Tobe boils water for me to wash with, and I take my time, making sure to scrub every last inch of my body. No matter how hard I scrub, I don’t feel clean. I can still see the man’s blood coating my skin, and it makes me scrub until my skin is really red and raw. When I finally dress in clean clothes and head back to the living room, I’ve been in the bathroom for over an hour.
Nobody says anything when I sit down on the couch between Tobe and Reese, but he puts his arm around my shoulder comfortingly. Tobe is sipping at a glass of wine even though it’s only about eleven o’clock, Ryder is flipping through a book of plants he found, and Reese is looking me over for injury.
“Reese, I’m alright.”
“I’m just making sure. Ryder told us about what you guys found in that house. I can’t believe someone would be so fucked up that they would have sex with their zombie wife.”
Just thinking about it makes my stomach clench painfully, and I fight to keep from being sick. “I know. How crazy do you need to be to have sex with a dead person?”
Reese shakes his head, kicks his feet up on the coffee table, and leans back. “You know, there isn’t much to do here other than read or play pool in the recreational room back there, and kicking Ryder’s ass at it gets boring after a while.”
“Ha-ha,” Ryder says dryly, never looking up from his book.
Tobe sips at her wine, and I watch her, slightly concerned. It’s not even noon, and she’s already drinking. One glass of wine isn’t going to hurt her, but it’s so early, and I’m sure it won’t stop at one; I’m tempted to say something. But it’s not my place, and she’s a grown woman. If she wants to have wine before lunch, she can have wine before lunch.
She finishes off the glass of wine, sets it on the coffee table, and gets up to find something to do. Reese watches her go with a concerned look on her face, “How much has she had to drink since we got here?”
“She’s on her second bottle of wine in like two days,” Ryder says. “I wouldn’t worry too much though. The wine will run out eventually, and she’ll have nothing left to drink.”
“Think she’s an alcoholic?” Reese asks quietly, looking over his shoulder. The kitchen is out of sight, but I can hear Tobe rummaging around in the panty for something, presumably more wine. “I mean, she hasn’t even eaten lunch yet, and she’s already looking for her second glass.”
“If she is a borderline alcoholic, she certainly has a reason to be. Look at what was done to her. This is probably just her way of coping,” I say, looking over my shoulder. “I don’t think we have the right to do or say anything about it.”
“If we need to leave in a hurry, she’s gonna need to be in top shape. If she’s even the slightest bit tipsy, she could be a danger to herself or to us,” Ryder says. “I like Tobe just fine, but I’m not going to let her kill herself or get us killed.”
He tosses his book on the couch, gets up, and heads into the kitchen. He doesn’t look happy at the thought of confronting Tobe, but he considers it his job to keep us all alive, and Tobe’s drinking is going to possibly hinder that. Reese and I both turn around on the couch, unsure of what’s going to happen in the next few minutes.
“Tobe, we need to talk.”
Ryder’s voice carries, and we can hear every word said.
“About what?”
“The wine. We’re all worried that you might have a bit of a problem, and–”
“I don’t have a problem!”
Ryder hushes her, and he speaks again. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but it doesn’t calm Tobe down. Her voice raises and cracks, “I said I don’t have a problem! If I wanna have a glass or two of wine, I’ll do it, and you can’t stop me!”
Tobe appears in the kitchen doorway, holding an open bottle of wine. She lifts it to her lips and drinks straight from the bottle. When she pulls the bottle away, she glares at the two of us.
“I don’t have a problem.”
“Nobody is saying you do,” I say, getting to my feet. “We’re just worried that if something happens, you might not be in the best shape to escape. If we’re attacked by a horde of zombies, or if the Warriors manage to track us down, we’re in trouble. You need to be able to think fast and react faster; we don’t wanna see anything happen to you, Tobe.”
She sighs, but doesn’t put the bottle down. “I know you guys are worried, but you don’t have to be. We’re safe here. In the time we’ve been here, we’ve only seen like three zombies, and–”
“That’s because Ryder and I have been keeping them away from this place. We’ve killed more than thirty of them while scoping out the island. This place is safer than any we’ve been in, but it’s not perfect yet, Tobe, and it won’t be for a while. You have to be careful.”
She takes another gulp from the wine bottle, and heads down the hall without another word. She slams the bedroom door behind her, and I sigh. “I bet I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Tobe stays in our room for the rest of the day, coming out only twice, both times to use the bathroom. When she does come out, she refuses to look at anyone, and goes back to her room with the wine bottle. After her second trip to the bathroom just before dinner, I notice that she looks kind of tipsy, and she almost knocks a vase over on her way back to the room.
Ryder and Reese are in the kitchen, making a bag of lasagna with meat sauce. Reese opens a can of Vienna sausages and splits them up between the three of us. He looks up when I stop beside him, and he frowns. “Is she still in your room?”
I nod. “I think she’s drunk, too. I didn’t think you could get drunk off one bottle of wine.”
“It depends on the person. Tobe’s pretty average height for a woman her age, but she hasn’t eaten since breakfast and that definitely affects a person’s ability to get drunk. I’m not sure one bottle will do more than give her a buzz, but even so, that’s not a good thing. She can’t afford to be anything other than perfectly clear-headed.”
I think about last night. Tobe tossed and turned all night, moaning in her sleep. It wasn’t hard to figure out what she was dreaming of, and she woke up so terrified she cried herself back to sleep. In the morning, I pretended I hadn’t heard anything, and she pretended that it didn’t happen.
But it did. Tobe’s reliving the abuse she suffered, and I think I know why. When we were on the road, there were scarier things to worry about. Now that we’re here and relatively safe, she has more time to think about what was done to her.
I sigh. “She’s been having nightmares.”
“I think everyone that’s survived this long has nightmares, Sam. It’s not like she’s the only one that’s worried.”
I look at Reese. “You weren’t held against your will and raped by Warriors, were you? She’s not having nightmares about zombies; it’s about the abuse, and she probably just needs someone to talk to about it. I’m gonna see if I can’t get her to open up a little.”
Ryder and Reese both watch me go, and I can’t help but feel a little angry. They obviously don’t understand the trauma of what Tobe went through, and while I’ve never been assaulted like that, I can at least feel bad and try to understand how she must feel right now.
I knock on our bedroom door.
“Go away!” she snaps.
“Tobe? I just wanna talk for a bit. Will you let me in, or do I have to talk to you through the door?”
She doesn’t say anything, and I sigh after a minute of silence. I can’t make her talk if she doesn’t want to, and even though I think she’s making a mistake, I won’t say it. I can understand that she might want to be private about her experiences, but I want her to know that I’ll be willing to listen whenever she’s ready.
“Tobe? I’ll leave you alone now. But if you ever wanna talk, I’ll listen to you. Just find me, and we’ll sit down, and you can vent about anything you want.”