would burst sometimes from the contentment that it was overflowing with. I’d somehow stumbled upon the woman of my dreams and even when I stood here like this, feeling the warmth of her flesh and the gentle rise and fall of her chest against mine, I felt like pinching myself to make sure it was real. As I’d gone through my adult life, dating women when the need arose for a date and having sex with women when the need arose for that as well, I knew that there was something I was missing out on. Robyn was it. The necessary dates had turned into evenings spent with good company and the sex was no longer about just satisfying a physical need; it was an emotional craving so deep inside of me that it had to be coming from my soul.
“Come home with me?” I asked her.
“I don’t have clothes for work in the morning…”
“I’ll take you home early, I promise. I need you tonight, please.”
She smiled and nodded. I bent down and kissed her again and then before we left I pointed up at a huge star in the sky that was so large the reflection of it covered the lake.
“Do you see that?” I asked her.
She turned and leaned her back against me as she looked up at the star. “It’s beautiful,” she said.
“It is, but not as beautiful as you,” I told her, and I meant it. “I want to make a promise to you, on that big, giant star that I will do whatever it takes to give you the most amazing life, filled with wonder and awe and music and love.” She turned to look up at me and once again had tears in her eyes. “Baby, are you sure that everything is okay?” I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why suddenly everything made her cry.
She nodded and said, “You’re standing here with me underneath this beautiful sky, telling me those beautiful things and promising me that as amazing as life since I’ve known you has been, that it’s only going to get better. There is no other way for me to react to that than with tears of absolute joy. I love you Aaron Winters.”
My heart swelled again. I suspected that she was in love with me, but that was the first time she’d said it. I had been feeling it for some time now too. My inexperience with it made me hesitant to say so however… until now.
“I love you, Robyn Hurst,” I told her. Her face was already flush from the night air, but even that was replaced with a pink glow when I told her I loved her. She put her arms around my neck and kissed me again.
“Yes, I want to go to your place.”
When we got back to my apartment we didn’t even pause to turn on the lights. We started stripping each other down on the way to the bedroom. Robyn’s fingers were nimble as she unbuttoned my shirt and her touch was assertive and eager to satisfy. Her gentle touches flooded my body with electricity, and the pleasure of it all took over my mind and rendered it defenseless of any further thoughts or worries about what was going on with her emotional state.
I relieved her of her layers of clothing and for just a moment I paused to look adoringly at every smooth inch of her skin and curves reflected in the lights of the city that flooded in through the large walls of glass surrounding the penthouse. I worshipped her with my eyes from head to toe. Taking her naked body into my arms I laid her gently onto the bed and then I lay down next to her, pressing my lips feverishly into hers.
Our bodies urgently anticipated what was to come and we were both driven into a frenzy of heated impatience. When I was with Robyn it was like my normally ordered, intellectual brain was replaced by a primal one with only the instinct to mate and unify with her, and her alone.
The rest of the world was forgotten and wrongs were forever healed as we succumbed to pure pleasure. I wanted to consume her, and as the shudders took possession of me and I moaned out her name, I swear that I could actually feel my soul merging with hers. After we were both spent and neither of us could move another of our sweaty, tired muscles we lay wrapped in each other’s arms and in an extreme state of bliss I slipped into a deep sleep.
I woke up a few hours later, cold and alone. I panicked at first, disoriented and afraid that something had happened to her. I sat up and looked around in the semi-darkness.
“Robyn?”
I heard her footsteps before I saw her. She had been standing in the corner of the room, wrapped in a blanket and looking out the window. “Hey, here I am,” she said. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“No, but why are you up? Are you okay?”
She smiled and sat down next to me. Running her hand across my face she smiled and said, “I’m fine. You’re turning into quite the worry-wart.”
“You haven’t been yourself lately,” I told her.
She nodded and said, “You’re right, I haven’t. I’m sure it’s just this illness that has set me off balance. I was just standing over there re-living a dream I had last night… in this dream, you told me that you loved me.”
I took her hand in mine and kissed the palm of it. “If that was a dream, I’m living in it too. I don’t ever want to wake up.”
Robyn came back into my arms and said, “No matter what ever happens, I love you, Aaron.” It sounded ominous almost, like she expected something bad to happen…
ROBYN
I survived the following week wrapped up in a virtual cocoon of the knowledge that Aaron loved me. It was a double-edged sword. Before, I knew that he cared for me and he enjoyed spending time with me. Losing him then would have been heart-wrenching. But now, knowing that he loves me, I think the loss of him would completely devastate me because I would know for sure that I was losing a lifetime of happiness and security.
I did my work as I always did and in my downtime I moved money around, siphoning off a little here and a little there. I had begun to tell myself that I was doing this as much for Aaron as I was myself. I was safe-guarding his reputation and his heart. If he were to discover my deceit, he may lose all of the ground he’s gained emotionally since he and I started dating at Christmas. I knew that was all just to make me feel better about the awful thing I was doing, but at this point it I had to do whatever worked. Between that and the absolute fact that I intended to pay it all back a little at a time as well, I was able to look at myself in the mirror.
By the end of the first week I’d had to talk to Igor two more times and I had over half of his money. The two times I had to talk to him made me feel so sleazy. I had always prided myself in the fact that I was a law-abiding citizen who did her best to pay her bills and give back to the community whenever possible. Now I just felt like some cheap, dirty criminal most of the time. I suppose that’s because that’s really what I had become. I can only hope that the fact I intend to pay it all back will redeem my soul in some small way. I was struggling with that thought when I heard Gary’s voice permeating through my anxious haze.
“Hi Robyn!”
“Hi Gary, how are you?”
He shrugged, he looked depressed. “I was wondering if you had a minute. I need some advice.”
“Um, okay, sure.” I was in my own mixed-up state of mind so I didn’t know how much help I would be, but if it would make him feel better I’d give it a shot.
“You know Hayley pretty well, right?” Hayley was the newest paid intern in our department. I had actually recommended her for the job. I knew her well, we’d had a lot of college courses together and had become good friends. Hayley recently moved into the city and was looking for a job. We hadn’t had any full-time positions open but we did have the paid intern role. Her student loans were coming due so she was willing to take what she could get. I thought she was so well-qualified that she’d move into the first full-time spot that opened up.
“Yeah. I know her pretty well, why?” I was getting the feeling that since Gary found out about Aaron and me and had given up hope there; he was beginning to set his sights on Hayley. She’s a beautiful girl, dark haired and petite with big brown eyes that make her look like a doll.
“I really like her,” he said. “I’ve been trying to work up my nerve to ask her out, but as you well know, I’m not good at reading
women. I’m not sure if she would be interested and I’m not sure that I can handle being shot down too many more times. Women keep telling me I need to learn how to take a hint. I guess I need to learn how to recognize them first. Or better yet, learn how to fascinate women so they’ll want to keep me around instead of dropping hints for me to go away.”
I was trying to suppress a smile. Gary was right, he wasn’t good at reading women at all. I guess it was a step in the right direction that he was beginning to realize that.
“What would you like me to do, Gary?”
“Well, I’ve had lunch with her a few times here in the cafeteria and she’s told me that she’s single. She laughs at my jokes and she seems genuinely interested in what I talk about. Do you think I can take all of that as a sign that she’d be interested in going out with me?”
“Can I be honest with you, Gary? I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I’m not a wimp. I just can’t figure out what it is about me that repels women.”
I laughed then and said, “You do not repel women, Gary. Here’s the deal, you’re an attractive and successful man, you can be very funny, you’re intelligent and well-informed, but with all that going for you what you seem to be lacking is confidence. One thing that I look for in a man is confidence. I like to see that he knows he has a lot to offer. I don’t want to be with a man that’s going to need me to constantly reassure him. I want a man who feels like I compliment him, not one that thinks he’s “completed” by me. Does that make sense?”
“So, if I had been more confident and less needy you would have gone out with me?”
I smiled and said, “Maybe, but there’s no going back. You have to move forward. Hold your head up high and be genuinely proud of yourself and your accomplishments. You have to remember that dating is usually a series of trials and errors. It’s rare that anyone is going to find “the one” right off the bat. If one girl doesn’t work out don’t internalize it. I have a feeling that’s what has happened to your confidence. If you want to ask her out, don’t do it worrying about where it’s going to go beyond the first date. Take her out, have fun and go from there. Your confidence will build each time it works.”
He was nodding and then he said, “So what about Hayley? Do you think she’ll go out with me?”
I laughed again, wondering if he processed a word of what I’d just said, “You’ll never know if you don’t ask her, Gary. Just remember that if she says no, it’s not a reflection of who you are. The more you practice that self-confidence, the more it will shine and begin to attract women that are of the caliber you deserve.”
He stood up and said, “Aaron’s lucky. I hope he knows that.”
My smile was bittersweet as I said, “I’m the lucky one and I remind myself of that daily.”
When Gary left the office I clicked back onto what I was working on. I had a flashing email icon and I clicked on it. It was from Aaron and it said, “Thinking of you. I hope you’re having a beautiful day. I love you.”
I replied to it saying, “Thinking of you, always. I love you too.”
I got up and closed my office door. For the next half hour I cried for the integrity I was slowly losing. Once it was out of my system, albeit temporarily, I cleaned myself up, pulled up my big girl panties and got back to work.
~
CHAPTER FOUR
~
ROBYN
Aaron and I had dinner that Friday night at an out of the way Indian restaurant in SoHo. I wasn’t surprised that the staff there seemed to know him as well as everyone else. We sat at a table lower to the ground than my coffee table on big, over stuffed pillows with paisley print and we ate course after course of spicy food, surrounded by the smells of burning incense and the sounds of East Indian music. It was amazing and afterwards I was so stuffed I could barely walk.
When we got outside I told Aaron, “If you keep feeding me like this I’m going to weigh two hundred pounds soon.” He grinned and gave my backside a gentle squeeze. “There will just be more of you to pat and squeeze and make love to.”
Laughing I said, “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I really do need to cut back a little on the eating out. I should start making us dinner at home.”
He took me by the hand and I thought we were walking to his car. Instead we strolled down the crowded sidewalk underneath the twinkling lights of the always lively clubs of SoHo. He stopped walking and just as I turned my face up towards his, he brought his lips down onto my mouth. It was just a gentle sweet kiss, the kind that worked like an appetizer, they satisfied at the moment, but somehow left you wanting more. He grinned at me again when he pulled his face up.
“Because I have been feeding you too much and because you’re worried about your weight, although I have no complaints, I’ve decided to work exercise into our dates. Tonight we start with dancing… the best exercise on the market.”
I looked up at the sign behind him. We were in front of a place called “Aqua.” It was a popular club. I’d gone out with Melissa and Natasha for a girl’s night out here one time. It was a wild night. What