept her fingertips over his knuckles in a soothing gesture.
“I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. And that smirk, like he was proud of what he’d done. I could have opened fire on him then. On all of them. They would have fired back, and I’d be dead, but at least I could’ve taken a few of them down before that happened. But there was a chance some of my people were still alive, that Maggie was still alive, so I waited until they drove away and then I went back to camp.” His heart twisted. “I should have killed Dominik when I had the chance.”
“They were all dead?” Hudson whispered.
“Every single one of them.”
She moved closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Oh, Connor. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.” Shame bubbled in his throat. “It was my job to protect them. To protect her.”
“You were hunting to provide for them. You couldn’t have known the Enforcers would attack.”
“I told you – I knew they were in the area. I should have put my foot down and ordered everyone to pack up. I shouldn’t have listened to Maggie.”
Hudson sighed. “You did what you thought was right at the time.”
“I did what was right for her. Not for the group, and certainly not for me, not when my gut told me it was a mistake. What the fuck kind of leader does that make me? I let my wife’s big eyes and foolish pleas guilt me into making the worst possible decision for the group.” He cursed loudly. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to be a leader. I never wanted that responsibility.”
He fumbled in his back pocket for the cigarettes he’d stashed there. His fingers shook as he lit a smoke and sucked on it so hard it gave him a head rush.
“I’ve been making decisions for other people my whole life. I took care of my mother after my father died. I took care of our whole group.”
Resentment whipped through him, and he took another drag, then another, and another, until nothing but nicotine surged through his blood, alleviating that feeling of pure helplessness.
“I never asked to be anyone’s leader. I don’t want people relying on me, and I sure as hell don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s life but my own.”
“People are responsible for their own lives,” Hudson said quietly. “Nobody is expecting you to take on that burden.” She hesitated. “It’s your guidance they’re looking for.”
“Why?” he said desperately. “What the hell made my word gold?”
“I don’t know. You inspire trust in people. I felt it the moment I met you.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “Out of all the people in that bar, I chose to run after you. To ask for your protection. Whether you like it or not, there’s something about you that makes people feel safe.”
“Well, I don’t want it. I’m tired of being the one everyone looks to for answers.” He dragged a hand over his scalp. “Why can’t any of you see that I have no fucking clue what I’m doing?”
She let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around him, and he instinctively tensed, because comfort wasn’t something he ever sought out.
“I’m sorry about your wife, Connor.”
The sad whisper cracked his chest open and sent a rush of emotion to his throat. He sagged into the embrace, Hudson’s body warm and solid against his, the top of her head fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck. Maggie had been slight, petite. He was always terrified he’d break her if he held her too tight, but he didn’t feel like that with Hudson. He didn’t think anything could break her.
The fact that he was drawing comparisons between the two women flooded his stomach with guilt, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help but recognize the strength in Hudson that Maggie had lacked.
She lifted her head, her gaze locking with his. “I’m sorry I said you don’t have a heart. I know you do. I see the way you act with Rylan and the others. You do care about them, even if you don’t like to show it.”
His throat constricted, but even after he’d cleared it, his voice still sounded like it was lined with gravel. “I care about you too.”
Uncertainty flitted across her face. “You do?”
“I know it might not seem like it, but I really do care. You…” He pressed his lips together, then forced himself to continue. “You make me happy.”
Surprise widened her eyes. Surprise, and something akin to guilt, which made no sense at all, because she had no reason to feel guilty.
“Connor.” She visibly swallowed. “I need to tell you —”
God. No. He couldn’t hear another parting speech, not after he’d laid himself bare to her. He coughed, flicking his cigarette on the pavement. “It’s fine, sweetheart. I understand why you want to end this, and I respect your decision, okay? I promise it won’t be uncomfortable at camp. I’ll —”
She cut him off with a kiss. “Shut up,” she mumbled against his lips.
Connor would’ve thought laughter was impossible after everything they’d discussed, but somehow a chuckle popped out of his mouth.
Hudson swallowed the husky sound with another kiss. Warm and firm and confident. Then she drew back, her mouth millimeters from his as she whispered, “Nothing is
ending, Con.” Her palms stroked his cheeks as she brushed her lips over his again. “It’s just beginning.”
17
Air. No air.
Connor’s hands were a tight vise around her throat, his eyes more red than hazel as they gleamed with pure, naked hatred. He was going to kill her. He was going to squeeze the life from her body until she was dead. Dead like his wife. Dead like Dominik. He’d killed her brother and now he was about to kill —
Hudson woke up, gasping for air.
Her hands shot up to her throat, then faltered, as if they were surprised to find it intact. The dream – no, the nightmare – had been so real, she could still feel Connor’s strong grip crushing her windpipe, and her lungs burned as she sucked in fast, gulping breaths that made her weak and dizzy.
The scariest part of all was that the dream – the nightmare – wasn’t a figment of her vivid imagination. If Connor came face-to-face with her brother, he would kill him. And if he was feeling bloodthirsty enough, he could very well decide to kill her for being the twin sister of his enemy. For lying to him.
She still couldn’t wrap her head around everything he’d told her tonight.
Her brother had killed Connor’s wife.
Connor had been married.
Taking another breath, Hudson climbed out of bed and stripped out of her sweat-soaked clothes. The cabin suddenly felt too hot and suffocating, so she stepped outside, unconcerned by her nudity. It was too late for anyone else to be up, and although it was still humid out, the air was cooler on the porch than it was inside.
She stared up at the black sky, her heartbeat slowly regulating as she drew more oxygen into her lungs, and she found herself thinking about her brother. He was a night owl too, and she wondered if Dom was standing outside right now, staring at the same moonless sky.
Or maybe he was out slaughtering people.
Bile burned her throat as Connor’s story buzzed in her mind. It didn’t make sense, damn it. Dominik didn’t kill outlaws in cold blood, not unless he was defending himself. He always gave them a chance to reintegrate first.
Not always, a cynical voice reminded her.
Her stomach twisted. No, these days Dom didn’t give the outlaws a choice. He’d stopped following the code, the one her father had put in place when he’d created the Enforcer unit all those years ago.
But Connor had said his wife had been killed two years ago. Dom had still been… normal back then, hadn’t he?
She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to pinpoint exactly when it was that Dom had started exhibiting the violent, aggressive behavior that had eventually led to her escape. He’d begun to unravel after their father’s death, so… a little over two years ago, she realized with dismay.
It was definitely possible that he had murdered Connor’s group.
But… did he deserve to die for it?
Yes.
The voice in her head was swift and unforgiving, but her heart squeezed so painfully at the thought of seeing her brother dead that her ribs actually hurt. Whether he deserved it or not, he was still her twin brother. He’d been her best friend and her confidant. Her protector. Could she really stand by and let Connor exact his vengeance on Dominik?
“What are you doing out here, sweetheart?”
She jumped at the sound of Connor’s voice. “Oh,” she squeaked. “I… ah… had a bad dream.”
He approached from the neighboring cabin, and her cheeks heated when she realized she was buck-naked. Connor’s gaze lingered on her bare breasts before rising to her eyes. “You okay?” he said gruffly.
She nodded. Then she shook her head, misery sticking to her throat. “Do you…?” She swallowed. “Do you think people can turn evil? Or are they born evil?”
Surprise flickered in his gaze. “Uh. Well, I don’t know. That’s kind of a deep question for this time of night.”
A weak smile lifted her lips. “Yeah. I guess it is.”
He came up beside her, hesitated, then wrapped one arm around her and pulled her close. Hudson rested her head against his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, woodsy and masculine, strong and reassuring.
“I think they’re born evil,” he finally said.
Her chest started hurting again. “Yeah?”
“I think good people can do bad things, but that doesn’t make them evil. But evil people… they’re born with poison in their hearts. They might try to hide it, or go years fooling people and pretending to be good, but the darkness is always there, waiting to come out.”
Hudson thought about Dominik when he had been a little boy. His kind eyes and angelic smile. The way he’d adored their mother and idolized their father. He’d been such a sweet kid. He’d been a sweet man too, before he’d changed.
Changed… or simply unleashed the evil that had always lurked in his heart?
No. She didn’t believe that. He wouldn’t have been able to fool her. She knew him, inside and out, and she refused to believe that her own twin had been a monster all along and that somehow she hadn’t picked up on it.
“It’s in their eyes,” Connor mumbled. “You can see the darkness when you look into their eyes.”
She hesitated. “Did you see the darkness when you looked at Dominik?”
He gave a curt nod. “Yeah. I saw it. I felt it.” His hand tightened on her shoulder, trembled with barely restrained violence. “He walked up to that Jeep after killing a dozen people, and he looked so damn smug. No, he looked happy. His eyes were shining. Those dark eyes, black as night, shining brighter than the fucking sun, as if wiping out a camp of innocent people was the greatest gift he’d ever received.”
Something about the embittered speech troubled her, but Connor didn’t give her time to think about it. His grip loosened, his lips tender as he brushed a fleeting kiss on her temple. “It’s late. You should go back to bed.”
She managed a nod, still trying to figure out what had bugged her, but she pushed her thoughts aside and headed for her door. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“It’s okay.” He watched as she turned the doorknob, then cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “I don’t… um… I’m too exhausted to have sex, Con.”
He shifted, looking peculiarly nervous. “Not for sex. I, ah, thought we could… sleep together.”
It was impossible to control the shock that slammed into her. “But you sleep alone,” she reminded him.
Connor’s gaze was so intense it sent a shiver through her. “Maybe I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“Oh.” Her pulse sped up as joy and hope erupted in her chest, but she was too afraid to ask what his change of heart signified. “Come in, then.”
They entered her dark cabin, Connor shutting the door behind him as Hudson slid between the sheets. He stripped, his clothes rustling as they fell to the floor, and a moment later he crawled in next to her, his warm, naked body pressed up against her. A contented sigh slipped out as she snuggled closer, her back settling against his chest as he draped a possessive arm over her.
“Good night,” he said gruffly.
“Good night,” she murmured.
She sighed softly, cocooned by Connor’s warmth and the bliss of having him there with her. And maybe she would’ve even fallen asleep, maybe she would’ve slept peacefully in his arms all night long, if something hadn’t dawned on her.
Those dark eyes, black as night…
Connor’s angry words clicked a switch in her brain, solving the uneasy puzzle that their conversation had left her with.
Dominik didn’t have dark eyes. He had light gray ones. So light they resembled the transparent icicles that formed on the roof of the compound every winter.
The man Connor had witnessed leaving the bloody scene of the crime… the man who’d slaughtered Connor’s wife and the rest of his people…
It couldn’t have been her brother.
18
Hudson woke up to the feel of Connor nuzzling her
breasts and the erotic scrape of his stubble against her naked flesh. He did this often now, waking her up in the middle of the night with his mouth or his hands. Coaxing her body to life while her mind remained blissfully drowsy, consciousness slowly floating back to her with each stroke of his fingers and brush of his tongue.