He closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. “All these years, and you’re still shooting me down. A guy could develop a complex.”
She sighed. “It’s not that. Being with you is . . .” Intense. Overwhelming. Addictive. “Great. But you know this is complicated. I’m working for you now. Plus, you’re who you are, and I’m the former trophy wife. Think how that would be perceived if we were seen in public. And I don’t want to even think about what would happen when Doug got wind of it, especially when he figured out it was you.”
Kade’s expression turned hard. “That asshole couldn’t do a damn thing.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand. I think part of him still thinks I’m going to come back. You heard him on the phone tonight. He’s not going to let it go if I start dating someone as high-profile as you. I don’t want to bring drama into your life.”
Kade’s hands coasted up her back in a soothing motion, but his jaw twitched with old anger. “He can’t get to you or me anymore, Tess. Yes, he has power and money. But so do I, and I have more of it. He can’t touch me now, and I definitely won’t let him mess with you. He’ll regret it if he tries.”
His words were resolute, but anxiety rolled around in her stomach.
“In fact,” he said, leading her to the couch to sit down. “This could be the ultimate fuck you to him. Show him and the world that you’re not broken and in hiding after all those accusations he threw out to the press. You’ve moved on with your life.”
She sent him a smirk. “Now you’re just waving Eden apples at me. The thought of putting him in his place like that . . .”
It was almost too delicious to contemplate.
His eyes were pale but bright in the moonlight. “So why not go for it? I know you’re scared of what people will think, but fuck them. And fuck Doug. You and I spent almost a year hiding in this cabin because we were worried about what people would say. I’m done with that shit.”
Her throat tightened at the fervent words. “I’m not ready to date anyone, Kade. I have enough going on. I’m a freaking mess right now.”
“No,” he said, utter conviction rumbling through the word. “You are not a mess. You’re adopting his labels for you. You got a divorce, started fresh on your own with none of his money, and are about to start a job that you’re passionate about. That woman is not a mess. That woman is someone who deserves to get what she wants. And whether you’ll admit it right now or not, you want this. You want what happened tonight and more of it. I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend. I’m asking you to let me give you the experiences you’re craving. Give yourself permission to have that with me.”
She looked down, folding back the cuffs of his shirt to give her hands something to do. Factions were warring in her mind with daggers and arrows, tearing at each other’s arguments.
“It’s not about permission. This stuff is scary, Kade. This may be standard fare for you. But for me, it’s like falling deeper down the rabbit hole every time.” She glanced toward the dining table, replaying what had happened there in her mind. “I don’t even know who this person is. This girl who’s stripping in the middle of the woods and asking to be spanked.”
“Tess, maybe it’s you. The woman you could’ve been if Doug hadn’t made you feel wrong for your desires. Have you considered that?”
God, so much had changed, yet in many ways nothing really had. Kaden Fowler was still saying shit that made her question everything in her neat little world. She shook her head and groaned, putting her hands over her face. “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to get rid of me? You’ve gotten in my pants, now you can move on to your CEO groupies?”
He took her wrists in a gentle grip and lowered her hands from her face, a devilish little smile touching his lips. “Groupies? Come on, now. And newsflash: I’ve never been one to do the normal thing.”
Wasn’t that the damn truth. She huffed. “Freak.”
He laughed and grasped the lapels of her shirt, pulling her onto his lap. “Yes, I am. And I’m starting to suspect that you are, too.”
“God, you say that like it’s a good thing.”
“It is, Tess. Come on, be honest. Are you ready to go back to how things were before that night at the restaurant? Was a little spanking all that was on your sexual adventure list?”
She rolled her lips inward and nodded solemnly.
“Liar.” He teased. “This is the girl who didn’t want to be boring in bed. The girl who reads books about princes taking advantage of their pretty slave girls. I’m giving you the chance to try all the things that you’ve thought about when you’re alone in the dark.”
She closed her eyes, her body stirring to attention again. “Kade . . .”
“Let me show you how fun pushing boundaries can be,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “We can be discreet. No one at work needs to know we’re seeing each other, and the press only cares who I bring to high-profile events. This can just be about you and me and dropping those rules you’ve had to follow all your life.”
She stared at him, knowing that she should walk away right now. This was Kaden. Not some random hot guy she’d decided to hook up with. This was someone who could get to her, make her feel things, want things. And that was something she couldn’t let happen. Regardless of the boy Kade used to be, the man he was now had all the warning signs. Too smooth. Too rich. Too good-looking. And single by choice.
How many women had he done the seduction thing with? How many had he talked dirty to? How many had gotten hearts in their eyes only to be dropped for the next?
But even knowing the risk, she couldn’t bring herself to form the words she was supposed to. When had she ever done something this out there? This daring? The thought of Kade guiding her through fantasies she barely had the nerve to admit she harbored was like being presented the most decadent piece of chocolate cake and someone asking if she wanted a bite.
“What do you say?” Kade asked, his gaze not wavering from hers.
She took a deep breath and leaned her forehead against his, letting the honest truth fall from her mouth. “You’re kind of hard to say no to, Kade Vandergriff.”
“Yeah?” he said, a hint of schoolboy hope in his voice.
“Yeah. As long as we keep it out of the public eye.”
He pulled back and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I can work with that. For now.”
For now.
The words reverberated in her ears like the aftermath of a ringing bell. But before she could think too hard on it, his eyes narrowed, like he was considering something intently.
“What?” she asked, disconcerted by that evaluating stare. She shifted off his lap and back to the couch to find some solid ground.
“What you said earlier about the prince and the captive . . . were you making a joke or is that a fantasy you find appealing?”
She put her hand to her forehead, feeling silly. “Kade, come on, don’t tease me—”
“No, I’m not, I’m serious. I want to know. This is going to be about exploring your desires. I need to know where they lie.”
She shook her head. “It’s just a silly thing I said.”
“But does it turn you on?” he asked, giving her a look like this was the most important question in the universe. “Does the idea of playing my captive or slave appeal to you?”
Did it turn her on? When the image had crossed her mind, her body had gone hot and liquid even though she’d felt ridiculous thinking about it. “Yes. I guess the taboo factor of it all. It’s so . . . everything we’re not supposed to want. Like the opposite of politically correct. I’m sure most women would find it kind of enticing on some level.”
He gave her a pointed look. “No, not all women, Tess.”
She blinked, the words stinging. “So you’re saying there’s something wro
ng with me?”
His lips curled upward. “Not saying that at all. Quite the opposite in fact.”
“Oh?” she said softly.
“Yes. I think this is all going to work out just fine. All it’s going to require from you is a little trust and an open mind. I’ll take care of everything else.” He grabbed her hand and lifted it to his mouth. “Say good-bye to the proper Southern belle, Tess. There’s no place for her in my world.”
Tessa swallowed hard. She was in so much damn trouble.
FIFTEEN
Tessa sat on the floor of her living room with colored file folders spread around her in piles and her new company-issued MacBook perched on her lap. She picked up a green folder and flipped it open to pull the information she needed to enter into her spreadsheet.
“Didn’t you work all day?” Sam asked from her spot on the couch. “I think it’s time you take a break and tell me about Hot Stalker Guy.”
Tess sent Sam a quelling look. “I’m still getting trained on a bunch of things at the office during the day and then have those night classes twice a week. It hasn’t left me a lot of time to work on stuff for the actual event. I need to organize the list of potential restaurants and donors together so I can start making calls next week. And can you please stop calling Kade stalker guy?”
“Hey, the man tracked you down,” she said with a shrug. “He comes by the nickname honestly. Plus, I’m in desperate need of juicy stories. My Perfect Match dude crashed and burned last night. Distract me from my shattered heart.”
Tessa smirked at Sam, who was happily embroidering hot pink skulls on a pair of knee socks for her friend’s roller derby team. “You look truly heartbroken. What happened?”
“I found out he hates dogs. Hates. Can you believe that? We saw a stray on the road, and I wanted to catch him so I could bring him to the shelter. Cory freaked out. Like God forbid he get dog hair in his new Dodge Durango. When I realized he was serious, I got out of the car and told him he could leave. I can’t be with someone who would leave a stray on the highway. I used to be a stray on the highway.”
Tessa shook her head. “So he just left you there on the road?”
“Yeah, he did. Bastard. But I wouldn’t have gotten back in the car anyway.” She glanced up with a smile. “In other news, I have a dog.”
Tessa laughed. “Oh, no.”
“It’s fine. I could use the company now that you moved out, anyway. But stop trying to distract me. I need to know what’s up with this Kade dude? So you’re like dating?”
“No,” Tessa said, typing a name into her spreadsheet and trying to stay focused. “I told him that’s off limits. We’re just . . .”
“Screwing like mad?” Sam offered, voice hopeful. “Fucking like rock stars?”
Tessa snorted but smiled despite herself. “You’re awful.”
She lifted a brow, indicating the question stood.
“Fine. Yes. He’s on a mission to show me the kinky side of life, and I’m letting him. Let’s call it tackling a subcategory of the list.”
Sam’s eyes went big, and she pulled her knees under her. “Seriously? Like giving you some course in deviant sex?”
“I guess you could say that. He used to be my tutor in high school, so I guess we’re kind of in those roles again.”
“That is so hot,” Sam declared. “I love it. Does he tell you what’s going to happen? Like hey, tonight we’re going to tackle public sex or tomorrow we’re going to have a threesome?”
Her face heated, and she had to choke back the urge to giggle like a teenager. “Sam.”
Tessa was used to Sam saying whatever came into her head, but having her best friend itemize sexual fantasies for consideration had her feeling awkward in a whole new way. She was still getting used to even admitting she had fantasies.
“What? Those two should definitely be on your list,” Sam said with a knowing nod. “Knowing other people could see you can be exciting. And threesomes, oh my God, some of the hottest nights I’ve ever had.”
Tessa shut her laptop with a snap. There was no way she could concentrate on work after that admission. “You’ve been in a threesome?”
Sam had never been a prude, but Tessa knew that despite Sam’s apparent alternativeness, she still had pretty traditional ideas about love and relationships.
Sam set her embroidery in her lap. “Once in college with two guys and a few years ago with a guy and his girlfriend.”
Tessa had to work to keep her lower jaw from falling open. “And you never told me this?”
She frowned. “Don’t be so surprised. I couldn’t tell you a lot of stuff. You were with Doug—a guy who preached every Sunday on TV about hell and damnation with you smiling in the pews. I didn’t know how much of that was an act and how much was really you. And any time I brought up sex stuff, you kind of clammed up. I thought I might be offending you or whatever.”
“Offending me? Seriously?”
Sam gave a little shrug. “Well, you know, not that there’s anything wrong with it, but you’ve always been exceptionally vanilla, chica. I didn’t want to freak you out.”
Tessa stared at her, a little stunned—and slightly offended. Vanilla sounded so . . . bland. Boring. But really, when it came to her sex life, wasn’t that exactly what she’d been before Kade walked back into her life? “And you’re not vanilla?”
Sam’s eyebrow ring twitched, which meant she was trying not to smile. “Let’s just say I’m still exploring what works for me. You’re take cooking and accounting classes. I’m taking bondage and dominance classes. We all have our own lists.”
Tessa set her computer on the floor and climbed into her cushy love seat, work forgotten, totally fascinated now. “You’re taking dominance classes?”
Sam feigned an innocent look. “I may or may not enjoy tying men up and making them beg. This may also be another reason Cory left me on the road. I think I scared him when I suggested rope last night.”
A laugh burst from Tessa. “Oh my God, you are such a sneaky bitch for keeping all this from me. Here I am, thinking I’m a freak for letting Kade boss me around in bed and meanwhile, you’re doing the reverse.”
Her eyes lit. “Ooh, he bosses you around in bed? Is he a dominant?”
“This is not the point,” Tessa said, jabbing a finger in her direction. “You’re not supposed to keep this stuff from your best friend. And I don’t even know what that means. Is that a thing? Being a dominant?”
Sam nodded seriously. “It’s totally a thing.”
Tessa put her hands over her eyes and leaned back against the chair. “God, even more proof I have no freaking idea what I’m doing.”
Sam laughed and plopped down beside her, putting an arm around her. “Aww, don’t worry. If he’s dominant and good at it, all you need to do is learn how to trust him and say yes, and he’ll take care of the rest. You get the easy part.”
She lifted her head. “This feels far from easy.”
“That’s because you’re still fighting with that old version of yourself. Let her go. There’s no one around to judge you now. No one to decide if you’re doing the nice girl thing or not. No caseworkers, no foster parents, and no dickhead ex-husband to make you feel like shit. Embrace the freedom of being a woman who can do whatever or whoever the fuck she wants. Because it’s fun. Because it feels good. Because you answer to no one but you.”
She leaned into Sam and smiled. “Next you’re going to tell me to take off my bra and light a match.”
Sam snorted. “Too much? I can get a little out of control with my girl power speeches, especially after a few glasses of wine.”
“Nah, it was perfect,” Tessa said, feeling lighter than she had all week.
“So when’s your next date, or should I say, lesson?”
“Tomorrow night.” br />
Sam shifted on the love seat to face her. “Do you know what y’all are doing?”
Tessa bit her lip and shook her head. “Nope. But whatever it is, I guess I’ll be saying yes.”
And for the first time in her life, she didn’t feel at all guilty about what kind of girl that made her. Because right now, that was exactly the kind of woman she wanted to be.
“Good,” Sam said, then wagged a finger at her. “Now get back to work, slacker. You’ve got high-level important shit to do.”
“That is my official job description,” she said solemnly.
“And I expect full kinktastic details this weekend.”
“You’ll have to get me drunk.”
“Done!”
Tessa smiled, warmth moving through her. She had a best friend to count on. A sexy man to spend time with. And a job that meant something. Who was this girl? And whose life was she living?
Maybe her list was working after all.
Tessa leaned over and scanned the endless numbers on the documents she’d printed out and spread across her desk. One of the big-deal potential donors she’d called today had wanted to know more detailed information about her charity and their financial situation before he made a commitment. She’d flubbed her explanation, stumbled on her words, and exposed how little hard financial data she knew. She’d come off looking like an idiot. And predictably, the man had made up an excuse and said he wasn’t able to donate this year. Thousands of dollars down the tube.
The failure had been like a fat fist punching right through the confidence she’d been feeling the night before. In that moment, still hearing the disgust in the man’s voice at her lack of expertise ringing in her ear, she’d wanted to quit, to find someone who could do this job without screwing it up completely. The charity was going to go under because she was an uneducated dingbat pretending she was smart enough to have a big important job. She was kidding no one.
But right when she was on the verge of full breakdown, she’d pictured Doug’s smiling face, the I-told-you-so in his eyes. That had been enough to staunch the tears that had wanted to come. And instead of having her pity party, she’d left for an early lunch break and had headed over to Bluebonnet Place to have sandwiches with the staff. They’d welcomed her with enthusiasm and had ended up brainstorming with her to help come up with ideas of how to get the kids involved in the Dine and Donate event. They’d decided that artwork and crafts would be fun. Each child could put together something to display at the event and possibly sell.