But now there was no Jessica with her gentle voice and persuasive words, and Melissa had to take her place.
Good God, how was she going to do it? It was impossible. She was as different from Jessica as night and day. She wasn’t even sure that Jessica’s soft approach was the right way to bring Cassie back. The child was strong, perhaps stronger than Melissa had been at that age. She had willed herself away from the world, and persuasion wasn’t working. Perhaps if they had the time . . .
They didn’t have the time. Melissa had to follow her own instincts, and they were not leading her down an easy path.
Poor Cassie.
“I’ll be back. You can play possum while I’m taking my shower and brushing my teeth.” She moved toward the bathroom. “Then we’re going to talk, Cassie.”
It took Melissa two hours to break through the barriers Cassie had erected against her.
“It’s about time you stopped hiding from me,” Melissa said. “And why did you go deeper? It was almost too dark for me to find you.”
“I didn’t want you to find me.”
Not good. “Why not?”
“You’re . . . different now. You make me feel funny.”
“I am different. That doesn’t mean that I’m not your friend. People change.”
“Not in here.” She paused. “Why did you change?”
“My best friend was taken away from me.”
“That wouldn’t have happened here.”
“Yes, it would. It happened because you were here.” She added deliberately, “So it’s partly your fault, Cassie.”
“No, I didn’t do anything.”
“You hide away and close your eyes.”
“I’m afraid.”
“We’re all afraid. You have to fight what you’re afraid of . . . or people get taken away.”
Silence.
“Jessica was your best friend, wasn’t she? She’s . . . gone?”
“Yes.”
“I thought so. I’ve been missing her.”
“So have I.”
“The monsters took her?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not to blame.” A pause. “Am I?”
“We didn’t fight them hard enough.”
“They’re too strong.”
“They’re not too strong. They’ll fade away if you face them.”
“Won’t do it. Blow me apart like they did Jeanne.”
“I’ll be there to keep that from happening.”
“Won’t do it.” Withdrawal. “Going away . . .”
“I’ll follow you. I’ll find you and bring you back. I can do it now whether you’re awake or asleep.”
“Why are you being so mean to me?”
“You have to come back. It’s what Jessica wanted most in the world. She wanted you back in the world and not afraid any longer.”
“Have to be afraid. The monsters . . .”
What could she say to that? Melissa thought wearily. No one knew better than she did that there were real monsters waiting for Cassie. “You’re more afraid now than you will be if you face them. I promise we’ll fight them together. I’m your friend, Cassie.”
“I thought Jeanne was my friend.” Betrayal. Distrust. Hostility.
“She only pretended. I don’t pretend. I believe you know that.”
“I don’t know it.” Panic. Terror. “You want to let the monsters into the tunnel.”
“They can never come into the tunnel. You’re imagining them only so that you have an excuse to stay here. If you faced them, they’d vanish like a puff of smoke.”
“No, they come and chase me. . . .”
“They won’t do it any longer. Travis and I have stopped them.” She paused. “And on the outside the Wind Dancer has stopped them. Didn’t you feel it when you were looking at him? You were so happy. For just an instant you were outside and yet you knew you were safe.”
“I’ll find him again.”
“Not in the tunnel. He has no reason to be in the tunnel. He’s not afraid and he doesn’t want you to be afraid either.”
“How do you know? He took me away.”
“Because you needed to be away until you were strong enough to come back and face the monsters.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“Yes, you are. Think about it. Jessica told me that you made up all kinds of adventures with the Wind Dancer. Were you ever afraid?”
“They were only stories.”
“But weren’t they about duty and saving the good guys and punishing the bad?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, that’s what life’s about too. It’s not about curling up in a tunnel. Think about it.”
“I won’t think about it. I’m afraid and I won’t come out. I’ll go deeper so the monsters won’t hurt me.”
“Your friend the Wind Dancer won’t let you go deeper. You were searching for him in the wrong place. Did it ever occur to you that he always wanted you to leave the tunnel and come back? He knows it’s time for you to come out even if you don’t.”
“You lie.”
“There are no monsters in the tunnel. You’ll just stay there until you’re ready to come out and fight the bad guys with the rest of us. Your mom and dad and Travis and me. We’re all waiting for you. We need you.”
“No.”
“I’m telling the truth. We do need you. I’m going away now, but I’ll be back.”
“I don’t want you.”
Poor kid. Melissa couldn’t blame her for her anger or panic. She’d yanked away the security blanket Jessica had folded around her and told her she had to be a warrior and not a victim. Pretty tough fare for a seven-year-old.
And what if Melissa was wrong? What if she was inflicting serious damage on Cassie?
“I hate you.”
“Right now. But you hate the monsters and the way they make you afraid more.”
“You’re the one who’s making me afraid.”
“Because I’m telling you that it’s your duty to come out? Didn’t you ever want those stories you made up to be true? If you see wrong, you have to fight it. Doing your duty isn’t as easy in real life.”
“Go away.”
“I’m going. But I’ll see you soon, Cassie. . . .”
18
“Wake up, Melissa.”
She opened her eyes to see Travis’s face above her.
“Time to eat. It’s almost dark. You’ve been sleeping for hours.”
She had no doubt. She’d been exhausted after that latest bout with Cassie. She glanced at the child. She was sleeping too. Melissa could feed her later. “Ten minutes. I have to wash my face and brush my teeth.”
“No hurry. Galen fixed a couple of casseroles before he left. I’ve just put one in the oven to heat.”
She swung her feet to the floor. “Left?”
“He had an errand to do for me.” He walked out of the room.
The answer was evasive. She hurried through her washing and was patting her face dry with the towel as she came into the kitchen. “Where did he go?”
“He’s searching for word on Danielle Claron.”
“Danielle Claron? Who is she?”
“Sit down.” He took the casserole out of the oven. “I’ll tell you about her over dinner.” He spooned two servings onto plates and set them on the table. “Galen would never forgive me if I let it get cold before you could fully appreciate his expertise.”
“I want to know—” He was shaking his head, and she sat down at the table and picked up her fork. “I’m eating. Tell me about Danielle Claron.”
She was halfway through the meal when Travis finished. She frowned, thinking. “You believe she may know something that will help us find Deschamps?”
“Maybe. It’s the only lead we have. Even if she can’t locate him for us, she’s a witness to her husband’s murder, and Deschamps doesn’t like witnesses. Chances are he’ll want to find her.” He got up and poured coffee into their cups. “So we may
not need the Wind Dancer to draw him into a trap.”
“Danielle Claron is obviously not willing to bear witness if she’s been hiding out for the last few weeks.”
“If we offer her protection, she might change her mind.” He shrugged. “And the worst that can happen is that I’ll turn her over to Andreas and let the CIA try to persuade her. If I hand him a witness gift-wrapped, he might be a little more inclined to think twice about throwing me in the clink.”
“Why do you have the money to find this woman if you don’t have enough to locate Deschamps?”
“If Galen can tap into the right contacts, he may be able to find the woman without spending a dime.”
“And I’m sure he has the right contacts,” she said dryly. “He seems to be able to manage almost anything . . . criminal. But then, you have the same contacts, don’t you? You’ve been known to sell information too.”
“Yes. But we don’t have the same sources. Which comes in handy on occasion.”
“I thought you had to contact Karlstadt. Why are you still here?”
“I have a telephone. If I need to see him, I can wait until Galen gets back.”
“Because you think you have to protect us?”
“Not you,” he said lightly. “You could take on Andreas and Deschamps single-handed. But there’s the kid to think about.” He glanced at her plate. “Do you want any more? Galen cooked more than enough for a couple of meals.”
She shook her head. “I’m not hungry. It was very good though. He’s multifaceted, isn’t he?”
“More than you know. Or maybe not. He said you’d read him very well. Something about brother and sister?”
She smiled. “It was easy to see that we’re a lot alike.”
“In what way?”
“Well, we both believe in making the most of every minute.”
“And you’re both tough and very perceptive. Maybe too perceptive?”
“You think this was in the psychic grab bag I got handed to me? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just a good judge of character.” She lifted the coffee to her lips. “Like you are.”
“I haven’t demonstrated much of that ability lately.” His gaze went to the bedroom door. “How’s the kid?”
“She’s sleeping.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” She hesitated. “I can reach her whether she’s asleep or awake now. And I can do it when I’m awake.”
“What?”
“I tried it on the plane and it worked.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He shook his head. “Never mind. We weren’t on the best of terms.”
“No, and I couldn’t tell you without telling Jessica. She wouldn’t have believed me, and if she had, she would have been afraid.” She looked down into her cup. “And I didn’t know how I was going to use it. I wasn’t sure Jessica was handling Cassie right. We were all being so soft and gentle. . . .”
He stared at her thoughtfully, but he didn’t speak.
“Cassie’s not a gentle child. She’s lively and strong and very intelligent, and she was never a shrinking violet until Vasaro. The withdrawal was completely out of character.”
“Shock.”
“Yes, but I have a hunch that later her nurse’s betrayal made her more angry than hurt.”
“You sound as if you know her very well.”
“Only what Jessica found out from her parents and what I’ve observed myself.”
He smiled faintly. “And maybe you’re a good deal like Cassie too. I hope not. It took six years to heal your trauma.”
“But I have an advantage Jessica didn’t have with me. I know where Cassie’s at right now.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that after the first trauma heals, it takes a really strong push to destroy that world you built for yourself. Jessica never gave me that push. She gave me love and gentleness instead. It might have worked for some kids, but it took a long time for her to get through to a stubborn brat like me.” She added, “And it means I understand that Cassie’s not really a victim. She was in the beginning, but now she’s in that tunnel because she wants to be. She willed herself there, and it’s easier to stay.”
“Easier? What about the nightmares?”
“She needs them to validate staying in the tunnel.” She moistened her lips. “So I’m going to take them away from her.”
“How?”
“I’ve already told her she doesn’t have them anymore because the monsters are waiting outside the tunnel for her to come and fight them.”
He frowned.
“I know what you’re thinking. Yes, it was a risk and yes, it could backfire and keep her in that tunnel for the rest of her life.” Her hand was shaking and she steadied it as she brought her cup to her lips. “That’s my nightmare.”
“I don’t know if I would have taken the chance.”
“She’s a fighter. It’s her nature. She just has to be forced back into the battle.”
“How can you be sure she won’t have the nightmares?”
“I’m not sure. She could still will herself to have them. But I’m hoping that the suggestion I planted will take root. I’ll reinforce it every time I’m with her. After that, we can only wait and see.” She put her cup down. “She’ll probably try her damnedest to do anything I tell her not to do. She’s not very fond of me right now.”
“And you could be wrong.”
“Yes, but if I’m right, I’ll make her face her demons and bring her back. I’m stronger than she is now, and I’m growing stronger every day. I’ll nag her and block her at every turn.”
“Tough love?”
“I do love her. You can’t imagine how close I am to her. She’s like . . . my other self.” She closed her eyes. “I know I’m being hard, but I have to make her come out. For her sake and for Jessica. You see, I have one more advantage Jessica didn’t have with me. I’ll do whatever I have to do.” She opened her eyes, now stinging with tears. “Because I’m no saint like her, Travis.”
“You don’t have to be like her.” He covered her hand on the table. “You do fine on your own.”
“I hope so.” His grasp felt warm and comforting, and she let herself take that comfort for a moment before she moved her hand away. “I hope I’m not rushing Cassie because I want to use her to get Andreas to help with Deschamps.”
“I don’t think you are.”
“But neither of us is sure.” She pushed back her chair. “I’m going for a short walk on the beach before I wake Cassie and give her supper.”
“I’ll do it.”
She shook her head. “My job.”
“I don’t mind helping. Are you closing me out?”
“If I’ve really managed to get rid of the nightmares, then you’re closed out anyway. You should be glad there’s a chance your responsibility is over.”
“It’s not over. It’s just shifted.” He grimaced. “And I’m not at all comfortable with it. I prefer to be an observer.”
“I’ve noticed that. Then maybe you’re living in a tunnel as much as Cassie is.”
He smiled. “Maybe I am. It’s an interesting thought. Do you see any other similarities between me and the kid?”
“Oh, yes. But you’re more complicated. It would be difficult to—” She stopped and looked at him. He was sitting there, still smiling, and yet she could sense . . . what? Pain? Loneliness? She wasn’t sure, but he had once again been kind to her. She wanted to do something, but she wasn’t even sure what. “ I’m . . . sorry your friend died.” The words came haltingly. “And I’m sorry I was ugly about it. Since you don’t let many people close to you, it must have hurt you very much to lose him.”
“Yes, it did.”
“Perhaps you’ll tell me about him sometime.”
“Sometime.”
Because the pain was too deep and he wasn’t a man to show his feelings.
“Did he know you loved him? Did you tell him?”
“No, I didn??
?t tell him. But I think he knew.”
“Good. That was one rule I made for myself after Jessica brought me back. Life’s too short not to have every emotion out in the open. If someone deserves love, then they deserve to know they have it.”
“ That’s a very perilous philosophy.”
“ It’s more perilous not to tell someone they’re loved. I would have regretted it all my life if Jessica hadn’t known I—” She cleared her throat to rid it of huskiness and headed for the door. “ I won’t be long. I just need to clear my head. Thirty minutes or so . . .”
She walked very fast along the beach, her back straight and her head high.
She looked like a soldier going into battle, Travis thought.
She’s a fighter.
They were the words she had used to describe Cassie, but they also applied to Melissa. A scarred warrior going forth to fight Cassie’s monsters.
What the hell was he doing standing there watching her? She was absorbing entirely too much of his attention, when he needed to focus on getting himself out of this mess and going after Deschamps. He couldn’t even give lust as an excuse, although that had been there between them from the beginning. How could you lust after a woman who made you want to heal and protect at the same time? Come on, admit it, he was a man and, hell, yes, he wanted to get her in bed. It didn’t matter that she was hurting and he was torn with compassion. Maybe because sex was the safest relationship he could have with her. Anything else would involve him in ways that could change his life, and he had long ago opted out of the path she was traveling. He didn’t need to let himself in for the role of knight trailing at the heels of a damsel fending off dragons.
He had his own monsters to subdue, and there was nothing idealistic about that battle. It was going to be dirty and fraught with greed and violence.
And it was time he set about doing it. He reached for his phone and dialed the number Galen had given him for Stuart Thomas.
“ I’ve found a trail,” Galen said when Travis answered his phone the next evening. “Danielle Claron’s parents, Philip and Marguerite Dumair, still live in the village where she grew up. Jeanne Beaujolis lived on the next block, and she was in and out of Danielle’s house all during their childhood. She visited them frequently even after she took the job of nurse to Cassie. From talking to the neighbors, I gather she boasted a lot about her fine position and was a trifle patronizing to the villagers.”