‘I sat down again, hoping that this might ease my headache. It helped a bit, as did the rubbing of my temples. Now I was able to think, to try to get some grasp of what had happened to me. I had been in my room and I had seen men on the terrace and then … The realisation came swiftly, and it was a frightening one. Burundanga. I had become a victim of burundanga. It all fitted: the man with the cloth, the amnesia, the waking with a headache.
‘I knew about burundanga because I had been told about by one of the young assistants at the school in Barranquilla. It had not happened to him - these stories rarely happened to the person who told them - but it had befallen a cousin in Medellin, a city noted for its lawlessness. This cousin had accepted a lift in a car - a rash thing to do in Colombia - and had been offered a piece of cake by the driver. He accepted it and began to eat the cake, and then passed out. The next thing he knew, he was lying at the roadside more than fifty miles away, clad only in his underpants. Everything had been stolen, including his clothes. He was picked up by a passing police car and was told by the policemen that finding somebody in his state by the side of the road was nothing unusual. They explained how the drug known as burundanga - or scopolamine, to give it its scientific name - was a boon to thieves. It could be administered orally or by simply throwing a powder in the victim’s face so that it would be breathed in. Once under its influence one became completely compliant. That young man by the roadside would not have had to be stripped; he would have undressed without protest and handed over all his possessions with the same obliging meekness. And then came sleep and complete amnesia.
‘I had listened to this explanation with fascinated horror. I had heard some disturbing things since I had come to Colombia. I had heard of the ease with which one could arrange for the disposal of another - the price of a drive-by shooting in most places was little more than the cost of a night’s stay in a modest hotel, or of a meal in a good restaurant. And such things could be arranged with virtual impunity. The police could not cope with the burden of looking into every homicide, and how could they possibly work out which youth on which motorcycle had pulled the trigger? That had appalled me, but somehow this drugging struck me as being particularly sinister. I was struck, I suppose, by the overcoming of the personality that it involved. There was something especially disturbing about the idea that the victim could be made to comply so absolutely, could be led like a lamb to slaughter. And now it had happened to me, although I was fully clothed. They must have dressed me, I thought. I looked down: the clothes were mine, as were the shoes. I had been wearing pyjamas when they struck, and so I had been dressed as one might dress a mannequin, or I had dressed myself on their orders, like an automaton, a puppet.’
Chapter 40: Hugh’s Confession
Hugh told this extraordinary story without interruption, while Barbara listened wide-eyed. Had this narrative been delivered by an actor in a studio, dictated with all the dramatic emphasis required for a noir offering from some breathless writer of thrillers, it would have been difficult enough to believe; but here it was being told by somebody Barbara Ragg knew and trusted, delivered with a straight-faced sobriety and lack of embellishment that only enhanced its credibility. Hugh, though, sought reassurance that he was being believed.
‘I’m not making this up,’ he said. ‘I promise you. This really happened.’
She reached out to take his hand. ‘Of course you’re not, my darling. And I believe you.’
‘It’s just that you look … well, rather astounded.’
She let go of his hand. ‘Astounded? Yes, well, who can blame me? It’s quite astounding. It’s like listening to David Balfour.’
He took the reference. ‘Kidnapped was one of my favourite books when I was a boy. I had a copy that had belonged to my father when he was a boy. I loved it because David goes through our part of the world on his way back to Edinburgh. I used to think that perhaps he walked across our farm. I played at being David Balfour.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I had Anne of Green Gables, and I longed to be Anne. More girly.’
‘You were, of course, a girl.’
‘I was. But please carry on. You found yourself in a ship’s cabin. You said that those people owned cruise liners. It was …’
He took over. ‘Yes, it was one of their ships. Or so I imagined - I didn’t see them, the cousins themselves, but it didn’t take long to put two and two together. In fact, by the time the door of the cabin opened - I had discovered I was locked in - I had more or less worked out what had happened to me. They had offered me a job of some sort on the boat and I’d refused. But what I had forgotten was that this was Colombia and these people were, as I had been told, very influential. In Colombia that means one thing - they were Colombian mafia, big-time narcotraficantes. And what I didn’t take account of, in my naivety, was that you simply did not decline an invitation from people like that. My hostess had tried to spell it out to me, and her son had underlined it, but I thought I knew better. Big mistake.
‘You know, Barbara, because we live in a country like this, where the law is respected and even the most powerful can be called to account, we have no real idea of what it must be like to live in a place where you can’t make the assumption, where there are people who consider themselves above the law and can do exactly what they want. It’s a very strange feeling, you know - a feeling of being utterly and completely helpless. You feel powerless; you feel very much alone. And remember that I was only experiencing a little bit of it. I was in many ways a privileged outsider - I possessed a passport, even if I didn’t have it on me; there was an embassy in Bogota that could make enquiries as to my whereabouts, that would kick up a fuss if one of its citizens was in trouble - all of that. But imagine what it’s like if you’re a landless peasant in such a place, or a little person eking out a living in a stinking barrio, or a servant whose job depends on the whim of some heartless employer who cares nothing for you? Think of what that’s like. Just think of what it’s like to be nobody, and to realise that people can do whatever they like to you and you’ll have no recourse, none at all. Not pretty, is it? But that’s been people’s lot for most of history because human rights are a pretty recent invention, aren’t they?’ Barbara did not think he wanted an answer, but he paused and looked at her expectantly. She considered the question. When were human rights invented? During the French Revolution? Or was the idea as old as the idea of democracy?
‘I’m not sure,’ she said. And then, rather wildly, she offered, ‘The Enlightenment?’ Hugh shrugged; having asked the question he now seemed to have lost interest in it. ‘Of course people had the consolation of their beliefs, didn’t they? In the past it might have been a little easier to bear one’s suffering because one thought that the people who made one suffer would be called to account in the afterlife. There might be no justice in this world but there was a pretty strong measure of it in the next. So the torturer got away with it for the time being, yet would regret every turn of the screw when he faced his maker. But destroy all belief in eternal justice - as we have more or less done - and all you have is the earthly variety, which is pretty unreliable. So no consolation - just emptiness.’
She wanted to say something now. ‘But what’s the point of false hope? What’s the point of telling ourselves that something will happen when we know it won’t? I’d like to believe in fairies but does it help me to delude myself as to their existence?’ He looked away and she wondered whether she had offended him with a lightweight remark; she had not intended to be flippant.
‘We don’t need fairies,’ he said. ‘Because a belief in fairies would make no difference to the way we behave towards one another. But a belief in some inherent justice in this world - a justice to which we’re all subject - would make a big difference to the way we act towards others here and now.’
Barbara looked dubious. She was thinking about how eschatology might blunt the desire to do something about the here and now. ‘So we need to believe in eternal justice - even
if we know it doesn’t exist?’ Hugh made a gesture of resignation. ‘I know it sounds ridiculous - believing something you don’t believe. But it’s a serious point, Barbara. It’s the same in the debate on freewill and determinism. Determinists argue that everything we do is caused by something else - by what’s happened to us, by our genes, even by the dictates of geography. There’s a lot to be said for that, but try living your life on a basis of determinism: no blame, no responsibility; passive acceptance is about the only position you could hold. So even if we think that determinism is true, we still have to act as if free will exists - we really do.’
‘Oh,’ she said. And then, contemplating what he had said, she said, ‘Oh,’ again.
‘So,’ Hugh went on, ‘there I was, effectively a prisoner. And then …’
He faltered, and she looked at him with concern. ‘Hugh, darling Hugh, if this is painful …’
He shook his head. ‘No, I’ll tell you, Barbara - I have to tell you now. And I want to. You see, what happened was that I had been kidnapped and I was now about to be told why. They were going to make me a gigolo - a gigolo on their cruise liner.’
Barbara gasped. She had not expected this.
She suddenly felt dizzy, almost vertiginous. Her breath came in shallow gasps. She tried to clear her head by shaking it; she stood up; she fell down.
Chapter 41: On Board Ship
‘My darling!’ Hugh rushed to help Barbara to her feet. He thought at first that she had fainted but she had not: her eyes had remained open, fixed on Hugh in an expression that combined astonishment with disbelief. And there was something else there too, he felt: disgust.
He took her hand and for a moment it seemed that she flinched at his touch, as one might recoil from one who has confessed to contagiousness.
‘Are you all right?’ His own question struck him as trite and inappropriate. Of course she was not all right: her legs had buckled under her and she had narrowly avoided banging her head. But what else could one say in the circumstances?
Barbara nodded. She was back on her feet now, helped by Hugh. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Sorry about that. I think I must have slipped …’
‘No,’ he said. ‘You didn’t slip. You reacted to what I told you. I shocked you, didn’t I? You almost fainted from shock.’
She dusted down her jeans. ‘I didn’t faint.’
‘Fine, you didn’t faint. I’m sorry, though - I really am. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.’
She was about to say that she was glad he had told her but she realised that she was not. She would have much preferred him to say nothing, to keep it to himself. So she replied, ‘Maybe not. But you’ve started the story and so I think you should tell me what happened afterwards.’
‘I’m not sure-‘ She brushed aside his objection. ‘No, you have to, Hugh. You have to.’
He sighed. ‘It’s not very edifying.’
‘Tell me. Come on.’
‘All right,’ he began. ‘The door opened suddenly and a man in uniform came in. He gestured to me to sit down on the bed while he took the sole chair in the cabin. He was a rather tough-looking man, with a prominent forehead. His uniform made it clear that he was one of the ship’s officers - quite a senior one, judging by the gold bands circling the sleeves of his jacket.
‘ “You’ve been brought here because you were uncooperative,” he said to me. “Well, now you cooperate, see, or …” He drew a finger across his neck in a slitting gesture.
‘ “You have no right to detain me,” I said. “I shall …”
‘He waited for me to articulate my threat but I could not think what I could do; if they kept me locked up in this cabin, then my powerlessness would be complete. I really was in no position to threaten anything.
‘After a few moments, he spoke again. “Let me make it quite clear,” he said. “You are on this ship to perform certain duties. If you refuse to do these, or if you show any sign of distress to the passengers, then we shall simply dispose of you and bury you at sea. Do you understand? You will be watched on this ship and dealt with if you try anything untoward. Understand?” ‘I had very little alternative, at least for the moment, and so I reluctantly nodded. “And what are these duties?” ‘He relaxed. “Social, purely social. You are, if I may say so without being misunderstood, a very handsome young man. We have a few such young men on board to entertain our many lady guests. To dance with them. To talk to them. Many of these ladies are widows and they very much appreciate the attentions of handsome young men - that will be confirmed by many widows to whom you speak. So you, my young friend, will be given a badge which says Official Gentleman. You will wear this at all times and you will make yourself available at each afternoon tea dance and in the evenings for the dinner dances. Understand?” ‘I asked him if that was all and he smiled enigmatically. “There may be other things,” he said. “But we do not need to talk about those. You’ll find out soon enough.”
‘I asked him whether I was expected to remain in the cabin, and he replied that this would be necessary only for the next half hour or so. “By that time we shall have put out to sea,” he said. “Naturally, we expect you to attempt to escape. That would be futile in harbour but on the high seas it would be even more so.”
‘He left, and the door was locked from the other side. Just as he promised, half an hour or so later, he returned and invited me to see the ship. He explained that I would receive instructions from the officer in charge of the social programme, and he would introduce me to this person in the course of our tour of the vessel.
‘I discovered that the ship was sizable but not as large as many of the cruise ships I had seen off Barranquilla or Cartagena. The passengers, I think, were a cut above the average: there were very few loud, Hawaiian-print shirts and pant-suits - the passengers here were dressed more soberly and expensively. And they were international too: French, British - with a smattering of Argentinians and Brazilians. Most of them, I observed, were women.
‘After I had been shown round I was left to my own devices. For a while I was unsure what to do: the ship was now some distance off the coast but there was a fishing boat not too far away and I toyed with the idea of jumping off and attracting their attention. Fortunately, I did not. The drop from the deck to the sea was considerable, and there was no certainty that the crew of the fishing boat would see me.
‘The officer in charge of the social programme, a thin Venezuelan with a Zapata moustache, came to find me on deck. He was a man of few words, who communicated largely through quick, dismissive gestures. I made it clear to him that I was fluent in Spanish but he simply responded that in that case I should save my breath to speak to the passengers. “That’s why you’re here,” he said, handing me a badge. “You dance every day - OK? A lady says ‘You dance with me’, you dance with big smile on your face - OK? You do what the lady want - OK?” At this point he made a dramatic, puzzling gesture, the meaning of which I was unable to fathom.
‘The first dance was that evening. They brought me a dinner suit and a pair of black patent-leather shoes. I put these on and went to stand in front of the mirror. But I couldn’t look into that mirror, Barbara - I was far too ashamed.’
Chapter 42: Freddie’s Rescuer
The woman who picked up Freddie de la Hay on that quiet Suffolk road was called Jane. She was, as chance would have it, a dog lover: as a girl she had been the owner of a matched pair of Jack Russells, and she had later owned, in succession, a short-lived bull terrier, who had died - valiantly, in a fight with another dog - and a yellow mongrel whom she had loved with all her heart but who had one day disappeared without trace. Jane’s husband, a graphic designer, was largely indifferent to dogs but indulged his wife’s need for canine company. They were a childless couple: two ectopic pregnancies had closed one door for them, and attempts to adopt had been frustrated by strains inflicted upon them by social workers. Jane found questioning by these people difficult to take and reacted testily. This raised suspicions in the minds of t
he social workers and a spiral of distrust had been created. The final insult had come when one social worker had suggested that her husband, Phillip, lose weight before the question of adoption could be taken any further.
‘But I am a fat man,’ said Phillip, who was always disarmingly honest. ‘That is what I am. I cannot help what I am. And, frankly, what has it got to do with you? What bearing has it on our wish to adopt?’ The social worker smiled. ‘You can help what you are, Phillip. If you didn’t eat too much, you would not be overweight. And it does matter that you are carrying too much weight around. That will affect your health and an adopted child has a right to a healthy parent.’
This was followed by silence. Then Phillip replied. He spoke slowly, aware as he did so that every word would count against him in some assessment; every word he uttered would diminish their chances. But he could take it no more.
‘A right to a healthy parent, you say? A right to a healthy parent? When exactly did you invent that right, may I ask? Children have parents given to them by chance. You may be lucky and get a great set of parents, or you may get people who don’t love you, or who drink, or end up in prison. But they are your parents and you have no right to anybody else. You just have parents. That’s what parents are - they’re the people you get.’
The social worker merely smiled - a thin, tolerant smile of the sort one gives to those who say something naive or ridiculous. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘but I have to disagree.’ And she added, ‘Phillip.’
This irritated Phillip even more. He had never invited her to use his first name; he was, as far as she was concerned, Mr Stevens. He addressed her as Ms Hebden, but she had gone straight to Phillip.
‘You disagree, do you?’ he said. ‘You would, wouldn’t you?’ She sighed. ‘It doesn’t help either of us to resort to aggressive language, Phillip. I’m only trying to help you.’