“I…” His voice was gravel. He took a breath, stroking the small of her back. “Jesus Christ, baby.” Another breath. “I…”
She slid off him before he could finish, and his body couldn’t comprehend it. The loss of her warmth, the sudden emptiness.
“Hudson?” he said warily, because her stricken face was even more mystifying.
She opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
“What’s wrong?”
Guilt passed across her features, just another bewildering puzzle piece that made no sense to him.
“I…” Her shoulders sagged, her breath coming out in a wobbly rush. “I’m Dominik’s sister.”
It wasn’t the right moment to tell him. Not with Connor’s sated eyes peering up at her and his naked body sprawled on the bed, free of the tension that always seemed to plague it.
Hudson wished she could take back the words, at least for tonight. She wanted to take them back and save them until morning, so the sunshine could temper the hard edges of the truth and this beautiful moment could be preserved in her memory without her confession having tainted it.
But she’d just spoken to him about trust, damn it. She’d made love to him with every breath she had, and Connor had finally – finally – lowered his guard and given her that part of himself he’d been holding back. And now with three measly words, she was about to lose him again. She knew that, and it broke her heart, but the truth had flown out of her mouth before she could stop it. Because in that pure, shining moment of open trust, she hadn’t been able to lie to him anymore.
Because she loved him.
His stunned gaze focused on her face. “You’re… what?”
“I’m Dominik’s sister.” Her hands began to shake, so she pressed them to her bare thighs. “His twin, actually.”
Connor blinked. Just one blink, while a multitude of emotions streaked across his face. Confusion sharpened into suspicion. Suspicion darkened to anger. Anger became… horror. Horror and betrayal and a glitter of menace that made Hudson wince.
When it finally dawned on him that she was telling the truth, Connor shot to his feet. Every muscle in his body coiled tight, from the tendons of his neck to the arches of his feet, and the dark cloud on his face gathered in strength until his eyes were more black than hazel.
“You…” He hissed out a breath. “Are you goddamn serious?”
She nodded weakly. “I should have told you the night we met, but I was afraid if you knew who I was, you wouldn’t help me. I was afraid you’d kill me.”
“You’re damn right I wouldn’t have helped you!” The venomous response matched the poison in his expression.
“Everything else I told you was the truth,” she said desperately. “I ran because I was supposed to marry Knox. I didn’t know that my father —” She stopped, realizing in dismay that everything she’d told him wasn’t the truth. “My father wasn’t an adviser to the council,” she admitted. “He was a councilman. One of the founding members of the GC.”
A muscle twitched in Connor’s jaw.
“But his main job was commander in chief of the Enforcers. Dominik is in line for the position once he can’t work in the field anymore.” She swallowed, remembering the final truth she’d kept hidden. “I’m an Enforcer too, at least unofficially.”
Those cold eyes landed on her wrists. “You’re not marked.”
“Yes, I am.”
Her heart pounded as she swept her hair back. Avoiding Connor’s gaze, she wet the pad of her thumb with her tongue, then rubbed it vigorously over her nape to wipe away the makeup. Her thumb came back stained with flesh-colored powder, and then she angled her head so Connor could see the compass rose on her neck.
He released a vicious expletive.
“It’s just a title,” Hudson said miserably. “I was never officially trained or sent into the field. I think my father only marked me because he didn’t want me to feel like Dom was better than me.” Desperation rose again. “I worked in the hospital, just like I told you, and I escaped because of Knox, just like I told you. The only part I left out was my father’s real position and that Dom is my brother.”
Connor stared at her for one long, terrifying moment.
Then he exploded.
“Your brother killed my wife!”
She swallowed. “No. Knox did.”
“Same fucking thing!” He yanked his pants on and zipped them up, and when he noticed she was still naked, it only seemed to make him angrier. “Put your goddamn clothes on, Hudson.”
She got dressed in a frantic rush, her body shaking so wildly she was surprised she was able to stay on her feet. She’d expected Connor’s fury. She hadn’t expected the hatred.
“Please don’t look at me like that.” Her voice cracked at the same time her heart did. “I’m still the same person I’ve always been. And I know my brother has done awful things, but…” A lump filled her throat. “But I think the new commander might be drugging him. Max told me —”
“Who the fuck is Max?”
“The trainee. When I talked to him this morning, he said the commander is injecting the Enforcers with aggression drugs. It’s screwing with their minds.” Tears welled up, making her voice wobble harder. “Dominik didn’t used to be a killer. He used to be fair to the outlaws —”
“Fair?” Connor roared.
She flinched as if he’d struck her. “No, not fair, but he never murdered them without provocation before. He’s…” A few tears trickled free. “I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.”
“Jesus Christ. Do you expect me to feel sorry for that bastard?” His razor-sharp tone cut her straight to the bone. “Have you seen how people live out here, Hudson? Hiding and running and struggling to survive. The Enforcers either drag our asses to that prison they call a city, or they kill us if we choose not to go. Because of your father and the ‘system’ he implemented. Because of your brother, who fucking enforces it.”
“My father and my brother,” she echoed. “Not me. You said so yourself – I’m an outlaw now. I’m one of you.”
He stared at her.
“I’m not like them.” She tasted salt in her mouth as the tears fell harder, coursing down her cheeks and catching on her lips. “I help people. I care about people. I care about you.” She wiped her cheeks with both hands. “No. I love you.”
Stony silence was the only response she got.
“I love you, Connor,” she said fiercely. “And I’m not like Dominik. You know that.”
“I don’t know a goddamn thing apparently.”
“You know me,” she insisted. “I never lied about how I felt for you, and I know you feel it too. This thing between us is real. I promise you it’s real.”
“Yeah? This is real?” Acrid bitterness oozed from his every word, his every pore. “Then prove it.”
“What?”
“You want to convince me that what we have is real? That you actually give a damn about me despite the fact that you lied about who you are?” His lips tightened. “Then fucking prove it.”
“H-how?”
“Take me to Dominik.”
Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. “What?”
“Take me to him, Hudson. Knox too. Stand by my side while I wipe their sorry asses off this sorry excuse for a planet.”
It was hard to breathe. The forbidding gleam in Connor’s eyes was so hot and visceral it singed her skin and closed up her lungs. She bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood, and the coppery flavor coated her tongue and throat, threatening to choke her.
“No,” she said. “I’ll find a way to get you to Knox. But not Dom. Please.” Her face collapsed from the force of Connor’s murderous glare. “He’s my brother.”
“He’s a killer.”
“He didn’t kill Maggie.” A strangled sob flew out. “I understand why you want vengeance, but Dom didn’t kill her. And even if he had, I still wouldn’t be able to stand there and watch while you kill
ed my brother.”
“The same brother who was willing to marry you off to a man you despise?” Connor spat out.
“Whatever he does, good or bad, he’s still my brother. He can go to prison for the rest of his life to pay for his crimes. He doesn’t have to die for them.”
Another silence stretched between them, a deep, gaping chasm that Hudson knew she’d never be able to cross. Connor was slipping away from her by the second, his empty eyes and hard jaw telling her everything that his silence couldn’t.
When he spoke, she didn’t expect the hoarse unsteadiness of his voice.
“I’m only going to say this once.” His breathing grew ragged. “Take me to Knox and your brother, and you and I can wipe the slate clean. I’ll forget that you lied. Maybe I’ll even trust you again one day. It might take some time, but you know me, Hudson – I don’t make false promises. I’ll try to forgive you.”
The sheer arrogance of that statement sparked a burst of indignation. “And if I refuse?”
“Then you leave this camp and never come back.”
All the oxygen left her body in one shocked rush. “Are you serious?” she snapped, trying to keep her rising anger in control. “If I don’t take you to my brother so you can kill him, you’re going to exile me?”
His curt nod made her want to slap him. He’d told her he was a ruthless bastard and that he wouldn’t hesitate to slit her throat if she betrayed him, but this… this?
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. She waited for him to back down, but he didn’t. He waited for her to give in, but she didn’t.
She refused to sacrifice her brother’s life, especially when she wasn’t certain that Dominik was even in control of his life. If Ferris had turned him into his pet monster without Dom’s knowledge or consent, then he wasn’t at fault for his actions.
“I won’t do it,” she said quietly.
Connor’s gaze flickered with disappointment. Maybe even regret. But then his lips curled and his head tipped toward the door.
“Then save your declarations of love for some other fool and get the fuck out of my camp.”
20
He’d banished her.
He’d actually banished her.
Her duffel bag, one of the Ducatis, and her life – that’s what Connor had sent her away with, and even hours later, Hudson was reeling from the shock of what he’d done. He hadn’t allowed her to say good-bye to Rylan and the others. He hadn’t let her say good-bye to Hope. He’d simply cast her out in the middle of the night as if she were a piece of trash, while the people she’d come to care about slept in their cabins, oblivious.
Would Rylan have tried to stop her from going? Would Xander? Kade? Pike?
She would never know the answer to that question now.
Her eyes were dry – finally, blessedly – as she killed the engine in front of Lennox’s dark house. She’d cried herself stupid on the long drive, but she was all cried out now. The wind battering her face hadn’t helped, and as she dropped the kickstand and headed for the door, she knew her red, swollen eyes were broadcasting the devastation she’d endured tonight.
It was late. So late that Lennox and the girls were no doubt asleep and would probably mistake her for an intruder and shoot her on sight. She almost hoped they did. She couldn’t imagine a bullet hurting any worse than the agony she was already feeling. If anything, it would put her out of her misery.
So fucking ironic. She’d chosen her brother over Connor, and yet chances were she’d never even see Dom again. As much as she wanted to warn him about the drugs he might be taking, she wasn’t going back to the compound, not when Knox was still there. She wasn’t going anywhere near that sadistic bastard.
Irony, all right. She was alone. No Connor. No Dom. Nothing but an empty hole in her chest where her heart used to be.
As she knocked on the door, she found herself praying that Tamara was there. At this point, the woman might be Hudson’s only hope of landing somewhere safe. Maybe she’d even join up with the bitch, she thought bitterly. They could be partners in crime, smuggling goods through the colony together, two coldhearted women who were feared and unloved.
Hudson jerked when the door swung open and the barrel of a shotgun appeared in her face.
Lennox lowered the gun the second he recognized her, his brows drawing together. “Hudson?”
She opened her mouth, but all that emerged was a shaky sob.
“What’s going on, love?” Then he stiffened. “Connor —?”
“He’s fine,” she said quickly. “They’re all fine. I… I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Len?” a female voice said urgently. Jamie materialized beside Lennox, wearing a short white negligee and holding an assault rifle. The intimidation in her eyes dissolved into deep concern when she spotted Hudson. “What happened?”
“We hadn’t gotten to that part yet.” Sighing, Lennox held out his hand. “Come in, love. I think you need a drink.”
Hudson’s shoulders sagged in defeat. She took his hand and followed him inside.
“What do you mean, she’s gone?” The incensed demand came from Xander, who was staring at Connor as if he’d donned an Enforcer uniform and opened fire on their camp.
They were all looking at him like that, their expressions ranging from outrage to disbelief, and damned if their judgment didn’t evoke both those responses in him.
They would have done the same thing, each and every one of them. That’s how it was in this land. You didn’t live with your enemies. Hudson was lucky he hadn’t killed her, for chrissake. Banishment was a goddamn vacation compared to what he could’ve done to her.
“She’s Dominik’s twin sister,” he snapped.
He was greeted by four shocked faces, but the understanding he’d expected to find, the support, was glaringly missing. Not a single one of them looked as if they believed that Hudson’s connection to Dominik justified what Connor had done. Not even Rylan, who always unfailingly had his back.
“She lied to us,” Connor muttered.
Contempt laced Xander’s tone. “We already knew she was from the city. Who the fuck cares who she’s related to?”
Fury scorched up his spine. “She’s related to the man who killed my wife, you bastard.”
The men looked shocked again, but Kade was the only one brave enough to speak up, though his voice was lined with apprehension. “You were married?”
“Yes, I was fucking married. And I slept with the sister of the man who killed my wife.” Revulsion tore a path down his throat and twisted his insides, making him feel like he’d swallowed a handful of razor blades. “You honestly think I could let her stay here after learning that? What the hell is the matter with you guys?”
A whining noise had him whirling his head at the furry creature in Pike’s arms. For fuck’s sake, even the wolf was looking at him with baleful eyes, as if he’d betrayed her. As if he’d betrayed all of them.
Pike stroked the wolf’s head to calm her before flicking his expressionless gaze in Connor’s direction. “Where did she go?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know?” The defensive note that crept into his voice pissed him off. “I gave her one of the bikes, okay? She has her gear, weapons, enough food to last a few days. I didn’t send her away with nothing, all right? But she couldn’t stay here.”
“Lennox’s,” Xander said decisively. “That’s the only other place she knows.”
Kade nodded. “Yeah, she would’ve gone there.”
The men conversed as if Connor hadn’t spoken, as if he weren’t even there, and he listened to them in disbelief, unable to fathom what was happening right now. Even Rylan was avoiding his gaze. His own best friend couldn’t stomach the sight of him.
“This is unbelievable,” Connor growled. “You bastards took it upon yourselves to call me your leader. I didn’t want the damn job, but you gave it to me, and I’ve done everything in my power to make decisions that I feel are
best for this camp. And now I make a call you disagree with, and that’s it? You’ve written me off?”
Rylan finally spoke up, cold and measured and gratingly self-righteous. “You didn’t kick her out because it was the best decision for camp. You did it because it was the best decision for you. Because she hurt you and you lashed out like a goddamn lion with a thorn stuck in its paw.”
Connor ground his teeth together, trying hard to control his temper. “You’re saying you would have continued to trust her? Knowing who her brother is and what he’s done?”