rhythmic strokes to give her everything he had.
God, he was going to marry her.
It took long moments before his breathing and heartbeat normalized. Pleasure lingered in his veins like a sweetly heavy drug. Just when Connor was about to collapse, he propped himself above her, struggling to catch his breath and bring his heartbeat back under control.
What the hell was he thinking? Marriage? Babies? She had his head reeling. This was not like him. He eased back and rose to his feet, taking a long breath. His whole body was still pulsing with pleasure and he wanted to press himself against her and share the buzz, but he needed a minute alone.
“I’ll be right back.” He turned, but not before he saw the startled hurt in her eyes.
She’d expected him to fall into her arms and give her “after” time, complete with cuddling and praise, no doubt. Instead, he picked up his clothes and stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door between them. He disposed of the condom he’d thought about not wearing.
Deep breath, Sparks. What the hell just happened? He stared at himself in the mirror. He’d lost control in the end. He’d let go in a way he never did.
He’d utterly forgotten that he had a job to do.
After turning on the faucet to cold, he reached into his jeans and pulled out his phone, texting Roman. He’d left the door unlocked. It was a calculated risk, but his gun was on the nightstand. As soon as Roman had what he needed, Connor would lock them in again.
He was letting the wolves into the princess’s castle. He was going to distract her by fucking her all over again.
Why did he already feel a twinge of guilt for doing what he needed to?
Gritting his teeth, he pounded his fists against the sink, and he was lucky he didn’t crack the marble.
Lara knocked softly on the door. “Connor? Are you all right? Did I do something wrong?”
He couldn’t continue dithering about her like some inexperienced idiot. He’d already made his choice and contacted Roman. There was no calling him off now. And there was no going back with Lara. He’d taken her. He could tell himself he would walk away at the end, but he made it a practice never to deceive himself. He would have her again and again and again. He would never fucking be satisfied.
So he needed to suck it up and start being the man he was. Stop trying to be worthy of her. He never would be, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take her, keep her close, and do his best. Sure, he’d have to lie to her. He’d have to manipulate her. He could manage that. After all, he’d made a profession out of dealing in misdirection and falsehoods. In return, he’d protect and sate her. It wasn’t much but all he had to offer. He’d never had anything to call his own, and he wanted Lara to be his. In the end, he knew he might cost her everything, but he couldn’t leave her alone.
Shame that he couldn’t be better for her slithered through him but he tamped the useless shit down.
And now he was being a coward because he’d closed a door between them. He would never allow her to do that to him. It was time to stop fucking around and be her man.
He opened the door and had her in his arms before he could second-guess himself again. He would do what he had to do for the operation, but he’d fight to the death to keep her. She’d given him everything she had and he wouldn’t let her take it back. But he had to give a little, too. He had to get over his fucking PTSD.
Connor pulled her close and felt her arms go around him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, princess. You were perfect.” He lifted her hand to touch his newest scar. “The reason I haven’t had sex in almost two years was the last woman I went to bed with gave me this.”
She gasped and all that doubt immediately became concern as she placed her hand right over the puckered gash as though she could somehow heal him. “Was it a knife wound?”
He nodded. “She was a little crazy. So I got overwhelmed. Forgive me.”
She was on her toes, enthusiastically kissing him. “Of course. I was worried. I . . . care about you. I didn’t want this to be the only time. I didn’t want this to be our only night.”
Not if he had any say in it. “I care about you, too. We’ve started something tonight. I told you I didn’t want some casual thing. We’re together now, and I intend for us to stay that way.”
She laid her head against his chest. “Do you want to go back to bed?”
He picked her up. “The answer to that question will always be yes.”
He laid her out and proceeded to show her how much he wanted her.
* * *
It was two in the morning when he heard it. Such a little sound, but then he’d been waiting for the snick of a door closing as quietly as possible.
Roman was here.
Lara turned over in her sleep, her hair in a tumble across the pillow. He’d been right. When her tresses were loose, they went everywhere. They were like wild vines creeping softly across his body, drawing him in. All he wanted to do was curl around her and go back to sleep, pretend there wasn’t a team outside trying to steal her secrets.
Yes, she still had them and he couldn’t allow her to keep any. He couldn’t protect her if he didn’t know what she concealed. No matter what happened, he had to make sure she was all right, and that meant finding out absolutely everything he could about her.
He could justify it all day, but it didn’t stop the guilt in his gut and he resented the hell out of it. This was his job. He’d never before felt guilty for protecting his president.
He rolled out of bed as quietly as he could and paused to make sure she wasn’t moving. The moonlight washed over her, and his heart flipped a little. God, he was in deeper than he’d imagined. He needed some distance. He wasn’t letting her go, but he had to find a way to not need her so much. Surely, he could devise a strategy to keep his soul from threatening to spill out every time he had sex with her.
It would get easier. Everything between them was new right now and she was different from any woman he’d ever met. The newness would wear off and he would be able to enjoy her the way he should. He would do his job and keep his secrets and she would be his reward.
He forced himself to look away and grab his gun off the nightstand, just in case. After all, a killer sought her. In fact, he kind of hoped the killer was, even now, sneaking through her door, rather than Roman. Connor suspected he would feel loads better after killing Lara’s stalking scumbag.
As silently as he could, he opened the door and walked down the hallway. Black figures moved through her apartment. Connor slipped down the hall, staying in the shadows. He counted four of them. All big guys. No crazy stalkers. He was out of luck on the killing front. Roman seemed to hire security for their bulk as though he wanted to make sure every guard could physically cover Zack in the event of an assassination attempt.
Of course Roman had been onstage with Joy Hayes when she’d died from a fumbled attempt to kill Zack. Maybe Connor could understand, but then he could also tell Roman that bulk didn’t always win. Connor managed to sneak past three of the guards and get right behind Roman, who was hovering over Lara’s computer. He placed the muzzle of his gun squarely against Roman’s head.
“Please tell me that’s you, Con. Because otherwise I might ruin a perfectly good pair of pants for nothing.”
Connor grinned in the darkness. It was good to know he could still scare the shit out of someone. He pulled away. “Safety’s on. But you need new guys. I got past all of them.”
Roman turned, shaking his head. “I keep asking you to come and take the whole thing over. We would all feel better if you worked at the White House. Is your girl out? Did you roofie her?”
“No.” At least he wouldn’t have that on his conscience. “I couldn’t find an organic, cruelty-free brand.”
“Was that a joke? What has she done to you, man?”
The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his relationship. He didn’t really want to think about the fact that she trusted him and he was betraying her. “W
hat have you found?”
“I downloaded her system. I’ll go over it at my leisure. The boys out there are tapping her landline and duping her cell. We’ve also now got a feed into this building so we’ll be able to see who comes and goes. And thanks for the heads-up about the senator firing his guards today. I was able to get some of my men on his detail. That will come in handy. They can search the senator’s place when he’s asleep. The more dirt I have on the old guy, the more leverage. Oppo research has never been more fun. You said she’s close to her dad, right?”
Connor didn’t like the turn of this conversation. He really didn’t appreciate Roman inserting his own guards into the senator’s house and life so they could spy on him for another politician. “Why do you care? And Armstrong has almost always supported Zack. How is he oppo?”
The smile faded from Roman’s face. “I care about this mission, Connor. I expect that you do, too. Armstrong might be in the party, but he knows what his daughter does and he doesn’t shut her down, so I don’t trust him. Is there something I need to know? Dax seems to think you’ve got a serious hard-on for this girl. Have you forgotten what she does for a living?”
“I know what she does and why she does it. I’m committed to figuring out where Natalia Kuilikov is, but I don’t see what that has to do with Senator Armstrong.” He kind of liked Lara’s dad. Sure he’d thought of digging up dirt on the man, but he didn’t like the idea of Roman being in control of it.
Roman turned back. “I’ll handle the political portion of this clusterfuck. By the way, you’re welcome. I got you reinstated with the Agency starting in six weeks. You’ll find yourself in the unique position of being able to choose your assignment. You can have any field job you want or you can run a team of your own.”
Where was the relief? He’d expected to feel some triumph in putting one over on his director, who had thought he could use the situation in Manhattan to get rid of Agent Sparks. The old man didn’t realize just how close he was to Zack. So why didn’t Connor want to fist pump and start figuring out what his next move should be? He could get back into the Middle East or North Korea. He could go solo or form his own team. He would likely be given enormous leeway to do what needed to be done.
All he could think about was that he only had six weeks left to ensure Lara would still be here when he returned. If he returned. Operatives who took the kind of chances he did rarely lived to a ripe old age. What would happen to her if he wasn’t around? She could get into serious trouble, and he doubted she would properly defend herself. She would try to bring out her flipping talking stick and form a trust circle around her attacker.
“You don’t seem happy.” Roman was studying him, likely using that big brain of his to reach conclusions that Connor didn’t want him drawing.
“It’s great. I’ve just got a lot to think about. Did Everly have any luck finding our guy in the park?” He needed to get Roman off the subject of his relationship with Lara.
“Yep. You can calm down. Your girl is being stalked by a pro. The good old Russian mob is back in play. He’s a man named Pavel Sopov. According to the very top secret FBI database Everly hacked into, he’s a low-level member of a syndicate.”
“Let me guess. He’s a Brighton Beach associate of the Krylov gang.”
“Absolutely.” Roman leaned against Lara’s desk. “I need to figure out what Krylov wants. He’s making some moves I don’t quite understand. And I still want to know who the hell Sergei is. Krylov’s name is Ivan, so it’s not him.”
“He runs much of Moscow. From intel the Agency’s collected, I know he’s been a big player in arming jihadists in Afghanistan and the Middle East. He plays both sides. Doesn’t care about politics. If you’ve got the money, you can buy from him. Now we know he had an arm of the syndicate that ran a human trafficking ring. But we have no idea if Sergei had anything to do with that. There’s no higher-ups in the organization by that name.”
“Why do you think Krylov would spend time and money trying to terrify Lara Armstrong?”
That was simple. “He believes the same thing we do, that she can lead him to Natalia. The question is does he want to silence Natalia? Or blackmail Zack? My money’s on blackmail.”
A long sigh came from Roman. “Mine, too. Which is why we have to find out what she knows. Can’t you just fuck the information out of her? What happened to pillow talk?”
“She fell asleep. Maybe your lovers have the capacity to talk after you do whatever you do, but mine just tend to drop off because I don’t leave them with any energy to talk.”
The truth was Connor hadn’t even thought about talking to Lara about the case. Before she’d drifted off, he’d just wanted to fuck her again and again. If she’d stayed awake, he would likely be buried inside her again, and he didn’t want those men hearing her. She wasn’t quiet. She let him and likely everyone on this floor know just what a good time she was having. He couldn’t stand the thought of these men knowing how she sounded when she came.
Roman shot him the finger. “Like I have time to fuck. I swear to god after Zack’s second term I’m going to Vegas and you won’t see me for at least three months.”
Cameras were always on Roman. He walked a fine line. He dated occasionally, always some model or actress. He stayed utterly away from anyone in politics.
“I need to get back to Lara,” Connor said. “She wakes up occasionally. I don’t want her walking out here.”
Roman held out a hand. “I’ll study the information we get, but you have to start asking her questions. I get that you like the girl, but you can’t forget who your friends are.”
“Funny, I bet you didn’t give Gabe this talk when he got together with Everly.”
“Everly’s family. She was Mad’s sister.”
And Lara wasn’t family. Lara was the enemy in Roman’s mind. Roman tended to take out the enemy without blinking. “I’m still in charge of this operation. You don’t do anything without my go-ahead.”
Roman shrugged and gave him a “who me?” expression he didn’t buy for a second. “Of course, brother. We just need to find Kuilikov and then this can all be over. We can get back to our regularly scheduled lives. We’ll be out of your hair in five minutes. She’s got a safe I want to look into.”
“A safe?” He hadn’t been able to properly search her place. He’d spent that first night sleeping, and every other night he’d been worried she would find him and kick him to the curb. He tried not to let her out of his sight during the day. So the secondary team had been a necessary evil. And an effective one, apparently.
“One of my men found it. It’s not standard in these buildings. She must have installed a custom job because it’s in the back wall of her coat closet behind about fifty sweaters. Smart. I wouldn’t have looked there but I told the boys to be thorough. Too bad for her I already found the code. She wrote it in her day planner.”
It was an amateur mistake. She went to the trouble of having a safe and then was afraid she would forget the code so she wrote it down, thereby letting any thief with half a brain take whatever was inside. “I’ll go with you and see what’s in there.”
He couldn’t give her secrets over to Roman without even seeing them. And . . . he wasn’t sure he trusted Roman to stick with the plan without someone watching over his shoulder. Roman could be ruthless when it came to protecting Zack.
“Connor?” A feminine voice cut through the quiet.
Shit. He rushed out of the office, not looking back. Everyone seemed to have melted back into the shadows. He picked out where the men were hiding, but he doubted Lara would. Still, he had no intention of letting her see a damn thing. He blocked her exit from the hall.
And the view of any fucker who might see her. She wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing. Her body was like a beacon in the gloom.
She gasped and stepped back. “You have a gun.”
He let it dangle at his side and used his free hand to smooth back her hair. He tried to make sure he was
covering her so no one behind them could see her and every part that fucking belonged to him. He had to force a pleasant look on his face. “I thought I heard something. It was just someone walking in the hall outside. The doors are all locked. But as long as you’re awake . . .”
She laughed as he maneuvered her back to the bedroom. “You have more energy than any man I know.”
“When it comes to you, hell yes, I do. Come on, princess. I’m still hungry.” He backed her into her bedroom, shut and locked the door.
She looked up at him, her hands going to his chest. “I was worried about you.”
He shook his head. “No need. I can take care of both of us. It’s what I’m here for.”
She leaned against him, cuddling up. “I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I couldn’t stand it.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pondered the irony of her worry for the well-being of the big bad wolf. He’d never really had a woman worry about him. “I’m going to be fine. I’ve trained to combat danger all my life. Look at me.”
Her head tilted up and he was awed at the trust he saw there.
He kissed her forehead. “We’re going to be fine. No matter what. I need you to believe that. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to make sure you’re safe.”