This week is going sooooo slowly. It’s still only Monday afternoon. I may go mad or have to knock myself out.
The whole of Dother Hall is beavering away at different ideas for the Big Night Out. Sidone said, “Girls, I want to involve the WHOLE community. Go out and spread the word far and near. When I told my mature ladies at the Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society, they had some interesting ideas. Some may say pole dancing is the territory of the young and lithe, but that is not their view. I think everyone will be surprised on the night.”
When I got back to Heckmondwhite, I bumped into Ruby. She said, “I’ve thought of something to do for the Big Night Out. It will be a mega laugh. Matilda can do some of her backing dancing.”
And when I got home, Dibdobs was skipping about the kitchen with joy. “Oh, it will be marvelous. Oooh, Lullah, I could squeeze you!”
She gave me a list of ideas she and Harold had come up with for the Big Night Out to read in bed.
Ethnic drumming
I know what that will be, a load of pans and a tin bath.
Harold said, “Yes, the Iron Men’s Drumming group will search inside themselves for their Inner Woman, and play soft themes of love and harmony on our lovingly crafted drums.”
I’d seen his lovingly crafted drum. It is essentially an old dustbin lid.
Then there was Dibdobs’s special:
Foragers’ banquet
With a suggested menu of Nettle Soup and Moss Pasta with Wild Garlic and Snails.
Also on their list are:
Leaf-hat parades
Sheep-poo sculpture competition
On Wednesday I went into Dother Hall and Bob came clinking out of the music studio to put up a notice. It said:
Big Night Out
Peace, dudettes.
Just a heads-up vis-à-vis the Big Night Out. The Iron Pies have got a very extensive playlist for their first outdoor gig. We’re gonna rock the forest, man!
Oh dear God, every fool is at it.
On Thursday. Oh, only Thursday, Vaisey came tumbling out of Dother Hall when I arrived.
“Lullah, guess what? The Jones are going to be in the Big Night Out Taming of the Shrew thing!!! Jack said that even Cain was keen. They’re using the church hall for rehearsals. They’re working on a new song for it.”
Cain. I’m not thinking about Cain.
Ever again.
He’s a pain.
Hang on, I’m making a mental rap about him. No! Stop.
And anyway, I’ve much better things to do. I’m preparing myself for my date with Charlie. I’ve never had an actual date with a real boy before. Floppy Ben doesn’t count.
And Charlie’s gorgeous. Everyone says he’s gorgeous. I think he’s gorgeous. I bet even Matilda thinks he’s gorgeous.
That’s cos he’s gorgeous.
As I left to walk home, Flossie came and linked up with me. She was wearing loads of makeup. I said, “What are you doing?”
She smiled at me. Bit scary.
“Do you know, Lulles, I think I’ll walk you into Heckmondwhite. I don’t want those big rough Bottomlys bothering you.”
I said, “Er, they bother me all the time. But it’s usually just staring these days.”
When we got to the village, Flossie wouldn’t let me go home. She made me walk around the church hall about a million times. After the fourth time I realized . . . she just wants to see Seth. But the band didn’t turn up and by six o’clock I was freezing. And also I didn’t want to be around if Cain turned up, so I said I was going home.
Then Flossie said, “Oh yeah, good idea but I couldn’t go home without seeing little Rubster. I really miss her and want to talk to her. A lot.”
So she dragged me round to The Blind Pig.
Flossie hugged Ruby and said, “Hello, Ruby, nice to see you. It’s been ages.” And then we all went up to Ruby’s room to “catch up” as Flossie said.
Ruby started telling us about Matilda’s backing dancing and Joey, the boy she used to snog. But then Ruby noticed that Flossie was looking out of the window, saying, “Ah-huh” to anything she said.
In the end, Ruby said, “Is it true that you only have one corker?”
When Flossie did her “ah-huh,” Ruby went over and looked her in the face and said, “They’re not rehearsing tonight.”
Flossie immediately got up and said, “S’laters.”
At last it’s Saturday. Date day!!
Rubes insisted on spending all morning helping me get ready. I don’t know who is more excited and nervous: me, Ruby, or Matilda. Ruby was going through my things saying, “You want to be snug, but not look like a long sock.” Yes, that’s true.
I made her go home at two o’clock because I didn’t want her lurking around when Charlie came. She was not pleased.
“I’m not a kid, you know.”
I said, “You are actually.”
She went in the end, but she said, “It’s a free country, I might fancy being around your house or something later on.”
I said, “Please don’t.”
As she was sulking off, she said, “Anyway, I think that Charlie fancies me really.”
She is truly unbalanced. In a nice way.
I’m all ready, but it’s freezing, so I’m going to get into bed again. I can’t be bothered to take my jeans off. I’ll stay snug until he arrives.
Or not arrives. Maybe he’s changed his mind.
I felt really jittery and a bit sick.
Then, just on two thirty, Dibdobs called up. “Lullah, Charlie’s here!!”
I sjuuuugged my hair and put some Pouty Pink lip gloss on and another quick layer of mascara. Like I learned from Cousin Georgia.
There’s a funny smell all over the house. Harold must be trying out more eco-friendly heating materials. He’s outdone himself this time because there’s a slight whiff of piggy poo from the downstairs fire. Surely you can’t burn piggy poo?
And anyway what fool would . . .
I squirted myself with perfume. Deep breaths and then a practice smile in the mirror. What did Georgia say to me? “Oh yes, little cousy, the secret to smiling at a boy is ‘a hint of eastern promise’ but not full-on ‘I’m a tart.’”
I think I know what she means.
As I got to the top of the wooden stairs, I could hear the lunatic twins talking to Charlie.
Charlie said, “It’s quite big, isn’t it, Sam?”
And Sam saying, “It’s sjuuuge.”
And Max said, “Sjuuuge shoe.”
Oh dear.
They were showing him the shoe.
When I went into the kitchen, smoke was billowing from the fire. Sort of dark brown smoke. With a piggy aroma. Dibdobs was showing Charlie an egg with a hat on that she’s designed for the Big Night Out.
Charlie smiled his Charlie smile when he saw me. He had a dark blue coat on and his thick wavy hair touched the collar. My knees went a bit trembly, but there was nothing they could do as I had trapped them into thermal leggings under my jeans.
Charlie said, “Hello, gorgeous. It’s parky, isn’t it? But I thought we could go out owl hunting for a bit, if you fancy it? If it’s OK to come out?” And he looked at Dibdobs, who was knitting more egg hats.
She’s not hatching them, is she?
The eggs, I mean, not the hats. Although you never know.
She clicked her needles and said, “Yes, yes, you young people, off you go. Wrap up snug, Lullah, put your big coat on, it’s in the cupboard.”
I put my coat on and then Max and Sam put their little arms round my legs. We shuffled off towards the door as a group. They only let go when I gently shut the door on them. As he disappeared behind it, Sam said, “Ug oo.”
Charlie was laughing as he pulled up his collar against the cold air. “Erm, are they a bit on the odd side?”
I said, “You should see them in their leaf hats.”
He laughed again as we went out of the gate. “This is fun, Lullah. Nice to see
you. I thought we could go to the woods and see if we can find the feathery fools and have our picnic there.”
I said, “I’m very much looking forward to our picnic. It’s just the weather for an outdoor meal.”
Charlie said, “I’d better get used to outdoor meals. We’re off on a country skills camping week in Scotland on Monday. Still, we’ll learn to track a wild pig. So that’s, you know, something.”
As we went down the back path, I heard a bit of a snuffle. Without turning round, I shouted, “Good-bye, Ruby.”
Ruby came out of the bushes with Matilda. She said, “I weren’t following you or owt. Matilda wanted to . . . to . . . see Charlie.”
Charlie bent down and kissed Matilda on the nose. She wagged her stump. Ruby said, “What about me?”
So Charlie gave her a big kiss on her nose, too.
She said, “Cor, I were right—you have got just the right amount of lip.”
Charlie said, “Well, thank you, that’s a relief.”
Matilda and Ruby scampered off.
As we tramped down the back path, it was crunchy and silvery beneath our feet. You could see your breath in the air before you. I hunched my shoulders and shivered. Charlie said, “Are you cold?”
I said, “No, no, I’m sooo, you know, just a bit, well, you know, excited really. . . . I feel like, like a dog shaking its back leg.”
There was a pause as Charlie looked at me.
I thought, Why did I say that thing about the dog leg?
Charlie said, “Yep, that is exciting indeed.”
I smiled at him. I can feel the warmth coming from him, sort of all over. The dark trees rustled with a sudden tremor of wind from the moors and I shook my hair.
“You know it’s nearly the Big Night Out bonfire thing and there’s something in the air and you can just feel that something really exciting and great is going to happen. . . .”
Charlie suddenly stopped, so I did, too. He was looking at me without saying anything. He has such smiley eyes. Eyes that say, “Hello . . .”
Should I blink or would that make him stop looking at me?
I wish I could remember what you were supposed to do. What was it Cousin Georgia said you had to do? Look up and then look down?
I tried that. After I’d done it twice, Charlie said, “Have you got something in your eye?”
He stroked my face.
Wow. This was it.
He said, “Your eyes are really green. They’re amazing.”
But then we heard hooting off towards the old barn and he said, “That might be them—that might be the owlets!” And we ran towards the barn calling “Twit twoo, Little Lullah and Little Ruby . . .”
We went into the dark old barn with its creaky door. Patches of pale light were beaming onto the hay from the broken roof. Charlie said, “Blimey, this brings back memories, doesn’t it? You doing your owlet impression, me lying on the ground . . .”
I said, “Charlie, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. . . . Basically, I am not an idiot child anymore.”
Charlie said, “Er . . . can you just remind me of the rap you did as a horse?”
I laughed. He did have a point.
There was no sign of the owlets. But it was cozy and out of the biting wind in the barn. I said, “Ooh, I’m a bit peckish. Shall we have our lovely picnic now?”
Charlie said, “Oh yes, I hope you’re hungry.” And he got out two bags of salt and vinegar crisps.
I laughed and said, “Is that it?”
He said, “Don’t be silly, Lullah. There’s a Kit Kat for afters. I know how to show a girl a good time.”
It was fun sitting together on the hay bale. Not just like sharing a Kit Kat with a girl chum. You don’t generally want your girl chum to kiss you after finishing their Kit Kat.
I wonder if he will kiss me.
Charlie lounged back in the hay. I tried lounging as well. Through the open barn door we could see the stars beginning to appear.
There was light enough to see his face clearly. I peeked a sideways look at him. He really is good-looking and has a lovely mouth. He turned to me a bit seriously. I wonder if he was thinking that I had a nice mouth.
Charlie said, “I know you’re not an idiot child, Lullah, but I have to ask you, just to get it out in the open. . . . Why on earth would you get involved with someone like Cain? He’s such, well . . . an arse. Isn’t he?”
I nodded. “Well, yeah . . . he is.”
Charlie went on. “He’s rude, he’s moody, he’s violent, he’s mean. No one likes him . . . well, apart from, you know . . . some girls.”
I said quickly, “Charlie, I know what he is. He’s awful. He does awful things. He IS awful. I call him the Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite. No one in their right mind would have anything to do with Cain. I just made a mistake, but it won’t happen again.”
As I said that, there was the crack of a twig outside and a rustling and I thought I heard the beating of wings. The owlets!
We both went outside and round the side of the barn, but there was nothing there. They must have flown off. Up into the branches.
It was chilly outside. I shivered. Maybe Charlie would notice and put his arm around me.
He said, “Let’s walk a bit.”
I said, “I could show you the sheep.”
Charlie laughed. “Great.”
As we walked, he put his hands in his pockets and said, “Yeah, I don’t like Cain, but I can see that when he’s in his band, I suppose he’s, well, he’s sexy, isn’t he? He’s sort of wild.”
I said, “Like an animal in trousers.”
Charlie laughed. “Exactly. But that’s all he is. He’s not going to suddenly stop and be a laugh and nice to you. You know that, don’t you?”
We walked on for a bit, then Charlie said, “Lullah, you’re a bit wild and out of control—well, your legs are.”
I said, “I know.”
We both looked down at my legs.
If they start doing anything now, I’ll kill them.
Charlie said, “But I like them.” And he took my hand in his and put them both in his pocket. It’s really nice and warm in there. And there’s no tiny girlfriend involved.
Charlie went on. “Lullah, you’re different. You’re sort of exciting and mad at the same time. And I like it.”
We reached the sheep field and stopped to lean on the fence. Looking at the sheep chewing on stuff. Looking at us. And then they did that thing again. They started trying to get into the hedge.
Charlie said, “Why are they doing that?”
I said, “I don’t know. I sang ‘The Sound of Music’ to them and now every time they see me they get into the hedge.”
Charlie started laughing so much I thought he might not be able to stop. It made me laugh as well. And he hugged me to him.
“God, Lullah, you are just . . . well . . . gorgeous.”
I leaned to rest against the fence and swished my hair back. I looked up at the stars. Charlie spoke softly but quite intensely. “What I want you to know is . . .”
And he put both of his hands around my face and looked down at me. “Wow, Lulles, look at you, all catty in the night. Your eyes are proper green. You think that you’re vulnerable and you are, but that’s what’s so nice. No wonder Cain wants you.”
I closed my eyes. I actually felt a bit dizzy.
This was one of the dreamiest things that had ever happened to me. Then he put his hands behind my back and tried to pull me in towards him. But my hair was caught in the thorn hedge. In between laughing, Charlie managed to tug my hair free. It still felt a bit knotty.
Charlie was smiling as he caught hold of me again. He leaned down and softly kissed me on the lips.
Wow. I’m melting.
He kissed me softly again and then a bit harder. And as he was kissing me, he ran his hand through the back of my hair . . .
“Bloody hell, Lullah, there’s half a hedge in your hair. Look!” And he showed me a
twig.
There was a small pause as we looked at the twig.
And then he said, “So, you’ve got a week to think. Let me know who you prefer—me or you know who.”
Charlie blew me a kiss as he walked away. I stood at the gate in a daze, watching him get farther away. As he disappeared up the path to Woolfe Academy, I heard him shout, “Praise the knees!”
Fir-cone earrings and knitted onesies
I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM Charlie since our date.
It’s Sunday afternoon. No note. No accidental meeting in the lane going to the barn. Even though I have pretty much lurked around there since we left it last night. The sheep are still getting into the hedge. I even tried bobbing down behind the fence so they couldn’t see me approaching, but they seem to sense my presence.
I wonder why he hasn’t been in touch. Should I be doing something?
Everything is hotting up for the Big Night Out extravaganza. By Thursday, the Tree Sisters were in our official meeting place in the dorm. Once again snuggled up in Vaisey’s bed, talking about boys.
I said, “I really like Charlie and I want to see him.”
Jo said, “So why don’t you tell him?”
I said, “I would if I could see him.”
Flossie said, “Charlie Farlie, how you girls do prattle on. I’m going to give that young man Seth a chance to make it up to me at the Big Night Out. Why, I feel downright mean and I done think he’s suffered enough not seeing me.”
I said, “Ruby said he was hanging around the churchyard with some of the village girls last night.”
Flossie said, “He’ll be trying to keep his spirits up.”
I said, “Well, you snogged Batboy in front of him, tore up his poster, and didn’t meet him when he said he’d see you after the gig.”
Flossie said, “I know. It’s all going to plan, isn’t it?”
What?
All week, the Dobbinses’ kitchen has been a nightmare of preparation for the Big Night Out in the Woods. Dibdobs and her village foraging group have been baking moss and mushroom tarts and freezing them for the last three days. And I’ve never seen so many conker bracelets and fir-cone earrings. Dibdobs has moved on from knitting egg hats to knitting onesies for animals. Micky and Dicky are wearing theirs. But not their mittens. So far Dibdobs hasn’t managed to get them on.