I stopped right outside my door, standing where I had the slip of a view of the kitchen. I leaned against the wall, watching Gabriel as he laughed at something someone said, grabbing a dish from someone’s hand and placing it in the dishwasher.
I heard both George’s and Chloe’s voices. They were obviously all helping clean up. Not just the men at all. Those who fit here were cleaning up. And the scene looked perfect, just as it should. Gabriel laughed again, tipping his head back slightly, and I had that same sense again about this being where he belonged—where he was calm and happy and at ease.
My smile faded as Dominic stepped out of the hall bathroom, stopping where I stood. His eyes moved to where I’d been watching Gabriel in the kitchen.
“He didn’t always laugh like that.”
I stilled, looking back to Gabriel. He’d moved to the right, and I could only see the tiniest sliver of him now.
“When he first came home, he was so … skittish.” He paused. “We were overjoyed to have him back, of course, but he wasn’t the same. He’d always been this kid who did everything well. School, sports. Everyone loved him, you know. He just had this … something that everyone flocked to—a sort of confidence rare in a grown man, much less in a kid. In the last couple of years, he’s started to get that back. And I’ll be damned if you take that away from him, Crystal. He’s suffered enough—he deserves the best in life. He deserves to have the life meant for him and nothing less. Just because he’s always had a soft spot for taking in strays doesn’t mean I’m going to let you make this permanent. You got me?”
Crystal.
He thought he was insulting me by using the name, but hearing it gave me strength, reminded me that I had a shield.
I shot Dominic my most flirtatious, insincere smile, and he looked momentarily startled before he narrowed his eyes, his gaze shooting to my mouth.
He rubbed his bottom lip with his index finger. “I see what he sees in you, though, I’ll give you that. You have the kind of beauty that causes a man to make stupid choices. Causes a man to lose control of himself.”
“Is that right, sugar? Sounds like you know something about stupid choices.”
His eyes narrowed even more as he looked me up and down. “The difference is, Crystal, I can afford to make them. Gabriel can’t.” He paused again. “You know why he went to that strip club you work at, right?”
I looked away, refusing to answer him, refusing to let him see I was shaking inside. “He wanted Chloe, but he was too damn insecure to make a move. He’d stare at her picture, talk to her on the phone, get all dreamy eyed. He only needed you for practice, Crystal. It was her he wanted. Then you went and got yourself beaten up, and Gabriel kicked into rescuer mode.”
My heart stuttered in my chest, and I focused on keeping my breathing even, my expression unaffected, not willing to let him know how much his words hurt. How they were like a knife stabbing me in the gut. Because I knew Dominic wasn’t lying.
You can help me practice being touched by a woman.
He’d told me the truth himself. Only it wasn’t just a woman, it was Chloe. Chloe with her pretty face and her vibrant personality. Chloe. Of course he would want Chloe.
Not me. He didn’t want me, and he never really had. Or if he did, it was only because he still wasn’t completely comfortable with a woman, not quite ready to make a move on someone innocent and sweet like Chloe. How perfect: I was live-in practice. Someone to get close to behind closed doors, under tables. He’d grown comfortable with me because I didn’t really matter. I’d go back to the Platinum Pearl, and his relationship with Chloe would grow into something more and …
I smiled at Dominic again. “You have nothing to worry about. I’m no one’s permanent anything.”
He made a sound that was half agreement, half disgust, studying me as if trying to figure something out. He wobbled slightly, catching himself with a hand on the wall next to me, boxing me in. I met his eyes, refusing to look away, refusing to let him see how hurt I was, how unnerved by his closeness. He ran a finger down my cheekbone in the same way Gabriel had done the other night. Only this time it felt cold, hateful. This time I wanted to knock the hand caressing me away rather than turn into it. I lifted my chin.
“So beautiful … makes a man want to do such stupid, stupid things …” And then he moved in so quickly I was caught off guard. His mouth crashed down on mine, and I made a surprised squeak. His tongue darted into my mouth, and he pinned me against the wall, pressing his groin to my stomach. I almost brought a crutch up to beat at him, but the weight of his words crushed me just like his body was doing.
He only needed you for practice …
You can help me practice being touched by a woman.
I went still, letting him kiss me, letting his tongue invade my mouth and his hips grind against me, not caring. Not caring at all. Or at least that’s what I told myself. There was a crack in the ceiling and I focused on that … my mind drifting.
Dominic’s face was suddenly torn from mine with a wet-sounding pop, and I gasped, brought back to the moment, pressing my back into the wall, trying to rein in my mind from where it had started to wander. I turned my face away, clenching my eyes shut, expecting a blow of some sort.
“What the hell are you doing?” Gabriel’s voice, filled with anger. I opened my eyes, opening my mouth to respond. What was I doing? I … I …
“Jesus, relax.” Dominic was stumbling backward and Gabriel was standing still, one hand fisted at his side, one hand just letting go of the back of Dominic’s shirt. Dominic stumbled a few more steps, tilting forward. “I was just trying to figure out what makes her so damn appealing.”
It took me a second to register that Gabriel had been addressing Dominic, not me.
Gabriel’s chest was heaving as if he was having trouble catching his breath. Before I could even pull myself away from the wall where Dominic had had me pressed, Gabriel slammed his fist into Dominic’s face.
I heard a feminine scream. Chloe had just rushed into the hallway, George following her. Dominic reeled backward, hitting the wall behind him, his nose spraying blood as he yelled out a curse.
“Get out of my house,” Gabriel practically growled.
Dominic looked up at him, an expression of shock and deep hurt passing through his eyes. “Can’t you see what she’s doing to us?” he yelled.
“It’s you who’s doing this to us,” Gabriel shot back.
“Goddammit, Dom,” George muttered, pulling Dominic off the wall and practically dragging him toward the kitchen. Dominic followed George willingly, his hands over his bleeding nose.
Chloe looked between Gabriel and me, her face filled with shock and confusion. She seemed to be weighing what to do. After a second, she turned and followed George and Dominic, obviously having decided it was best to leave Gabriel and me alone.
My heart was hammering, a whooshing sound filling my head. Oh God, how did this happen? Gabriel turned to me, and an agonized look came over his face. He clenched his eyes shut for a second and then opened them. “Eloise …”
His voice made me react. I pulled myself straight, feeling horrified, the situation crashing down on me. Oh God, oh God. “Eloise,” Gabriel repeated, and his voice was a hoarse whisper filled with pain. His bloody fist was clenched at his side. An avenging angel. My heart pounded more harshly in my chest, and for a moment the ache was so intense I thought I might cry.
I shook my head, just needing to get away, away from his tormented eyes, away from the shame, away from the heart-wrenching despair coursing through my body at who I was and would always be. “Please,” I said, not knowing exactly what I was asking for. Time? Space? Distance? Help? All of those?
I turned toward my room and hobbled as quickly as possible to it. I saw Gabriel reach out a hand, but I moved away and it dropped, his head lowering as well. I closed the door behind me, sagging against it, wanting to disappear, wanting just to melt into nothing.
I limped to my bedsid
e table, where I picked up my phone, texting Kayla five words:
Will you pick me up?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Let’s not think at all. Let’s just find strength in each other.
Lady Eloise of the Daffodil Fields
ELLIE
The Platinum Pearl looked dingy and worn in the midmorning light. I got out of the backseat of Kayla’s car, where I’d had to sit because her passenger seat was broken and didn’t move back far enough to accommodate my cast, and grabbed my crutches. My leg would be encased in plaster for another couple of weeks at least, but I could already feel that it was knitting together well. I hadn’t taken any pain pills in two days and only felt a dull ache in my ribs.
“You need any help?” Kayla asked, slamming her car door and coming around to meet me.
“Nope. I’m good. I’m practically an expert with these things now.” I held up one crutch before I brought it to the ground, limping to meet her.
As we walked past the Dumpster, I turned my head, not wanting to think about what happened behind it that night that seemed so long ago. It surprised me that it wasn’t the beating that brought me the pang of distress, but the memory of Gabriel’s sweet face above me in the hospital hallway, how beautiful he’d looked.
Gabriel …
I forced myself to move my thoughts from him. Thinking of Gabriel now would do me no good. After last night, it was glaringly obvious that I needed to get back to my own life, my own job. It was going to take a while to pick up the pieces, but I could no longer hide away from the world at Gabriel’s. It wasn’t fair to anyone. And certainly I was no longer welcome. No doubt Gabriel was as disgusted with me as I was with myself.
When Kayla picked me up, I’d been surprised to find Gabriel’s house empty when I limped outside, yet also relieved. I’d still felt brittle and ashamed, and I didn’t want to face anyone. I’d spent a restless night on Kayla’s roommate’s couch.
Kayla held the door open for me and then gave me a quick goodbye. “You sure you’re going to be okay? I’m sorry I can’t stay.”
I mustered up a smile. “No, I’m good. I can hang out here for a couple of hours until you’re able to come back.” What I hoped was that I could use the time to study up on mixing drinks, or if Rodney let me, get familiarized with the bar.
“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Thanks, Kay.”
I limped into the lobby and made my way to Rodney’s office. Just walking through the club put a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn’t help but compare this dim, dirty place with Gabriel’s beautiful home, which was so full of life and light. Suddenly, being here made my skin crawl in ways it hadn’t before. I forced myself to swallow the sensation.
When I knocked lightly on Rodney’s office door, I heard a barked, “Yeah?” and pushed it open with one crutch.
Rodney looked up from the paperwork on his desk, an expression of genuine surprise coming over his stodgy face. He leaned back in his chair as I limped in. “Hey, Rodney.”
“Crystal.” He looked me up and down before I took a seat in the chair in front of his desk. “How are you?”
I laughed a humorless chuckle. “Just great.” Thanks for checking in on me. Your concern was just heartwarming.
“You look like shit.”
“Why thanks, Rodney. As usual, your charm is overwhelming.”
“Just telling the truth.”
I licked my lips. “Obviously I can’t dance yet. But I was hoping I could do some bartending until I’m back in working order again.”
“We don’t need a bartender.”
“But I have to get back to work. I need the money.”
“That’s not my problem.”
I gaped at him. “I was attacked and brutalized by three customers on my way out of here.”
“Company policy says you wait for a security escort to walk you to your car. You didn’t follow it.”
I took a deep breath, telling myself not to get worked up. “I realize I overlooked policy. But you can’t be suggesting that this is my fault.”
He shrugged. “Might not be your fault, but the fact remains that I don’t need a bartender. And even if I did, no one wants a gimp serving their drinks. Buzz. Kill.” His eyes moved to my chest. “Even if you do have a decent rack.”
I almost laughed at the absurdity of him, but anger overcame me before a laugh could bubble up my throat. “You are truly just an awful human being, aren’t you?”
“I’m a businessman, sweetheart. And business doesn’t care about your feelings.”
I forced myself to remain still, my small, tight smile in place. “There must be something I can do until I’m healed up enough to perform.”
Rodney grabbed what looked to be a used toothpick off his cluttered desk and picked at his teeth as he surveyed me. “Shit, you can’t even sweep floors in your condition. I don’t have anything for you. Take a month or two off and come back when you don’t look like the crash-test dummy.” He laughed at his own joke. “I’ll see if I can find some shifts for you then.”
“A month or two …,” I sputtered. “You’ll try?” Fierce anger overcame me. “I’ve never once called in sick,” I yelled. “I’ve picked up shifts whenever I was asked, taken your abuse, watched you pick your ass and pretended it didn’t disgust me, and laughed at your stupid jokes. And you can’t find something for me to do here until I’m healed?”
Rodney’s face went hard, a tick starting up in his jaw. “Get out.”
I stood up, grabbing my crutches. I wanted to hold on to the small amount of rage I’d mustered, but I just felt broken, defeated. I couldn’t hold on to anything—it all just slipped right through my fingers. And anyway, what else could I do? Beg Rodney? God, I’d rather die homeless. I turned and limped out of his office.
At the front door I remembered that I hadn’t cleaned out my locker and considered going back. But the only things in the locker were things I needed for the job: makeup, a few costume pieces, and several pairs of heels. I left them there, pushing the door open and stepping out into the bright sunlight.
Feeling drained of any energy I had walking into the Platinum Pearl, I sat down on the curb next to the door, pulling out my phone. I stared at it for a minute and then slowly put it away. The truth was I had no one to call. Kayla would come back eventually, but right now she was moving her stuff to another friend’s house. The girl she’d been living with had to ask her to move out when her sister showed up in town and needed a place to stay.
God, we were all just half-naked nomads, moving from one temporary situation to another. It was exhausting. And pitiful.
A truck pulled up next to me, blocking out the sun. I squinted up at the driver. George. Blowing out a breath, I pulled myself up and made my way to the driver’s side window of his truck.
“I didn’t expect to see you here, George.”
George tilted his head. “No, I don’t imagine you expect much at all, do you, Ellie?”
I blew out a breath, smoothing a few pieces of hair back that had escaped my ponytail. I looked off into the distance unseeing, feeling sapped of strength. Sapped of the will to be anything but honest. “No, I guess I don’t.” Never have. Never will. Hope is too dangerous.
“I take it things didn’t go well in there.”
“No, they didn’t.”
George was silent for a moment, looking off into the distance before focusing back on me. “Dominic’s moved in with me temporarily.”
“Okay.” I didn’t know how I felt about that. Didn’t really want to think about Dominic at all at the moment.
He cocked his head to the other side of his truck. “Want a ride?”
“Where to?”
“Home.”
My eyes lingered on George for a moment before I nodded slowly.
“Need some help getting in?”
“No, I can manage.” I went around the front of George’s truck, slid my crutches behind the front seat, and used the sma
ll step to help me climb up into the passenger side. He pulled out of the parking lot, and I looked over my shoulder as the Platinum Pearl grew smaller and smaller. Some instinct in my gut told me it was the last time I’d ever be there, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. I really had no other employment options and virtually no skills that didn’t include my naked body. I leaned my head back on the seat and let George determine exactly what road led home.
We drove in relative silence, and I was glad because I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept more than half an hour the night before, and I took the opportunity to rest my eyes as the whir of the truck lulled me half to sleep. I was too drained to think of anything much at all and was grateful for the reprieve from my own desperate thoughts, grateful that the impact of losing my job on top of everything else seemed like nothing more than a distant worry … at the moment anyway. I knew the feeling was temporary, and so I took advantage of the calm it provided while it lasted.
When we pulled up in front of a small ranch house on a quiet residential street in Morlea, I looked over at George, confused. He nodded his head toward the house. “Come on. We’re not going in the house. Just the garage and I’ll leave it wide open. Dominic’s at work.”
“What are we doing?”
“Follow me.”
I got out of the truck hesitantly, grabbing my crutches and looking around at the tranquil, tree-lined street. A woman walked by, a small beagle on a leash trotting next to her. She smiled and called out a greeting to George, and he called back a hello.
George opened his garage and walked inside, calling my name. I approached tentatively and saw that it was a clean space, smaller than Gabriel’s, but with a similar work counter taking up the entirety of one wall, an old refrigerator humming in the back. In the middle of the space there was a punching bag hanging from the ceiling.
I stepped inside. “George, what are we doing?”
“I’m gonna teach you how to defend yourself.”