Chapter 26
Though Hope was extremely tired, the minute she was tucked into the luscious butter yellow silk sheets and her head had hit the pillow, her mind wouldn’t seem to shut down. She was so disturbed by the accusations the earl had thrown against her mother. She knew there had to be some mistake because as far as she knew, her mother had never even been outside of Shepard’s Bush. She had always been a homebody and somewhat of a recluse, refusing to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary. She was friendly enough to their neighbors and she had always been an adoring mother but that’s where her association with others ended.
Hope turned restlessly onto her other side, cramming the down pillow further under her head in an attempt to get comfortable. She eventually turned onto her back and stared up at the yellow canopy overhead and that’s when she remembered the letter her mother had written her. She sat up with a start, the night her mother had given it to her along with the ruby necklace, she had made her promise not to open it until the time was right, insisting that she’d know when that was. Hope had tucked it away with the remainder of her few belongings when she had taken on Noelle’s identity and she regretfully admitted that she hadn’t given it a second thought since.
She scurried out of bed and walked over to the fireplace where she grabbed a tapered candle and bent near the flames to light it. When the candle was lit, she rose and moved quietly towards her satchel of belongings that represented everything she owned besides the drab grey dress she had been wearing earlier. When she had gone back to the inn to get Soren, she had quickly informed Maggie that she had to leave before grabbing her few belongings to take with her. It didn’t take her long to rummage through the few possessions she owned to find the letter. She pulled the slightly wilted envelope out of the bag and held it close to the light coming off the candle as she turned it over and gently broke the red wax seal on the back.
She carefully, almost reverently unfolded the letter then lowered her body into a chair and began reading:
My dearest Hope,
I know as I write this that my time on this earth is short. I don’t think I would have the courage to tell you the truth otherwise. First, I’d like you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and despite my many sins, I loved you dearly.
I’m at a loss for words as I try to tell you something I have never shared with another living soul and rarely thought of over the last twenty and one years of your precious life. I tried to forget about it completely as to not let it consume my happiness and fill my life with guilt, but despite my best attempts, I find that as I face the end of my life that no amount of ignoring the circumstance of your birth can cause me to forget that you were never truly mine, that you never really belonged to me.
Hope had to stop reading as she blinked in shock. She felt as if she was living a nightmare as she read her mother’s dreadful words. After a few minutes she began reading once more.
Growing up you’d often inquire about your father and I would always try to deflect you but you never gave up. I eventually told you that he died before you were born and that it was too painful for me to talk about but that wasn’t true.
Before you were born I was working as a midwife and would often help assist in the deliveries of nobleman’s children. One such night I was summoned to the house of Lady Brattondale, Fiona Parrish, she was to deliver her second child and her labor had been long and intense. After many hours of pushing (the baby had been breech) she delivered a healthy baby girl. It became clear to us all then that she had lost too much blood and suffered too much because of the painful and complicated delivery. She was weak and as her maid was seeing to the child and helping Lady Brattondale view her new daughter, I continued to attend to her.
As I waited for her to deliver the afterbirth, I was shocked to see that she was actually birthing another child! She was so weak that she barely realized what was going on. I had always wanted a child of my own, having had the chance to witness the miracle of birth hundreds of times I longed with all of my heart to get to experience the love of a child for myself someday. Circumstances being what they were, I was getting along in years and knew that I would most likely never have the opportunity to marry and have children of my own.
In that moment a temptation came over me like none I have ever known before or since. I was alone in the room with a despondent Lady Brattondale while her maid had gone to inform the earl of the birth of his daughter. I knew that nobody would ever have to know about this second child and that if I was careful, I could claim it as my own.
Please don’t hate me for my admission and for the horrible deed I did in taking you. It was a moment of great selfishness as my emotions warred within myself. I knew it could be the only chance I’d ever have to be a mother and my heart longed for that as it had longed for nothing before or since. I continued to do battle with myself, not sure what the outcome would be but as I watched Lady Brattondale slowly deteriorate and eventually slip away into death, my decision was made; I would not leave you to be raised motherless, no, I would raise you as my own.
It wasn’t hard to hide you, you were a weak and sickly little thing who barely made a peep. I wrapped you in a blanket and hid you in the armoire while I continued to see to my duties. The household was in an uproar over the unexpected loss of its mistress so when it was time for me to go I was able to quickly and quietly sneak you out hidden amongst my basket of linens and supplies.
Though I’ve regretted my deceit and know I have sinned greatly in taking what was not mine to take, I have never regretted having the opportunity to be your mother. You are a real lady, Hope, and though circumstances were meager, I tried to raise you as such—requiring you to learn to read and write and learn all the proper etiquette befitting a true lady.
When the opportunity arose for you to become a lady’s maid for your sister, Lady Noelle, I was fearful but I knew I couldn’t refuse. It was the closest you’d ever be to the life you were born to live. My only hope was to be able to disguise you so they wouldn’t see the truth.
I hope that you don’t hate me for my admission of wrongdoing. I hope that somewhere in your heart you can find to forgive me and to know that despite my horrendous actions, my intents were pure. I wanted so badly for you to have the love of a mother and I knew I could offer that to you, but you my dear child, offered me far more in return. You are the pride and joy of my heart and the love of my life.
One last thing, the ruby pendant belonged to your mother, your real mother. She was wearing it the night she gave birth to you and Noelle and when she died I removed it from around her throat and placed it next to you in my basket. I wanted so badly for you to have something of your real mother. She was an angel who sacrificed her life to give you yours. In light of stealing her child, I figured stealing her necklace was the lesser sin.
Love,
Your mother
Hope’s tears were flowing freely now, she was horrified to realize her whole life had been a lie. She wondered now how she could’ve foolishly accepted the fact that she and Noelle were almost identical in appearance without become suspicious of the resemblance. And why didn’t Noelle find that abnormally odd as well?
She wanted so badly to be angry at her mother, no not her mother but Matilde, but she couldn’t find a place in her heart for anger past the hurt and confusion she felt. She agreed full-heartedly that it had been a grave sin for Matilde to steal a child from its home and rightful place in society, but she couldn’t say that she regretted her choice to do so. Because of her, she was raised by a woman, though not her mother by blood, but a mother in the truest sense of the word. Matilde had shown her unconditional love and acceptance and taught her that the character of a person was far superior to any title or wealth. Without her intervention, Hope would’ve been raised a Parrish, a spoiled daughter of the Earl of Brattondale.
The last thought made her shudder; the earl was her father! She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that a ma
n she barely knew and barely liked could be her father. And if he was her father that meant that Devon was her brother and Noelle was her sister, her twin. The thought of her newly revealed place in the Parrish family made her head spin. She wished she had someone to talk to, to sort through all of the confusion with. Then she remembered Pierce and knew she had to tell him at once.
She grabbed the candle and quickly went in search of Pierce, making sure she tread lightly so as not to arouse the servants. Once in the hall, she was grateful that he had had the foresight to tell her which room he was in incase she needed anything. She went to his door and knocked lightly with her free hand, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. When he didn’t answer she decided to knock harder, feeling slightly guilty about waking him but feeling more anxious to talk to him.
When the door finally swung open, Hope felt herself blush and tried to avert her eyes as she noticed he was wearing nothing but a pair of snug breeches he must’ve managed to pull on after he had heard her knock.
“Is everything alright, Hope? What’s the matter?”
Hope looked up into his handsome face, his hair ruffled from sleep. He looked so warm and sleepy that she had to fight a strong desire to touch him, to curl up with him in bed and drift into a peaceful slumber. She was surprised at the inappropriateness of her thoughts and quickly gathered them back to the present.
“No Pierce, nothing’s alright, everything is wrong.” Her lower lip trembled at her admission.
He reached forward and pulled her into the privacy of his bedchamber and shut the door behind her then gathered her into his arms. He was every bit as warm and delicious as she had imagined he would be. His naked arms engulfed her and stroked her back causing her to almost forget her reasons for coming to him in such an improper manor.
“You still love me, right?” Pierce asked, knowing that she must or she would never be standing in the dark with him alone in his room allowing his half-naked form to be holding her so tightly while she wore nothing but a thin linen nightgown.
“Of course! But there’s something you must know.” She pulled back and thrust her mother’s letter at him. “Read this, it explains everything.”
Taking the letter and candle from her hand, he led her to a small table and chairs sitting in the corner of his room and sat while he read the letter. Hope watched him, wishing she could see better his expressions as he read the letter that had just devastated her so completely.
He read it with amazing speed and when he looked up at her he said, “Incredible! This explains everything. We must inform the earl at once that you are his daughter.”
“Oh must we? It’s all so shocking, isn’t there anyway we can pretend like it’s not true?”
Pierce was thoughtful for a minute before he spoke. “Yes, if that’s what you’d like then that’s what we’ll do. But, you have a family now Hope. Don’t you want to know your brother and sister, your father?”
“You forget, I already do know them.”
“But not as a part of their family, your family.”
“Are you sure you’re not just trying to coax me into claiming my place as Lord Brattondale’s daughter so that you can marry an earl’s daughter, a real lady to save your reputation?”
Pierce laughed at her indignant expression then pulled her down onto his lap. “Of course not you silly minx. I thought I had made it quite clear that I’m marrying you, whoever you are, however you are.” He leaned in and placed a warm kiss on the curve of her neck and she sighed. “Besides, I’ve already bought you a wedding present and it can’t be returned.”
“Really, you got me a present?”
“A beautiful writing desk where you can write all the fantastical stories your little heart desires. It’s downstairs in the parlor waiting for you.”
“Oh Pierce, it’s beautiful! I saw it when we were in there tonight but I never imagined it was for me.”
“I tried to give it to Noelle when I thought she was you. You should’ve seen the look on her face when I presented it to her.” Hope smiled, pretty sure she could conjure up a pretty accurate image.
“You do realize that you’ll have to forgive her now that she’ll be your sister-in-law don’t you?”
Pierce growled, “But it doesn’t mean I have to like her.”
“Oh don’t be so hard on her, she has a good heart she’s just never been raised to think of anyone other than herself. And besides, if she hadn’t concocted her foolish scheme, you would be married to her right now and we would never have met.”
“Well, if you put it that way I owe her a lot. Can you imagine how miserable I’d be married to that chit?”
“That chit is my sister, and no I can’t because I can’t imagine you with anyone else but me.”
Pierce wound his hands in her hair and pulled her face into his so that their noses were touching. “Good because you’re the only one for me,” he said. Then he kissed her.