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I thought back to everything we’d been through, feeling a sense of dread for the time he walked away from us just to protect me from his world. And I was grateful to him for that now more than ever after everything Pepper went through. He always said he couldn’t protect me from the horrors of his world, and this story explained so much more why the very mention of turning a child had sent him storming off to his room, slamming the door. I felt bad for even bringing it up now.
“God, I just wanna call him and tell him I’m sorry for everything bad I ever said or did. ” I laughed. “Poor guy. ”
“Yes. And you can see now why, in my pursuit for revenge, I thought it so marvellous to steal you from him—by pain of heart or even death,” Jason said.
“Wow, that was incredibly malicious, Jase. ” I backhanded his arm.
He rubbed it as if it hurt. “I know. But, he knows I’m sorry. ”
“We all do. ” I nodded, looking out to sea, then just let it all out with a really long breath. “Wow. ”
“Yep. ” Jason leaned beside me again. “Wow. ”
“I’ll say,” Blade came to stand beside Jason. “That’s quite a story. ”
“He never told me that,” Emily said. “I asked him once, but he wouldn’t tell me. ”
“I can see why,” I said. “I wouldn’t either. ”
“Well, now you know. ” Arthur stood tall again. “And I must warn you, Amara, do not ever bring it up in front of him. Do not ever seek to use it against him or to—”
“I wouldn’t do that, Arthur. ” I crossed my heart. “Not even if I was mad with him. ”
“Well, I hope not. ” He bowed his head. “Because I could not vouch for the man you may see beneath this new David. ”
I nodded. “Okay. I’ll never speak of it. I swear. ”
“See that you don’t,” Arthur said, and walked away.
“Well, story time’s been fun, Ara,” Blade said. “But it’s time for bed. ”
“Okay. ” I looked back at Jase.
He offered a sweet smile. “Night, Ara. ”
“Night, Jase. ” I went to take the jacket off and hand it to him, but he stopped me.
“Keep it tonight. Give it back tomorrow when you come see me for our first training session. ”
I snuggled into the leather again. “Okay, what time?”
“Sunrise. ” He flashed a mischievous. “Nah, just kidding. Any time you like, sweet girl. I have aaaalll day. ”
“Okay. ” I nodded and walked past him with a big smile on my face. “Sunrise it is. ”
“See you then,” he called.
I started down the stairs, stopping for a sec to let Emily catch up.
“Cute, I’m sure,” she muttered coldly.
“What?”
“You and Jase. ” She grabbed my arm. “He likes you, you know—more than he should considering he’s your brother-in-law. ”
Blade came up between us. “She knows, Em. ”
“Then why is she even hanging out with him?”
Blade and I made faces at each other—clear astonishment at Em’s bitchiness.
“So, is that how it goes, Em?” Blade said. “If you know someone likes you, you keep away from them?”
“Wouldn’t know. ” She stormed off ahead of us. “No one’s ever liked me. ”
Blade stopped walking and looked at me, pouting for Em.
“All that effort. ” I patted his shoulder. “And she still doesn’t have a clue, does she?”
He started walking again with a bit of a lag to his step. “Guess not. ”
“You might just have to be upfront about your feelings, Blade. ”
“To be honest,” he said, the little laugh accentuating his Englishness. “I’m afraid she might slap me if I tell her. ”
I chuckled. “Never know, you might enjoy a little slap. ”
“I’ll give you a little slap,” he said, threatening my bottom.
I elbowed him in the ribs softly and we left the lighthouse behind, but I turned back and caught a wave from the blue-shirt-wearing vampire standing on the balcony before we blended with the darkness.
Chapter Ten
She opened her eyes, the blue appearing before her lashes even parted, but as an instant smile swept her lips when she saw me, so too did the memory of what just happened. She turned away.
“Don't look at me like that,” she said.
“Like what?” I jumped up sat beside her.
“Like you're really concerned. ”
I was really concerned, I thought, but it wasn’t my thought. I reached across and gently smoothed my thumb down her soft skin, seeing the moment in her mind when that barbarian struck her. It wasn’t a hard hit, it wasn’t even hard enough to change the colour of her skin, but it scared her, shocked her, and in that instant, a part of their friendship died. I could feel that pain. I had good reason to be concerned. She knew that.
“He hit you,” I said, but the words, the feelings that came with them weren’t mine, either. They were Jason’s.
“It was a tiny slap,” she said, pulling my hand away. “And I kinda had it coming. ”
“No. ” I almost regurgitated the words, gasping them out instead. “You’ve been through enough. He had no right to touch you that way. I will skin him alive. ”
The anger I felt in Jason then moved me outside his body, but I heard everything, saw everything the way he saw it in what was obviously a dream he was having—all the way down on the second floor, tucked up tightly in his bed. So I watched, because something in this dream felt familiar somehow, like I’d lived it before.
“I'm okay,” Ara said softly, cocking her head as though she felt sorry for me.
It felt strange to have Jason’s voice in my head as if it were mine. It felt kind of disorienting. I sat back a little and just pretended he was telling the story, almost as if I were reading a book that suddenly switched perspective mid-chapter.
“But you shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t brush this off like it doesn't matter, Ara. He is ten times bigger than you, and he—”
“I've got bigger things to worry about right now, Jase. ” She rolled away, pulling the blanket up over her shoulder. “Just let it go. ”
My hands hovered over her body for a second, tight, almost grabbing. I wanted to shake her—just dive into her head and insert all my own experiences and lessons so she’d wake up and smell the damn roses. But I pressed my fingers firmly to the side of her head, sweeping her hair back instead. “I love you, Ara. I won't let this go. ” I kissed her face, backing off. “But we’ll talk about it in the morning. ” There was no point trying to make her see reason tonight. She was as stubborn as an ox when she thought she was right, and while this was an endearing trait most of the time, it was also downright dangerous. It would take time to make her see that her so-called best friend was in the wrong.
“Jase?”
“Shh. ” I tucked the blanket around her firmly, hoping it’d keep her there, wrapped up safe so I wouldn’t be tempted to lecture her. “Just sleep. ”
But she rolled over and shoved the blanket back. “Let it go. Mike didn't mean to do that. He’s…I mean, look what I put him through. This was just the final straw, okay. He clearly can't take any more of, well, me. ”
Dear God. Her ability to see the good in everything had finally become a hazard. I lowered my head into my hands. “I understand that, Ara, probably better than you might think, but he’s not just your friend anymore. He's the head of security. No matter what you do or have done, he should have more self-control than to have slapped you. ” Surely she could at least see that much reason.
“It was a little tap. ”
I looked up from behind my hands. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Jase. Go to bed. You look tired. ”
A pattern of thought started in her head then. I couldn’t grasp it enough
to see what she was thinking, but I knew she was right about my appearance. I hadn’t slept well since the Masquerade. I’d slept even less since I tortured her, and while I was fine with that, since it felt like some kind of penance, the tiredness was affecting my self-control, decision making, even self-respect, making it hard to maintain grasp on this ever-weaving web of lies and corruption going on around us while simultaneously practicing honourable intentions toward Ara.
“I am tired,” I said simply.
“Did you sleep at all last night?”
And there it was: the thought she’d started but hadn’t finished. It came to life in her mind like a memory; me, the screaming, the night she came down the corridor to see Arthur leaving my room after administering some hefty drug to stop the night terrors. She’d imagined me in there—imagined herself beside me, holding me. She wanted to be there. But if I let her in, if I let her know I was suffering for what I did to her, she wouldn’t let this go. She wouldn’t let me suffer for that.
“What would make you think I hadn't slept?” I asked, planting the idea in her mind to just drop this.
“You know already, Jase, you can read my mind. ” She touched my arm, yanking me back from the invasion on her brain. “How long have you been having those night terrors?”
I studied her carefully, wanting to let her in, knowing she could help, but at the same time knowing I didn’t deserve it. Then again, she wouldn’t drop this. She’d lay awake all night, worrying, and probably end up coming to my room in the small hours, getting caught by Falcon then having David breathe down her neck because he doesn’t trust her. She wouldn’t let this go unless I either talked to her about it or did something to her brain, which I didn’t want to do. “You…so you did see that dream?”
She nodded.
I sunk back, exhaling, as if I didn’t know.
“Are they always that bad, the dreams?” she asked.
“Yes. ”
“I'm sorry. ”
I sat up, feeling my heart come away from my chest in a hot spill of blood. “Ara, please don't—just…don't say you’re sorry. I'm sorry. I'm the one who—”
“No. ” She grabbed my hand and pressed it to her chest, right over the silver locket my brother gave her as a representation of his love. I wanted to pull away, but she’d never held me like that before. “All of that’s in the past,” she said. “I know what you did for me. I know it was to protect me, Jase, I forgave you a very, very long time ago. ”
And she had. I’d seen that in her eyes, her thoughts. It was one of the first things I noticed when we met in the field the day I returned from the dead. “I know. ”
“No, you don't. It hurts me for you to feel such deep regret. You’re punishing yourself for something you had no control over. ”