Though, of course, I don’t say any of that, instead, I just shrug and sigh louder, hoping he’ll hear it and tune in to the not-so-silent message it contains.
But if he does, he chooses to ignore it. “You know, just in case you think you’re alone in all this—you’re really not.”
I squint, not sure what he’s getting at.
“I’ve talked to her, you know. Shared some of the research I’ve run across on people who’ve had near-death experiences.”
Despite my wanting to leave, I place my hands on my hips and lean slightly toward him. “And how do you just run across that type of research?” I ask. “I mean, seriously. Isn’t that the kind of thing you have to go looking for on your own?”
He focuses on the meat, transferring it from the plate to the grill. His voice low, matter of fact, when he explains, “I saw a piece on TV once, and I found it quite fascinating. So fascinating I bought a book on the subject, which led to more books on the subject, and…so on.” He presses his spatula to the burger, causing the juices to riot and sizzle. “But you—you’re the first one I’ve met who’s actually experienced such a thing. Have you ever thought of taking part in one of those research groups? I hear they’re always looking for new subjects.”
“No,” I say, barely giving him a chance to finish the question. My answer firm, final, sparing no time to really consider. The last thing I need is to take part in some schlocky case study.
But he just laughs, raising his mitt-covered hands in surrender, saying, “Don’t shoot. Just asking is all.”
He flips the burgers, one after the other, causing a popping, sizzling, barbeque soundtrack we both stand there and listen to.
Then, as soon as they’re ready, he scrapes ’em right off and drops ’em back onto the plate, stopping long enough to look at me and say, “Listen, Ever, just give her some time to get comfortable with the idea. It’s not easy having your whole belief system challenged, you know? But if you’ll just ease up a little, she’ll come around. Really she will. I promise to continue to work on her, if you’ll promise to do your part too. And, before you know it, it’ll all blow over. You’ll see.”
Is that your prediction? I want to ask, but thankfully choke back the words. He’s only trying to help, and whether or not I believe him, whether or not Sabine will ever come around to my side, isn’t really the point. He’s just trying to connect, and the least I can do is allow it.
“But as far as school and your attendance is concerned—” He shoots me a stern look. “It’s only a matter of time before she catches on. So, try not to make things any tougher on yourself than they already are, okay? Or at least think about it anyway. Besides, last time I checked, getting a high school diploma didn’t hurt anyone. In fact, it can only help.”
I mumble some sort of halfhearted reply, give a quick wave of my hand, and head for the gate. Having no idea if the conversation was actually over, but knowing my part of it is. Those kinds of things, the rules he referred to, no longer apply. The pomp and circumstance of a high school graduation is for other people.
Normal people.
Mortal people.
Not me.
Starting my car with my mind long before I’ve reached its spot on the drive, I pull out of the gate and onto the street, speeding toward the place where I told Jude we’d meet.
fourteen
The moment I pull into the parking lot I see him.
Waiting for me in his Jeep, thumbs tapping the steering wheel in time to the music that blares from his iPod, looking so peaceful, so content to be sitting alone there like that—I’m tempted to turn my car around and head back to where I came from.
But I don’t.
This is far too important to miss.
Haven has no plans to renege on her threat, and for all I know this could be my one and only chance to convince him of the importance of this.
I pull up beside him and wave. Watching as he removes his earbuds, tosses them aside, and jumps out, leaning against the door, arms folded before him as he watches my approach.
“Hey.” He nods, studying me carefully as I heave my bag over my shoulder and straighten the T-shirt I wear over my tank top. “You okay?” He tilts his head and squints, clearly confused as to why I summoned him here.
I nod and smile, thinking if anyone should be asking that question, it should be me asking him. “Yeah, I’m good.” I stop just shy of him, unsure where to take it from here. Just because I asked him to meet me doesn’t mean I took the time to memorize my long list of talking points. “Um, and you…are you okay?” My gaze moves over him, noting how he certainly looks better than the last time I saw him, the color’s returned to his face, his gaze isn’t nearly as empty and bleak, and one glance at his vibrant green aura is all it takes to know he’s definitely on the mend.
He nods and lifts his shoulders, obviously waiting for me to make the next move, to tell him what this is really about. But when I don’t, when I just continue to stand there before him, he takes a deep breath and says, “Seriously. I’m—I’m getting used to the idea of her being gone. I mean, I can’t change it, so I may as well adapt to it, right?”
I mumble some sort of agreement, some standard-issue, easily forgettable reply. Then, knowing I’ve stalled long enough, that it’s time to get to it, the real reason we’re here, I take a deep breath and say, “And Haven? Have you seen or heard from her lately?”
He looks away, fingers working the slight sheen of stubble just beginning to show on his chin, his voice sounding tired, resigned, when he says, “Nope, not a word. Which, when you think about it, probably isn’t a good sign. But then again, this whole thing is a little out of my league, so who knows?” He glances at me for a moment, eyes moving over my face before wandering again.
“But what if I were to tell you it wasn’t?” I pause long enough for his gaze to find its way back to mine. “What if this whole thing wasn’t out of your league at all?”
He grunts, mumbles something completely indecipherable under his breath, then shakes his head and says, “You’re joking, right?”
I hold my ground, hold the serious expression on my face. “Trust me, it’s no joke. In fact—”
But before I can finish, before I can even get to the point, he cuts me right off, having already drawn his own conclusion as to what this is about and eager to stop me before I can go any further. “Listen, Ever—” He sighs, kicking his foot out before him as he buries his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans. “While I appreciate your concern for my safety, I want to make it clear that I have absolutely no intention of drinking the elixir and becoming immortal like you.”
My eyes go wide as I fight to keep my jaw from dropping to my knees. I can’t believe he actually thought I was offering such a thing.
“I mean, I know I’ve said it before, and I don’t mean to get all judgmental on you or anything, but that kind of unnaturally long lifespan…well, I have no interest in that sort of thing.”
That makes two in as many days, I think, unable to keep myself from gaping.
“After going to Summerland, and after seeing Lina, well, I think you’d have to be pretty crazy to want to stay here. To choose an extra-long, extended stay in such an imperfect, hate-filled world when there’s something so much better waiting ’round the bend—so to speak.”
And even though his words hit me, hit me as hard as Miles’s did, I don’t cry. I’m done with all that. For better or worse, I am what I am and there’s no going back. Though that doesn’t mean I have any intention of convincing all the others to join me.
“Surely it’s not that bad—is it?” I say, hoping to lighten the tone.
But he just lifts his shoulders, voice completely serious when he says, “No, I suppose you’re right. It’s not all hatred and hardship out there. Every now and then, if you’re lucky, you can stumble upon the occasional pocket of happiness.”
“Wow, that’s a little dark, don’t you think?” I force a laugh, though hi
s words have left me more shaken than I care to admit.
But he just shrugs and squints, his eyes narrowing to where I can just barely see them. “Anyway, not trying to insult you, it’s just not my thing, that’s all. I have no interest in it.”
I shrug too, ready to move on, out of this parking lot, and onto the real reason we’re here.
“So…” He looks at me. “Is that it? Are we good here?”
“Sure, we’re good. But we’re a long ways from done.” I motion for him to follow as I make for the gate. Taking a moment to close my eyes, and see the lock springing open in my mind, before calling over my shoulder to say, “Trust me, we haven’t even begun yet.”
I push the gate open, assuming he’ll follow, and surprised when I glance back only to find him still standing on its other side.
“Ever, what’s this really about? Why’d you want to meet here of all places? I thought you were through with school?”
I shake my head, taking a moment to gaze at a group of buildings I’ve managed to ditch all week and didn’t miss even the slightest bit. “Turns out I’m not. Besides, this is the only place I could think of that would offer us the space and privacy we’re gonna need.”
His spliced brow jumps, clearly intrigued.
But I just roll my eyes and head for the gym, knowing he’s right behind me this time.
“That door locked too?” His gaze moves over my arms, my legs, the back of my neck, pretty much anyplace where my skin is bared.
I nod, concentrating on the door, hearing the bolt slam back into place before I open it and say, “You first.”
He heads inside, his rubber flip-flops squeaking against the polished wood floor as he makes his way to the middle of the room, where he stops, lifts his arms to his sides, throws his head back, inhales deeply, and says, “Yep, it’s definitely got that universal high school gym stench I remember so well.”
I smile, but only a little, before I’m back to business again.
I didn’t come here to joke around or engage in useless small talk. I came here to save him. Or, more correctly, to teach him everything he needs to know so that he can save himself in case I’m not around to do it for him.
Because no matter how angry I may be with him, no matter how many doubts I may have about him, I still feel it’s my duty to guard him from Haven.
“So, I figured we should just get right to it, no use wasting any more time than we already have.”
He looks at me, face wearing the slightest sheen of sweat. Though it’s unclear if it’s due to the stuffy, hot air or the apprehension of wondering just what it is that he’s gotten himself into, what might be expected of him.
I take a moment to settle in, dropping my bag in the corner, retying my shoe, and removing my T-shirt to reveal the white, finely ribbed tank top I wear underneath. Smoothing my hands over the front of it and adjusting the elastic waistband of my shorts, as I approach him and say, “Obviously you know about the chakras.” I stand before him, studying him carefully but allowing him no time to react when I add, “I mean, since you so successfully killed Roman that way—”
“Ever, I—” He starts, but I won’t permit it, won’t allow the flow of excuses to begin. I’ve heard all that, and I’m not one bit swayed. Besides, I can’t afford to be coerced into an argument that may change my mind about him—about this.
“Save it.” I raise my hand between us. “That’s another topic, for another day. For now, the only thing we’re going to discuss is the fact that Haven has powers you can’t even begin to imagine—” That even I can’t begin to imagine. “Powers she’s pretty drunk on at the moment, which makes her reckless and dangerous and someone you need to steer clear of at all costs. But if by chance you run into her for some reason, or, even worse, she decides to come after you, which, I’m sorry to say, is really the more likely scenario, well, either way, you need to be prepared. So, with all that in mind, with everything you know about her, which chakra would you choose to obliterate her?”
He looks at me, lip quirked to the side, and it’s clear he’s not taking this at all seriously, which is a grave mistake on his part.
“The sooner you answer, the sooner we’ll get through this—” I sing, hands on my hips, fingers impatiently tapping against them.
“Third.” He nods, flattening his palm just under his chest for emphasis. “Solar plexus, otherwise known as the revenge center, the home of deep-seated anger issues, and that sort of thing. So, are we good here? Did I pass? Can I collect my gold star and go home now?” He lifts his spliced brow.
“Okay, so now I want you to pretend that I’m Haven,” I say, completely ignoring the question along with the obvious plea in his gaze. “And I want you to come at me, to target me in the exact same way you’d target her.”
“Ever, please,” he begs. “This is ridiculous! I can’t do it. Really. I mean, while I appreciate your concern and all, trust me, it means a lot to me, but this sort of forced reenactment—” He shakes his head, dreadlocks swinging from side to side. “It’s—it’s a little embarrassing. To say the least.”
“Embarrassing?” My eyes practically bug out of my head. The male ego is pretty much unfathomable to me. “I’m just going to pretend you didn’t even say that. I mean, she has the power to cause you all kinds of hurt before she decides to take mercy and finally finish you off, and you’re worried about being embarrassed? In front of me?” I shake my head again, waving it away with both hands. “Listen, if you’re worried about hurting me—forget it. You won’t and you can’t. It’s completely impossible. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t get to me. So feel free to put that right out of your mind.”
“Well, that’s reassuring. Not to mention emasculating.” He shakes his head and allows his shoulders to slump.
“Not trying to insult you.” I shrug. “Just stating the facts, that’s all. I’m stronger. I mean, I think you’ve already experienced plenty of evidence to support that. And, I hate to break it to you, but Haven’s stronger too. And while there’s nothing you can do to change either of those things, she does lack something I have.”
He looks at me, only partially curious to learn what that is.
“She stopped wearing her amulet. She’s got nothing protecting her now. Whereas I never remove mine…” I pause, remembering all the times I did in the past and amending the statement when I add, “At least not anymore. Also, my solar plexus is not my weak chakra, not that I’m about to reveal which chakra is my weak one, but anyway, even if you’ve already figured it out by now, even if you decided you were so desperate to get out of here and on with your night that it just might be worth it to do me in, well, then you should know that you wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near it before I’d stop you right in your tracks.”
He rolls his eyes and sighs, raising his hands in defeat, realizing he really has no choice but to give in. Saying, “Okay. Fine. Whatever. Just tell me, what is it you want me to do? Am I supposed to charge you or something?”
“Sure, why not?” I shrug, figuring it’s as good a place to start as any.
But he just looks at me and says, “Because here’s the thing, that is a totally unrealistic situation. I would never just charge Haven or anyone else, not without first being provoked, and probably not even then. I just wouldn’t do it. I’m a pacifist. You know that. It’s not my style. So, I’m sorry to say it, but if you really want me to participate, then you’ll have to come up with something a little better than that.”
“Okay, fine.” I nod, determined to not let him wriggle his way out of this. “But just so you know, I have no plans to charge Haven either. I have no plans to start anything or go after her in any way. Still, I don’t think either one of us can ignore the fact that she’s vowed to destroy us—she’s made that abundantly clear. And make no mistake—she can destroy us, Jude. Especially you, since you’re so unprepared. She can take you down easily—without even breaking a sweat! So, with that in mind, we both need to prepare ourselves
for that event. Even though you’ve made it clear how you have no interest in being immortal, I’m also willing to bet you’re not all that eager to die at Haven’s hand. So, in light of all that, what do you say I charge you first? Would that make you feel better? Because that’s probably how it’ll go down anyway.”
He shrugs. Shrugs and flips his hands.
A simple act that annoys me so much, I rush toward him at full force without warning him first.
Moving so fast that one second he’s standing in the center of the gym, acting all causal and cool, and the next, I’ve knocked him clear across to the other side of the room, where I press him up hard against the padded wall, just like Haven did to me that day in the bathroom. And also like Haven, I’m not the least bit winded from the effort.
“This is what it’ll be like,” I say, my fingers gripping the front of his shirt, working the fabric so hard a piece of it tears off in my hand. Aware of his cool, shallow breath hitting my cheek, my face a mere razor’s width from his, as I gaze into those surprised aqua-green eyes. “This is how fast it’ll happen. You’ll have no time to react.”
He meets my gaze, the look deepening, his breath quickening, as a line of sweat drips down his brow, and his heart begins to race.
Though it’s not the result of fear or even surprise—no, it’s the result of something else entirely.
Something I immediately recognize.
It’s the same look he gave me the night we nearly kissed in the Jacuzzi.
The same look he gave me the night he told me he loved me, that he’s always loved me, through every single one of our lives, and that he’s not about to give up on me anytime soon.
And even though I want to, even though my rational mind is telling me to let go of his shirt, to turn around, and get myself as far from him as I possibly can—I can’t do it.