Gibson nodded. “That will at least give your girl a real glimpse of what it could be like with you. And if you see she’s not into it, you can save yourself the trouble and end it now. Then I’ll set you up with a nice faux girlfriend for the press. I already have someone in mind.”
Kade’s lip curled. “Does she charge by the hour or day?”
Gibson gave him an offended look. “Hey, I wouldn’t do that to you. The high-end ones have weekly rates.”
Kade resisted rolling his eyes and sat in his chair again, his mind already drifting to The Ranch. Imagining Tessa in that environment, under his command, wearing his collar in front of his friends, being his—all of it had his blood heating. It’d be a risk to put her in that kind of environment this soon. But she’d enjoyed the boundaries he’d pushed so far, and even if it had shaken her foundation, she had still come back to him. And he was beginning to wonder if there really was any true way to ease someone into the kind of relationship dynamic he needed.
“I guess it’s time to lay it all out there,” he said, looking up at his brother.
Gibson smiled. “So it is.”
Kade drummed his fingers on the desktop. “You’re thinking she’s going to run scared.”
Gibson stood. “Doesn’t matter what I think. But I will say that, for your sake, I hope she proves me wrong.”
Kade started to reply, but Gibson was already slipping out the door. He waited until the lock clicked shut and pulled out his cell phone to find a number. He hit the name he was looking for.
The call was answered on the second ring. “Hey there, Vandergriff. Another call? Tell the truth. Are you hitting on me? Because I know you have a thing for the Austins.”
He smirked. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you, Jace? For the last time, I didn’t know she was married or that she was your sister.”
And boy had he felt like an ass when he’d made a pass at Jace’s married sister.
Jace laughed. “Sure, whatever, home wrecker. What can I do for ya?”
“I’m going to need another order. And maybe a little help setting up something at The Ranch.”
“Is this for your lovely girl from the other night? Thanks for inviting us along by the way. The three of us don’t bring things out in the open very much except for an occasional weekend at The Ranch, so it was fun to push our own limits some.”
“No problem. I’m glad you had a good time.” Kade tilted back in his chair, rubbing the back of his head. “And yes, this is for her.”
“Yeah, dude, sure, whatever you need. And I know Wyatt and Kelsey are going to be out there this weekend, if you need any extra help putting something together. Kelsey’s good at organizing stuff.”
He smiled. “Always good to have a load of kinky friends one can call upon.”
“You know it,” Jace said with a chuckle.
He and Jace made quick plans and exchanged good-byes. After hanging up the phone, Kade ran his palms along the arms of his chair, the gears in his mind starting to turn. It was time to put it all out there, show Tess who he really was.
He just had to hope that by the end of all this, she wasn’t running for the nearest exit. Because the last time he’d taken a chance and revealed what he really wanted to Tessa, it had demolished everything.
TWENTY
1996
“I’m starting to think this magazine just rewords everything each month and prints the same stories,” Tessa said with a huff. She was flopped across her bed in gym shorts and a tank top, flipping through some chick magazine and chewing her thumbnail.
Meanwhile, Kaden was sitting on Tess’s pink beanbag chair on the floor, contemplating if he’d lost his mind. He wondered would someone who had actually lost his mind even be able to contemplate that? But surely something had to be wrong in the universe because he was in Tessa McAllen’s bedroom alone at ten at night and there was no tutoring going on. “You should read Rolling Stone instead.”
“Maybe.” She glanced over at the darkened window then over to him. “I’m sorry about this, by the way. Now I feel like a dork for calling you. But I really did think I heard something outside.”
“It’s not a b-b-big deal,” he said, trying to sound casual but the stutter giving him away as usual. “I was heading out when you called anyway.”
“Yeah?” she said, her tone hopeful. “Where to?”
He shrugged. “Just out. My mom’s working overnight shifts all weekend, and my stepdad really goes full throttle when she’s away. I’m sure he’s halfway through the vodka supply by now, and I’d rather not be in his path. Even Gib is staying at a friend’s house.”
She frowned. “That sucks. Doesn’t your mom realize how he is?”
He sighed and looked up at her ceiling, which had posters of country singers and bands he’d never be caught dead listening to taped to it. “I don’t think she knows how bad it gets. He puts on a decent show for her, but she’s got her own issues. When she’s not working, she’s mostly in bed, zoned out on her pills for her back. I think she’s too depressed to bother doing anything about him.”
“My real mom was into pills, too,” she said quietly, drawing his attention from the ceiling back to her. She never talked about her birthparents, at least not to him. “She had mental problems or whatever and was supposed to take medication. But it made her feel crappy. Or, at least that’s what she said. She started doing the nonprescription stuff instead and kind of forgot she had a kid to take care of.”
He frowned, not knowing what to say to that. That sucks didn’t seem like the right response. “What happened after that?”
She looked down at the magazine and started flipping pages again, but he could tell she wasn’t seeing them. “One day she just didn’t come home. I slept in the closet with my Glo Worm toy because I was scared when it got dark. The neighborhood wasn’t great so there were lots of noises at night. I lasted two weeks at home alone until I had to go to a neighbor and ask if they had anything to eat. I’d run out of Captain Crunch and stuff to make cheese sandwiches. They called child services.”
“Jesus.” Kaden sat up, his heart dropping to his stomach. “How old were you?”
“Six.” She closed the magazine and tossed it onto the floor. “That was the last time I ever stayed home alone.”
God, no wonder she’d called him in a panic earlier tonight, begging him to come over and check the house when she’d heard something outside. Being alone like this probably terrified her. “When are you foster p-p-parents getting back into town?”
She was chewing her nails again and had to lower her hand to respond. “Not ’til Monday. Apparently, they decided I was trustworthy enough to stay on my own while they went to some work conference.”
“And now you have a guy in your room,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Breaking rules already.”
She gave him a little smile. “Not technically. They said it was okay for you to come over if we needed to study. I doubt they meant at night, but whatever.”
“What about Doug?”
She sniffed and the drawn look she’d been wearing lifted a bit. “Of course he can’t come over. I mean, they think he’s a nice guy and all, but they know we’re dating. So you know, high risk of shenanigans or whatever. Can you believe they actually use words like shenanigans?”
Doug was high risk. Kaden was no risk. Even her parents saw him that way. How frigging comforting. “Words like that were created to fuck with p-p-people who stutter.”
She grinned. “Right? I can barely say it. Stupid word.”
Her retort settled some of the tension strumming through the room. Over the last few months, they’d gotten to the point where they could joke about sensitive things without it being a big deal. It was nice to have that ease between them. “So are you going to break that rule—about Doug??
??
She sat her chin on her hand. “No. I’ve learned not to break rules. It’s not worth it.”
The concept was so foreign to Kaden, he could barely put together a response. “Seriously?”
She laughed at what must have been his stricken expression. “If you break the rules, your parents get pissed off. I break the rules, the parents can give me back. What I have here is way better than what I’ve had in the past, so I’m not going to screw it up.”
“Damn, that kind of sucks.”
She gave a little shoulder scrunch as if it was no big thing. “It’s not that bad. I kind of like knowing what’s expected of me. If I obey curfew, go to church on Sundays, and help around the house, they’re happy. That’s way better than trying to figure out what the hell someone wants from you. The last place I was at, the rules were on like some sliding scale with each kid getting different versions. Half the time I got in trouble, I didn’t know what the heck I’d done wrong.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of how my house is. My stepdad changes rules all the time, and it’s always the opposite of whatever I’m doing. I’ve given up trying and just stay out of his way as much as possible.”
“Thank God you have only a few months before you go to college.”
He wanted to say the same back to her, but he refused to acknowledge that her following Doug to Georgia after they graduated was a good plan.
She sat up and he tried—not very successfully—to ignore how thin her tank top was. “So, now that we’ve established that parents suck, and I’ve completely embarrassed myself by dragging you out here for no reason, I should probably let you get back to whatever it was you were going to do tonight.”
Her tone was bright but he didn’t buy her bullshit. The fact that she kept glancing out the window told him everything he needed to know. “Well, I did have b-b-big plans to skateboard in the parking lot of the Ace Hardware tonight, but I could be persuaded to hang around a while if you agree to give me control over the r-r-remote.”
A smile crept onto her face. “Really?”
“And I expect popcorn.”
She laughed. “Done.”
“Then we have a deal.” He pushed up from the floor and she scooted off the bed.
Before he could take a step forward, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. The feel of her body against his was like an electric current plugging into his grid, lighting up all parts of him. He returned the embrace, wishing he could freeze the moment, bottle the scent of her.
“Thanks, Kaden,” she said against his chest. “I know this is probably the last way you wanted to spend a Friday night.”
He pulled back from the hug and looked down at her. God, how many times had he ached to be this close to her? Before he could let the nerves interfere, he pushed her hair behind her ears and let his hands linger on her shoulders. “Then you don’t know me very well because there’s no place I’d rather b-b-be.”
She stiffened briefly, like she always did when he crossed that invisible line. After their initial kiss that day in the cabin, he’d managed to keep things distant for a while. But as the months went on and they opened up about their lives to each other, the barriers had fallen down and more and more they were slipping up and touching each other with a familiarity that should be reserved for a couple. But he’d never taken it quite this far or admitted anything out loud.
“Kaden . . .” Her voice was barely audible in the quiet room.
“Why did you call me tonight instead of Doug? I know it’s not just because of the rule thing.”
Her gaze slid away. “You live closer, and he’s at a guys-only thing tonight.”
“Bullshit. That’s not why.”
She rolled her lips inward but still wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t make me say it.”
He sensed in that moment that it was now or never. He’d never get a better opportunity to make a stand and tell her exactly how he felt. “You called me because you knew you could trust me to t-t-take care of you. You called me because you’d rather spend time with m-me than him.”
She shook her head, but he could see she was blinking fast, fighting tears. “That’s not true.”
“Then look at me and tell me that. Look at me and tell me you don’t feel anything but friendship toward me. Tell me you l-l-love Doug, that it’s not about the money or his fancy family. That even if I had what he had, you’d choose him anyway.”
She lifted her gaze to him, a forlorn look in her eyes. “I love Doug and I’d choose him anyway.”
But he saw the truth there on her face as plain as it’d ever been. She was lying and it was killing her. He slid his hands up from her shoulders and cupped her face in the way he’d imagined so many times since that first kiss. “Then if that’s the case, t-t-tell me to stop.”
He gave her a beat of a moment then lowered his mouth to hers. She didn’t turn away, she didn’t stiffen, and she didn’t say stop. Instead, she whimpered into the connection and stepped closer to him, grabbing his waist. When he tried to deepen the kiss, her lips parted as if they’d been waiting for this moment as long as he had. His tongue touched hers and everything inside him went white hot and urgent. His fingers slid into her hair, and he kissed her like this would be the last girl he’d ever kiss in his life.
A soft moan slipped from her and it went straight to his groin. But he wasn’t going to worry about his body’s obvious reaction to her or be embarrassed. He wanted her to know what she did to him, how badly he wanted to touch her. He breathed her name into the kiss, and her hands slipped beneath the edge of his T-shirt, the soft touch of her fingers against his bare skin making his stomach clench in anticipation.
Without realizing it, they drifted the few steps toward the bed, hands and lips exploring each other with a kind of stunned wonder. Her touch grew more bold, her fingers tracking along his back beneath his shirt. She moved the fabric upward, as if trying to push it over his head. A brief moment of panic went through him. He didn’t go without his shirt even to swim. His pudgy years had scared him off of that. But when she made another breathy sound, he shoved the anxiety aside and pulled back from the kiss to tug his T-shirt up and off. If she wanted to touch him skin to skin, he’d be a fucking idiot not to let her.
She sat down on the bed and looked at him, really looked at him. And what he saw there soothed any remaining self-consciousness. If she cared that he didn’t have a six-pack, she sure didn’t show it. And, God, what a sight she was—wet lips and flushed cheeks. He was going to die if she told him to stop now. But even though he was afraid talking would break the moment, he also needed to be sure. “Tell me you want me to keep kissing you, Tess.”
He braced for her to run like last time, but she held out her hand to him, inviting him onto the bed. “I want you to keep kissing me.”
Thank you, God. He’d take that earlier threat of atheism back.
He climbed onto the bed and laid her against the pillows, then lowered in for another kiss. This time she wrapped her arms around his neck and they rolled to their sides. Everything inside Kade was flying. Nothing could be or ever would be better than this. Somehow he knew that. This was it for him. The way she smelled, the softness of her. And Lord, her taste—toothpaste and girl and lip gloss that had faded. He’d never forget it.
To his relief, she seemed just as eager for him. Each stroke of their tongues built his confidence and made him bolder. Following her lead from earlier, he let his fingers move beneath the bottom edge of her tank top, the smooth skin of her hip and belly like hallowed ground beneath his fingertips. He kept his touch easy, unsure of how far she wanted this to go. He wasn’t exactly experienced in determining the signs. He’d barely made it to second base with anyone before and none of his meager experience had been like this.
Tessa broke from the kiss with a gasp, her eyes searching his. “What are
we doing?”
“Whatever we want,” he said, pushing her hair back from her face and praying she wasn’t going to shut down on him. “What d-d-do you want, Tess?”
She stared at him for a long moment, then shifted position. He thought she was going to climb off the bed, but instead she reached for the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head, revealing a purple cotton bra and an eyeful of flesh. Kaden’s brain nearly melted right out of his ears, and all his blood rushed straight south. “You don’t h-h-have t-t-to, there’s no p-p-pressure . . .”
Fuck, he couldn’t speak on a normal day, but this might short out his system for good.
She met his gaze and reached to the spot holding the two bra cups together. With a flick of her fingers, she unhooked it and let it fall open. “I’m not doing this because I feel pressured.”
Yeah, he had no shot at speaking now, so he wasn’t going to even try. Plus, he had to put all his energy into not coming right this very second.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m not ready to become horror movie bait yet. But I also know I don’t want to stop yet.”
The words nearly caused wings to sprout from his back he was so damn happy. “C-c-come here. I d-d-don’t know what I’m d-d-doing either.”
But he was damn sure going to figure out how to make her feel good.
She moved back into his arms and the press of her bare breasts against his chest nearly undid any hope at controlling his body. But he breathed through it and focused on her eyes. There was so much there��want, curiosity, fear, and a little sadness. He knew why that last one was there. He wasn’t under the impression this would change anything long-term. He still didn’t have what Doug had to offer her. But maybe, just maybe, he could show her that he had more and better.
He slipped his hand behind her thigh and drew her leg over his, letting her feel how much he wanted her. Her eyes went a little wide, but he kissed her before she could think too much. As soon as their mouths melded again, the tension drained from her body and she sank into his touch. Seconds turned into minutes as they kissed and explored with hands and mouths. When he put his lips over one of her nipples and sucked, the sound she made reverberated through him like a siren call. God, yes. That. Whatever that was, he wanted to give her more of it. Encouraged by her reaction, he let his hand drift to the band of her shorts.