As we left our Special Tree to go back to Dother Hall, Phil gave Jo a big smackeroonee on the lips and said, “Au revoir, you little cracker. I’ll see YOU later.”
Jo said, “No. YOU won’t see me later because YOU are going back to the Bad Boys’ School and YOU will have to go to your beddy-byes because you are so baaaad. And a Disgrace to the Nation.”
Phil stood nose to nose with Jo. “That, my little mad missus, is where you are very, very wrong, because I will be a-sneaking out of my bedroom window and a-sneaking into your dorm tonight.”
He kissed her again and turned away with the other boys. He shouted as they went off into the woods, “So be warned, girls, Big Phil is coming a-calling tonight! Arrivederci.”
As we scuffed along, Jo said, “He won’t really come, will he?”
Flossie said, “No, he’s not that much of a fool.”
Jo looked at her, and Flossie said, “Is he?”
You don’t want to do any more winking back
I FELT QUITE CHUFFED. Charlie has more or less said he likes me. Well, to be factual, he’d said I was “great.” And now I get the chance to show my rap to the world. I hope Blaise likes it. It’s her kind of thing.
As we went into the studio, Blaise was coming out and putting her crash helmet on. She said, “Hello, groovers, just off to rescue Sidone from the under-fives tap class in the Scout Hall. It’s a mission of mercy.”
As she was passing, I said, “Oh, so are you . . . shall we do it later?”
She stopped and said, “Do you want to do it later?”
I was a bit confused but I said, “Er, well, if you do.”
Blaise said, “Well, that’s good then, isn’t it?”
She went off and then we heard her bike roar into life. Oh well. I’m a bit disappointed not to be doing my rap now but . . . that’s when I saw Dr. Lightowler.
She said to us, “I’m taking over Ms. Fox’s class. Prepare to show me the homework that the headmistress set you.”
I sat at the back.
Oh no! As I looked through my rap lyrics, I thought, Will Dr. Lightowler somehow guess that my rap is about her?
She’s very sensitive to owly issues.
Maybe I should say that I’d left it at home.
As I thought that she turned her head all the way round to me and said, “You have done your homework, haven’t you, Tallulah? Or didn’t you think it applied to you?”
It’s almost like she has extrasensory inner hearing through her eyes, like she can see what I’m thinking. I said, “No, I have done it.”
She looked at me through her glasses and said, “No, I have done it . . . ?”
I said again. “No, I have done it, Dr. Lightowler.”
I could feel my cheeks burning. Vaisey squeezed my hand. Flossie looked cross-eyed at me, and Jo did a secret throat-cutting sign.
Vaisey sang a song she had made up about life and love and music. It was called “My Heart Can Sing” and she played a little tune on the guitar. Dr. Lightowler said her guitar playing showed promise.
Tilly did a quite dramatic dance about escaping to the circus. She ended by doing the splits. Dr. Lightowler said it was “accomplished and athletic.”
Flossie sang “Take me back to the Black Hills, the Black Hills of Dakota, to the beautiful Indian country that I love.” She had a little whip that she cracked.
Dr. Lightowler asked her what emotion she was revealing and Flossie said very seriously, “Well, Dr. Lightowler, I know you’ve traveled extensively in the United States. You know the longing for freedom. The heat and the passion, the young men cooped up in the . . .”
Dr. Lightowler said, “Yes, yes, Flossie, I do understand. Again, beautifully sung, your voice is very strong . . . you’ve obviously been tuning your instrument. Well done.”
Eventually it was my turn. Dr. Lightowler said, “Now I think we’re ready for you, Tallulah Casey. What delights do you have to show us? Is it the usual Irish dancing?”
I said, “No, erm, well, it’s a rap.”
Dr. Lightowler looked at me. Then she winked. She closed one eye anyway. Maybe she thought that was what rappers did.
Maybe they did.
So I winked back.
I heard an intake of breath from the Tree Sisters.
Dr. Lightowler said, “What on earth do you think you are doing?”
I said, “Well, I winked at you.”
She said, “Why?”
I felt how a mouse feels just before a big owl gobbles up its head. Was she literally going to bite my head off?
So I said, “Er . . . it’s part of the rap . . . performance.”
She shook herself and said through clenched teeth, “And what is your ‘rap’ about, Tallulah Casey?”
I said in a small voice, “Well, it’s about anger and loneliness, but expressed in a . . . in a . . .”
Dr. Lightowler twitched her head. “In a WHAT?”
I said in a quiet voice, “Well, an owly way.”
Again I heard an intake of breath from the girls. Dr. Lightowler looked like her glasses were going to steam up and she nodded curtly at me.
I did my rap. I put my heart and soul into it and used everything in the room to do the beat, hitting the walls and the desks and turning the light switch on and off.
When I finished, the girls applauded wildly.
Dr. Lightowler said, “Stay behind at the end of class.”
Everyone else left the room. Dr. Lightowler paced up and down while I stood there. Finally she said, “What makes you think you are so special?”
I stammered, “Well, I don’t, I don’t think that. I mean, it was only about the owlets and I was . . .”
She came and stood really near me and bent down to look into my eyes. “I know your game and I will not stand for it. Do you hear me?”
I had no idea what she was talking about, but also I didn’t want her to bite my head off so I just thought nodding was the safest thing. As I nodded, she winked at me again.
Spooky dooky.
The Tree Sisters were all agog when I came out. I said to them, “She did wink at me, didn’t she?”
Flossie said, “It’s hard to tell, but you definitely don’t want to do any more winking back.”
Next we went to the Taming of the Shrew analysis with Monty. I still felt a bit shaky. Dr. Lightowler really did seem to hate me.
Monty told us that it’s Kate that is called a shrew. I thought a shrew was a little furry creature with twinkly eyes, but when I said that to Monty, he said, “Oh ho! I see, you thought the play was about taming a tiny furry creature called Kate?”
Everyone laughed, but I bet some of them didn’t know. Or maybe they all did. That’s the trouble with me never having gone to theater school or, well, anything really.
Monty explained, “Kate is a headstrong, independent woman with a vile tongue and an even more violent temper. She refuses to listen to her father when he tells her how to be nice to men. In the end, Petruchio bets that he can get Kate to be nice to him. He’s going to ‘Tame the Shrew,’ do you see???”
I said yes, but I don’t think Kate is a shrew just because she doesn’t want to be bossed around by blokes. Fair enough, I think.
It’s a pity there’s nothing in the play about being bossed about by owly people.
At home in my squirrel room. Boy, what a day.
On the one hand it was lovely to see Charlie again, and he had said nice things to me. But then Dr. Lightowler raised her beak again. She really does think I do things to annoy her. And, well, I suppose I do a bit.
But I won’t anymore, she’s too scary.
That night I had a vivid dream.
I was asleep in the hedgerow and felt a bit peckish. It was dark but I scuttled out because I fancied a worm. Hang on a minute, I thought (in my dream), why am I scuttling? And why do I fancy a worm so much?
And also, by the way, why am I in a hedgerow and not in my bed?
There was a massive beating of wings and
a giant owl landed in the hedge above me. It winked at me with one of its huge goggly eyes. I said, “What are you winking at, Beaky?”
And it said, “I’m winking at you, Talloooooolah.”
I said, “Why are you winking at me? Haven’t you got anything better to do?”
And the owl said, “I’m winking at you because I’m going to eat you.”
And I said, “Oh yeah and how are you going to do that?”
The owl flew down and put its claws on the back of my head. “First I’m going to let you run off for a bit. Then when you think you’ve got away, I’ll come and put my claws on you again. And so on.”
I said, “Why would you do that?”
The owl said, “Because I can. Because it’s a laugh. A little game I call The Taming of the Shrew.”
The owl handed me a mirror. I looked in it and saw I had dark beady eyes and a pointy nose. I was covered in fur.
I looked behind me. I had a tail.
And I realized I was holding the mirror with four claws.
I was a shrew.
The fire escape of desire
WHEN I GOT TO Dother Hall on Wednesday, there was no sign of the Tree Sisters. That was funny. Normally they’re bounding around, waiting for me. Perhaps there had been another roof incident and they’d been rushed to hospital with tarpaulin trauma.
The bell went for assembly. They still hadn’t turned up, so I sat next to Tilly and said, “Have you seen the Tree Sisters this morning?”
She said, “No, but there was some kerfuffle in their dorm last night. We heard shouting and crashing. We were going to go and see what had happened, but Dr. Lightowler shouted at us to go back to bed.”
I said, “Were they at breakfast?”
She shook her head. I saved three seats next to me and kept looking round, but they didn’t appear. What was going on?
Then Dr. Lightowler came onto the stage. I slumped down in my seat. Even for her she looked very owly. And serious. I was really worried now. What on earth had happened? Were the Tree Sisters in some sort of trouble?
Dr. Lightowler began in her thin, rasping voice. “A great deal of the work we achieve here relies on the common sense and trustworthiness of the people involved. You expect to be treated like mature adults striving to make good in a career that is one of the most difficult in the world. We, the staff, work tirelessly to help you, even though in some cases it is a pointless and hopeless task.” And she looked directly my way.
Everyone looked at me. My whole head went red. Some of the girls giggled, but most looked a bit sad.
Dr. Lightowler went on. “We expect in return maturity and responsibility from you. You all know how near we came to closure last term, and how much our future depends on our good reputation. Which is why last night’s incident is so heinous.”
What incident?
There was a hum of whispered comments.
Dr. Lightowler continued. “I happened to be checking the building at lights-out last night and heard laughter from the dorms. Naturally I went in to settle things down. As I entered, unexpectedly a boy . . .”
The whole assembly gasped.
Dr. Lightowler went on.
“. . . a boy fled out of the window and down the fire escape. I shouted for him to halt, but in his cowardly running away he fell through the potting-shed roof and escaped into the night before he could be apprehended. APPARENTLY, none of the girls had ANY IDEA who this boy was. He had just ‘appeared’ and then leapt out through the window. One of the girls said perhaps he was one of Bob’s friends who had left by the wrong exit.”
We looked at Bob.
Bob came clinking up to the center of the stage. He had so many spanners on his belt that his trousers were practically round his ankles. “Listen up, dudes. My buddies do not leave through windows. They never have; they never will. That is our code. It is also a health and safety issue: A window is not a door. End of. This is, like, bad news.”
Dr. Lightowler said, “Thank you, Bob. I—”
But Bob hadn’t finished. “Secondly, this is a major downer. The roof of the potting shed is like totally gone. I will have to personally gaffer in another twenty bin liners. That’s a good twelve quid’s worth. Think about it. Peace.”
He nodded and started to leave the stage and then said, “Oh and just put your ears back on for a mo, dudes. The Iron Pies are doing a gig at Blubberhouses on the twentieth and it will be like mega so get your dancing boots on and come.”
When we filed out of the main hall, the Tree Sisters were coming out of Sidone’s lair. They looked very glum.
I said, “What happened???”
Jo was livid. “How am I ever going to use my snogging skills again? I can’t believe this. I didn’t think he’d come and then there was a scrabbling noise and he came in through the window.”
I said, “Oh my goodness, it was Phil! Oh Our Lady of Lourdes and Her Miraculous Tears, he actually came. Phil actually came into the dorm.”
Jo was going on. “It’s so unfair. Phil was just doing his Tarzan impression on the windowsill and we were laughing when Owly burst in, so he leapt through the potting-shed roof.”
Vaisey said, “You can still see the boy shape.”
Jo was going on. “And now I’ll never see him again.”
I said, “I think you will. I don’t think that they’ll kill him. Will they? It’s not that bad.”
Flossie said, “Well, it’s all right for you to be philosophical, Miss Tallulah, but it’s not you cooped up in this goddam steamy house. In the middle of the hot season.”
Vaisey said, “I was hoping to go plectrum shopping with Jack at the weekend.”
It turns out the Tree Sisters and the rest of their dorm are confined to Dother Hall until someone owns up about who knew the boy.
I put my arms round them in a spontaneous Tree Sisters hug. As we hugged, a couple of the other girls from their dorm came by and gave Jo the thumbs-up. After they’d gone, Jo said, “Look, this is ridiculous. He’s my stupid boyfriend. You lot shouldn’t have to suffer. I’ll tell Sidone that I knew it was Phil and . . .”
The Tree Sisters shook their heads.
Vaisey said, “We’re all in this together. It’s a dorm decision, and anyway it could have been Jack who came through the window.”
Flossie said, “Yes or Charlie or Ben . . .”
Then, after a little pause, she said, “Well, maybe not Ben. He’s too floppy to climb that far.”
I didn’t see much of the Tree Sisters during the rest of the day because they had to do extra background reading over the breaks. They’re not even allowed to go out at lunchtime until further notice.
Jo whispered to me at the start of lunch, “It’s down to you, Lullah. You have to go to our Special Tree and see if there’s any news.”
I said, “Oh well, you know, it’s a bit sleety and cold and anyway . . .”
Jo gave me her maddest look. “See you when you get back. Wrap up warm.”
Oh holy moly.
I got togged up and slipped out of the side door. Brrrr.
I was truly a great pal. If Dr. Lightowler caught sight of me, she’d probably clap me in irons. Or expel me. She’s just waiting for me to do something wrong after the winking incident.
I sneaked round the side of Dother Hall and scampered into the woods.
No one was going to be there on a day like this anyway.
It was freaky deaky, silent and cold and spooky. I crunched along to the Special Tree. Brrrrrr shiver shiver.
No one there, just as I thought. So I can go back now and unfreeze my bottom.
Then Charlie came crunching into the clearing. Oh my goodness!
He smiled when he saw me and put his hands in his pockets. Gosh, he was nice-looking. He said, “Hello.”
I looked down; he was making me feel very red and shy. And for the first time in ages I felt my knees looming about trying to say hello all by themselves. I pulled down my skirt and said, “Hello.”
&nb
sp; “Nice to see you, Tallulah. All by yourself?”
“Yeah, well, because of the . . . erm . . . potting-shed incident.”
He said seriously, “Ah yes.”
“The Tree Sisters are in detention, all their dorm is.”
Charlie said, “Yep. Phil got caught coming into Woolfe Academy late so he’s mostly in chains. We’ve had the Hoppy lecture on letting your friends down, letting your school down, but mostly letting yourself down. Have you?”
I said, “More or less.”
Charlie said, “Makes you feel dirty and ashamed and yet somehow . . . really feel like a Jazzle. Do you want one?”
I said, “Oooh yes.”
As we sucked on our Jazzles, he said, “How are the owlets?”
I said, sucking quietly and being casual, “Well, you know, a bit . . . a bit . . .”
“Owly?”
I said, “Yes, yes, owly . . . well, I think so . . . They’ve flown the nest so they have to hunt for their own mice now. But they’re useless at flying so how will they catch anything? When I tried to kiss Little Lullah’s head, she fell off the windowsill backwards. Ruby said they’re so hopeless at flying that the mice laugh at them so I might have to . . . you know . . .”
He said, “What?”
“Er . . . make them mice . . . snacks . . . to tide them over.”
Charlie said, “Mice snacks?”
Oh God. I had said mice snacks. I must say something to let him know I am not completely insane. My dream popped unexpectedly into my head so I said, “Yes. Or, er, shrew snacks.”
Charlie said, “Nice.” And then he laughed. But in a good way.
He’s got a lovely laugh. It’s deep and warm. Like he thinks I’m funny in a good way. I laughed, too. He’s got nice crinkly eyes.
His hair’s a bit longer. It suits him.
And he wants to be my friend. Which is good considering that I have made a fool of myself with him by thinking he might like me in a more-than-friendy way. And that he might want to kiss me again.
The least I can do is be grown-up and friendly.