“If they submit they are ruled with a benevolent hand.” He still stared straight ahead as he spoke. “They are given the opportunity to get emotion dampers and if they accept them, they are not purged.”
“What?” Mei-Li could barely believe what she was hearing. “So you go in and take over their world and tell them that their only choices are losing all their feelings or death? That’s horrible!”
Six frowned. “It is simply the way of the Collective and it is ultimately to the benefit of the world we are inhabiting. We have brought lasting peace to many planets in this way.”
“Peace or oppression?” Mei-Li demanded. She just wished she knew what planet the awful robot overlords of Z4 were planning to take over so she could warn them. Then she remembered the way One’s eyes had flickered over her and she got a sudden feeling of dread. “Six, he wasn’t talking about my planet, was he? The Dark Kindred aren’t going to try and take over Earth, are they?”
He shook his head. “Highly unlikely. I have not been told the name of the conquest planet yet but I believe it to be closer to our solar system than yours.”
“But you’re One’s right hand man,” Mei-Li objected. “How come he hasn’t told you?”
He shrugged again, his broad shoulders rolling under his protective exoskeleton.
“Such information is usually kept secret until very close to the time of invasion. One and the Collective are probably the only beings that know the name of the target as yet. One will tell me what it is when it is necessary for me to know.”
“But you’re sure it’s not Earth?” she persisted.
“I would guess not, although I would not be surprised to see the Dark Kindred initiate a takeover of the Mother Ship that orbits Earth’s moon sometime in the future,” Six said. “The head of their Council, High Chancellor Terex appears to be unstable. It is conceivable that the Collective might calculate the odds of such a takeover easy and prudent.”
“I see.” Mei-Li made a mental note to warn the Kindred of the Mother Ship if she could. Chancellor Terex had been an absolute bastard when she went with her father to meet them but some of the other warriors on the Council had been nice—especially Commander Sylvan who had gone out of his way to reassure her personally. They didn’t deserve to have their emotions stripped away and their ship melted down for scrap metal or whatever horrible thing the Collective had planned for them. She wondered if there was any way to call them from the medical barge…
“We are here,” Six said, interrupting her musings. “Prepare for docking,”
“I’m prepared.” Mei-Li watched as the little space craft came in for a landing in the vast docking area with its black walls and shiny black oil-slick floor. The only good thing about coming back to the medical barge was that she would get to see Yipper again—at least she hoped. She had grown quite fond of the little Tolleg and considered him a friend. It would be good to see a friendly face, especially now when Six was being so cold and formal again.
But when Six placed a call to ask Yipper to meet them, they were informed by a robotic voice that he wasn’t available.
“What do you mean, not available?” Six barked at the viewscreen, sounding agitated. “I do not care that it is late—rouse him from his sleeping chamber. My enhancements require immediate attention.”
“Apologies, Six,” the robotic voice issuing from the viewscreen intoned. “But Yipper is not resting. He is performing emergency surgery which is likely to take him most of the night. He regrets not being available for you and offers a consult from one of his colleagues, the Tolleg called Bowzer.”
“No, I want no one but Yipper,” Six growled.
“Very well, he will see you first thing in the morning,” the voice said.
“I suppose that will have to do.” Six still looked unhappy. “Ready two guest rooms for us to sleep in.”
“Apologies but we are filled to capacity at the moment. One room only is available,” the voice said. “Shall I ready it for you?”
Six sighed. “Yes, do so.”
“Very good. You may go to the Kindred guest quarters where a room will be waiting. Have a pleasant night’s rest.”
The voice clicked off, leaving the interior of the shuttle quiet.
“You didn’t have to try and get us two rooms,” Mei-Li said at last. “I don’t bite, you know. If you want I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“That will be unnecessary. I will be the one sleeping on the floor.” Six looked away. “Come. Let us try to get some rest. It seems that your trip back to Earth will be delayed, at least for one more night.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Six tossed and turned on the floor beside the olive green sousa, trying to get comfortable but sleep would not come. He told himself it was because the floor was too hard and the fibers covering it were too scratchy, but he knew neither of these issues was truly the problem.
The problem was the female lying just a few feet away. Though the room was dark and silent, he could still hear her light breathing and the soft rustling as she turned on her side. He could still smell her too—the sweet, feminine scent that drove him nearly insane with need and lust seemed to hang around her like a perfume he couldn’t escape.
This was the real reason he had wanted two rooms—her scent was too enticing. Just being near her and knowing that he couldn’t touch her was the purest kind of torture. Gods, if only he could hold her in his arms, just one more time…but Six knew that was impossible. If he allowed himself to hold her, then he would want to kiss her. And if he let himself taste her lips, he would soon want to taste other things.
Unbidden, the memory of kneeling between her legs to worship her pussy with his tongue came back to him so strongly he could barely stifle a groan. Gods, she’d been so wet and hot and her soft, moaning cries had driven him nearly mad with desire. Her pussy had been so sweet and wet, trembling beneath his tongue as he licked and sucked and lapped her tender flesh until she quivered and called his name. Just thinking about it made his shaft so hard he swore he could fuck through a brick wall. If he could just…No!
Six sighed in frustration and turned over again. Gods damn it to the Seven Hells, he had to stop thinking about Mei-Li. Had to stop desiring her. If only Yipper had been available to replace his emotion-damper at once! If only there had been another room to spare! Spending an entire night within such a short distance of the female he so desired was beyond frustrating.
“You okay?” Mei-Li’s voice said softly from the darkness. “You sound kind of restless down there.”
“I am well,” Six growled, telling an outright falsehood. “I am simply attempting to get comfortable.”
“You don’t have to sleep on the hard, cold floor, you know,” she said. “This bed is plenty big enough to share.”
“Thank you for your offer but I cannot be…” He cleared his throat. “I do not trust myself to be so close to you. Not with my emotion damper malfunctioning.”
“I promise not to touch you,” she persisted. “If…I mean, clearly you don’t want me to.”
If only she knew how desperately he did want her touch! The memory of the night she had taken him in hand and stroked him until he had come in her soft, cool fingers was suddenly strong in his mind. It was almost enough to tempt him into going to her and taking her in his arms.
No, whispered a voice at the back of his head. The memories, Six. Mere and Pere and Kaylee. You must resist!
“Thank you anyway,” he said roughly. “But it not you touching me that I worry about. I am…better off here. On the floor.” Away from you.
“All right.” She sounded disappointed and also sad. It occurred to Six that he could tell her emotions simply from the sound of her voice. How far he had come from the time when he had first claimed her and he wasn’t certain of any of her feelings! It’s because I’ve become attuned to her. Because I’ve allowed myself to care about her. To have feelings for her.
It was the worst, most damning confession he could have made to himself
and it was the absolute truth.
He hated himself for it and wanted it to stop. At the same time, he never wanted to lose these feelings—these deep swells of emotion that threatened to swamp him when he thought of her. He longed to hold her in his arms, to cherish and protect her forever.
That was impossible.
Six rolled over once more and closed his eyes tightly. His thoughts were in a snarl—a tangled knot that nothing but rest could unravel. Tomorrow he would have his implant replaced and be rid of all these troubling feelings. He would put away his memories of Mei-Li as well—would lock them in the memory cache along with his memories of the past and never view them again.
Tomorrow he would forget. Tonight, it was time to sleep.
* * * * *
Mei-Li woke to a low gasping sound that sounded like some large animal in distress. At first she didn’t have any idea where she was. Then she recognized the supportive surface of the sousa.
Six—is that him? Is he okay? Is he hurt? She felt around in the darkness for a moment and remembered the trip back up to the medical barge and the fact that the big Kindred had decided to sleep on the floor.
“Six?” she asked anxiously as the gasping sounds continued. He gave a low groan that sounded like he was in pain. “Six?”
Nearly frantic with worry, she stumbled out of bed, feeling for him in the darkness. She couldn’t feel him at first and she dropped to the floor, reaching blindly, patting the carpet in ever widening circles.
“Six? Can you hear me? Are you all right?”
There was no answer but the distressed sounds. Then suddenly he gasped out, “Mere, don’t die—we’re almost there. Please don’t die!”
Mere? Hadn’t that been what he called his mother on the memory video she’d seen? Maybe he’s having a bad dream.
Mei-Li wished she could see him but the darkness in the room was absolute.
“Lights!” she called as she had seen Six do on occasion back at his domicile. But apparently the voice controls were only attuned to Six’s deep voice because nothing happened.
Well, looks like I’m working blind here.
Mei-Li followed the groans and gasps and finally found Six’s big body curled in the far corner.
“Six!” She felt for his shoulder and shook it. “Six, wake up. You’re having a bad dream. At least, I think you are.”
“Mere? Kaylee?” He thrashed in her grasp and he must have thrown out an arm because something hard suddenly hit her on the cheek.
With a gasp, Mei-Li fell over, clutching her hurt face.
“No, Six, it’s me,” she managed to say. “It’s Mei-Li. Wake up—please!”
“Mei-Li?” He sounded more awake now.
“Yes, it’s me. I was trying to wake you up but I can’t turn on the lights.”
“Lights!” Six roared and the room immediately flooded with harsh, brilliant illumination that seemed to come from everywhere at once.
Mei-Li gave a choked little cry and put her hands to her eyes, temporarily blinded.
Six cursed. “Lights, dim!” he growled.
At once, the brilliance in the room was dissipated to something more like candle light.
Mei-Li blinked. “Thanks—that was way too bright.”
“Did it hurt your eyes?” He was looking at her intently. “And what about your face—why is it red?”
Mei-Li put a hand to her cheek which still felt tender and swollen.
“You were thrashing around some in your sleep, having a nightmare—I think your metal hand got me.”
“I hurt you.” He reached out to her, concern growing on his face. “Gods, Mei-Li, I would never hurt you on purpose.”
“Not physically, anyway.” She scooted away from his touch. Now that he was awake and clearly all right, she wanted to keep her distance. She’d been rejected and rebuffed enough in the past several hours to last a lifetime.
Six let his hand drop to his side. “Forgive me,” he murmured.
“It’s fine,” Mei-Li said stiffly. She rose and took a deep breath. “Now that I’m sure you’re okay, I’ll just go back to bed.”
She turned and was halfway back to the sousa when he spoke again.
“Wait…”
“What is it?” She turned to face him.
“Please…” Six cleared his throat. “Don’t go.”
Mei-Li put a hand on her hip. “You have a reason I should stay? Want to tell me again how you’re taking me home and we’ll never see each other again because you don’t care about me?”
“I care,” Six said in a low voice. He looked away, as if unable to meet her eyes. “I care so much for you it hurts me—here.” He put a hand over his heart.
“What?” Mei-Li could barely believe what she was hearing. Was he finally admitting to having some emotions? To feeling for her the way she felt for him? “What did you say?” she demanded when he remained silent.
“I said, I care.” Six looked up at her. “I have emotions for you, Mei-Li. I am…having them right now.”
He didn’t sound very happy about it. Mei-Li frowned.
“Don’t worry—you won’t have to have them for long. You’re getting your implant replaced tomorrow, remember?”
“You don’t understand.” Six shook his head. “I don’t want to lose these emotions. I don’t want to stop feeling for you.”
Mei-Li was at a loss.
“Well, then why are you acting this way? You’re hot one minute—incredibly hot.” She shivered, remembering the intense pleasure he had given her when he tasted her. “But you’re so cold the next minute I feel like you’re trying to freeze me out. Telling me you’re going to take me back and we’ll never see each other again…”
“Because I am a coward,” he said harshly. “A wretched, miserable coward who cannot face his own past.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I do not deserve to be with you, Mei-Li.”
“Okay…” She went back and sat beside him on the floor. “Let’s talk about why you feel that way,” she said gently, speaking to him as she would have one of the children under her protection. “Is it because of something that happened with your family?”
“I don’t know what happened to them.” Six ran a hand through his hair again in obvious agitation. “And I don’t want to know. I would rather die than know—than remember their fate and feel the emotions associated with it—with that time in my life.”
“Wow, okay…” Mei-Li took a deep breath. Whatever it was, it must have been bad—terrible for him to be so desperate to forget it!
“Forgive me.” Six looked away again. “You do not need to hear my pathetic excuses.”
“Actually, I’m very interested in what you’re saying.” Mei-Li touched him gently on the arm. When he didn’t pull away, she let her hand stay there, resting lightly on his muscular bicep. “Let’s talk about it some more,” she said softly. “Sometimes when something really bad happens to someone, they can block it out—bury it so deep they don’t have to remember it. That’s the only way they can function. It’s a coping mechanism—not something to be ashamed of.”
He nodded reluctantly. “That is the truth of the memory cache. The memories are not really extracted—they are simply recorded and then buried deeply in the subconscious. Having the emotion damper in place deadens the feelings associated with them which keeps them from coming forward again.”
Mei-Li nodded. “That sounds about right. But…it seems like those memories are coming forward now.”
“But they won’t come forward completely—not unless…”
“Unless what?” she urged gently.
He sighed unhappily. “Unless I have my implant completely removed.”
“And if you do that, you’ll have to give up everything—your place on Zeaga 4 and your job—everything.” She nodded again. “That’s really hard to even think about. I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” Six took her hand and entwined their fingers, looking at her intently. “I would give it all up,
Mei-Li—all of it to be with you.”
“You…you would?” The sudden declaration took her breath away. Six had said that he felt strongly for her—clearly he meant what he said.
“I would…but for the memories.” He looked away.
“But…if the memories stay buried as long as the implant is in place and yet you can still feel…”
“I can feel for you but I cannot bond with you,” Six said in a low voice. “We cannot truly unite our souls as a Kindred warrior and his bride are supposed to do.”
“Okay, well…” Once again she didn’t know what to say. She had read the part in the contract about “bonding sex” but she still didn’t really know what that meant. Presumably they wouldn’t be able to perform it unless he had the implant removed.
“It is because I am a coward,” Six said roughly. “That is why I cannot face my past—even to have you, though I want you with my whole heart.”
“Stop calling yourself a coward,” Mei-Li said a little more sharply than she’d intended. “Look, everybody has issues—everybody has baggage. That doesn’t make you weak or cowardly—it makes you normal.” She rubbed his arm gently. “It makes you approachable, Six. All this time we’ve been together you’ve seemed so remote—so…so unattainable. I mean, I feel for you too…I guess…” She looked down. “I guess I’m falling in love with you. But right now, tonight, is the first time I really felt like you could love me back.”
“It is like falling.” He looked at her earnestly. “I didn’t understand before. But Mei-Li, when I look at you, I feel like I am plunging into an abyss—tumbling through space with no way to slow my descent. I fear my body will be broken and my soul will be laid bare—exposed—when I strike the rocks below. And yet…” His voice dropped. “And yet I do not wish to stop.”
“Oh, Six…” She scooted closer to him. “That’s…I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say that you feel the same,” he said hoarsely, stroking her cheek. “Say I am not the only one falling helplessly to my doom.”
“Love doesn’t have to be about doom,” she said softly. “And you’re not the only one.”