I frown at her. “Of course, you can tell me anything.”
“Every relationship has its dark times, Trey. Even your father and I had our moments. Don’t give up on her during those dark times. Take time to step back and remember the choice you made. Never, ever forget that, though initially it was attraction, infatuation, and falling in love with her that brought you together, it will be the choice to keep on loving that will get you through those dark times.”
“I’ll remember,” I tell her, and I mean it.
~
I glance at my watch and see that it is nearly noon. I’m not sure where to look for Tally so I go to the only place that I think she could be. When I reach Candy’s room, I try to mentally prepare myself for the, no doubt, entertaining, albeit slightly embarrassing, comments. I knock on the door and then step back and wait. I hear scuffling on the other side and then the door swings open dramatically.
“Look who has finally decided to show his fine aaa…,” Candy is cut off by the voice that I have so longed to hear.
“Candy…,”
I hear the warning in Tally’s voice and wish that Candy would move so that I could see her.
“What?” Candy asks with an innocent bat of her eyes. “I’m just pointing out that Running Bull here hasn’t bothered to grace us with his presence for a while.”
Tally pushes around Candy, who gives her a dirty look and sticks her tongue out at her behind her back.
“Candy if you don’t put that tongue back in your mouth I will super glue your lips shut.”
Candy laughs. “Totally loving the snarky, though threatening, comments. I have taught you well!”
I look down at Tally and in the three days it has been since I saw her last I’m struck at how small she is. Her eyes dart from my face to the floor to the hall around me and I realize that she is nervous and unsure.
“I want to talk to you.” I see the surprise in her eyes at my bluntness and she lets out a sharp breath when I reach for her hand and begin to gently pull her from Candy’s room. I have to stop abruptly to keep from running Candy over as she steps in front of me.
“I think it would be better for you all to sit in my room,” she says sweetly as she pushes on my chest.
“Why?”
“More privacy,” Candy retorts and pushes harder.
I look back at Tally. “She’s right.”
So I turn back towards Candy’s room and follow Tally, who has already stepped through the threshold. I hear the door close behind me but don’t bother to check if Candy has followed us.
I watch as Tally climbs up onto the bed and pushes herself until her back is against the wall. She glances up at me and then down at her hands. I’m not really sure how to open up the conversation, but she saves me the trouble.
“How’s your mom?”
The question surprises me. I had been expecting her to say something about my conversation with Candy, because I had no doubt that Candy had conveyed every detail of it to Tally.
“Today is a good day.”
She smiles. “That’s great.”
Finally I just dive in. “How was your night out?” I try very hard not to growl the question but as her eyes snap up to mine I know I have failed.
“It was eventful.” Her words drip with sarcasm and I watch her defenses go up as she folds her arms across her chest.
“What exactly does that mean?” I take a step closer.
“Why do you care?”
“Since that first day I saw you ducking behind that table you have intrigued me. And then after spending time with you, I just want more time. I want to know about you, about what you like, what you hate. I want to know what makes you smile and what causes you to have that frightened look that you sometimes get.” I’m not sure at this point if my words are going to have her throwing me out of the room, with her yelling at me for being the stalker I claimed not to be. “I like you Tally.” My mouth says the words but my heart is screaming something totally different.
“Candy said you acted like a jealous and sexy nut job. Those were her words,” she quickly explains.
“I don’t know about the sexy part, but I might have felt a little jealous.”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “A little?”
“Well it might have been more than a little.”
“Trey, you told Candy to tell me that I couldn’t stay at guys’ homes. And then you don’t show up for three days, all of which I’m thinking that you’ve decided I’m a floozy because of my night out and now you don’t want anything to do with me.” Her words are sharp and cut me deep. I hadn’t thought about how my actions would affect her. All I had thought about was how I was feeling and what I wanted.
“I would never think that about you Tally, I,” She cuts me off before I can finish.
“To be honest I really shouldn’t feel that way, I mean it’s not like we are dating. Hell, we barely know each other. You don’t owe me an explanation, just forget it.”
I clench my jaw so tight that I’m sure I’m going to crack some teeth. The pain of her words is shredding my insides, but what was even worse was seeing the pain in hers.
“I was angry.” I decide to ignore her dismissal and give her what I know she wants and needs, a reason and assurance. “I’m trying to crawl before I run, but my emotions and what I feel for you are sprinting full speed ahead.” I’m so screwing this up. I pinch the bridge of my nose and squeeze my eyes closed. I need to get a grip and speak plainly, but when she looks into my eyes like she is doing now words escape me. When I finally look up, my eyes search for something in hers, a sign that my words are not wasted on silent ears. I see her eyes narrow as she bites her bottom lip, there is life in her face; anger―yes, but she was listening.
“When I left here that day, Candy’s words were like a broken record playing over and over in my mind. I tried to turn it off, but the more I tried the worse it became. I was angry because I had wanted to see you. I was angry because I couldn’t stomach the idea of you with another guy. I was angry because I can’t tell you what I feel. I can’t ruin this before it has even begun.” I tear my eyes from hers, not wanting to see the look of fear at hearing the intensity of what I feel. My chest aches and tightens as I wait for her to say something, anything.
“You didn’t want me to see you angry?”
I let out a relieved breath as I hear her words, so thankful that she isn’t screaming at me to get out and never come back―yet.
“I’m sorry, Tally. I should have thought about how it might make you feel, but all I could think about was you swimming with a bunch of guys and then staying with that Nate guy.”
Her eyes flicker with something; guilt, or shame but it’s gone so quickly that I think maybe I just imagined it.
“Nothing happened, I mean, if you are wondering or whatever.” She shrugs. Her lack of concern for a potentially dangerous situation ignites the flame of anger that had begun to simmer down.
“How well do you even know this Nate?” I snap, but don’t give her time to answer. “And do you know what a guy is thinking when he gets a girl to sleep at his house―in wet clothes?”
She waves off my concern with a small laugh. He didn’t find it funny that she could have been with a guy who took advantage of such a tempting situation.
“Nate is harmless.”
“He’s a guy,” I counter.
“He’s gay.”
That pulls me up short. Tally’s smile is smug as she watches my reaction.
My brilliant come back, “Oh.”
Her smile fades as she bites her bottom lip and shifts uneasily on the bed. I know she is uncertain where we stand.
“I’m not leaving, not until I get what I want.”
She smiles, but it’s tentative, like a frightened mare unsure of whether she should make a run for it or trust the man before her.
Seconds seem to crawl as I wait for her response. Finally, she pats the spot next to her.
“What is it you w
ant Trey?”
I move slowly, denying the urge to pull her into my arms and beg her forgiveness. I was sure that wouldn’t get me what I want. I sit down beside her and slide back against the wall. The cold of it seeps through my shirt, but where my shoulder touches Tally warmth shoots through me. I wonder if she feels it as well and I have my answer when she shudders and moves closer, until our leg and hip are touching as well.
“I want you to give this a chance,” I say.
“Okay,” she whispers and I turn to look at her, wanting, needing to see her face after having gone three days without her.
“Now that we have that covered. I want to know you.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” I answer quickly.
She laughs at my obvious eagerness.
“Alright, well my name is Tally Baker. I love animals, and loath sports, because I’m so bad at them. I have no clue what I want to do with my life when I grow up. I live with my parents, side note, they are jerks, and I am an only child. I don’t have a favorite color, I like them all. I prefer singer/song writer music. I love scary movies, but won’t watch them by myself. I’ve been kissed twice in my life and the second guy tried for second base. He stopped when he realized I was laughing at him. When he asked me why I told him that if he ran the bases like he kissed then I forfeit the game.”
I cringed. “Harsh.” For a brief moment I feel sorry for the guy but then I remember that she just told me he had been trying to touch her, okay now I want to kill the guy. I tell myself not to say the words that pop into my mind, but I enjoy her reactions way too much. “I’ll remember that.”
“That I’m harsh?” She asked and her eyes flicker with curiosity.
“No, I’ll remember to make my kiss worthy of the bases.”
I watch her closely and for a brief second shock has her mouth dropping open, but it is quickly replaced with the light of interest in her eyes and a wicked grin on her full, tempting mouth.
“I’ve upped my standards since then, so you might want to consider making that kiss worthy of the whole game.”
Chapter 9
“I feel guilty for being so happy, though my mother is in a psychiatric hospital. I almost feel like I don’t deserve what I have been given with Tally, even if it is a few short hours every day. I’d like to say that I’d give it up if it was the right thing to do, but saying and doing are very different things.” ~Trey
“Don’t even try to pick up where we left off yesterday,” Tally teases me as I sit down next to her in what we have silently claimed as our spot. I hold my hands up letting her know I’m waving the white flag already and she flashes me one of her quick, but heart stopping grins. It’s been one day since I apologized for not coming to see her and I kick myself for missing out on that grin during the three days I was a no show.
“If the bases are off limits, then what do you have in mind?” I ask as I playfully nudge her shoulder. She has never initiated any sort of touch with me, and I have never been an overly touchy person, but I am constantly looking for subtle ways to touch her, to be able to have that small privilege. But I can tell it’s going to take time.
She produces a deck of cards from her back pocket. Lucky damn deck of cards, I think and then try to feel bad about thinking it, nope not going to happen.
“I figured we could play cards.” She takes the deck from the box and begins to expertly shuffle them.
“What game do you have in mind?”
She laughs and I see the blush crawl up her neck. This ought to be good.
“I was thinking we could play slap jack, and for every jack you slap you get to ask a question.”
“Any question?” I ask as I let my voice drop suggestively.
She shrugs and looks up at me from under her lashes as she deals out the deck. “Scared?” she asks.
“You should be,” I wink at her and enjoy the effect as she pauses in her dealing.
I can see now that I could use sex appeal to my advantage in this game, it seems she is every bit as attracted to me as I am to her. Would that be unfair of me? Yes. Is that going to stop me? Absolutely not.
“Okay here’s your stack,” she hands me half the deck. “The rules are simple. We flip over cards from our deck and lay them face up in the center between us. If a jack comes up then the first person to slam their hand on it wins that pile and a question.”
“Simple enough.” I agree.
“Maybe, but are you fast enough,” she says with a wink of her own.
The game begins. Back and forth, we go and it seems like forever until a jack finally is laid down.
“Got it!” She smiles as her hand rest triumphantly on the jack, under mine. It’s infectious and I find myself grinning even though I’m the loser. We pull our hands back from the center and she gathers all the cards up into a neat pile. That’s when I notice that she is wearing bracelets at the end of her sleeves so they won’t move up while she plays. Leave it alone Trey, I tell myself not for the first time.
I look back up at her face and see that her head is tilted sideways and her eyes are shifted up, thinking I presume.
“Surely there is something you want to know.”
She holds her finger up at me and I use my hand to make a zipping motion across my lips. And there’s the smile. I’ve decided that if I die today, it would be alright because I’ve seen her smile.
“Okay, we’ve pretty much asked all the typical, get to know you questions, so I had to really think about it. I’m going with, what’s hanging on the walls of your bedroom right now?”
I simply stare at her, not moving my imaginary zipped lips. When she picks up on what I’m doing she rolls her eyes and reaches across the make shift table. I hold perfectly still not wanting to scare her away and as her finger glide across my lips, as if to unzip them, I fight the urge to playfully bite her. I see the moment she realizes what she has done as her eyes widen and she jerks her hand back.
“Are my lips that revolting?” I ask calmly.
She shakes her head, “No, I, it’s,”
I let her stumble for a minute before saving her. “I have a dream catcher that my grandmother made for me.”
“That’s all?” she asks, her embarrassment obviously forgotten.
“Too many things on the wall make me feel closed in. I would rather be outside anyways.”
“Oh,” she seems to consider that, then nods, “I guess I can understand that.”
Without another word she begins laying cards down again. This time only four sets are laid out before a jack comes up. I win.
I give no reaction to my victory as I pull my winnings back and join them with the stack in my hand. I’m learning things about Tally without her even having to tell me. Like, when I do not respond at what most would think at the appropriate time, instead of being uncomfortable like most are, she just waits. Unless I’m staring at her, then she fidgets. Like her, I have to think about what to ask, I know the everyday things. The things I want to know we haven’t reached that point in our relationship for.
“How much do you like me?” I ask more out of curiosity of what she will say, than wanting to know if she likes me at all.
To my surprise she laughs. I was expecting blushing and squirming and maybe some stuttering, not laughing.
“I’m not sure I understand what’s funny about my question.”
“Ahh,” she lets out a final sigh and her eyes are dancing with delight. I take a snapshot in my mind of this time and place, of that look, so I can see it again in dark times.
“What’s funny Swift, is you presume that I like you at all,” one side of her mouth is quirked up in a crooked smile and they are pursed just a tad, her expression has challenge written all over it.
“Swift?” I ask.
“Well it’s better than teepee boy, or totem pole―both of which are nicknames from Candy,” she points out quickly.
“Agreed,” I lean back against the bench and cross my legs.
“Are you going to find another way to avoid the question Baker, or are you scared?” I throw her words back at her and find that I like the easy teasing that comes between us.
“I like you enough.”
I turn my head to look her in the eyes and see the blue-gray storm swirling in them. She’s scared. Of me? Of her emotions? I don’t know of what, but I see it there.
“That’s enough for me.” I tell her gently.
Our time is over for the day and she says good bye so that she can go do therapy with her aunt. I stand there, just like yesterday and watch her walk away.
“For now, Baker, that’s enough for me now.” I say to her retreating figure.
~Tally
I watch from the bench as Trey walks towards me. It’s been two days since he apologized to me and I’ve almost forgotten the pain we caused each other. I decide that it should be a sin to look that good. He’s wearing a t-shirt for goodness sakes, but man he is wearing the hell out of it. He has his hands in the pockets of his jeans and has on a pair of brown work boots. I don’t think many guys could make a girl drool in something so plain. His hair is pulled back so I imagine he must have braided it today, bummer, it’s easier to fantasize about running my fingers through it when it’s down.
I barely have time to close my mouth when he raises his head and looks at me. A small smile plays on his lips. He knows I was staring. Well it’s his own fault, he shouldn’t look so edible.
“Hey,” I say, attempting to play off the fact that I was getting hot and bothered just because he was walking, seriously Tally, who does that.
“You look lovely,” his voice is deep and I would die if he knew that with everything he says, I hear ‘have your way with me Trey.’ Kind of like how Patty on Charlie Brown only hears the teacher say ‘Whawhawha.’ I’ll just keep that as my little secret.
“Thank you. I dressed up for you; I wore a black long sleeve shirt, instead of my usual black long sleeve shirt.” This gets a laugh from him and I try not to close my eyes and enjoy the deep rumble. He sits down next to me, giving me my usual few inches that he seems to notice I like. I’m not sure how to correct this because truth be told, that rule never applied to him. But I guess I can’t very well pat my lap with a goofy grin and say ‘come here boy.’