I pray for the souls caught up in the turmoil, Psy, human, and changeling alike. I'm no longer full of hate toward an entire race. They are as good and bad, as perfect and flawed, as any one of us. In understanding that, I've found a kind of peace, too.
But my heart, it still hurts in the night from missing you. It's been so many years now and still I turn and look for your smile, still I reach for your hand. I know I always will.
Your Xavier
Chapter 50
LUCAS AND SASCHA arrived to welcome the pupcubs at the same time as Hawke and Sienna, a bare hour after the birth. Given the fact that Riley's alpha and his mate should've been far distant, Riley knew Hawke had made certain he was nearby this past week, as they waited for Mercy to give birth. Not just so he could greet the babies, but in case an alpha's strength was needed. Though Lucas was the one who had a direct link to Mercy, Hawke could share his strength through Riley.
Both alphas stopped in the doorway to the bedroom, their shoulders touching. It was an unusual stance for two such dominant predatory changelings--not only were they sharing space, they weren't pushing forward to assert who was more alpha. It revealed far more about their relationship--and the friendship and trust that tied them together--than either would ever admit.
"So," Hawke said, "I see nobody won the betting pool."
Lucas's smile was very feline. "Don't the rules say all the money then goes to your pupcubs?"
Beside Riley, his shirt-clad mate smirked. That shirt was his and it was unbuttoned enough that she could maintain skin-to-skin contact with the pupcubs while not showing her breasts--though as she'd pointed out, her breasts were "freaking amazing" right now.
Riley had zero arguments with that declaration.
She was sitting cross-legged under a sheet pulled up to her waist, two of their babies cuddled up against her, while Riley held the third one against his bare chest as he sprawled with his back to the headboard. Tamsyn had draped soft fleece throws over the pupcubs' backs, to help keep them warm.
Mercy said, "Yes and yes," in response to Hawke's and Lucas's statements.
Then she reached out and bumped Riley's raised fist with her own. "Here's to a plan well-executed."
Riley chuckled when Hawke shook his head and said, "Led astray by a cat."
"It was my idea." Riley dropped a kiss on the head of the baby in his arms. He and Mercy had been playing "pass the pupcubs" the entire hour since the birth, ensuring each child received equal time with both parents. Not that the sleepy hooligans seemed to care, curling up happily against either father or mother.
"Lara helped," he added.
The SnowDancer healer had "accidentally" left up a doctored scan on her view screen for a short period. A packmate had seen the four distinct outlines in the image and rumors being what they were, suddenly all the betting had skewed toward quadruplets.
"Tammy, too." Mercy nuzzled the pupcubs in her arms, then reached over to touch her fingers to the back of the baby Riley held. "She confirmed the rumor by refusing to confirm it while making it obvious it was true."
Both alphas grinned, then flowed into the room. Riley didn't know how they did it, but somehow, they got in at the same time without jostling or pushing. As if they'd coordinated it subconsciously. And yeah, he'd keep that thought to himself--Luc and Hawke might be friends, but they hated it if anyone pointed that out.
Lucas sat on the bed on Mercy's side, while Hawke stood beside Riley. No words needed to be spoken. He and Mercy handed over their precious burdens to their alphas, to be accepted as pack, to be welcomed. All three babies remained calm and quiescent, as was normal for a young child in the presence of their alpha--the interesting thing was that they stayed calm for both alphas.
Hawke and Lucas didn't hand back the children until both had handled each child. That was when Sienna and Sascha peeked in and asked if they could cuddle the pupcubs. Both women tumbled onto the end of the bed when Mercy waved them in and there was smiling and cooing and snuggling.
Mercy, meanwhile, just looked smug and happy.
Which made Riley very smug and happy.
Arm around her, he glanced from Hawke to Lucas, then back to his own alpha. "So?" Their babies wouldn't shift for approximately a year, but the alphas would know which pupcub belonged to which pack. A good alpha--and both these men were extraordinary alphas--knew his pack.
Lucas's eyes met Hawke's.
Panther-green and wolf-blue, both sets glinted.
Lucas was the one who spoke. "We figured we'd keep you in suspense like you've kept everyone else the entire pregnancy."
Mercy threw a pillow at her laughing alpha's head. "I'll kill you, I swear to God." A pause before she released her claws and looked consideringly at Hawke. "I'd kill you first though."
"Never doubted it." With that, Hawke reached out and plucked the two boys out of Sascha's arms, while Lucas took their little girl from Sienna.
Sascha's eyes widened. "Two wolf pups to one leopard cub. I guess this answers the question of which one of you is more dominant."
"No, it doesn't," Riley said. "Isabella was born first, led the charge." Riley nuzzled a kiss to Mercy's hair. "I'd say we came out even."
"Good answer, wolf." A kiss that held sunshine, his mate's delight open.
"I thought so," he murmured. "I bet Isabella runs the boys ragged."
"I love that name." Sascha smiled down at the pupcub she'd stolen from Lucas. "Is she named after your grandmother?"
Mercy nodded. "I figure an alpha is a good namesake for our girl. Her middle name is Maeve, after Riley's mom." She twined her fingers with Riley's. "Acton is for Riley's father and Michael for mine." Her smile grew deeper. "Belle, Ace, and Micah."
Grinning, she added, "We decided we'd better come up with nicknames before my brothers did it first. God knows what Shadow, Herb, and Frenchie would've chosen." As everyone laughed, she kissed Ace's cheek after Hawke returned their youngest son to her arms and Micah to Riley's.
Riley and Mercy had chosen the family names because they wanted their children to feel firmly rooted despite the fact that all three were unique and would be forging their own path. It was for the same reason that they'd had a long discussion before settling on Smith-Kincaid as the pupcubs' surname. A bit of a mouthful yes, especially since all three had middle names, but it meant their babies, regardless of their changeling animal, would never wonder if they belonged more to one parent than to the other.
"Michael's middle name is Hawke," Riley told his best friend.
Hawke froze, then said, "Hell." The single word held a storm of emotion, his wolf prowling in his eyes.
"And Acton's is Lucas," Mercy told her alpha, to the same intense reaction. "Wolf or leopard, we wanted our babies to know they are cherished by both packs."
That, Riley thought, was the purest truth.
*
TEN minutes later, Riley saw Mercy's eyes follow Hawke as he handed Ace over to Lucas, before taking Belle and Micah from the leopard alpha. He knew why she was so intrigued--both alphas were treating the children as their own. That wasn't usually a choice. Alphas were as territorial about children in their pack as parents were about their pups or cubs.
Lucas caught their glances. "In terms of pack hierarchy and for any disciplinary needs, Belle is mine, while Micah and Ace are Hawke's, but they're all ours."
It was an extraordinary thing for a predatory changeling alpha to say . . . yet it resonated with Riley. He was Hawke's, but he'd fight to the death for Lucas, too, because DarkRiver needed Lucas, and Mercy needed DarkRiver. He knew his mate would do the same for Hawke, no matter how often she might threaten to kill him.
Now, she stole back Belle, nuzzled her sweet face. "You hear that, kiddo? You're going to have to deal with two of them."
"She can handle it." Lucas touched Mercy's cheek with the affection of alpha to packmate. "Belle's your kid--with a bit of wolf thrown in, but we won't hold that against her."
Hawke growled at the other
alpha, but it was hard to take his "threat" seriously when he was cradling Ace against his chest, his hands covering the pupcub's tiny body as he rubbed his jaw gently against Ace's face. Ace's hand opened then fisted against Hawke's chest, though his eyes stayed closed.
At the other end of the bed, Micah was yawning in Sascha's arms while Sienna gently brushed the dark auburn hair on his head. All the children had that dark shade that would probably become a deep brown with auburn highlights as they grew.
A blend of their parents.
It made Riley smile just as he caught the first hint of animated voices arrowing in their direction.
His and Mercy's siblings, as well as Mercy's parents, tumbled inside minutes later, all joy and excitement and love. So much love. Their children would never lack for either playmates or care. And when they came home, they'd do so to parents who adored one another and their babies.
Mercy looked up right then, her eyes shimmering with emotion. "I love you, Riley."
"Ditto, kitty cat," he whispered, stealing a kiss while their babies held court, and for the first time in known history, wolf and leopard adults mingled with newborns in their arms, no protective aggression in either party.
Family, Riley thought, SnowDancer and DarkRiver had been becoming family for a long time. Belle, Micah, and Ace had added the final seal on that bond.
*
BASTIEN bared his teeth at his brother, Sage, when Sage dared try to take Micah from him after Bastien had just claimed his nephew from Drew. Sage pushed in anyway, putting a friendly arm around the waist of Bastien's mate, Kirby, as he pressed up against her back and peered over her head at the baby in Bastien's arms.
"Hey, peanut," he said, touching a finger to the sleeping baby's nose.
That nose wrinkled up but the baby slept on.
"Bastien, I want to hold him." Kirby held out her arms on that whisper, and he put Micah into her gentle embrace.
Face lighting up, she cuddled the baby close. "Hey, you." A gentle kiss to one velvet-soft cheek . . . and the baby made a tiny sound that could've been a happy growl.
"Did you hear that?" Bright lynx eyes, Kirby's cat as curious about this new packmate as the human side of her. "He likes me."
"Of course he likes you. He knows family." Bastien's heart was a huge thing inside his chest. "Look after them both," he ordered his brother before going to find Mercy.
His sister was still sitting in bed, more because so many people were piled on it, talking and laughing, than because she looked in any way weak. Bulling his way through the crowd, he scooped her up in his arms to her laughing admonitions and smacked a kiss to her cheek. "You did good, Carrot."
"Grr." Claws dug into his shoulders but she kissed him back. "It hurt like a bitch." A thoughtful pause. "I think men should have to give birth, too."
Bastien winced. "Yeah, no." Kissing her again, he put her back on the bed before her mate decided he was manhandling her too roughly and came after him--Bastien was confident of his own skills, but he wasn't about to go up against a new dad who happened to be a SnowDancer lieutenant known as The Wall for his hardheaded stubbornness and refusal to surrender.
He caught Lucas's eye as he was weaving his way out of the room, shook his head. He hadn't yet zeroed in on the individual who'd paid the captain of the ship meant to be Naya's prison. But he was close, so close he could almost smell it, almost reach out and grab that person by the throat, claws extended to do bloody damage.
Lucas nodded, the alpha's expression stating he had trust in Bastien's abilities.
Leopard padding inside his skin, Bastien returned to Kirby to find Sage cradling the baby under Kirby's own hold. It meant his brother was pretty much cuddling Bastien's very cuddleable mate.
Bastien shook his head. "You can't steal either one of them, Herb."
Sage managed to give him the finger while continuing to smile at the baby. Kirby, meanwhile, turned very carefully in Sage's hold and handed the baby to him. "Support his head," she instructed, as Bastien's brother took Micah with utmost care.
"Hey, kid." Sage's grin split his face. "I'm your uncle Sage. Your favorite uncle."
As Sage wandered off to Grey, who'd just claimed Belle from her aunt Brenna, Bastien wrapped his arms around Kirby from behind. "Cute, huh?"
"Gorgeous," Kirby agreed. "I want one."
Bastien chuckled. "Let's get you used to shifting first." Kirby was still settling into her skin as a lynx; she was also spending time with the family she'd never had a chance to know as a child--and she was becoming an integral part of his. The latter wasn't much of a choice. The Smiths and DarkRiver had embraced her as one of their own; Kirby fit like a missing piece.
The cubs, especially, loved playing with Kirby. She was an adult, but her lynx form made her smaller than adult leopards, and so to the cubs, she seemed a perfect-sized playmate. The fact that she happened to be a kindergarten teacher and had the patience to both play with and handle spirited cubs made her even more of a favorite.
Now she laughed. "You might possibly be right--plus, I think we'll be babysitting the pupcubs often."
"Hopefully after they're a little bigger. I'm kinda freaked out by their tininess," he admitted in a subvocal whisper. "So fragile."
Kirby patted one of his hands. "You'll be fine. You have the gentlest hands." Lifting one of those hands, she pressed a row of kisses to his fingertips.
And there went his heart going boom all over again.
Letters to Nina
From the private diaries of Father Xavier Perez
June 23, 2082
Nina,
I am in the mountains near--
*
XAVIER lifted his hand from the page and stared out over the mountains of his homeland. The sounds of children's voices rose up from the village below, where the little ones learned under a woven canopy held up by six poles pushed into the earth. The weave was treated to be waterproof, and on the ground was a thick rug on which about half the children sat and recited their mathematical tables.
At the back were the older children. Instead of facing the teacher, they sat in small groups, their heads bent together as they worked on a project. This far into the mountains, there were no separate classrooms. The children all had large-size organizers developed especially for such usage, plus access to a remote teacher for different subjects.
However, as well as eating lunch together, they gathered together for an hour at the start of the day and an hour at the end to learn communally and to discuss their learning across age groups. It wasn't only humans who sat under the canopy--several changeling children attended lessons in this village, since their pack had too few children to justify a separate classroom.
It gave Xavier's heart solace to see their happy faces, their bright smiles, their innocent friendships.
But his own smile was long lost, for he'd finally reached his destination . . . only to discover that Nina wasn't here. Judd and Kaleb hadn't been wrong--a woman who could well be his Nina had been in this village less than a month earlier. She'd been standing in for the village medic who'd gone away for training, had moved on to her next post once the medic returned.
He swallowed, looked down at the letter he was writing, started again.
In my fantasies, I used to imagine that perhaps you'd lost your memories and that was why you hadn't searched for me, but if this is you, then you remember your training, you remember being a nurse. You've chosen to stay here, far from me. You've chosen to change your name so I won't find you.
My heart breaks at the thought of it but I won't turn back now. I must know if it's you and if there is any hope of begging your forgiveness. The villagers tell me you don't have a lover that they know of--they are loyal to you, but an elder here recognized me as the man of God who had helped a friend in another village once. She was willing to trust me.
I must believe her. For the idea that you now belong to another--
Xavier's hand shook.
Leaning his head
back against the tree trunk, he blinked away the heat in his eyes, then put away the notebook and his pen. It took but a moment to pull on his backpack. Seconds later he was heading away from this village and toward where the elder had told him the woman named Ani had gone.
*
TWO days of trekking through the mountains and Xavier was a bare fifteen minutes from his new destination. Instead of carrying on, he forced himself to stop by a small waterfall. If this was to be his last meeting with Nina, he'd show her his best self. Stripping, he took out the biodegradable soap in his pack--thanks to a small care package that had been gifted to him by Judd's mate--and washed himself.
Drying off afterward, he pulled on underwear and a pair of khaki-colored cargo pants before using his phone camera as a mirror while he scraped off the ink-black beard that had grown in during his journey.
Nina had always liked him clean-shaven, though she didn't mind stubble.
Especially when they kissed.
Gripping the memory of her touch, her kiss, in a tight fist, he finished shaving, then splashed on aftershave from the same care pack. His hair, tightly curled as it was, needed no brushing. Reaching to the bottom of his pack, he pulled out a pristine white T-shirt, shrugged into it. The color was stark against the teak shade of his skin, the fabric a little stiff because it was so new. Beneath it lay a necklace he'd worn for years.
Socks and boots on, and he was as ready as he'd ever be.
His pack felt heavier this time, but perhaps that was his heart weighing him down. No matter. He had to go forward, had to know.
Stepping back onto the path, he made his way to the village.
Children saw him first; they always did. Pelting away at light speed on bare feet, they called out to their parents and other elders in a language that wasn't identical to his native tongue but that was close enough for him to understand.
Making his way to the edge of the village, he waited with screaming patience until an elder, his brown-skinned face gnarled with life, came to him, asked him his business.
"I've come to see Ani," he said.
The elder's wary welcome turned into a scowl. "Who are you to look for our Ani?"
"I've been searching for my Nina for many years," he said softly. "Since the day the Psy destroyed our village. My friends tell me Ani is Nina."