“Kaden . . .” It was all she could say. She couldn’t remember the rest of her intended reply.
But saying his name broke the spell. He shook his head and turned away. “This is my stepdad’s hunting cabin. He never uses it anymore, so no one will see us here. And this will be quieter than trying to study with Gibson and my stepdad lurking around. Get your chapter questions out for the next test. We should have an hour or so before it gets too dark out here.”
She swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her ears. This was getting dangerous. She wasn’t supposed to be thinking anything about Kaden or wishing that he hadn’t walked away. He was the exact kind of guy she could never let herself be interested in. Her foster dad would take one look at Kaden with his long hair and black clothes and declare him a devil worshipper or something. But even knowing that, she couldn’t help the next question that fell from her mouth. “Did you wait for someone special?”
The question was loud in the dead silent cabin. Kaden’s back was to her, but she didn’t miss the way he stiffened. Finally, he sighed and sank onto the couch, his expression resigned when he looked up. “We both know I’m going to be safe from serial k-k-killers for a long time.”
“Kaden,” she said, frowning at his bitter tone and sitting in the chair across from him. “You’re going to find—”
“D-d-don’t.” He moved his attention to pulling his books out of his bag. “Let’s not play that game. We’re sitting in a cabin in the middle of the freaking woods because you can’t even be seen with me in public without risking your sparkly Ms. Popularity status getting revoked. No matter w-w-what I do, no one in that school will ever see me as anything other than the former fat kid with the stuttering problem. That label’s been applied with super glue and you know it.”
“It’s so stupid,” she said, twisting the silver promise ring Doug had given her round and round on her finger. “No one looks past the surface. At my last school, I wasn’t this. It was a private school with kids from families with stupid wealth. I’m talking the kind of money that would make Doug’s dad look middle class. All the cliques had been together since nursery school. When people found out I was a foster kid, I was viewed as the freak. Rumors went around that I’d been sexually abused. So, of course, that got translated into everyone saying I must be easy because I had issues. The family that was fostering me decided those rumors must be true since I started hanging out with the smoking behind the bleachers crowd, and they ended my placement because I was a bad influence on their younger children. Tessa McAllen, the very first virgin slut at your service.”
He stared at her a little wide-eyed. “Seriously?”
She pulled her ponytail tighter, surprised she was even admitting all this. She’d never told anyone about her life before here. “When I moved in with the Ericsons, I decided to become someone totally different so I wouldn’t get moved again. They wanted an obedient, church-going good girl. And so I am.”
“Even if that’s not who you really are?”
She shrugged. “I don’t even know what parts of me are real anymore. But life has been a lot easier since I came here, so I don’t plan on going back to the other version.”
“The v-v-version that would’ve hung out with someone like me.”
She sighed at his snide tone. “I am hanging out with you.”
“No, Tess, I’m tutoring you while we hide from your friends. There’s a b-b-big difference.”
“You make me sound like such a shallow bitch.”
He lifted an eyebrow as if to say if the shoe fits.
“You just don’t get it. In a year, you’ll get to go to college where all this popularity crap won’t matter.”
“And so will you.”
“No. I won’t. My grades aren’t strong enough to get a scholarship, and when I turn eighteen, my time with the Ericsons is done. There is no college fund waiting for me.”
A wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. “What do you mean your time is done?”
She pulled her legs onto the chair, tucking them underneath her. “They foster hard-to-place older kids. As soon as I graduate, they’ll foster someone else. I’ll get a little financial aid from the state, but not enough to manage anything more than community college while working a full-time job.”
Kaden looked stricken at this revelation. And she supposed someone like him, the honor student who would have scholarship offers stacking up from everywhere, probably hadn’t considered the possibility that not everyone gets to go off to a big college. “Is that what your plan is?”
She looked down at her hands. “Sort of. Doug’s going to go to Georgia Tech. He said I can follow him there and . . . stay with him. I wouldn’t have to worry about the money stuff then. I could take some classes there.”
There was a long stretch of silence then a groan.
“Motherfucker,” Kaden said, standing up. “That’s it, isn’t it? The reason you stay with him. His goddamned money.”
Defensiveness surged through her, bringing her to her feet to face him. “No. I love him.” Possibly. Maybe.
Kaden stepped around the coffee table in two swift movements and was in front of her in a flash. “Bull. Shit.”
She reared up like he’d slapped her. “You don’t know anything about how I feel.”
“No, b-b-but I’m about to f-f-find out.”
The increase in stuttering should’ve tipped her off to what he was about to do, but she was completely unprepared for it. Kaden’s hands cupped her face and tilted it upward. He stared at her for a second, maybe giving her a chance to stop him, but she couldn’t form a thought. Then his mouth was against hers.
She lifted her palms to his thrift store Doors T-shirt, intending to push him away. But instead, as he moved his lips over hers, she found her fingers curling into the worn material and holding onto it like a life raft. Despite his grip on her, the kiss wasn’t demanding or aggressive. And it wasn’t sloppy like Doug’s. It was soft and sweet and . . . perfect.
His hands dropped to her waist and drew her closer. All thoughts fell away, her whole being suspended in the moment. There was nothing outside of this. No worries about the future or friends or temporary families. Just hands and lips and feeling. Only when his tongue moved against hers and her body went hot did reality come reeling back into place. She stepped back in a rush, his T-shirt slipping from her fingers.
“Stop,” she gasped. “We can’t.”
“Tess—” The yearning on Kaden’s face almost did her in.
But this was wrong. So wrong. She had a boyfriend. And Kaden was . . . who he was. And if anyone ever found out . . . Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. “I need you to take me home.”
“Tessa, p-p-please, wait, let’s talk.”
She grabbed her book bag with jerky movements, her hands shaking, and turned to head to the door. “I need to go.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t m-m-mean—”
She whirled around, fiery emotion bubbling over the top of the lid she was trying to keep closed. “No? What did you m-m-mean, then, huh? Jesus, what were you thinking?”
His jaw tightened, and she instantly regretted her hateful mocking.
“Kaden—”
But he didn’t wait for her apology. He yanked his bag off the couch, hauled it over his shoulder, and strode past her, saying on the way, “At least now we know you’re not just pretending to be like them.”
TWELVE
Tessa stared at the cabin she hadn’t seen in over a decade, then dragged her attention back to the man next to her. The vulnerability in Kade’s eyes was such a direct contrast to the confidence that had bled from him the moment she’d met him in his restaurant. And in that glimmer of a moment, she could see the younger version of him in the lopsided set of his mouth, the stark honesty in his eyes. Everything was more refined now. Polished. The angles
of his face had emerged from the roundness of youth and hardened into masculine edges. The stringy long hair had been cut into windswept stylishness. And any traces of his former stutter had disappeared. But when she really looked underneath all of that, she could still see the boy she used to know.
The boy she’d hurt.
And the man she’d slept with.
Her stomach did a somersault as all of that information crashed together in her head.
“You knew who I was and lied?” she asked, rewinding to the night in the restaurant. God, had this all been some revenge scheme to pay her back?
“Tess—”
Tess. He was the only one she’d ever let call her that. The car felt stifling all of a sudden, and she pushed her door open to climb out.
He followed suit, coming around the front of the car to stand in front of her. “I swear. I didn’t know, not at first. I didn’t realize it until the EMT needed your medical information and I saw your name.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I would’ve if you hadn’t left the hospital before I got there.”
“Oh, don’t give me that. You knew the other day in your office,” she said, squaring off with him. “You could’ve let me know between offering me a job I don’t deserve and signing me up to be your fuck buddy tonight.”
Displeasure clouded his features. “You’re not my fuck buddy. Don’t ever refer to yourself as that again. And I didn’t say anything because I needed you to know me as I am now. I didn’t want that loser Kaden Fowler tainting the picture.”
Her spine stiffened. “Hey, how’s about I don’t call myself your fuck buddy and you don’t call yourself a loser. Kaden Fowler was the best boy I knew back then.”
He scoffed. “Right. Which is why you walked away from him that night to be with the guy who beat up and humiliated that same boy. And why you went on to let people think the worst of me.”
Tears pricked her eyes, the horrible memories rushing in like a stampede of ugly buffalo. She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head. “You told me to go.”
“And so you did.”
Yes, she had. Even knowing that Doug would probably hit Kade, she’d walked away and left them there. She wouldn’t defend herself on that. She’d been scared back then, lost and confused. But she’d never forgiven herself for what had happened. She and Kaden had been on a sinking ship and she’d saved herself. She hadn’t even thrown him a rope.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a choked whisper. If this was supposed to be some sort of punishment, she deserved every bit of it. He was probably here to tell her that the job was a fake, that her charity really wasn’t going to get help, and that he’d only pretended interest in her to get revenge. “Say whatever you want to say to me. I’ve earned it. I was stupid and a selfish coward.”
Kade’s hard expression melted away, and he moved into her space, cupping her shoulders. “Hey, look at me.”
She forced her teary gaze upward.
“Don’t cry, Tess.” He brushed thumbs across her cheeks. “I’m not here to make you atone for something that happened back then. You did what you had to do. If you had taken a stand on my behalf, they would’ve pounced on you like wolves, torn you to bits like they did with me. I see now that I had nothing to really offer you back then. It was stupid teenage bravado to think I could compete and fix it for you. You needed concrete security not a wing and a prayer, and Doug had the money to give you that.”
She shook her head. “Kade—”
“I buried Kaden Fowler and what happened that night long ago. Really. My life changed after that. For the better.”
Tears slipped by. “How? After that night, you were just . . . gone. I heard you were hurt, that they found you—”
“I had to get out of there,” Kade said, cutting her off like he couldn’t bear to hear the rest of the sentence. “I needed to get away from that school. Away from my asshole stepdad. Away from Doug and his friends. And away from seeing you every day. I couldn’t handle it all. When my mom found out I was planning to leave, she dropped a bomb on me that she knew who my real father was and gave me an address in Dallas. I showed up on the doorstep of a man who hadn’t even known I’d existed and he took me in.”
She blinked at him. “Oh my God.”
“Walt Vandergriff changed my life and made me the man I am now. So, no, I didn’t bring you here to punish you. I brought you here because I needed to tell you the truth, and I wanted to remind you how much fun we had together when we didn’t have to worry about other people watching.”
She made some sort of laugh-sniffle sound, overwhelmed by all this information and the memories. “You mean like the time you kissed me, and I acted like a total snot?”
He smiled and glanced toward the darkened door of the cabin as if seeing the ghosts of their younger selves. “But you came back for your next tutoring session and apologized, groveled even. I enjoyed that a lot, by the way.”
She sniffed—not from the crying this time.
“I’d decided to leave you be at that point. Keep it a tutoring thing only. But three sessions later, you brought in a B plus on your term paper. You were so excited and proud of yourself, and you hugged me. Really hugged me. Like I meant something to you.”
She glanced downward, remembering the day she’d been overwhelmed with joy over her grade. One second, she and Kade had been in a laughing embrace, the next he’d given her a look that had zipped right down to her toes. She’d backed away, scared that if she didn’t, she’d ruin everything with Doug right then and there.
“I saw how you looked at me that day. You wanted to kiss me. And even when you didn’t, I knew I hadn’t been wrong about that kiss we’d had.” Kade’s eyes glimmered with mischief in the moonlight. “That was a great day. Worst case of blue balls ever, but a great day.”
She smacked his chest and laughed. “Hey, I was trying to be a good girl.”
“Thank God you’ve moved on from that awful phase,” he teased, sliding his hands downward and molding his palms over her backside. “I much prefer wild and liberated Tessa who lets me lick olive oil off her naked body and agrees to let me have my deviant way with her.”
She pressed her forehead to his shoulder. “Oh my God, I can’t believe we’re here again.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Mmm, but this will be much more fun than deciphering British poetry. Promise.”
The image stirred all kinds of decadent possibilities in her head. She’d been fantasizing about Kade since the first night she’d been with him. But now it all had an added layer. A few sexy nights with some suave stranger had been risky enough. A few sexy nights with someone she used to care about was far more dangerous. Especially when she’d be working at his company for the next few months. She’d turned her back on Kaden all those years ago, but it hadn’t been because she didn’t have feelings for him.
She let out a breath, and he pulled back a bit. “What’s wrong, my little overthinker?”
She tilted her face to his. “This changes things and scares me. I need to know what you want from this. Is this really about one more night?”
The smile that lifted his lips was a wry one. “I told you. Kaden Fowler is gone. I’m not some lovesick kid. Everything I told you before this still stands. I want to have fun with you—whatever that turns out to look like. The only reason I’m rehashing our past is because you deserved to know who I was. I needed to get this out in the open and bury it for good so that we can move on.”
She rubbed her lips together, considering him. He’d given her a nonanswer about the one-night thing, but part of her was okay with that. If he really just wanted to have fun, maybe this could be a good solution for her. No pressure. A friend with benefits—someone who she already knew and trusted on some level. No one else would have to know. They’d a
lways been better behind locked doors anyway. “I can’t believe I finally slept with Kaden Fowler.”
He dragged her body against him, the heat of him bleeding through the thin fabric of her dress. “No, you didn’t. You slept with Kade Vandergriff. And I think it’s time I remind you of the difference.”
Her pulse picked up speed, and she peeked at the cabin. “Your family still owns this place?”
“No. But I do.”
She didn’t have it in her to question why he’d keep the place. She didn’t want to know. “Is that right?”
The wickedness that glittered in his eyes sent her body into melt mode. “Yep. And I’m thinking the old place needs an exorcism. Wipe away old memories with new ones.”
The breeze swirled around them, snaking up her legs and making her all too aware that her panties were no longer there. “Good plan.”
With that, he released her and she instantly missed the warmth. His gaze tracked down the length of her. “But first, lose the dress and anything beneath. All I want you wearing are those shoes.”
Her bottom lip dropped, and she peered out at the darkened woods. “Are you kidding? We’re outside.”
“And alone,” he said, clearly unmoved by her protest. “You agreed to let me be in charge tonight. I would like to see you wearing nothing but moonlight.”
“And if I say no?” she asked, both unnerved and completely intrigued by the sensual command in his voice, the utter confidence in his stance. He looked like some fallen angel intent on dragging her over to the dark side. That part of him had always been there. Even when he hadn’t had the confidence, he’d always represented everything that threatened her carefully taped together existence.
Kade tipped his head toward her as if to concede the point. “Yes, let’s talk about that. Do you know what a safe word is?”
“Uh, not really.” There was lingo involved in this? She was so very out of her league.