CHAPTER V.
LOVE.
When I came to myself I remained some time without understanding whathad befallen me, nor where I chanced to be. I was in bed in anunfamiliar room, and I felt very weak indeed. Saveliitch was standing byme, a light in his hand. Someone was unrolling with care the bandagesround my shoulder and chest. Little by little my ideas grew clearer. Irecollected my duel and guessed without any difficulty that I had beenwounded. At this moment the door creaked slightly on its hinges.
"Well, how is he getting on?" whispered a voice which thrilled throughme.
"Always the same still," replied Saveliitch, sighing; "alwaysunconscious, as he has now been these four days."
I wished to turn, but I had not strength to do so.
"Where am I? Who is there?" I said, with difficulty. Marya Ivanofna camenear to my bed and leaned gently over me.
"How do you feel?" she said to me.
"All right, thank God!" I replied in a weak voice. "It is you, MaryaIvanofna; tell me--"
I could not finish. Saveliitch exclaimed, joy painted on his face--
"He is coming to himself!--he is coming to himself! Oh! thanks be toheaven! My father Petr' Andrejitch, have you frightened me enough? Fourdays! That seems little enough to say, but--"
Marya Ivanofna interrupted him.
"Do not talk to him too much, Saveliitch; he is still very weak."
She went away, shutting the door carefully.
I felt myself disturbed with confused thoughts. I was evidently in thehouse of the Commandant, as Marya Ivanofna could thus come and see me! Iwished to question Saveliitch; but the old man shook his head and turneda deaf ear. I shut my eyes in displeasure, and soon fell asleep. Uponwaking I called Saveliitch, but in his stead I saw before me MaryaIvanofna, who greeted me in her soft voice. I cannot describe thedelicious feeling which thrilled through me at this moment, I seized herhand and pressed it in a transport of delight, while bedewing it with mytears. Marya did not withdraw it, and all of a sudden I felt upon mycheek the moist and burning imprint of her lips. A wild flame of lovethrilled through my whole being.
"Dear, good Marya Ivanofna," I said to her, "be my wife. Consent to giveme happiness."
She became reasonable again.
"For heaven's sake, calm yourself," she said, withdrawing her hand. "Youare still in danger; your wound may reopen; be careful of yourself--wereit only for my sake."
After these words she went away, leaving me at the height of happiness.I felt that life was given back to me.
"She will be mine! She loves me!"
This thought filled all my being.
From this moment I hourly got better. It was the barber of the regimentwho dressed my wound, for there was no other doctor in all the fort,and, thank God, he did not attempt any doctoring. Youth and naturehastened my recovery. All the Commandant's family took the greatestcare of me. Marya Ivanofna scarcely ever left me. It is unnecessary tosay that I seized the first favourable opportunity to resume myinterrupted proposal, and this time Marya heard me more patiently. Shenaively avowed to me her love, and added that her parents would, in allprobability, rejoice in her happiness.
"But think well about it," she used to say to me. "Will there be noobjections on the part of your family?"
These words made me reflect. I had no doubt of my mother's tenderness;but knowing the character and way of thinking of my father, I foresawthat my love would not touch him very much, and that he would call ityouthful folly. I frankly confessed this to Marya Ivanofna, but in spiteof this I resolved to write to my father as eloquently as possible toask his blessing. I showed my letter to Marya Ivanofna, who found it soconvincing and touching that she had no doubt of success, and gaveherself up to the feelings of her heart with all the confidence of youthand love.
I made peace with Chvabrine during the early days of my convalescence.Ivan Kouzmitch said to me, reproaching me for the duel--
"You know, Petr' Andrejitch, properly speaking, I ought to put you underarrest; but you are already sufficiently punished without that. As toAlexey Ivanytch, he is confined by my order, and under strict guard, inthe corn magazine, and Vassilissa Igorofna has his sword under lock andkey. He will have time to reflect and repent at his ease."
I was too happy to cherish the least rancour. I began to intercede forChvabrine, and the good Commandant, with his wife's leave, agreed to sethim at liberty. Chvabrine came to see me. He expressed deep regret forall that had occurred, declared it was all his fault, and begged me toforget the past. Not being of a rancorous disposition, I heartilyforgave him both our quarrel and my wound. I saw in his slander theirritation of wounded vanity and rejected love, so I generously forgavemy unhappy rival.
I was soon completely recovered, and was able to go back to my quarters.I impatiently awaited the answer to my letter, not daring to hope, buttrying to stifle sad forebodings that would arise. I had not yetattempted any explanation as regarded Vassilissa Igorofna and herhusband. But my courtship could be no surprise to them, as neither Maryanor myself made any secret of our feelings before them, and we were surebeforehand of their consent.
At last, one fine day, Saveliitch came into my room with a letter in hishand.
I took it trembling. The address was written in my father's hand.
This prepared me for something serious, since it was usually my motherwho wrote, and he only added a few lines at the end. For a long time Icould not make up my mind to break the seal. I read over the solemnaddress:--
"To my son, Petr' Andrejitch Grineff, District of Orenburg, FortBelogorsk."
I tried to guess from my father's handwriting in what mood he hadwritten the letter. At last I resolved to open it, and I did not need toread more than the first few lines to see that the whole affair was atthe devil. Here are the contents of this letter:--
"My Son Petr',--
"We received the 15th of this month the letter in which you ask ourparental blessing and our consent to your marriage with Marya Ivanofna,the Mironoff daughter.[46] And not only have I no intention of givingyou either my blessing or my consent, but I intend to come and punishyou well for your follies, like a little boy, in spite of your officer'srank, because you have shown me that you are not fit to wear the swordentrusted to you for the defence of your country, and not for fightingduels with fools like yourself. I shall write immediately to AndrejKarlovitch to beg him to send you away from Fort Belogorsk to some placestill further removed, so that you may get over this folly.
"Upon hearing of your duel and wound your mother fell ill with sorrow,and she is still confined to her bed.
"What will become of you? I pray God may correct you, though I scarcelydare trust in His goodness.
"Your father,
"A.G."
The perusal of this letter aroused in me a medley of feelings. Theharsh expressions which my father had not scrupled to make use of hurtme deeply; the contempt which he cast on Marya Ivanofna appeared to meas unjust as it was unseemly; while, finally, the idea of being sentaway from Fort Belogorsk dismayed me. But I was, above all, grieved atmy mother's illness.
I was disgusted with Saveliitch, never doubting that it was he who hadmade known my duel to my parents. After walking up and down awhile in mylittle room, I suddenly stopped short before him, and said to him,angrily--
"It seems that it did not satisfy you that, thanks to you, I've beenwounded and at death's door, but that you must also want to kill mymother as well."
Saveliitch remained motionless, as it struck by a thunderbolt.
"Have pity on me, sir," he exclaimed, almost sobbing. "What is it youdeign to tell me--that I am the cause of your wound? But God knows I wasonly running to stand between you and Alexey Ivanytch's sword. Accursedold age alone prevented me. What have I now done to your mother?"
"What did you do?" I retorted. "Who told you to write and denounce me?Were you put in my service to be a spy upon me?"
"I denounce you!" replied Saveliitch, in tears. "Oh, good heavens! Here,be
so good as to read what master has written to me, and see if it was Iwho denounced you."
With this he drew from his pocket a letter, which he offered to me, andI read as follows:--
"Shame on you, you old dog, for never writing and telling me anythingabout my son, Petr' Andrejitch, in spite of my strict orders, and thatit should be from strangers that I learn his follies! Is it thus you doyour duty and act up to your master's wishes? I shall send you to keepthe pigs, old rascal, for having hid from me the truth, and for yourweak compliance with the lad's whims. On receipt of this letter, I orderyou to let me know directly the state of his health, which, judging bywhat I hear, is improving, and to tell me exactly the place where he washit, and if the wound be well healed."
Evidently Saveliitch had not been the least to blame, and it was I whohad insulted him by my suspicions and reproaches. I begged his pardon,but the old man was inconsolable.
"That I should have lived to see it!" repeated he. "These be the thanksthat I have deserved of my masters for all my long service. I am an olddog. I'm only fit, to keep pigs, and in addition to all this I am thecause of your wound. No, my father, Petr' Andrejitch, 'tis not I who amto blame, it is rather the confounded '_mossoo_;' it was he who taughtyou to fight with those iron spits, stamping your foot, as though byramming and stamping you could defend yourself from a bad man. It was,indeed, worth while spending money upon a '_mossoo_' to teach you that."
But who could have taken the trouble to tell my father what I had done.The General? He did not seem to trouble himself much about me; and,indeed, Ivan Kouzmitch had not thought it necessary to report my duel tohim. I could not think. My suspicions fell upon Chvabrine; he alonecould profit by this betrayal, which might end in my banishment from thefort and my separation from the Commandant's family. I was going to tellall to Marya Ivanofna when she met me on the doorstep.
"What has happened?" she said to me. "How pale you are!"
"All is at an end," replied I, handing her my father's letter.
In her turn she grew pale. After reading the letter she gave it me back,and said, in a voice broken by emotion--
"It was not my fate. Your parents do not want me in your family; God'swill be done! God knows better than we do what is fit for us. There isnothing to be done, Petr' Andrejitch; may you at least be happy."
"It shall not be thus!" I exclaimed, seizing her hand. "You love me; Iam ready for anything. Let us go and throw ourselves at your parents'feet. They are honest people, neither proud nor hard; they--they willgive us their blessing--we will marry, and then with time, I am sure, weshall succeed in mollifying my father. My mother will intercede for us,and he will forgive me."
"No, Petr' Andrejitch," replied Marya, "I will not marry you withoutthe blessing of your parents. Without their blessing you would not behappy. Let us submit to the will of God. Should you meet with anotherbetrothed, should you love her, _God be with you_,[47] Petr' Andrejitch,I--I will pray for you both."
She began to cry, and went away. I meant to follow her to her room; butI felt unable to control myself, and I went home. I was seated, deep inmelancholy reflections, when Saveliitch suddenly came and interruptedme.
"Here, sir," said he, handing me a sheet of paper all covered withwriting, "see if I be a spy on my master, and if I try to sow discordbetwixt father and son."
I took the paper from his hand; it was Saveliitch's reply to the letterhe had received. Here it is word for word--
"My lord, Andrej Petrovitch, our gracious father, I have received yourgracious letter, in which you deign to be angered with me, your serf,bidding me be ashamed of not obeying my master's orders. And I, who amnot an old dog, but your faithful servant, I do obey my master's orders,and I have ever served you zealously, even unto white hairs. I did notwrite to you about Petr' Andrejitch's wound in order not to frighten youwithout cause, and now we hear that our mistress, our mother, AvdotiaVassilieva is ill of fright, and I shall go and pray heaven for herhealth. Petr' Andrejitch has been wounded in the chest, beneath theright shoulder, under one rib, to the depth of a _verchok_[48] and ahalf, and he has been taken care of in the Commandant's house, whitherwe brought him from the river bank, and it was the barber here, StepanParamonoff, who treated him; and now Petr' Andrejitch, thank God, isgoing on well, and there is nothing but good to tell of him. Hissuperiors, according to hearsay, are well pleased with him, andVassilissa Igorofna treats him as her own son; and because such anaffair should have happened to him you must not reproach him; the horsemay have four legs and yet stumble. And you deign to write that you willsend me to keep the pigs. My lord's will be done. And now I salute youdown to the ground.
"Your faithful serf,
"ARKHIP SAVELIEFF."
I could not help smiling once or twice as I read the good old man'sletter. I did not feel equal to writing to my father. And to make mymother easy the letter of Saveliitch seemed to me amply sufficient.
From this day my position underwent a change. Marya Ivanofna scarcelyever spoke to me, and even tried to avoid me. The Commandant's housebecame unbearable to me; little by little I accustomed myself to stayalone in my quarters.
At first Vassilissa Igorofna remonstrated, but, seeing I persisted in myline of conduct, she left me in peace. I only saw Ivan Kouzmitch whenmilitary duties brought us in contact. I had only rare interviews withChvabrine, whom I disliked the more that I thought I perceived in him asecret enmity, which confirmed all the more my suspicions. Life became aburden to me. I gave myself up, a prey to dark melancholy, which wasfurther fed by loneliness and inaction. My love burnt the more hotly formy enforced quiet, and tormented me more and more. I lost all liking forreading and literature. I was allowing myself to be completely castdown, and I dreaded either becoming mad or dissolute, when eventssuddenly occurred which strongly influenced my life, and gave my mind aprofound and salutary rousing.