Liberty didn’t pull away even after she expelled a long, loud sigh. “I’m sorry I lost my shit.”
“No worries. You wanna talk about it?”
She stayed quiet so long he figured that meant no.
But then she sighed again. “I hate when this happens.”
“Does it happen often?”
“Guess it depends on your definition of often. I haven’t had one of these in months.”
“These . . . meaning what?”
Another bout of tense silence. Then she said softly, “A flashback. It’s not fair to call it a combat nightmare, because I didn’t end up in the combat situations my fellow male soldiers did. I can’t imagine what those guys are going through.”
“What was the flashback?”
“We were in the second wave of soldiers that were sent over there. I was young and cocky. Hell, we were all cocky. Gonna kick some Middle Eastern ass. We were trained, but goddamn were we unprepared.” Her breath became labored, and she fought to even it out again. “Within three months of our yearlong stint, we’d lost four key people out of our company. One was Maria. My roommate. We were inside the fence. She headed to the mess hall about two minutes before I did. A sniper took her out. One second she was ready to eat another shitty meal and the next, she was dead. Afterward I kept asking myself what was so damn important that I hadn’t been walking with her. Maybe I could’ve . . . saved her.”
Devin kept his mouth shut, not pointing out that if she’d been with her friend maybe she’d be dead too.
“So I get to relive that moment over and over. Sometimes exactly as it happened and sometimes the parameters change, but it always ends up the same—with me covered in Maria’s blood.”
“I can’t imagine.” It seemed far too natural to offer her comfort. He rubbed his cheek against the back of her head, her soft hair teasing his lips. “What happened after?”
“I pretty much closed down. Did my job but went out of my way not to make more friends. It was a lonely, miserable time, and I swore I wouldn’t reenlist. I’d get out and work at fucking McDonald’s if I had to. But by the time I returned to the States and reunited with my home unit, I’d changed my mind.”
“How many times were you sent over there?”
“Four.”
Jesus.
“A one-year deployment each time. Plus six months of specialized training with UN peacekeeping units.”
“Was the last stint when you were shot?”
“Yeah.” She paused. “But I don’t have nightmares about that. Too many other things haunt me that there’s no room for more.”
Devin didn’t know what to say.
Liberty wiggled—a hint for him to let her go. “Uh, thanks, for, ah, you know, but I’m better now. I’ll just go back to my bunk so you can get to sleep.”
But he kept her locked in his embrace, letting her know she didn’t have to run away from him. Letting her know he had no agenda besides holding her, offering her a little security and comfort in the middle of the night. He braced himself, expecting her to fight, but her breathing slowed and she crashed.
He forced himself not to think of her smooth, bare legs entwined with his. Or her toned abdomen where his palms rested. Or the warmed chocolate scent of her skin. He simply held her.
As he finally drifted off, he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he’d fallen asleep with a woman in his arms.
The door to Devin’s bedroom flew open, and instantly, Liberty pushed him flat on his back and rose on her knees in front of him.
Odette skidded to a halt. Her gaze winged between them and she grinned. “I knew I’d catch you two in bed! Personal assistant, my ass.”
Devin looked at Liberty, wondering if she’d make a smart retort about it being the first and last time they’d be caught in bed together.
But she just shot him a sexy smirk over her shoulder and said, “Busted,” before she faced Odette and Crash. “Was there a reason you interrupted us?”
“We’re about to take off and little O insisted you two had plans to write together today.” Crash paused and looked at Devin. “Is that true?”
“Yeah. What time is it?”
“After nine,” Odette said. “We won’t reach the Pine Hills County Fairgrounds until four. That leaves us six hours to work on new material while we’re rolling down the blacktop.”
“Fine. Let us get dressed and we’ll be right up.” He looked at Crash. “Tell Reg we’re ready to roll.”
Odette offered a little wave and disappeared.
Crash watched her until she was out of earshot. “Sorry about that, but you know how she gets. She was through the door and down the hallway just as soon as I entered the alarm code.”
“She’s damn lucky Liberty wasn’t armed.” He sighed and jammed his hand through his hair. “Next time call first. This is not the way we needed to be woken up this morning.”
“Understood. I’ll have Odette make coffee.” Then he shut the door.
Liberty hopped off the bed. She paused with her fingers on the door handle, but she didn’t turn around. “Thanks for last night, Devin. Sorry to be such a pain in the ass. It won’t happen again.”
“Are you worried what Odette thinks of you?”
She shook her head. “I’m more worried about what you think of me.”
That shocked him, but not as much as what she said next.
“Some bodyguard I am, huh? Shaking and goddamn crying in the middle of the night to the point that you had to fucking coddle me—”
“Stop.” Devin was on her, clamping his hands on her shoulders. He didn’t turn her around—allowing her the privacy of keeping her face hidden, but he refused to hear her excuse for showing him that she wasn’t infallible. “To be honest, I’m glad you showed me your human side—even if it wasn’t intentional. I was beginning to think they’d turned you into some kind of robotic supersoldier during your stay in the military hospital, because, darlin’, you’re always so coolheaded. You don’t miss anything. While I’m thrilled that you excel at your job, since it’s protecting my ass, I’m glad that I could be there for you when you needed someone.”
She exhaled.
Devin spun her around. “Have you tried to talk to a counselor about what you’re dealin’ with?”
Her whole body went rigid again. “No.”
“Why not?”
“None of your business. Drop it or I’ll drop you.”
She acted tough. But something didn’t fit. Why wouldn’t the queen of the killer stare-down meet his eyes when she leveled a threat at him? “Liberty.”
“Move.”
“Look at me.”
“No. Just . . . move, okay?” she said, barely above a whisper.
Devin took a chance, hoping she wouldn’t bite him or rack him when he placed his fingers beneath her chin and lifted her face. “What happened? Weren’t we getting along for a change?”
She nodded.
“Then what’s wrong?”
Her icy pale eyes finally connected with his. “Go back to being a dickhead. It’s easier to deal with than when you’re acting nice to me.”
“Jesus. Seriously?”
Liberty jerked her chin out of his hold. “Seriously. Now, get out of my way.”
That’s when Devin noticed the labored state of her breathing. The pulse point in her neck was throbbing. The irises of her eyes were huge, not wary but darkened with a look he hadn’t seen on her before. Desire.
“That’s why you got so pissy?” He wanted to say, Because you’re not hiding the fact you’re attracted to me? But he decided that would send her scuttling back into her shell. So he settled on, “Because you’ve realized I’m not such a bad guy?”
“Yes. This isn’t real. We’re forced together because of professional circumstances, not because we choose to be together.”
“Bullshit. I chose you as my personal security. And I know Garrett gave you the option of saying no to me. But you didn’t. So some part
of you wanted to be here with me. Maybe it was strictly professional at first, but things change. We’ve been on this path since the moment you stepped on this bus with me. You aren’t denying that, are you?”
After a long pause, she shook her head.
“So, baby, talk to me. Please.”
Liberty turned and faced the door again. “I . . . can’t.”
“You can. I opened up to you about Michelle, and, sweetheart, that’s damn rare. There’s no judgment between us. You already told me some of what you’re dealing with. Maybe it’ll help if you tell it all. Just rip off the bandage instead of letting the wound fester.”
She blew out a long breath. “Maybe you’re right.”
He waited. He’d wait all damn day if that’s what it took to help her through this.
Her body tensed, and then she started to speak. “During my third deployment, I was involved with an officer. That’s taboo, especially since he was my commanding officer. Somehow we managed to keep our relationship a secret. Two months before our deployment was up, the vehicle he was riding in hit an IED. I was in the transport truck directly behind them and saw it happen. I jumped out and ran to the wreckage because I thought I could save him.”
Devin was sensing a theme here.
She shuddered. “But once again I was too late. Everyone thought I was some kind of hero for trying to save our beloved CO. I actually got a commendation. No one ever knew the truth of why I disobeyed a direct command. I had to pretend I was only doing my job when I had the horror of watching my lover die in my arms. That’s the nightmare I relive.”
“Christ.” He rested his forehead to the back of her head. “I’m so sorry. How long ago did it happen?”
“Five years. After that, I didn’t care whether I lived or died. I didn’t snap out of it until my body took the bullets meant for someone else and I saved the ambassador’s life. I couldn’t save my friend. Couldn’t save my lover. So the third time’s a charm rule worked for the ambassador.”
“Liberty.”
“No one knows this shit about me. I don’t know why I’m telling you.”
“I don’t know why either, but you can trust that I won’t break your confidence. Trust that this doesn’t change anything between us.”
Such a liar you are, McClain. It changes everything.
“Thank you.” Without another word, she pushed him aside and walked out.
Devin sagged against the door. No wonder she’d gotten into the personal-protection business. No wonder she had a hard time letting anyone get close—they had all died on her.
Sound familiar?
Turns out they weren’t so different after all.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why had she told him about Sean? She stopped violently scrubbing her hair and stood under the showerhead to rinse away the explosion of bubbles.
Because Devin was right; you needed to tell someone.
But why him? Tit for tat since he’d told her about his sister?
No.
She’d told him because even when she’d tried to push him away, he wouldn’t let her. She’d taken a chance and trusted him. If her trust was misplaced . . . well, she’d deal with whatever resulted.
Since Odette was around, Liberty had to do a full hair and makeup job. During the day, when Devin locked himself in his room and worked on music, she didn’t bother getting dolled up until they were forced to leave the bus.
She slipped on a pair of wide-legged olive-colored cropped pants, a sleeveless black blouse ruched down the center and patterned with swirls of gold, olive and plum. When she slipped on her gun before the show, she’d don the boxy black jacket that covered it. Concealment undergarments allowed her to keep her weapon by her hip, at the small of her back, or under her armpit. She regularly switched out the spandex-like garments. Wouldn’t do to get complacent, always wearing her gun in the same place.
Hair fluffed, personal assistant face on, she exited the bathroom as the bus swerved slightly. She smacked right into Devin’s hard chest.
“Whoa there. Careful.” His long, strong fingers circled her biceps as he steadied her. “Wouldn’t think you’d feel the twists and turns in a vehicle this size, would ya?”
“You sure Crash isn’t driving this bus?”
Devin grinned. “If Crash was drivin’, we would’ve tipped up on two wheels for sure.”
“Scary thought.” Liberty noticed that he maintained a grip on her arms, and his smile faded. “What?”
Then he did the oddest thing; he angled his head, lightly trailing his nose up the side of her neck. “Sweet Jesus, woman. Why do you always smell like chocolate and vanilla?”
Her skin broke out in gooseflesh from the heat of his breath and the warmth of his mouth against her skin.
“Every time you leave the bathroom in the morning after you shower, I swear I get a whiff of brownies. Then I come to find out that sweet-smelling temptation is all you.”
“It’s, ah, my cocoa butter lotion and my vanilla bean shampoo,” she admitted in a breathless rush.
“Whatever it is, it blows my train of thought completely.”
Was she supposed to apologize?
Devin raised his head and stared into her eyes. “You doin’ all right?”
“I’m fine.”
Then he dropped his gaze to her mouth. “You really did a number on your bottom lip.”
“I imagine it was a misguided attempt to keep myself from crying out.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Some.”
“Maybe this will help.” Devin dipped his head, placing a butterfly-soft kiss across the spot. He eased back and stared into her eyes. When she didn’t utter a peep of protest, he kissed her again. Just as softly. But he didn’t stop at one kiss. He brushed his mouth across hers over and over. Teasing her. Making her want more. But leaving it entirely in her control to take it.
So she did. Liberty wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and turned the soft glide of lips into an openmouthed kiss, packed with passion and laced with lust.
Devin didn’t push her against the wall or clamp his hands on her ass and grind their lower bodies together. He put every bit of his energy into the kiss, drugging her with the fast-slow-fast movements of his tongue. Tasting her thoroughly and letting himself be tasted in turn. He traced her upper lip with his tongue and then the lower lip. They paused, their lips barely brushing, and breathed each other in.
It was glorious.
“Omigod! Are you two at it again? It’s been, like, fifteen minutes since you rolled out of bed,” Odette said, and then she was trying to insert herself between them.
But Liberty wouldn’t let go of his neck, and he had a lock on her eyes.
“You kissed her so hard she’s bleeding? Dammit, Devin, you don’t have to act like such an animal all the time.”
That’s when Devin’s gaze moved to Liberty’s mouth. “Looks like we opened up that cut on your lip.”
“I don’t care.”
The heat in his eyes when he looked at her again made her belly cartwheel.
“I care,” Odette inserted. “Go put Vaseline on it or something.” She poked Devin in the chest. “Get your guitar and get up front. You’ve been a lousy songwriting partner the last three weeks, and we’re behind on new material.”
Devin made a whip-cracking sound.
Liberty snickered.
Odette muttered and stormed off in her four-inch heels.
“Duty calls. You gonna be all right?”
No. She would be thinking about that kiss all damn day. “Yeah.”
He grinned. “Me either. But we’ll talk about this later.” He headed to his room for his guitar, and Liberty crawled into her bunk.
Chapter Twelve
While the tour bus was luxurious, it also gave Liberty claustrophobia when she had to hole up in her bunk for more than just sleeping time.
Devin hadn’t told her to keep out of the main living area when he and Odette were working, but it’
d feel weird to sit around and watch as they created music.