The palace gardens were quite beautiful, perfectly maintained and lush with exotic flowers that were both native to Saja and ones brought in from around the world. My parents often took people into the gardens to impress them. That wasn't where I wanted to go though. What most people didn't know was that there was a small alcove just off of the garden where nature had been allowed to take its course. Wild roses native only to Saja covered the stone walls and the paths were overgrown. I'd often gone there as a child when I wanted to be alone or when I was upset.
Although, I had to admit, my childhood fears and hurts were nothing like what I was feeling right now. I'd never had a broken heart before, not even a childhood crush like most children had. I'd had my fair share of hurts and slights. Even being a princess hadn't kept me from the cruelty of gossip and fake friends. If anything, being who I was had made it worse. But still, nothing could compare to what I was feeling now.
Leaving Reed in Venice had been insanely difficult and it had hurt, but it was nothing like this. I'd been able to tell myself that it had been a simple one-night stand, a crazy fling that I'd get over soon enough. And then he'd come for me. I couldn't brush aside what that had meant. Something had shifted between us.
I didn't know if it had happened when I'd opened the door and saw him or when I'd kissed him, but I did know that by the time I let him into my bedroom, every touch meant more. Neither of us had said anything about it, but I'd known he'd felt it too.
He'd been right. The moment I'd seen him, I should have made him go. Told him about the engagement and sent him on his way. I would've been sad, I knew, but I wouldn't feel like my heart was being ripped from my chest. It was crazy to feel so strongly for someone I barely knew, but I couldn't deny it.
“Princess Nami.”
I jumped, stepping off the path and nearly crushing a few bright yellow flowers. I put my hand on my chest, feeling my heart pound against my palm.
“I apologize if I startled you.”
Tanek stepped out of the shadow of what I thought was a fruit tree of some kind. The paths through the garden were the same, but the flora had changed since I'd last been here.
“Sorry, I was lost in thought.” I managed not to stammer, but it was a close thing. “A lot on my mind.”
“I imagine so,” he said with a charming smile. “A wedding and a honeymoon are no small feat.”
I nodded and stepped back onto the path. I wasn't entirely sure what to say to him. He was going to be my husband and I didn't know how to talk to him. He held out his arm. I didn't want to touch him or have a discussion. All I wanted to do was be alone and cry.
But, I was a princess and princesses rarely got what they wanted, contrary to what most people thought. I smiled at Tanek and hooked my arm through his.
The height difference between us wasn't as much as it was between Reed and I, and I found myself able to look up at Tanek without getting a crick in my neck. I tried studying him objectively, seeing him as I would have if last night, if Venice, hadn't happened. He was handsome, with fairly rugged features. That was good. The people would subconsciously trust him more than they would a ‘pretty boy’, as the girls in America might say. Even if I was ruler, they would want someone who appeared strong at my side.
“May I ask a question?” Tanek asked, breaking the silence.
“Of course.” We went along the curve of the path, away from my private garden. Tanek would share my bed and my life, but I would keep at least one thing for myself.
“Why are you out in the garden in your robe?” His voice was pleasant, but something in me squirmed.
“I woke up and was in the mood for some fresh air.” I stopped as the path took us between a small copse of trees. “I missed the gardens while I was away.”
“That is right,” he said as he released my arm and stepped in front of me. “You attended college in America.”
“I did.” I resisted the urge to step away, to put some distance between us. I had to get used to it at one time or another, and considering the wedding was in a couple days, it'd probably be a good idea to do it sooner rather than later.
“Did you enjoy your time there?” He reached up to twist a curl around his finger.
When his knuckles brushed against my cheek, it was all I could do not to flinch. His touch was unfamiliar, I told myself. That was all. But Reed's touch had once been the same and I'd reacted differently from that first moment. I'd wanted his hands on my body, his arms, his lips...
I gave myself a mental shake and tried to remember the question. “Yes,” I said. “I enjoyed myself.”
“I thought so.” He took another step towards me, something darkening his eyes. “How much did you enjoy yourself, I wonder?”
My heart thumped painfully against my ribcage. My instincts screamed at me to run, but I was a princess. The future queen of Saja. I did not run from anyone. I squared my shoulders.
“What, exactly, are you implying?” I made my voice as cold as possible.
He put his hand on my waist. “How far did the American boys get?” His hand slid up and grasped my breast.
I jerked back and my palm cracked against his cheek. “How dare you! How dare you speak to me in such a manner, touch me without my permission!” My face was flaming, my temper flaring back to the surface from where it had retreated under hurt. “I am the princess. Your ruler.”
Tanek's cheek was red, but his eyes were blazing. Before I could react, he grabbed my arm and jerked me towards him. I opened my mouth to scream. I'd have him in jail for this. His fist sank into my stomach, driving the air from my lungs so that all I could do was gasp.
“You are a princess, but you do not rule me.” He hissed, his face an inch from mine. “I am to be your husband and you will learn your place.”
He shoved his hand between the folds of my robe, groping my breast. His fingers twisted my nipple cruelly, sending pain shooting through me. I cried out, but it wasn't much of a sound.
“Perhaps what you need is to know what it means to be a wife.” He released my breast and pushed his hand between my legs.
I fought against him, pressing my thighs together. He let go of my arm and buried his fingers in my hair, yanking my head back. He pulled at the belt of my robe as he dragged me off the path and threw me to the ground.
“How many?” He asked as he pressed his knee into my chest. “How many men did you take, whore?”
I glared at him, hitting at him, for all the good it did. I could barely breathe and my blows were weak. I felt the adrenaline racing through my veins, but it didn't do me any good without oxygen.
“First I shall make you mine.” He began to unbuckle his pants. “Then I will punish you for allowing someone else to take what is mine.” He wrapped his hand around my throat and leaned down so that his lips were next to my ear. As the world began to go gray, he whispered, “I will be your king and you will obey me.”
As he shoved my legs apart, I prayed that the darkness would come and keep me.
Chapter 13
Reed
The capital of Saja, it turned out, had several nice hotels in varying price ranges, all located within walking distance of one of their beautiful beaches. It was the kind of place people would visit and call paradise. The kind of place men would take their wives on their honeymoon, on special anniversaries.
I snorted a laugh and turned away from the window. I'd gotten the best room at the best hotel, almost out of habit rather than any real desire to have a nice room. I hardly noticed it, processing main room, kitchenette, bathroom, bedroom. No details. No appreciation for anything around me.
I walked into the bathroom, stripping as I went. I was exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. Between the jet lag and the lack of sleep last night, I would've been half-dead on my feet even if I hadn't been through hell emotionally. I stood under the shower spray, barely registering if the water was hot or cold. I was still wrapped in that numb cocoon, but I knew it was like an eggshell, fragile
and ready to break at any moment.
I toweled off, dropping it at the foot of the bed before I climbed under the covers. I didn't care that it was still morning, I just wanted to sleep. I supposed I should've been thankful for the jet lag and lack of sleep since I was too tired to overthink anything, then I sank down towards the darkness. For a moment, I saw a flash of Nami's face, of her eyes, and had a sudden, sharp fear that vanished as I fell asleep.
I woke up hours later, with no idea of how much time had passed, only the strange disorienting feeling that came with sleeping during the day. I rolled over and squinted at the clock. Four o'clock. I was never going to get back on the right schedule if I didn't get up now. I could still manage to get to sleep tonight, even if it wasn't until late.
I sat up, rubbing my eyes. My stomach growled and I remembered that I hadn't really eaten much of anything over the past two days. I wasn't hungry in the sense that I wanted to eat, but I knew I needed to. I didn't want to try to figure things out or try to make any sort of decision when I wasn't thinking clearly.
I picked up the phone and called down for room service. Fortunately, I didn't have to wade through native cuisines as they had plenty of other options. I picked a roast beef sandwich and some random sides because they seemed to be the easiest rather than caring anything about appetizing. It also seemed to be a fairly quick preparation as they knocked less than fifteen minutes later. I was halfway to the door before I realized I was naked and had to stop and grab my towel. I wrapped it around my waist, accepted the cart and settled on the sofa to eat.
I didn't really taste anything, more focused on not thinking than I was on the food. I should be thinking. The thoughts were there, buzzing at the back of my mind like bees, but not the nice little honey bees we were supposed to like. No, these were angry bees, ones that wanted to sting and kill.
I sighed and put down what was left of my sandwich. As much as I didn't want to, I needed to figure out what I was going to do now. I'd spent my time in Philadelphia thinking about getting here, and not much about what came after. I'd assumed Nami and I would figure things out when it came time for that. I'd never even considered what I'd do if she didn't want me. Sure, I'd known that was a possibility, but I'd put it up there with the possibility of my plane crashing on the way here. Something that could happen, but a remote possibility.
The thing was, I really didn’t believe she didn't want me. Granted, she'd told me to leave, but she'd also said this was her duty. That meant she wasn't making the decision based on her feelings for me. I just didn't know what to do with that information.
If only I had more time, I was certain I could convince her that I was the right choice for her. The realization hit me and I swore under my breath. I didn't need to convince her. I needed to convince her parents.
Nami felt that it was her duty to marry who her parents chose because that person would be the best for the country. I'd been thinking all this time that I needed to take Nami away from here, that she needed to escape Saja as much as I had Philadelphia. She loved her country and her family though. She didn't necessarily want to get away from them or not be queen. She could still do that and be with me.
If I could convince her parents to let her have a choice in the matter.
I wasn't exactly some pauper bent on marrying her for her wealth or title. I wasn't royalty or anything like that, but my name did mean something back home. With my liquidated assets, I had plenty of money to bring to the table, enough to prove that my interest wasn't financially motivated. I could tell them that I'd fallen for her before I'd known she was a princess. I'd never reveal that we slept together, but I'd at least be able to tell them that we'd spent time together and that I loved their daughter.
I could also tell them how my parents had forced me into a loveless marriage and how badly that had ended. If her parents truly loved her, they would see that they needed to change their traditions and allow her to choose a husband. And if she chose me, I'd agree to sign whatever they wanted. Hand over my assets. Pledge my loyalty. Renounce my citizenship if it would mean Nami and I could be together. They couldn't fail to see my dedication to Nami if I did all of that.
There was no guarantee it would work. No way of knowing if they'd even care that I loved her. In their minds, doing what was right for the country might be what was right for Nami. Securing her position as future queen, giving her a husband who would have the support and backing of the people. I had to consider that as well. Perhaps they wanted to be able to let Nami choose but knew that if she chose poorly, the people wouldn't follow her.
She'd been right when she'd said that I didn't understand, that I wasn't like her. I didn't know the people of Saja. I'd done as much research as I could while on the plane over here, but there wasn't a lot of information. It was an isolated country with no prominent citizens in any particular field. For all I knew, this isolation caused the people to be suspicious of outsiders. I'd gotten no feelings of animosity, but I appeared to be a tourist. A rich American here to spend money and strengthen their economy. Would they feel different if they knew I wanted to be a member of their royal family? Not to rule them, but simply because I loved one of them. Would love make a difference to them? Just because they were progressive enough to accept a female monarch didn't mean they would allow an outsider in.
There were hundreds of questions, thousands of possibilities, and no way of knowing without trying. Nami had told me to leave, that she was choosing Tanek, but I'd come too far to completely give up without even an attempt.
First thing tomorrow, I told myself. I'd go back to the palace, but not to sneak in this time. I'd ask to see the king and queen. I hoped they'd be intrigued enough at the idea of some random American man wanting to talk to them that they'd overlook the fact that I didn't have an appointment. Once there, I would tell them who I was and what I wanted. If they threw me out, at least I'd know I'd tried.
And what if they agreed? What if they said Nami could choose without losing her birthright? Was I willing to stay in Saja, a king in name while my wife ruled? Yes, I thought, I would do that. I didn't care about the power and I'd already made up my mind that I wasn't going back to Philadelphia anytime soon.
Then there was the alternative. What if her parents allowed her the choice, but she didn't choose me? What if, once she'd met Tanek, she'd fallen for him, realized that what she felt for me was nothing more than the thrill of the forbidden, that she wanted a man of Saja at her side, someone who understood her world. I wasn't sure my heart could take another blow like that, especially not with Nami. I'd run to Europe to escape the pain when Piper had chosen Julien over me. Where could I go if it happened again? Where else could I run?
I had a sudden and laughable flash of me in Australia with surfers and kangaroos. I didn't laugh though. Nothing about this was funny.
Time crept by, each agonizing second worse than the last. I was torn between elation at my plan and the certainty of success, and depression at the thought that it would fail miserably, that I'd end up adrift again, no future, no plans, no hope. Logically, I knew it was foolish to put all of my hopes and dreams into a woman, but this wasn't exactly a normal situation. Everything hinged on what happened tomorrow.
I'd always loved the Robert Frost poem about the two roads and taking the one less traveled, mostly because I'd never done that myself. I could honestly say that, until I'd met Piper, I'd never actually felt like I was at that fork. I'd screwed things up with her, no matter how I ended up feeling about her, but I wasn't going to do that now. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow, but I knew that, no matter what, I'd be on one of two paths that I'd never even considered before.
I stayed up until midnight before heading to bed again. This time, my busy brain was louder than my need for sleep and I spent hours tossing and turning. Some of it was the time difference, but enough was my inability to turn off my thoughts. It was well into the early morning hours before I finally fell asleep. I woke a few hours later, still tired
, but at least coherent enough to think straight.
I showered and shaved, scraping off two days' worth of stubble, and then went about the task of figuring out what to wear. I had a suit and a tux in my bags, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to appear in either one. I didn't know enough about Saja practices and customs to know if too formal was bad. Would they see the suit as me trying to impress them? It was an expensive one. Or, would they take it as a sign that I respected them, understanding their position? The tux was definitely too much.
In the end, I decided that a suit and a humble attitude would be the best possible combination. I'd show her family that I had money, but that I didn't care about it. Some guys couldn't pull that off, generally because they were lying, but since I really didn't care about money, I could do it. It was a fine line to walk. That was good though. It gave me something to concentrate on besides worrying about what could happen. And that, at least, I had some control over.
By mid-morning, I was ready to go. Well, at least physically. I was dressed and looked like my old self, the CEO who'd been managing his family's company for years. The son of a prominent Philadelphia family. I wasn't conceited, but I knew that I was considered quite the catch back home, and if my time in Europe was any indication, I wasn't exactly considered unappealing outside of the States either. But I wasn't trying to impress Nami. I needed to impress her parents, and I had a feeling that my normal charming self might not be up to the task.
I pushed aside the negative thought and headed down to the front of the hotel to catch a cab. There weren't very many cabs on the island, but it was easy enough to find one here. I got the same strange look as before when I asked to be taken to the palace, but he didn't pry, which was good because I didn't have any idea what I'd say.