Chapter 7 – Connie’s Achluophobia
When Connie stepped out of the ready room after talking to Ronnie about the location of the wedding, she pressed the button beside the inventory locker bay and the door slid open. She picked up the clipboard and pencil on the counter and headed down the aisles until she arrived at the medical supply section of the bay. She located the tampons drawer; placed six of them into the inside pocket of her blue flight suit, and began writing down the bay, bin, and container number for the tampons. Just as she was entering the quantity that she had removed from inventory on the sheet, the thing that most frightened her, happened. The lights went out in the inventory locker bay.
Connie stood very still for a moment, thinking the lights would come back on quickly. She spoke to the computer, but it did not respond. She now yelled very loud, loud enough they should have heard her on planet Earth. She yelled for Ronnie to turn the lights back on. She began screaming at the top of her lungs, stomping her feet, her hands and arms flailing around her; she screamed again, saying, “I am afraid of the dark, afraid of what happens in the dark. Turn the fucking lights back on.” Connie now screamed to anyone or anything that would listen. She suddenly stopped yelling, tried to find the shelving along the bay, and finally felt her fingers touch the cold metal shelves.
Then she heard the computer speaking into her mind, speaking her name, trying to get her attention. She forced her now hysterical mind to concentrate on the computers voice, Listen to the computers words, she told herself. The computer is telling me that a circuit breaker has tripped and requires a manually reset to correct the problem. Connie screamed at the computer saying, “I don’t care why the lights are out, turn the lights back on right now.” Connie found she was talking aloud to herself again; someone must turn the lights on very soon, very soon, very, very soon.
Connie screamed again with sobbing panic-stricken screams, telling the computer she was terrified of the dark, “Turn the lights on, please,” she pleaded. The computer begins speaking to her again and tried to calm her, tried to tell her to stand very still. Her legs would no longer support her and she sat down on the cold metal floor. She felt the cold from the metal decking rising up into her body and she shivered. She told the computer once again that she was frightened of the dark; “I will die here in the darkness if someone does not turn on the lights right now,” she screamed at the top of her voice.
The computer began speaking to her again, and she focused her mind to the words, trying to calm her emotions. The computer told her that he could see her infrared image, and he would talk her to the door to the living area if she would listen carefully to the instructions. She tried, and finally managed to stand on her trembling legs. She panicked and began to run, ran headlong into a shelving unit, fell backwards on her butt, and then realized she had cuts her chin. She could feel a tiny trickle of blood run down her neck. The computer told her again to stop, standstill, and he would guide her to the door. She tried to listen, and the computer told her, “Slowly turn to your left, until I say stop.” The computer told her to stop, and then told her to walk slowly forward, one-step at a time. She followed his instructions and began moving along with her eyes closed, following the computers instructions, making turns, touching shelving when told to do so.
She stopped walking, and spoke to the computer. Her mind felt foggy; she was trembling all over and could not walk one more step without talking. Talking was her vent, her way of preventing her mind from exploding, going off like a firecracker. She was almost whispering now, pleading with the computer not to tell, “Please computer, don’t tell Ronnie until I have a chance to explain it to him. He will laugh at me, he will hate my silly fear, he will never understand. Computer, please don’t tell him I was raped in a dark room when I was a tiny child, and that I have been afraid of the dark every since, please computer fix the lights quickly,” Connie screamed again, “Computer, turn on the lights, please.”
Then Connie stood very still and said, “Computer, are you here with me?” “Connie, I am here, and I will guide you towards the door when you are ready to walk again.” “Computer, please don’t tell Ronnie that I sleep with the lights on. You know I always leave them on, you know everything. Please don’t tell Ronnie that I must have the lights on when making love to ward off the fear of rape, that I must have the lights on to have an orgasm. Don’t tell Ronnie that if a man touches me in the dark, I scream because I feel as if the hands are hurting me—raping me—destroying my will to live. Please don’t tell Ronnie that the fear of the dark has made me soil my pants here in this dark place; please don’t tell him. I must be the one that explains this sickness, this phobia to him. Please, computer let me be the one to tell him.” The computer spoke again to Connie, “Connie your fears are my secret, and I would never speak of your secrets to anyone without your approval, understand my child that your secrets are always safe with me.”
The computer began again with instructions, moving Connie one-step at a time. The computer asked if her eyes were open, she said, “NO, I am afraid to look at the dark.” The computer finally convinced her to open her eyes; convinced her she was safe under his watchful eye. “Trust me,” the computer told her, “I will not allow you to fail, you will arrive safely at the door, arrive to see the light if you trust me Connie.” Connie began to speak, but the computer silenced her words, “Connie, shut up,” and began again to guide her. She forced her eyes open, this time she is able to look, to leave them open. The computer told her the door to the living quarters is straight ahead of her. She tries to hurry, stumbles, falls on her hands and bangs her knees on the steel floor decking. She is crying once again, this time she comforts her own emotions, then speaks aloud to herself, “Hush little darling, don’t you cry.”
She stood back up, asked the computer if she was facing the correct direction to walk to the door. The computer said she was and that she could now feel the walls of the hallway if she put her hands out to her sides. Instead, she stepped ahead, putting her hands out in front of her, and moved forward another meter or so. Suddenly, her fingers touched the door. She checked to make certain it was in fact the door and not just a place on the wall. Then she heard a sound leave her mouth. The sound came as she exhaled the breath she had been holding in her lungs. She moved her hands to the right hand side of the door, located the button and pushed it.
The light, the wonderful light blinded her, preventing her from seeing inside the hallway. She quickly steps inside as the door slides shut behind her. She realizes that Ronnie is standing one meter in front of her. She tries to remain calm, but cannot. The tears run down her cheeks, but she manages to smile at Ronnie.
She desperately wants to run to the safety of Ronnie’s arms, but instead speaks to the computer as if it was an old friend. “Computer, thank you for helping me return from the darkness, and thanks for keeping our little secret.” The computer said nothing; Ronnie said nothing.
When the computer finally did speak, it explained that Connie was left in the dark inventory bay due to a failed circuit breaker; “But my friend is much better now,” the computer explained. Connie smiled at the words the computer spoke, her friend it had said. Ronnie asked the computer if the breaker needed manual resetting. The computer said the problem had resolved itself, and would not happen again. Ronnie produced a small flashlight, stepped up close to Connie and slid the light into the pocket at the top of the sleeve on her flight suit. The pocket seemed tailor made to fit the light. When Ronnie started to step away from her, she touched his cheek with her hand. It was then that she turned and walked into the bathroom to wash the smell of fear from her body, and to change into a clean flight suit.
When she returned to the ready room (still drying her wet hair from her shower), Connie felt certain that Ronnie might have heard the events in the inventory bay; how else would he have known she needed a flashlight to carry with her in case the lights went out again. She stepped up close to Ronnie, looked him in the eyes
and said, “Ronnie, I will talk to you about the darkness within me when we are alone sometime, but not right now.” Ronnie planted a kiss on the end of her nose, and allowed her to walk away to spend some quality time in her room with her own thoughts.
As Ronnie sat down in the captain’s chair, Janet walked in and asked if Connie was okay now, or if she needed a friend. Ronnie smiled at her, said, “Thanks for caring,” and then explained that Connie may have made friends with the computer and worked through her phobia. Janet thought about what he said for a moment, and then said that Connie may have just made a new friend, one that Ronnie had not considered. Ronnie looked confused, so Janet explained. While Connie was talking to the computer, did you understand, did you grasp, that the computer let her, no forced her, to make friends with the darkness. Ronnie had not considered that possibility. He reached over and held his sisters hand, then said, “Sis, I hope you are right about that, I have never heard the sound of fear like I just witnessed a few minutes ago.”
Ronnie then felt a hot flash of his own fear run through his veins, “Janet, tell me that the girls did not hear Connie’s screams for help.” Janet squeezed her brother’s hand and said she had quickly taken the girls into their room, and they heard none of it. Ronnie leaned back in his chair, and then told Janet, “Sis, I had to force myself to stand there at the door to the inventory room and listen to my friend scream for help. I knew she was perfectly safe with the computer protecting her, but her fear was so real, I felt her pain. I knew I needed to let her and the computer work it out, but it broke my heart as she begged the computer to keep the secrets from me, her best friend, to listen to her cries of fear. I felt as if the rape was happening all over again in her mind, and I needed to let it happen, needed to allow my friend to deal with being raped in a dark room, and to face the fear. Janet if this ever happens again, I will not be able to remain detached, I will run to her, hold and love her.”
Janet looked at Ronnie, then said, “I have a women’s intuition that now is the right time for you to knock on Connie’s door, wait outside for her to open it, and then hold her in your arms until she begins talking to you. Do not admit to hearing one word of her fear, but do not lie about it either. If she asks you if you heard, tell her the computer cannot hide human secrets. Tell her that you did hear, but do not repeat one word you heard her say, let her tell you in her own words, her own way, let her make love to you with the lights on, in her own way.” Ronnie stood up to leave the ready room and his sister stood up, wrapped her arms around his neck and cried.
She cried as if Connie’s fear had broken her own heart. Ronnie held her until the girls stepped into the ready room, and began asking why their mother was crying. Janet handled their presence with a simple answer, “Sometimes us girls just need to cry on our brother’s shoulders.” Ronnie handed her a tissue and she escorted the girls towards the kitchen for some hot chocolate. Ronnie chuckled to himself and spoke aloud to the computer to make a note that he should get some extra hot chocolate if these four females were going to spend any time on The Empress.
As Ronnie stepped up to the door of Connie’s room, she opened her bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. Ronnie stepped up close to her as she leaned close and kissed him. Then she said that she had missed breakfast, and was starving. Ronnie escorted her to the kitchen with Janet and the girls. As Connie stood beside Janet, she passed Janet the Tampons she had went into the inventory bay to get when the lights went out.
When the meal was over, Connie took Ronnie’s hand and took him to her room, where she locked the door. She hugged and kissed on him for a few minutes and then undressed and got under the covers with Ronnie for the second time in her life. Ronnie snuggled close but only put his hands on her arm, as they lay close. As they snuggled and kissed, Connie said, “Computer, I would like to make love to Ronnie with the lights off, but I may change my mind if my fear sneaks up on me. Would you listen carefully and if I ask, will you quickly turn the lights back on until I can calm myself?” The computer spoke to Connie and said, “Connie, my friend, my finger will be resting on the handle of the switch. All you have to do is speak the words; ‘Lights please’ and the lights will be on instantly. Connie, are you ready for the darkness now?” Connie considered a moment and then said, “Lights off please.” The lights went off. Ronnie felt Connie tense, felt and heard her take a very deep breath, then calm her emotions. She found his lips and began kissing. Soon her hands found his body and she found the inner strength she needed to smite the dragon, the dragon named fear. However, Connie would soon discover that her dragon was not about to die easily.
As they dressed, Connie spoke to her friend again, “Computer, thanks for tending the lights for me, but I did not the light this time. Maybe, I will ask you to watch the lights for me while I try to sleep alone in my bed tonight.”
When Connie and Ronnie walked out into the living area, the girls asked Ronnie when they could return home. Monica reminded him that the girls were missing school, and their teachers would be giving them homework for weeks to make up the lost time. Ronnie looked at Janet and she said, “Well are you going to answer the ladies question or not, kind sir.” Ronnie said that he would take them home as soon as he cleared a flight plan with Quantum’s Director of Operations.
As Ronnie finished with the flight plan, Janet walked into the ready room and Ronnie began talking to her. He asked if it would work out if he and Connie were married in the small church near her house, where their parents had baptized them as children. Janet said that would be very nice, then the girls could attend to make certain the marriage was properly done, so their uncle was not living in sin. Janet said she would help him with the arrangements tomorrow after breakfast if he and Connie would stay over. Ronnie asked Janet to say nothing to Connie until he had a chance to talk to her.