do that?
The truth of it hurt Queen, and she began to lose her temper for the
first time since she had started working for him, so she sat on the very
edge of the rocker.
"Happy?" she said angrily.
"At least you sittin'," he said.
There was silence.
"What you want to talk about?" Queen demanded.
"Nuttin'," Alec said gruffly.
They sat in silence and talked of nothing, and Queen relaxed, and leaned
back in the chair. They rocked together in silence, and it was pleasant
to both of them. Then Queen got scared because it was too pleasant. She
got up to leave.
"How's the savings goin'?" Alec asked her.
"Getting there," Queen replied steadily. "I'm getting there. "
The hours were long and the work was hard, but it was rewarding in ways
that had nothing to do with money. Queen's heart went out to the
motherless children, and she identified with them, for she remembered her
own desolation and loneliness after Easter died. She understood why
Freeland resisted her, and she did nothing special to try to win his love,
but treated him with scrupulous fairness, as she treated the others. It
was not that Freeland didn't like her. but he was shy of this new
authority figure in his life, who was not his real mammy. He longed for
love from her, but did not know if she could give him what he needed,
because he perceived her as hired help, not as family, and was frightened
of opening his heart to her. She might leave, as his real mammy had done.
He played challenging games of discipline with her, to try her, and to his
surprise she always passed his tests. The longer she
748 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
stayed, the more he trusted her, and the more he tried to work her into the
fabric of his heart, but he was still confused. He didn't understand why he
had to have a bath in front of her, for example.
It was bath night, Friday night, and Queen was soaping Abner in the big old
bathtub. Minnie and Julie were done, and tucked up in bed. George was
fixing a broken chair-his bathtime was later-and Freeland was slowly
removing his clothes.
"Why cain't I have a bath on my own, like George?" he asked, reluctant to
take off his pants.
"Coz George is older," Queen told him. "He's a man."
"I's nearly a man too," Freeland insisted, and Queen understood his
problem.
"I guess you nearly are," she said sympathetically, although Freeland was
still some way from puberty. "All right. I'll turn my back."
She turned away from him, and the grateful Freeland dropped his pants and
slipped into the soapy water. Queen turned back and lifted Abner out to dry
him. Freeland still felt the need to confirm his manhood to Queen.
"Couple of years, I'll be old enough to work on the farm," he said. "Then
no mo' school. I hates school."
George, working on the chair, chuckled, and Queen was surprised.
"I sorry to hear that, Freeland," she said. "Why you hate it?"
"Jus' coz," he shrugged.
"Jus' coz he ain't too good at it," George murmured, the devil in him, and
Freeland flicked some soapy water at him.
"Am too," he muttered.
Queen, drying Abner on her lap, chatted to him about school. She suggested
he play a game with school, and Freeland was intrigued. He liked games.
" 'Stead of going to school thinking you're going to hate it," Queen
suggested, hoping she didn't sound as if she were preaching. "Why not go
wondering if there's anything interesting you can learn? Will you do that
for me?"
Freeland shrugged. It wasn't the most exciting game, but he'd give it a
try, even if only a halfhearted one.
A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 749
"Good boy," Queen said. "And in return, I'll let you bathe yourself, and
stay up later each night, like George." Freeland thought that was a
pretty good bargain.
She tucked him into bed, in the shed, kissed him good night, and came
back into the main room of the shack. George had finished the chair and
was testing it.
"Freeland ain't never gwine like school." He smiled at Queen. She sat
with him, and found out the way of it. Boys went to school because they
had to, up to fifth grade, or sixth grade at most, and then they left and
worked the land, sharecropping for their fathers, or entered a trade.
"What if he's good at school?" Queen wondered. "What if he likes it? What
if he ain't good at farming?"
"Don't happen," George shrugged. "Be a terrible waste of a good pair of
hands."
Queen's primary concern was for Abner. She had no idea what he would be
when he grew up, but she was determined he was going to have a good
education. She remembered Cap'n Jack, and how he had taught her, and she
regretted she had not had the opportunity to learn more.
She said good night to George, picked up Abner from the cot, and went
outside, to go home.
Alec was sitting on the porch as he always did at night, puffing on his
pipe and staring at the stars. Queen came out to him and sat in Tennie's
chair, as she always did. They rocked in unison, and talked of the
children, and of the farm. It was going to be a good season.
"You work hard for it," Queen said.
Alec nodded. "I do," he agreed, He looked at Queen.
"So do you."
She nodded her agreement.
They tdiked of Massa Cherry, and Dora, and the mansion and the town, and
then Queen got up to leave.
"Best be on my way," she said.
"How's the savings going?" Alec asked her.
"Getting there," Queen said steadily. "I'm getting there."
Christmas came and it was the most wonderful festival she had ever
experienced. For the first time in her life she had a family who loved her
to share her Christmas with. She gave
750 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
presents to everyone, and they gave gifts to her, and she cried a little at
the mutual generosity. Minnie and Julie helped her cook a special Christmas
dinner, a fine big turkey with all the trimmings, and everyone helped wash
up. Abner fell asleep on Alec's bed, and Queen didn't see the point of
waking him up to go home, so she tucked him in with Minnie and Julie. She
went outside and sat with Alec.
"Where's Abner?" he asked her in surprise, and she told him that there
didn't seem to be any point in waking the boy, that Minnie and Julie would
look after him until tomorrow. Alec nodded in satisfaction, for he knew
this was a major step for Queen.
" How's the savings going?" he asked her, to make her feel secure. Queen
looked at the stars, and nodded her head slowly, but she did not speak.
It was odd to go home without Abner, but she knew he was in good hands, at
home. She laughed, and thought that she had two homes, a little room in the
mansion where she slept, and a wooden shack down the road where she lived,
and was loved. She began to think that one day she might have to make
a
decision as to which was ' her real home, but thought perhaps she already
knew. The immensity of that decision and its ramifications frightened her,
and suddenly she wanted to run back to the shack, snatch Abner away, and
bring him home to his mammy, but she didn't. She consoled herself with the
thought that it was all out of her hands. She was happy with her life as it
was, and unless Alec did something to disturb that, she didn't have to make
a decision of any kind. If anything were to change, she still had her
escape. The lifeline that he threw her every night by asking about her
savings, which indicated that he accepted she would one day leave, was her
salvation. Even if she knew it was a pretense.
She glanced at the little fire in the grate, and the flames were steady and
calm, and did not leap into her mind. She knew that the fire demons inside
her were not dead, only sleeping, but that, in itself, was a considerable
advance.
The cold days of winter gave way to spring, and now Queen was such a
permanent fixture in Alec's shack, her working positions were reversed. She
worked full time for Alec, and
A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 751
part time for Massa Cherry. To an extent she maintained her job with Massa
Cherry so she could keep her room in the mansion, for that, like Alec's
constant questioning about her savings, was an escape from something she
was not yet ready to commit to.
She loved to take the children shopping on Saturdays, for then they
seemed like a real family. Alec changed the work schedule so that
Freeland could have the day off, with George, while he ran the ferry.
They'd buy the weekly provisions, and talk with all their friends in
town, and Queen would take them all out to tea, or find them a treat.
Candy apples were their favorite, and although Queen could make them
better, buying them from the store was a favorite, tiny extravagance. On
the Fourth of July she took them all to the fair, and Alec gave her a
special allowance, so they could go on all the rides. They had a splendid
day, although Abner was sick from eating too much, and in the late
afternoon they headed for home, to eat with their father and then come
back to see the fireworks.
Scores ofcarriages and carts were lined up outside the fairgrounds, with
people coming and going, and suddenly there was a cry for help.
Someone had let off some premature firecrackers, and a frightened horse
had broken loose and was dragging its young white rider with it, the
boy's foot caught in the stirrup,
People were screaming and running out of the way. Without a moment's
hesitation, George ran at the horse, grabbed its reins and hung on,
trying to drag the terrified animal to calm. The horse, bucking and
rearing, smashed George against a fence, but he held on.
Others came running to help, subdued the horse and rescued the boy, who
was scared and bruised, but otherwise unharmed. Queen's only thought was
for George. Followed by her children, for she thought of them all as her
own, she ran to him. He was lying on the ground, grimacing in pain, his
leg broken.
The white boy's hysterical mother had found her son, and was clutching
him to her. He, shaken by his adventure but rather proud of it, insisted
he was all right.
"That nigger saved me," he said. His mother came rushing to Queen, and
thanked her profusely, asked after George's welfare.
752 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
"I think his leg's broke," Queen said. The mother, more interested in her
son's welfare than George's, drifted away, calling for help for the poor
nigger. Other, kinder, black men volunteered their help and their advice.
Someone had a cart, and carefully they laid George into it, to take him and
his family home.
At the shack, they carried George inside, while Queen organized the
children. She sent Freeland to tell his father, and told Minnie and Julie
to take Abner to Dora, at the mansion.
But Freeland did not go. He was staring at the shack, and tears were
rolling down his cheeks. Queen put her arm around him.
" He gwine be all right, Queen?" Freeland stammered through his tears, for
George was his hero. Like any good mother, Queen folded him into her
embrace, and dried his tears, and told him to go fetch his pa. She would
look after George, and he would be all right. She promised.
George was lying on Alec's cot, sweating and moaning gently. One of the
black men who had brought him in offered to go for his brother, who could
set bones. Queen shook her head. She could do it. She sent the men to find
pieces of wood and cloth, and sat with George.
She stroked his forehead, and he smiled that it was bad, and apologized to
her, but held on to her hand.
11 No need to be sorry," Queen assured him gently. "That's what I'm here
for."
She smiled, and kissed him tenderly.
"That's what mammys are for."
George knew it was a lie, for she was not his mammy, but it was sweet to
him. The men had found suitable pieces of wood and cloth, and Queen told
George that it would hurt, but she had nothing to give him, there was no
liquor in the house.
George nodded, and the men held him down while Queen felt his fractured
leg. She found the break, and caressed it for a while, crooning softly to
George, who gritted his teeth. Suddenly, and with a strength and sureness
that surprised the men who were watching, she set the bone.
Alec came home with Freeland and it was all done. George was asleep, his
leg in makeshift splints. Dora came by to see if she could help, and took
Freeland back to the mansion to
A WIFE AND MOTHER, LOVED 753
eat with the others, as a special treat. Queen made a scratch meal for the
men who had helped her, which they ate gratefully, and after some small
conversation, they drifted off to their homes.
Queen sat rocking on the porch with Alec. The sun had gone down; the night
was clear and the moon full. They rocked in silent unison for a while,
with Alec puffing on his pipe, and it felt good to both of them. Although
she understood much of the complexity and depth of her relationship with
Alec and his family, she had never thought of him as a husband or bed
partner. She had come to love him, but not in the way that she had loved
Davis. It was a different sort of love, with mutuality as its basis,
mutual trust, mutual loneliness, and mutual need. She admired him and
respected him, and believed he felt the same about her. She knew that Alec
would protect and cherish her, defend her and provide for her, and she
would respond in kind. If passion was missing from the equation, perhaps
that was no bad thing, for in its place was something of infinitely
greater value to her.
She regarded her new family as one of misfits: the orphan George, who had
become like a son to her, the motherless children of Alec,
the widowed
father, and she, the dispossessed black who looked white, and mother to
a boy whose father was dead. The mutuality of need extended beyond her-
self and Alec; it embraced all of them. The puzzle now was the next step.
Would it be more than it was, or was that enough? Was this as much as God
gave? It was almost as if Alec was not prepared to test that limit, and
Queen was not anxious that he should, lest she lose what she had.
"You got another pipe?" Queen asked him eventually.
Alec was only mildly surprised, and reached for a corncob pipe from the.
window ledge behind him. He gave it to Queen, and she sucked on it. He
offered her his tobacco, but she shook her head. It was fine as it was.
They rocked some more in silence, and Alec was moved by what had happened
that day, and deeply grateful that this woman had come into his life.
"Ain't nobody sat in that chair since Tennie died," he said. "It was her
chair. They all know it, an' they don't sit in it."
754 ALEX HALEY'S QUEEN
Queen nodded, knowing that she did not have to move.
"Didn't think I'd ever find anyone to take her place," Alec said. "Didn't
think anyone would sit in that ol' chair again."
Queen nodded again. It was a good chair, a comfortable chair. It was
home.
"How's the saving goin'?" Alec asked her softly, and Queen shook her
head.
"Not so good," she said. "Not real good at all."
It wasn't true. She was saving well, but even if she saved all the
fortune that her grandfather had once made, she would never have enough
money to leave here.
Alec stretched out his hand to her. She reached to him and put her hand
in his, and he grasped it hard.
"That's all right, then," he whispered, and his voice was gruff with
affection.
They were married in the local church, and it seemed to them that all of
Savannah came to their wedding. Minnie and Julie were bridesmaids, George
was best man, and Dora looked after Freeland and Abner.
Queen looked wonderful in white, and Mr. Cherry gave her away, because
she had no pappy to do this for her.
When the service was done, Alec kissed her, and then Dora and George
brought a broom, and placed it in front of them. Alec and Queen joined
hands and jumped over the broom into the land of matrimony, as thousands
of their forebears, slaves, had done.
They were free, and were proud of their freedom, and cherished it, but
not ashamed of their days of slavery, for it was not of their choosing
and they had survived. Free, they jumped over the broom in remembrance
of all those who had not survived, and in remembrance of the small
traditions that had helped so many endure the long years of their
bondage.
Free, they jumped over the broom, and were married, and turned back to
the cheers of the applauding congregation. And when Queen smiled at Alec,
it was with a smile that might break your heart.
88
Her father was dead, killed in an accident to his carriage caused by a
runaway wagon.
Mr. Cherry himself told her the news, in the quiet of his study. He had
read it in the newspaper.
Queen was surprised that she was not more distressed. She nodded her
head, thanked Mr. Cherry, left the house, and walked down by the river,
trying to remember Jass, who had once been the most important person in
her life. She had thought about him occasionally in the years of her
marriage to Alec, but only occasionally, and then as some fond memory of
some other life that did not matter to her now. Her new family occupied
the totality of her heart, and Alec had become husband, father, and lover
all rolled into one. She had given him two children, Annie and Conway,
fine healthy babies who were growing into fine small people whom she
loved as much as any of the others, certainly not less than Abner and
perhaps only a little more than those who were not of her own body. Abner
was still her darling, for he was her firstborn son, and had shared a
suffering with her that the others had not known, but how do you divide