IT WAS 3AM IN THE MORNING AND THE DREAM HAD TAKEN an emotional toll on me. As I lay there staring at the ceiling, I wondered once more if devoting my time to stopping The Suspect was really what I should have been focusing on. Something terrible was coming. I didn't need the recurring nightmare to tell me that. I could sense it. It was as though a dark cloud of despair had settled above my entire life and everything that I had ever touched was ending because of it.
As I lay there wasting away in my hopelessness, my only thought was that I had to do whatever it took to make sure she was safe. The sound of the back door suddenly closing downstairs brought me out of my deep thoughts. I heard the door being locked as I pulled myself to my feet. I rushed over and peeked out of the window just in time to see my mother disappear into the thick wooded area behind our house. Where is she going at 3am? I thought as I stared into the dark forest that she had disappeared into.
I quickly pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of black jogging pants and hurried downstairs to follow her. It took me about ten minutes to catch up to her. I lagged about fifteen feet behind her and hid amongst the shadows so as not to spook her as she made her way through the woods. Her steps were so deliberate that I could tell that she wasn’t simply wandering about. Wherever she was headed, it was obvious that she had been there many times before.
I tried not to make a sound as I slipped between the branches and bushes that separated us. I found myself wishing I had put on a long sleeve shirt as my skin began to itch due to the countless branches that scraped against me.
Hell of a way to start my birthday, I thought, sarcastically. I should have been enjoying my day with the girl that I loved, not sulking through the forest in the wee hours of the morning. I paused as she walked into a clearing. It wasn’t until she stopped walking that I noticed what she was carrying in her hands.
I was tempted to run to her and comfort her as she kneeled and burst into tears, but the bizarre element of this mysterious late night trek forced me to remain hidden in the shadows. I had to wait until she left to see what had drawn her out to this place in the middle of the night.
After a few minutes, she pulled herself to her feet and whispered the word “Goodbye,” before disappearing into the forest before her.
An overwhelming feeling of dread washed over me as I approached the site where she had kneeled and wept. I knew that I should have fled. Something told me that only pain and heartache awaited me in that place, but I couldn't force myself to walk away and add another unknown to the mountain of mysteries that already plagued my life.
My heart thumped rapidly as I entered the clearing. I shuddered as I laid eyes on the area where my mother had kneeled. My eyes widened in shock and a cold tremor shot down my spine as I realized what lay before me.
ANGER AND DESPAIR SWELLED IN MY CHEST AS I STOOD there for nearly an hour, frozen in awe as the gravity of the lies that she had led me to believe weighed upon me.
Suddenly, I was done being lied to. I wasn’t willing to allow it to continue for another second. I firmly planted my feet and rocketed into the forest, heading back to my mother's house. I could feel the darkness in my soul tearing at me as I stormed through the forest reducing trees into splinters in my wake. That speck of love for the woman I had come to know as my mother dwindled with every blazingly fast bound that I took toward the house.
I knew that I was moving too fast as our house came into view, but I didn’t care. I lowered my shoulder and crashed through the front door as if it were cardboard. It couldn’t stop me. The only thing capable of stopping my rampage in that moment was the sight of her lifeless body dangling from the rope tied to the rail at the top of the stairs.
There was no use checking her pulse. It was obvious that she had been dead for several minutes. At first I didn’t know how to feel as I stood there in the living room that I had practically demolished upon entry out of my anger towards her. But as she hung there, still slightly swinging back and forth, my indignation dissipated.
My jaw trembled as a breeze blew in through the hole that I had made in the front of the house. It was cold; as cold as the dead eyes of my mother that stared back at me.
How could she? I thought as the tears began to fall.
“How could you?!” I angrily bellowed at her as if I expected an answer.
Suddenly, I grabbed the couch and hoisted it above my head. As I hurled it across the room, I hoped that its destructive landing would lessen my despair, but it was of no use. Seeing her alive again was the only thing that could have alleviated my suffering. Without thinking, I launched myself into the north-side wall of the living room. I became a tornado of destruction as I nearly demolished the entire house piece by piece with my bare hands.
After a few minutes, the staircase from which she hung was the only portion of the house left standing. I trudged through the rubble with my right fist cocked behind my head, and I cried out as I prepared to destroy it too.
But I couldn’t do it. I fell to my knees and unleashed a painful scream as loudly as physically possible as her lifeless body continued to sway from the rope only a few feet above me. I hung my head, as I could no longer bear the sight of her soulless shell of a body. It was then that I discovered the folded piece of paper that lay on the floor a few inches in front of me.
As I tried desperately to steady my trembling hand, I realized that the people I had come to know as my real family were all gone. I felt as alone as I had ever felt in life. In my heart, I knew that I still had Monica, but I forced the memory of her from my thoughts. I knew that if I focused on her, I would lose the resolve to do what I had decided to do. The never-ending quests for happiness, love, and normalcy were simply too taxing. Every time it seemed as if I was getting close to achieving one of those three, it always ended in heartache and I had had enough of failing miserably in my foolish pursuit.
I was done. Done pretending that I could ever be happy. Done pretending that I could be normal. Done pretending that I could be anything. It wasn’t that I didn’t think that I deserved those things; it was just that I had reached a point where I no longer wanted them.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Monica, but I had convinced myself that her life would be better without me. As I read my mother's suicide note, my desire to follow her in death grew even stronger. Between the clearing in the forest and the note that she had left me, I finally knew the secrets that she had kept from me for all those years.
I always thought that finding out would bring me joy. I thought that it would bring closure, but the only thing I felt as I zoomed away was an overwhelming desire to end it all. As I made my way to 3D, that was exactly what I intended to do.
IN NO TIME, I BLAZED A TRAIL FROM MY MOTHER’S DEMOLISHED house to 3D. My hands trembled so violently that it was impossible for me to key in the access code to the front door. Frustrated, I punched through the steel door and ripped it away from the frame.
Agent Wells had allowed Jason to keep Charlie’s gun after he defeated him in battle. That gun had been powerful enough to dislocate my shoulder when fired from a distance. I hoped it would do the trick if fired from point blank range.
But where was it? Where had Jason hidden it? I didn’t see it with the rest of his weapons. My heart rate increased as I searched more frantically. I knew that Jason kept surveillance on 3D. He undoubtedly had seen me rip off the front door and would probably be arriving shortly demanding an explanation. He would surely try to stop me if he knew what I was up to, and I didn’t want it to come to that. But what right does he have to try to stop me from doing anything? I thought. What makes him think he can stop me?
As if answering my thoughts, the sound of Jason’s bike coming to a screeching halt filled the room. I paused and glared at the entrance. I was just about to yell at him when he emerged through the cavity where the door was once attached.
“What’s going on here, buddy?” Jason asked. His tone displayed a mixture of confusion and alarm. He was wearing all of his combat gear, e
xcept for his mask.
Did he come here expecting a fight? I thought as I glared back at him. Does he really think he can take me? It was the same question that I had wondered that night he got angry when I attempted to save him from the thug that held him at gunpoint. I was willing to drop the issue in that moment, but as we gazed at each other from opposite sides of our secret hideout, I think we both knew what was silently brewing.
53. OBLIVION