Oh sure! Real approachable, Christy thought. Is that why everyone I know is furious with me at the moment?
Then Christy remembered Alissa’s letter. Alissa had poured out her heart, yet Christy barely knew her. Alissa had said, “I feel like you’re about the only person I can tell all this to.”
Doug jumped right in. “What I wanted to say is that, well, I’ll just say it. I’m taking Tracy out tonight.”
“You are?” Christy said excitedly. She impulsively leaned forward and grabbed him by the shoulders. “That’s wonderful!”
Doug looked surprised and pulled back. Christy quickly let go. She didn’t want Todd to drive by again and this time see her holding on to Doug in his truck.
“I wanted to tell you because, well, I care about you, and I didn’t want it to hurt our friendship or anything.”
“Don’t worry. It won’t hurt it at all. I’m glad you two are going out.”
Doug still looked uncomfortable. “I guess I thought maybe after we went ice-skating and everything that, well, maybe something was starting between you and me, but I wasn’t sure. I mean, I know how much you mean to Todd, and I’d never want to come between you two, but still, I feel as though you and I are starting to become good friends too, and I’d like that to keep growing.” He had said everything in one breath and now drew in another breath of courage.
“So, what I want to say is that I want to get to be really good friends with you, and sometimes, if you go out with somebody, then everybody thinks you don’t want to be friends with anybody else anymore and that you just want to spend time with that one person, since you’re going out with them. You know what I mean?”
He looked so sincere. Christy smiled for the first time in hours. She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Doug, I understand. Really. We can still be friends—really good friends—and just because you’re dating Tracy, that won’t change anything with us. It might even make it easier.”
“What do you mean?”
Christy hesitated. “All I’ll say is that I’m really, really, really glad you and Tracy are going out.”
“Good,” Doug said with a smile.
“Can I ask you one thing?” Christy said. “Does Todd know you and Tracy are going out tonight?”
“No. I haven’t talked to him all day.”
“Could you do me a favor and let him know?”
“Sure. Why?”
“Just so that he’ll know. Okay?”
“Okay.” Doug reached over and touched her hair again. “What do they do? Put electrical wires in your hair and hook you up to a generator or something to make your hair puff?”
Christy gave him a look of playful disgust and gently tugged away. “Doug, you need a sister to educate you in the finer areas of life when it comes to women and manners. As a matter of fact, you and Todd both could use a sister.”
“You interested in taking the position?”
“Maybe,” she answered playfully.
Doug burst out laughing, focusing on the window behind Christy. She turned to see her brother making a grotesque face and drooling on the truck window.
“Then again,” Christy said dryly, “it could be I have all the brothers I need at the moment.”
Christy did a lot of thinking that night. Tomorrow her parents were coming back, which meant she needed to clear things up with her aunt. She had only a few more days with her beach friends, and she had to talk to Todd. Plus, she had to make sure everything was okay between her and Tracy. And she wanted to write Alissa right away, but she wasn’t sure what to say. The whole muddled mess made her sick to her stomach.
She decided to start with Todd. Slipping on her robe and new fuzzy bunny slippers, she marched to the phone in her aunt and uncle’s bedroom. They were downstairs watching TV with David, and she knew she’d have more privacy up here than downstairs. Bravely dialing Todd’s number, she coached herself to say whatever came to mind first. All she had to do was get the conversation going and let Todd take it from there.
It rang four, then five times before a deep male voice answered. It wasn’t Todd’s voice. His dad’s, maybe?
Christy opened her mouth and … nothing came out.
She quickly slammed down the receiver, then stared at the phone as though it were a familiar pet that had just bitten her. It all happened so quickly, and she felt so ridiculous. She didn’t dare call him back.
Why did I do that? Why is my heart pounding so fast?
Christy flopped back onto the bed and let out a blurt of nervous laughter, laughing at herself.
So much for brave and daring and getting everything all cleared up with Todd!
Like a meek little mouse, Christy scurried back to her bedroom, her fuzzy slippers leaving tufts of white fluff on the hallway carpet behind her.
She tried calling Todd twice the next morning, but each time she hung up before it even rang.
What is my problem?
Heather called around noon and had all kinds of exciting news about how the party was shaping up for the next night.
“Have you talked to anyone else today about the party?” Christy asked.
“Like who?” Heather seemed to know what Christy was getting at, but Heather also seemed to enjoy making Christy spell it out.
“Well, has Todd said for sure that he’s going? I really have to talk to him, Heather.”
“Why don’t you call him?”
“I tried, but …”
“Okay. I’ll call him; then I’ll call you back and tell you what he says.”
“You don’t have to, Heather.”
“No, I need to call him anyhow, so if I happen to mention that you’ve been trying to get ahold of him, it won’t be a big deal.”
Christy sighed into the phone.
“I’ll call him right now, okay?”
“I guess.” Christy heaved another sigh. “I don’t want things to get any more complicated than they already are.”
“Don’t worry. Everything will work out fine. Look how wonderful everything is for Doug and Tracy. Tonight he’s having dinner over at Tracy’s house. Isn’t that great? I told her to have her mom invite him.”
“That’s great!” Deep down Christy meant it, but right now it didn’t help to know that Doug and Tracy were together. Their problems might have been solved, but hers weren’t. She still hadn’t smoothed things over with Tracy, and all this stuff with Heather calling Todd was just part of the games again—games Heather loved to play, but games Christy wasn’t so sure she wanted to get caught up in. These games hadn’t helped her progress much with Todd in the past.
Why can’t I be bold and up front like Doug? He was incredibly caring yesterday when he came over and talked to me privately just to make sure he wouldn’t hurt my feelings by going out with Tracy. And Doug is the only one whose personality hasn’t changed drastically during the last few days. He acted the same way toward me when he skated with me as he did when he told me he was going to go out with another girl. Now that’s an all-time friend. Why can’t I be like that?
When Heather called back a few minutes later, she had disturbing news. “Todd said he might not make it to the party. He said he was going to a dinner tomorrow night.”
“A dinner? With his dad?”
“He didn’t say, but he kind of made it sound like a date or something.”
Christy’s heart sank.
“I’m sorry, Christy,” Heather said.
“That’s okay. I just didn’t know he was dating anyone.”
“He’s not, as far as I know. Maybe somebody set him up—you know, an out-of-town cousin of his dad’s boss here for the holidays.”
“Great.”
“But I told him you were trying to get ahold of him. He said his dad just got back from Switzerland, so he’s been hanging around the house, spending time with his dad. Maybe you should try calling him again.”
“Why doesn’t he try calling me, huh? Would that be too much to ask?”
“Don??
?t get so defensive! I tried, okay?”
“I’m sorry, Heather. I know you tried. Thanks. It’s just that I thought he was going to be at your party, and that would be the perfect time for me to talk to him.”
“Well, he said he was going to this dinner thing, but after that he might come by. Why don’t you call and ask him yourself?”
“I should.”
But she didn’t. She couldn’t—at least not right away. Right now her feelings, worn thin, couldn’t handle another blow if Todd didn’t respond the way she needed him to. She knew she should call him.
But she put it off and retreated to the family room, avoiding contact with Aunt Marti and everyone else in the world by tuning into the TV. There, alone, she spent most of the day watching old movies and eating anything she could find—anything, that is, except international cheese.
Christy’s parents arrived in the late afternoon, right during the last five minutes of Captain January, a Shirley Temple movie Christy had never seen before.
“Christy!” her dad called out as they came into the house. “Please come here and help carry in these bags.”
“Okay! In a minute,” she called back, her attention glued to the TV.
Dad stood in the doorway of the den and said, “I really need your help now, Christy.”
“Okay. I’m coming.” Christy jumped up and hurried out to the car. She knew that tone in her dad’s voice and didn’t want to get him upset.
“Where should I put it, Dad?” Christy asked when she walked back into the house.
“Downstairs guest room,” he answered on his way to the kitchen.
Christy hurried, hoping to catch the final minutes of Captain January. She pushed open the bedroom door with her shoulder and stopped. There on the bed lay her mother with her foot in a cast.
“Mom, what happened?”
“It’s really nothing. I slipped and fell yesterday. A hairline fracture. Doesn’t even hurt, but the doctor wanted me to stay off it.”
“Mom, I didn’t know.”
“It wasn’t worth calling to tell everyone. It’s not that bad.” Mom pushed back her graying brown hair and smiled. “Your dad would probably have me in the hospital by now if the doctor hadn’t convinced him I was all right.” She propped a pillow behind her back and said, “Thanks for bringing in my bag. So, tell me, did you have a good week?”
Then, as if Christy were four years old again, she climbed onto the bed, buried her head in her mom’s shoulder, and cried her eyes out.
The tears lasted only a few minutes. Christy pulled up her head, wiped her eyes, and, feeling ridiculous, apologized over and over. How could I have fallen apart so suddenly? she thought.
Her mom smiled and handed her a tissue. It had been a long time since they had shared a transparent moment like this. Mom said softly, “Must have been a pretty bad week.”
Christy hesitated. “I guess it wasn’t all that bad. It’s just that everyone is mad at me. And then I came in here, and you’re in a cast and I didn’t even know.” She looked away. “Oh, Mom! My whole life is falling apart.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
Christy usually didn’t tell her mom many of the details about what was going on with her friendships, but now that all the doors were opened between them, she decided to go for it.
In one long sentence, Christy explained all about Todd and about Tracy’s being jealous of her and about Doug and how that had worked out, sort of; but she still hadn’t seen Tracy, and Heather was having a party tomorrow night, but Todd might not come.
“What time is this party?” Mom asked. “And where is it?”
Christy told her and then asked, “I can go, can’t I? I have to talk to Todd—I mean, if he comes. But I mostly need to talk to Tracy and make sure she understands I wasn’t trying to get Doug away from her.”
“I suppose you can go. It sounds as though everything will work itself out, once you see your friends and have a chance to talk.”
Christy nibbled nervously on her fingernail.
“You don’t look too convinced of that,” her mom said. “By the way, your hair looks very nice. Did Marti take you to have it done?”
Christy nodded. “Except we kind of got in an argument at lunch, and we’re still both sort of avoiding each other.”
“What happened?”
Christy never thought it could be this easy to talk with her mom. Probably because an opportunity like this had never come up. Or maybe because she never tried, because she had assumed her mom wouldn’t understand. But what had Uncle Bob said on Christmas morning? Something about her parents being young once. And her mom grew up with Marti. Of course she would understand how hard it was to communicate with her sometimes.
Christy told her about Maurice’s and how Aunt Marti had told her at lunch that she was the daughter she had never had. Mom’s usually clear blue-gray eyes clouded.
“What else did Marti tell you?” she said.
“That she wished I were like Alissa, a girl I met here this summer.”
“Yes,” her mom said thoughtfully, “I remember Marti’s mentioning her before.”
“Mom,” Christy said, looking her in the eyes, “I got a letter from Alissa a few days ago, and she told me a whole bunch of stuff.” Christy paused and then plunged in. “Mom, Alissa is pregnant.”
Mom looked serious in a soft, understanding way.
“When she found out,” Christy continued, “she went to a counseling center. See, in the last letter I wrote her, I told her I was praying for her and that maybe she could find some other Christians. So she called around until she found this pregnancy center that is run by Christians, and they’ve been helping her.”
Mom listened intently.
“She also said that her counselor at the pregnancy center, a lady named Frances, was taking her to church. That was about the only good news in the whole letter.”
“Where does Alissa live?”
“In Boston, with her grandmother. Her dad’s dead, and her mom is in an alcoholic rehabilitation center.”
“Oh, my,” Mom sympathized, shaking her head. “Did you tell Marti all this?”
“No.” Christy hung her head. “When Aunt Marti told me she wanted to make me into somebody like Alissa, I blurted out the part about her being pregnant.”
“What was Marti’s reaction?”
“She wouldn’t talk to me. I apologized, but she’s barely talked to me since.”
Mom leaned forward on the bed, stuffed a pillow under her cast, and then sat up as straight as possible. “Christy, there’s something you should know.”
Now it was Mom’s turn to be open and honest, and Christy wasn’t sure what to expect.
“Marti had a daughter once.” Mom’s words came out painfully soft. “A week before you were born, Marti gave birth to a baby girl.”
Christy stared at her mom in disbelief.
“The baby was three months premature and was born severely brain damaged. The doctors did what they could, but the baby died.” Mom paused, then added, “Christy, you were born the next morning.”
Christy let the tears flow. “I never knew. Mom, how come you never told me?”
“It isn’t something Marti ever talks about—with anyone.”
“Why didn’t they have another baby?”
“They tried. Even though the doctor advised against it, they tried. Marti wasn’t able to conceive.”
“Why?” Christy felt a rush of a whole string of emotions she had never before felt for her aunt.
“Well …” Mom chose her words carefully. “Sometimes a person makes a decision that seems the easiest or best at the moment, but later they find that choice had a price.”
“I don’t understand.”
Mom paused and said, “If Marti opens this topic up with you sometime, then you ask her about it, all right?”
Christy remained quiet, remembering a collage of conversations, arguments, and actions of her aunt’s that hadn’t made se
nse until this moment. No wonder Marti said Christy was the daughter she never had. She was more like the replacement for the daughter Marti had and then lost.
“Mom? Did they name her, the baby?”
A gentle, endearing expression swept across her mom’s face. “Johanna. Johanna Grace. She was named after our grandmother, your great-grandmother.”
“Johanna,” Christy repeated. “That’s pretty.”
Mom nodded. “It was almost your middle name. Your father and I planned to name you Christina Johanna. But after little Johanna passed away, well …”
Christy blotted the last few runaway tears and then shook her head. “This is kind of freaky, Mom. I mean, finding out I almost had a different middle name and that I had a cousin I never knew about. Are there any other big family secrets I should know?”
Mom thought for a minute. “I think those are the only ones you need to know at this point. I never would have told you about Johanna, but I felt it would help you understand your aunt better. She truly loves you, Christy. I think you know that. You don’t have to go along with everything she has in mind for you, but do understand that she’s acting out of a motherly instinct. You mean an awful lot to her.”
Just then Dad stepped into the guest room and asked, “Can I get you anything?”
“No, thanks, I’m fine. It feels much better propped up like this.” Mom pointed to her pillow-elevated cast.
“Dad,” Christy said, turning around on the bed and facing him, “I was wondering if I could go to my friend Heather’s house tomorrow night. She’s having a New Year’s party. Her parents will be there and everything.”
Dad sat down on the edge of the bed and shook his head. “I don’t like the idea of your being out on New Year’s Eve.”
“But I’ll be completely safe at Heather’s house. It’s not very far from here. And it’s the last chance I’ll have to see all my friends.”
“Your aunt just told me you spent most of your week with your friends,” Dad said.
“Not really. We went ice-skating one day. That was all.” Christy was worried. It looked as though her dad wasn’t going to let her go to Heather’s party, and that meant she might not see Todd again.