“Very well, sir; I’ll take Hubert’s name out of the hat. That still leaves endless possibilities, does it not? And I will try always to respect your dignity. But, speaking of meals on time, I had better get busy or your dinner will be late.”
“Why not just cold cuts and such when we feel like it and heat a tin of soup? I was thinking of a nap.”
“Shall I join you, sir?”
“I said ‘nap,’ sweetheart. Sleep. A nap with you is not restful. Old Senor Jacob needs a siesta.”
“Yes, sir. May I finish quickly what I was saying? We can take care of anyone who wants to retire, or wants another job, or wishes to stay on with Hugo. But I am hoping that some of them might come with us as crew in our trimaran or whatever. Especially if they’ve been to sea before and know something about it.”
“Finchley does. He was sent up for smuggling or some such.”
“I was hoping that all of my mobiles except Hugo—and Rockford, if you want him—might decide to sail with us. They are all strong and able, and not much family problem. Fred’s wife split some months back, Dabrowski has no children at home, and Olga might be willing to be a chambermaid—stewardess, I should say—if she likes to sail; she’s insisted on doing most of the cleaning and such here even though she doesn’t have to. As for the Finchleys, Tom is just what we need—it wasn’t smuggling drugs; they were running arms into Central America as I recall, and he was first mate—and Hester Finchley is a good cook. Eve is no problem, she already knows how to read and write and do arithmetic—and if they tell her about this, she’ll be teasing her parents to take the job; all kids want to travel. Dear? If you are going in, would you see who’s on guard at the lift, and ask him to dig out Finchley? He may know something about trimarans.”
“I think he has the watch now. Shall I chuck you a robe?”
“Am I getting too much sun? Doesn’t feel so; I’ve been using the lotion. Oh! You mean for Thomas the Tom Cat? But, dear, we’ve been swimming with him and his family every day. As well as with Fred and the Dabrowskis.”
“I don’t give a hoot, dear, but I thought you were anxious to preserve appearances.”
“Seems silly when I swim and sunbathe with all of them. As for appearances, didn’t I see you patting Hester’s bottom in the pool yesterday? Or was it Wednesday?”
“It was Tuesday and it wasn’t Hester, it was her daughter Eve. Just practicing to be a sex maniac, Beautiful—nothing serious. So don’t be jealous.”
“Beloved, the day I’m jealous of a little girl I want you to beat me. Not spank me. Beat some sense into me, woodshed style. But it was Hester, not her daughter. My gallant, wonderful Jacob would never bother a little girl.”
“Perhaps not but that little girl bothers the hell out of me. Furthermore she does it on purpose.”
“Poor Jake. Even thirteen-year-olds won’t leave him alone. I’m not surprised; I didn’t leave him alone, either.”
“In this case, she’s thirteen-going-on-twenty-one. I’ll make you a deal, dearest. I’ll carefully avoid chaperoning you with her father if you will be very careful always to chaperon me with his daughter.”
“Yes, sir. To hear is to obey, my lord—though I am chagrined that you think I might need chaperoning—or not chaperoning, as the case may be—with one of our servants. But how about Hester? Must I always be sure to be in sight when she’s around?”
“Mind your own business, wench. Uh, no need to be fanatical about it. I want them all to feel easy when they come up here to swim as I don’t want any of our household ever to swim in that sewage down there. You know the coliform count in that beautiful surf. That was the deal we offered—stay off the beaches entirely and they could swim in our pool at any time. So we sacrifice a little privacy but don’t have one of them picking up amebiasis or such and spreading it through our whole family. It evens out—and they are all nice people…even our precocious Eve who’s doing her best to see if she can upset me.”
“I haven’t minded, Jacob; it is not good to be too much alone. But we were speaking of Hester’s bottom. Shapely, huh?”
“Hon, you’re as bad as Eve. I’m going to go and say ten Money Hums and catch that siesta. I’ll send out Tom. Don’t let me sleep more than an hour. Kiss.”
She turned her face up. As he left she dived in, swam a couple of lengths and climbed out, was waiting, staring down at the yacht harbor when Finchley arrived. “You sent for me, Ma’am?”
She smiled. “Thomas Cattus, that’s not my name when we’re alone.”
He glanced over his shoulder, said almost soundlessly, “Pussy Cat, the Boss is awake.”
“So he is. But he’s gone to his room and closed the door. Siesta. He’ll be asleep in almost no time. But I don’t mean to scare you, Thomas Cattus dear. Come here to the rail, want to show you something. Have you done any sailing? Or has it all been power?”
“Sailing? Oh, sure, I grew up on Chesapeake Bay. Cat boats and such.”
“Ever sail a trimaran?”
“Never skippered one. Crewed in one when I was sixteen.”
“What do you think of them?”
“Depends on what for. Okay if you want something more like a houseboat than a racer. But I wouldn’t have one without an auxiliary engine. In tight waters they can be as awkward as two people in a bathtub.”
“Ever try it in a bathtub, Thomas Cattus?”
“Sure, who hasn’t? Okay for a giggle with a few drinks aboard. But a bed is better. Or a floor.”
“How about a sunbathing mat?”
“Pussy Cat, you enjoy scaring me. You gonna get us caught, yet.”
“Rhetorical question, dear; I wasn’t twisting your arm. Tell me, do you think Hester and Jake have ever made it?”
“Practically certain they never.” He grinned at her. “But I can tell you something.”
“Then do. Pretty please. Pretty Tom Cat with the muscles.”
“Not Hester’s fault they haven’t. I know. She told me bang, one night, while we were at it. Said the Boss could have it any time he reached for it. Hester thinks the Boss is God’s right hand.”
“Well, so do I. But it doesn’t keep me from appreciating my Thomas Cat. How would you feel about it? Jake and Hester.”
“Me?” He looked astonished. “Look, Pussy Cat, you know if anybody does I don’t see no sense in putting a fence around a broad. Just makes her want to jump it. I’d ruther hold open the gate for her, she wants to.”
“I said, ‘How would you feel about it, dear?’”
“Oh.” Her driver-guard looked thoughtful. “Wouldn’t get my nose out of joint. The Boss is numero uno, da kine. Rozzer?”
“Roz.”
“He knocked up a broad, he’d pay. No huhu. But no huhu anyhow; we were only licensed for one and Hester had herself fixed, right after she had Eve. Good broad I married—didn’t split when I dropped one, took me back when I was paroled. Oh, she shacked, sure—but just with her boss, she worked. Didn’t peddle it. Or kept it to herself, didn’t tell me. Hester and the Boss? Sure, if they want to. Told her so, bang. Have fun, I told her.”
“Mmm… Thomas Cattus, let’s give them a chance. Or six chances. Might be insurance for us, later.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Smart thinking, Pussy Cat. But how? And would he? The Boss?”
“I feel sure he would if he knew it was safe. Private, I mean; Jake has courage under fire, just as you have, dear. Main problem is to get Eve out from underfoot. Mmm…you could take me shopping or such and I could ask Hester to get Mr. Salomon’s lunch…then as an afterthought I could invite Eve to come with me. Hmm?”
“With either Fred or Ski up here? No good, Pussy Cat.”
“All it needs is a time when you have the guard. Jake won’t send for your relief; at most he’ll lock open the lift door. He doesn’t worry about him, he worries about guarding me.”
“Mmm…roz. Could work if he wants it. You’re filling out, Pussy Cat. Tits prettier than ever.”
“Joe say
s a woman gets prettier as she bigs out. But I don’t think many men think so.”
“Hester looked awful cute, clear up to the last minute. And on you it looks good, too. Uh…you’re sure the Boss is asleep?”
“Certain enough that I’m willing to risk it. But I don’t mean to scare you, dear. Want to wait and see how our plans for Jake and Hester work out?”
“Uh…oh, hell, we might all be dead by then.”
“Right here?”
“Uh, copter might cruise by.”
“Let’s go into the lanai.”
27
Harvard University Corporation voted to withhold all funds until the Student Government selected a new university president. Both of the rival student governments and the faculty senate sought court relief from this “reckless and irresponsible action.” CONS BEST COPS SEZ FUZZ PREZ—the General Secretary of the Private Police, Guards, and Security Drivers (AFL) at its annual banquet congratulated Milwaukee on joining the growing list of municipalities that had abolished the “clean record” rule in hiring peace officers. “The outstanding success of parolees and probationers as licensed private security officers is finally teaching the politicians to ‘hunt ducks where the ducks are.’ The Bible says ‘To catch a thief you set a thief,’ don’t it? Who knows more about hoods than a hood? Give a man incentives to keep his nose clean and put him on work he understands and you can count on him in the crunch. My Mom kept telling me that when I was just a punk knockin’ over candy stores. Besides, like the Sec’etary of the Treasury told us earlier tonight, ‘Look what it’s done for the economy!’ In this great republic—”
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The Lunar Commission made permanent its trial policy of screening out-migration solely on physical and mental examination with no percentage points either plus or minus from past record. The Director said: “In a new world a man must start with a clean slate. No other policy is practical.” Under sharp questioning he admitted that contributions for unsubsidized vocations remained unchanged but insisted that this was a fiscal matter controlled by the condominium governments and in no way affected the basic principle. HOT WORDS IN CAP-PUN DEBATE: “‘—does not deter!’ So he tells us. Is the Senator from the great State of Puerto Rico aware that our major problem is recidivism? Can the Senator cite one case in which a killer committed still another murder after he was executed?”
“Whee! Joe, see how she runs before the wind!”
“Swell.”
“Gets me clear down in my gizzard,” Joan Eunice said happily. “Let’s go aft. Winnie’s got the wheel and be sure to be impressed; she’s proud as can be that Tom has let her go on the watch list. She’s a natural sailor, salt water in her veins. Gigi, what’s the matter, dear? You aren’t smiling. Feeling queasy?”
“Uh, a little, maybe.”
“I must admit that the ‘Pussy Cat’ does have a rocking-horse motion when she’s running free. Love it myself but some don’t. Never mind, dear; Doctor Roberto has a surefire pill for tipsy tummy. I’ll fetch you one and in five minutes the motion won’t bother you and you’ll be hungry as a horse.”
“I don’t take pills, Joan. I’m all right.”
“You aren’t all right and when we go below you won’t want lunch and Hester told me she was fixing something special in your honor. Look, darling, Roberto feeds these pills to Winnie—one before breakfast every day and he had her on them for morning sickness before they came aboard. He’s a careful doctor, hon; he wouldn’t give them to his own wife if they could hurt. Nobody ever gets a pill of any sort in the ‘Pussy Cat’ unless our ship’s surgeon dispenses it. Pretty please? Huh?”
“Gigi.”
“Yes, Joe.”
“Take pill.”
“Yes, Joe. Thanks, Joan, I do feel fluttery. I guess you think I’m silly but I’ve seen so many kids hooked on pills I’m scared of ’em.”
“I don’t like pills but I take ’em when Doctor Roberto says to. He’s got me on supplements right now for this little monster inside me. You stay up here in the breeze, dear, while I find Roberto.”
“‘Sailing, sailing, over the bounding main!’” Mr. Jacob Salomon bellowed, as he swung up into the control console. “Morning, Ski.”
“Good morning, Captain. On port tack with basic course one five—”
“I see what it is. Beat it down below and get your breakfast.” Salomon slid into the saddle and glanced at the compass as he took the wheel. “We didn’t leave you anything but you can scrounge ship’s biscuit out of the lifeboat.”
“Hester won’t let me starve, sir.”
“Nor Olga. Now beat it.” Jake eyed his sails, decided he could point a touch higher, reached out with his right hand to the running rigging controls, kept tapping a switch to shorten his main sheet, his eye on her mainsail, while he handled the wheel by touch till he had her settled down on a tighter tack. Then he adjusted his jibs and relaxed.
“Good morning, Captain.”
“Tom, save that for witnesses. It’s all very well for Mrs.
Salomon to want me dubbed with an honorary title but we all know who’s the sailing master by our ship’s papers. You’re skipper and have the responsibility; I’m just the owner and unlicensed first mate. Eunice ought not to do it—but we have to cater to the little darlings. Speaking of little darlings, how are your two this fine morning? Didn’t see Eve at breakfast.”
“She ate before you got up, sir. Seen her and told her she’s goin’ to have to wear pants from now on, except in the pool or near it.”
“Don’t see why she should, the other gals don’t unless it happens to suit them. I just don’t want her swarming into my lap, naked as an eel and twice as lively. Gives me delusions of youth.”
“I’ll clamp down on her, sir.”
“Tom, I don’t want the child ‘clamped down on.’ I want everybody to enjoy this cruise—one big happy family. Ask Hester to tell her quietly that old Uncle Jake loves her but doesn’t like to be pawed. A lie, that last, but an official lie. Speaking of the pool, how’s the filter?”
“Filter’s okay, was just a clog in makeup feed line. Kelp. No huhu.”
“Has the surgeon tested the water?”
“Safe.”
“That’s good. Tom, when I was a kid, striking for quartermaster third, we used to swim off the boat booms and thought nothing of it. But today even the Pacific Ocean can’t soak up all the crud they dump into it. You can put swimming call on the bull horn and take the Skull-and-Crossbones sign off the pool.”
“Aye, aye, sir.”
“Half a second while I make eight bells.” Jake reached out with his left hand, picked the last touchplate of a row of eight; the quadruple double Bong! marking the beginning of the forenoon watch rang through the vessel. He then picked still another touchplate and sounded swimming call himself. “Tom, if a man didn’t have to eat or sleep, he could sail this wagon around the world by himself. Three men could do it easily. Even two.”
“Maybe.”
“You sound doubtful, Tom.”
“Even one man could, sir—if nothin’ never went wrong. Something always does.”
“I stand corrected. And with two pregnant women aboard—three if you don’t keep a close eye on Eve—”
“Oh, Dr. Garcia got her on the junior pill. I don’t take no chances, sir.”
“So? Tom, my respect for you—high—has just increased. She’s safe from her Uncle Jacob…bu
t I make no promises about any other male in this bucket. There is something in salt air that hikes up the metabolism. And there is much truth in the old saw about ‘when they’re big enough, they’re old enough and nothing can be done about it.’ Better to roll with the punch.”
“She is and she has and we did—I had this here talk with the Doc. Hester and me don’t expect no more from Eve different than we did ourselves. Anybody knows when a broad starts getting broad she’s goin’ to land on her back.”
“Yes, everybody knows it—yet most parents don’t believe it when it comes to their own kids. I know, I had a family law practice for years. Tom, you’re such an all-around sensible man I’m surprised that you ever got in trouble.”
His sailing master shrugged. “Comes o’ believing what I was told, sir. ’M chief officer of this rust bucket and Captain says keep my lip tight and see nothin’ and we make ten times as much on one voyage. All fixed. Only he got smart and hung onto the bribe money hisself. Thought he could run it in the dark. You‘da thought he’d never heard of radar. Wham! Coast Guard.” Finchley shrugged again. “No complaints, sir, I was a fool. But two years and four months and I get this much better job driving for Mr. Smith-as-was. Smellin’ like a rose. Not so trusting now, is all. Don’t trust too much, you don’t get your ass burned.”
“Yet you don’t seem cynical. Tom, I think the major problem in growing up is to become sophisticated without becoming cynical.”
“That’s over my head, Counselor. I just think people are okay, mostly—even that silly skipper—if you don’t strain ’em more than they’re built for. Like that piece of standing rigging there. Rated three tons. Pro’ly take five and no trouble. Don’t put six tons on it.”