“Whew!” Kat mimed wiping sweat from her brow. “That’s a lot to take in.”
“It is,” Mei-Li said. “And the worst thing is, he won’t even talk to me or see me at all. I heard about his plans from Yipper—that’s the friend who’s making the serum,” she explained, seeing the blank looks on their faces.
“Well why is this Yipper guy agreeing to make the serum in the first place?” Liv demanded indignantly. “He should say no—it doesn’t sound medically ethical at all.”
“Liv is a nurse,” Sophia explained.
“Yipper’s doing it because he’s afraid the awful memories Six has will drive him insane—if they haven’t already,” Mei-Li explained in a low voice. “And I understand his reasoning—I really do. I saw the terrible things that happened to his family and I felt just a fraction of the pain he was feeling. It was horrible—the most intense mental anguish you can imagine. And Six is feeling it times three.”
“Is he still, though?” Liv asked. “I mean, not to sound insensitive, but how long does this emotions times three effect last after the implant is removed?”
“Even if he’s only feeling it times one…or normally or however you want to put it, he watched his whole family die,” Mei-Li said. “That’s intensely traumatic. I can understand him wanting to get rid of those feelings.”
“But with all the negative, he gets rid of the positive too. He’s going to be losing how he feels about you,” Lauren pointed out.
Mei-Li looked down at the half-eaten cupcake in her hand. “I don’t know that he feels anything for me anymore. Or if he does, it’s probably just hatred for making him go through that horrible memory.”
“Bullshit,” Kat said bluntly. “Look, pardon my French, doll but if there’s one thing I know it’s that once a Kindred male starts having feelings for you they don’t just go away. I speak from experience too—one of my husbands was determined that he was no good for me so he did his best to convince me he didn’t love me just to break us all up. Later he admitted he was head-over-heels the entire time.” She shook her head. “Completely infuriating but they can be like that sometimes.”
Mei-Li felt a small spark of hope begin to grow in her heart.
“So…you think he might not hate me?”
“Why would he hate you? You didn’t force him to remember those awful memories,” Liv pointed out. “That was his choice—and as terrible as the consequences were, he’s a grown man. He needs to live with the results of his actions.”
“Yes, but now he associates me with them—with that awful trauma,” Mei-Li said.
“Then you make him associate you with something else,” Lauren said. “Something much nicer, if you know what I mean.”
“I told you—he won’t see me,” Mei-Li shook her head.
“Make him see you,” Kat suggested. “Don’t just sit here moping and letting him call the shots. Put on something cute and sexy and you go to him. Knock on his door and refuse to leave until he opens up. When he finally does and invites you in, then you can make your move.”
Mei-Li looked at her blankly. “If you’re suggesting that I try to seduce him, I wouldn’t even know how to start. I mean, he witnessed the death of his family.”
“Which actually happened years ago,” Liv said gently.
“Look, we’re not saying you should go in there wearing black leather bondage gear and cracking a whip,” Kat pointed out. “But there is such a thing as sexual healing. And it sounds to me like that’s exactly what your man needs right now.”
“Hold him,” Sophia advised softly. “Put your arms around him and don’t let go. It sounds like he lost everyone that was important to him when he was very young—let him know he’s not going to lose you, too. Not without a fight.”
Mei-Li straightened up in bed. “You know…that’s not a bad idea. Why should I let him make this irreversible decision on his own, without my input?”
“Now you’re talking!” Lauren grinned at her. “Sometimes you have to fight for your man.”
“You’re right.” Mei-Li took a deep breath. “I’m not going to give up. And even if…” She nearly choked but forced herself to go on. “Even if he rejects me, at least I can tell myself I tried.”
“And when is he supposed to take that emotion serum stuff?” Kat asked.
“Yipper said he’d have it ready within the hour.” Mei-Li felt a sudden surge of panic. “Oh, no—I hope he hasn’t given it to Six yet!”
“Call him on the viewscreen. Or wait—where is he going to be? Let me try something.” Sophia closed her eyes tightly for a few long moments and then opened them and smiled. “I just talked to Sylvan. He’s helping your friend in the lab—he’s a doctor so he’s always interested in new medical techniques.”
“And Yipper hasn’t finished the serum yet?” Mei-Li asked tightly.
“He’s finished with it but he hasn’t given it to Six yet. Sylvan said he was about to leave with it when I bespoke him. But I told him to make, uh, Kipper wait.”
“It’s Yipper,” Mei-Li corrected automatically. “But wait—you got all that from thinking at your husband? Or do you have some kind of tiny invisible cell phone I don’t know about?”
The girls laughed. “No phone needed—once you bond with a Kindred male, you get an instant telepathic link with them,” Liv explained.
“It’s just one of the perks of bonding.” Kat grinned at her. “Bonding sex is pretty amazing too, though.”
“What is bonding sex?” Mei-Li frowned. “I read something about it in the Claiming Contract but I didn’t really understand it.”
“It’s different for every kind of Kindred,” Sophia said. “I’m, uh, not really sure what it would be like with a Dark Kindred.”
“All I know is that Six didn’t think it would be possible to bond with his emotion damper implant still in,” Mei-Li said.
“Well maybe it’s as simple as just being able to form that connection—the bond,” Sophia said thoughtfully. “Since the Dark Kindred start out without emotions to begin with.”
“Maybe…” Mei-Li frowned. “So that means if I did, uh, have sex with him, it would lead to a bond?”
“I don’t know,” Liv said honestly. “Like Sophie said, it’s different for every kind of Kindred. But if you did bond with him, would that be a problem for you? Being tied together for life? Because that’s what bonding means.”
“It’s the deepest, most beautiful connection you can imagine,” Lauren said softly.
“It really is pretty amazing,” Kat agreed. “Even if it does lead to multiple babies sometimes.”
“It sounds wonderful—if Six wants it. I wouldn’t want to tie him to me if he didn’t want to be tied, though,” Mei-Li said cautiously. “I’m not looking to trap him into anything.”
“I don’t think a bonding is possible between two people unless both of them want it,” Sophia said thoughtfully. “So I don’t think you need to worry about an accidental bonding.”
“Just go find your man and go with the flow,” Kat advised. “But first, change your clothes. There’s nothing less sexy than a hospital johnny.”
“I agree.” Mei-Li looked down at herself ruefully. “But I didn’t exactly come here with a full wardrobe.”
“Well, we can help with that,” Liv said confidently. “You’re too petite to borrow anything from any of us but I think our friend Elise left some things when she and Merrick ran off to go explore the universe together.”
“She’s about your size and she has impeccable taste,” Sophia said.
“Her spare things are at my place,” Liv said, getting up. “Why don’t you get up and take a shower and I’ll go see what I can find.” She looked at her sister. “In the meantime, Sophie, get Sylvan again and tell him to send that Yipper guy over here. I have an idea…”
Chapter Thirty-four
Six paced back and forth, his long strides eating up the short distance between the fireplace and the door and back again, across the living area o
f the small guest suite. It had a fully stocked food prep area and a sleeping chamber as well though the bed was strange and inert—nothing like a proper sousa. Six thought it must be difficult to sleep on a bed which did not respond to one’s request or conform to fit one’s body comfortably. Not that he had been able to sleep—not with the memories preying on his mind.
Gods, the memories! Six pushed them aside and kept pacing the length of the living area. Commander Sylvan had told him he could stay here as long as he wanted to but Six couldn’t wait to be gone.
First, though, he had to get the injection of emotion blocker serum that Yipper was making for him. Luckily, the little Tolleg had brought most of the ingredients from his lab with him—probably to keep them from falling into the hands of Two and the Collective. It was a good thing because Six had gone through all the grief and horror he could stand. The minute Yipper came through the door with the syringe, he intended to jab it into his neck and let the cool rush of nothingness take him completely. Only then, with the blessed numbness of non-emotion once more coursing through his veins, could he finally be at peace.
The only bad thing was that Yipper would be unable to suppress the memories this time. He had told Six that it would be impossible to capture them and put them in a cache without the bulky equipment he’d left behind in his enhancement area on the medical barge. That was unfortunate but Six knew as long as he didn’t have emotions, the memories would be no more than a minor distraction instead of the constant pain they were now.
Of course the pain had lessened some, he admitted to himself. When he had first relived the memories, he’d been certain that the threefold grief he experienced would drive him mad. Seeing everyone he’d loved as a child die all over again in such a horrific way had been almost more than his mind could bear. Six truly believed that if Commander Sylvan hadn’t demanded his firearm before leaving him in the guest suite he might have taken his own life.
But within a few hours, the effects of the implant which Yipper had removed mercifully began to wear off. The feeling that he had to blow his brains out to stop the flow of agony had lessened and the memories had faded until the events he had relived now seemed to have happened years ago instead of just yesterday. That was a relief and the result was that now Six was simply miserable and no longer suicidal.
Miserable is bad enough, he thought, still pacing. Who knew there could be so many negative emotions? Pain…horror…grief… Well no more—I’ve had my fill of them. I never want to feel anything again.
What about the other feelings, though? whispered a little voice in his brain. What about Mei-Li? The taste of her lips, the scent of her hair, the feel of her skin…you won’t care about any of that once you eradicate your emotions. She will be nothing to you—nothing at all.
Six felt a twinge of guilt—another negative emotion he would be happy to dispense with. He tried to push it away but it wouldn’t go. It was true, he reluctantly admitted to himself, he didn’t want to give up touching and caring for Mei-Li. The desire he felt for her when they were together brought him to dizzying heights but it was more than just sexual need that tied him to her.
He ached when he thought of never holding her again—of never hearing her laugh or tasting her lips. The thought of leaving her made his heart fist in his chest and gave him actual, physical pain.
It was one of the reasons he had refused to see her or talk to her—he was afraid she would make him change his mind. He wanted to be with her—to cherish and protect her always. But he couldn’t be. Not now.
Because if something happened to her…
Six tried to push the thought away and couldn’t. The loss of his parents and sister had been bad enough. But what if he was to somehow lose Mei-Li as well? One thing his newly remembered past had taught him was that anyone you cared for could be taken from you at any time. They might be perfectly happy and healthy one minute and the next minute bleeding their life away from an incurable illness, or dead from a sudden accident or any number of uncontrollable, unavoidable things. The universe was filled with random factors, seeking to separate you from the ones you cherished.
Better not to care in the first place. Better to never feel so strongly for anyone again than to risk the kind of pain he’d gone through when his family had died.
I can’t let myself care for her. I can’t. Because if I do…if I take that risk and something happens to her…
He knew he couldn’t go through that pain again. It would drive him mad. Better to lose his emotions and keep his sanity intact. Better if he just took the emotion blocker and left the Mother Ship, never to return.
“I have to go,” he murmured aloud, still pacing. “I have to. It is the only thing to do. I—”
There was a sudden rapping at his door.
Yipper! He’ll have the blocker with him—he promised.
Six strode to the door and reached for the release panel…then stopped. Though he had been telling himself he couldn’t wait to be rid of his emotions, for some reason he hesitated, unwilling to open the door. But what else could he do? How else could he deal with the pain of his past and avoid the inevitable pain of the future?
There was no other way. Six squared his shoulders—it was time.
He reached for the door.
* * * * *
Mei-Li felt like her heart was about to pound out of her chest as she stood in front of the plain metal door and prepared to knock again. Was this really a good idea? Six had told Yipper in no uncertain terms that he had no intention of ever seeing her again. Was she just setting herself up for a mortifying failure, standing here in her borrowed finery and hoping he would open the door to her?
Then again, she did have an ace in the hole. She patted the little clutch purse the girls had loaned her to go with her new green dress.
It was a simple emerald sheath that hugged what few curves she had and made the most of her small breasts with its sweetheart neckline. Her long black hair was freshly washed and brushed until it fell in a smooth waterfall down her back, tickling her bare shoulders. Under the dress was a black lace panty and bra set that had still had the tags on it when Liv gave it to her. The lace cups of the bra had a sexy peek-a-boo effect and the panties fit her to a T and barely covered anything at all. The new lingerie felt sexy and naughty at the same time and Mei-Li loved it.
Black high heels which fit perfectly completed her outfit. Mei-Li blessed the absent Elise for leaving such nice things in her size and hoped the other woman really wouldn’t mind her wearing them. She certainly felt much more confident dressed to the nines than she would have in the baggy hospital johnny.
She patted her hair once more. Her makeup was minimal but perfect and the dress looked stunning. Between the dress, the shoes, the makeup and the hair, Mei-Li looked lovely and she knew it, even without all the oohs and aahs she’d gotten from Sophia and her friends when she came out of the changing room to show them her new look. Still, it was nice to have their support. It gave her confidence which was good—she needed all the confidence she could get right now.
She was just raising her hand to knock again when the door finally slid open, revealing Six.
His eyes widened when he saw it was her and the way his gray gaze flicked hungrily over her body gave her another little boost. But though he plainly liked what he saw, his words didn’t reflect it.
“Mei-Li—what are you doing here? I am waiting for Yipper,” he said flatly.
“I know.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “He told me what you were waiting for. He also said you didn’t want to see me or talk to me.”
Six scowled. “In this Yipper was correct—I do not wish to speak to you. Now if you will excuse me…”
The door’s silver panel started to slide shut but Mei-Li put her size five shoe in the way and the sensors stopped it just in time.
“Oh, no you don’t,” she declared, hoping her voice didn’t shake too much. “I didn’t get all dressed up just to have you slam the door in my f
ace.”
A look of surprise crossed Six’s chiseled features.
“What do you propose to do, then? I told you, I do not wish to talk. My decision is made.”
“You might not want to talk but you’re damn sure going to listen.” Mei-Li held up her clutch, making sure to keep it out of his long reach. “I’ve got what you want right in here—the emotion blocker.”
“You have it?” His face darkened. “How—?”
“Yipper gave it to me. And this is the only batch on the ship. So if you want it, you need to let me in and listen for a little while.”
Grudgingly, Six stepped back, clearing the doorway.
“Very well but nothing you can say will change my mind. I want to be rid of these feelings—they weaken me and make me unable to function. I refuse to be made vulnerable by emotion.”
“Feelings of pain and grief, can make you feel weak,” Mei-Li admitted, moving past him into the guest suite. “I don’t blame you for being upset, Six. What happened to you—to your family…” She shook her head. “I don’t have any words.”
“No words are necessary,” he growled, following her into the living area. “Only the emotion blocker. Give it to me.”
“Not yet.” She motioned to the large, sturdy couch made to fit a Kindred sized body. “Sit. I’m not done—not by a long shot.”
He sat stiffly on the couch, his arms crossed over his broad chest, and raised an eyebrow at her.
“Very well. Speak.”
“First of all,” she said cautiously, “I want to thank you for what you did for me. The sacrifice you made so that I could feel again was beyond amazing. I think I got only a fraction of the pain you were going through while we were linked and it’s honestly the worst thing I’ve ever felt.”
“That was the threefold pain.” He looked away. “It is…less now. More bearable.”