CHAPTER VIII
As the elevator shot up through the concrete of The Brain's "dura mater"toward Apperception 36, Lee was feeling grand. Now he was a man with amission. Now he knew exactly what he had to do. Whether it would help,whether it would stop The Brain; that was a different question, but atleast he had his plan.
He marvelled at the ease and at the lightning speed with which the greatdecision had come. It had been at the sight of the senselessrobot-monsters, at the blood-spattered assembly line that the sense ofsacred mission had come over him. It had been at the moment when, inScriven's grip upon his arm, he had read his condemnation that he hadhit upon the plan.
He must take an awful chance and a terrific responsibility. For this hehad to be morally certain that The Brain was a liar, that Scriven was aliar and that war was being provoked by The Brain despite all itsassertions to the contrary because The Brain could assume power onlyover the dead bodies of millions of men like Gus; Gus whom The Brain hadbutchered like a guinea pig because he had refused to obey the Gogs andMagogs of the Machine God.
Now that he had this moral certainty Lee felt that strange and mysticalelation which comes to the soldier at the zero hour in war. The worstwas really over; the terrible waiting, the uncertainty, the struggle ofmorale in "sweating it out." Now his nerves were steady, exhaustion andfatigue had vanished; in its place was that wonderful feeling of fullmastery over all faculties which comes to fighting men as the battle isjoined. There was that upsurge of the blood from fighting ancestorswhich obliterates the cowardice of the intellect, that inspiredintoxication which sharpens the intellect into a battle axe. By hisquick-witted postponement of the fateful appointment with thepsychiatrists he had gained thirty hours. Whether this would be enoughhe didn't know, but he felt in himself the strength to fight onendlessly.
The elevator stopped at Apperception 36 and Lee stood for a moment atthe door of his lab for a last breath, a briefing addressed to himself:
"This is like walking into a mine field," he thought; "one false stepand things go Boom. All the sensory organs of The Brain are in actionbehind this door and some of them are pretty near extrasensory in theirmind-reading capacities. I've got to walk back and forth amongst thoseobservation screens; there may be other radiations too, following me,penetrating into the recesses of my mind without my knowing it. Thatmeans I must make my mind a blank. It's like being quizzed by alie-detector, only more so. I must not only seem normal and at ease, Iactually must be so and harbor only friendly, innocuous thoughts towardThe Brain. My actions will seem innocent enough; it is my thoughtswherein my danger lies. Whatever I do; I've got to direct that from thesubconscious: act as by instinct and keep the mind a blank."
He opened the door and looked around--as usual--in this vault as silentas the grave of a Pharaoh. There was a little dust on the glass cubiclesof "_Ant-termes-pacificus_" and there were a few lines scribbled on theyellow memo-pad on his desk:
"Thanks for the weekend, boss. Everything normal and under control. Nextfeeding time at 8 p.m. the 27th. So long, Harris." Of course; he hadgiven Harris, his assistant, the weekend off. That had escaped his mindin the excitement when The Brain's mutiny began.... And now it was the29th.
"They must be ravenously hungry by this time," he thought, and thatthought was in order because it was a normal thought.
He walked through the rows of the cubicles, halting his step every nowand then. The fluorescent screens on which The Brain drew the curves ofits observation-rays showed two sharp rises of the lines marked"activity" and "emotionality". The lower levels of the glass cagesalready were opaque; the glass corroded by the viscous acids which thesoldiers had squirted from their cephalic glands in their attempts tobreak out and to reach food.
"Poor beasts," Lee thought, and he thought it without restraint becauseit was normal, a perfectly harmless thought. But then; below the layersof his consciousness his instincts told a different story.
"This is marvelous," they triumphed. "Fate takes a hand; they aredesperate; they're ready for the warpath and even the tiger and theelephant would run for cover when their columns march."
As if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to do Leewalked over to the south wall, the one which separated the lab from theinterior of The Brain. He removed a sliding panel marked"L-Filler-Spout" and there it was before his eyes, looking almost like afireplug. There was one in every apperception center and there werehundreds more throughout The Brain, and their purpose was to replenishthe liquid insulation which shielded the sensitive electric nervepathsof The Brain. Without looking at the thing, concentrating his everythought upon the hunger of "_Ant-termes-pacificus_", Lee unscrewed thecap and put a finger into the opening. The finger came back covered withthe thick, the syrupy lignin, this amber-colored sluggish stream ofwoodpulp liquefied, this soft bed of The Brain's vibrant nerves.Unthinking, absent-minded, Lee wiped the finger with his handkerchief.
"Now, I'm going to try a slightly different arrangement of the tests,"he thought. "It's normal; I'm doing that almost every day."
The feeling he experienced as he swung into action was strange. As hewalked back and forth it felt like somnambulic walk; something his limbsdid without an act of will. As his hands did things expertly andskillfully the feeling was that they were instruments automaticallymoved not by his own volition but by some power outside himself.
His movements were those of a child serenely at play, a childincongruously tall and gaunt and grey-haired constructing littlecauseways and bridges on the ground with the logs of the fireplace; ahappy child engrossed in an innocent game....
* * * * *
It took about an hour and then causeways of fresh pulpwood were laidfrom every termite hill to every feeding gate, from every glass cubicleto the south wall and along the south wall to the "Lignin-Filler-Spout";and from the ground up to the spout a little tepee of sticks had beenbuilt.
Admiringly the grey-haired child looked at its handiwork throughthick-lensed glasses. "It's been an interesting game," Lee thought, "itmight turn out to be a valuable new experiment. I'll sit down now andobserve what happens...."
He went over to the desk again and settled down. He opened his files andlaid out his charts on the desk and there were colored pencils to besharpened for the entries. He was glad of that; his conscious mindrejoiced now over every little pursuit of routine, of normalcy, of theestablished scientific order of things; it concentrated on these. Pencilin hand, reclined in comfort, his heartbeat even, he kept expectant eyesupon the staggered rows of fluorescent screens, ready to note anysignificant developments.
He didn't have to wait long; their strange sixth sense, the telepathy oftheir collective brains, the spirit of the hive with the immortality oftheir race for its supreme law, had already told them of a promised landand of new worlds to conquer.
On the fluorescent screens Lee watched their preparations for the bigdrive: The nasicorn-soldiers clotting together at the exit tunnels likeassault troops at the bow of invasion barges when the bottom scrapes thelanding beach; the fierce, virginal workers struggling up from the deepshelters of the nurseries, carrying in their mandibles the squirminglarvae, the living future of the race. The walls of the queen's prisonbroken down in the innermost redoubt and the guards closing in on theidol of the race, moving the big white body like a juggernaut.
In a matter of minutes the "activity" and "emotionality" curves on thefluorescent screens surged to heights which Lee had never seen.
It started with the crossbreeds of "_termes-bellicosus_," with army-antsand devil-ants, and spread quickly all along the line of non-belligerentvarieties. Famine had given them the impetus to change their mode oflife; famine, the inexorable tyrant, whipped them onward into theirexodus.
On the foremost fluorescent screens Lee saw it start: Small groups ofwarriors reconnoitering into no-man's-land and quickly darting backagain.... And then the dark columns of the first assault wave descendingfrom their city-gates, lock-stepped
like Prussian guards of old,marching as if to the beat of drums. On the visi-screens which magnifiedthem a hundred times they looked an awesome sight with the rostrums oftheir horns, bigger than all the rest of their bodies, swinging liketurrets of battleships being trained upon the enemy. From theloudspeakers which magnified all noise a hundred times, the excitedtremors of their bodies, the locked steps of a million feet swelled intoa vast roar sounding almost like thunder.
Jotting down observations in rapid pencil strokes, Lee thought:"Starvation is producing very interesting results; it's a worthwhileexperiment." With all his mental energy he suppressed the silent prayerwhich struggled to arise from the deep of his unconscious: "Good Lordlet The Brain not realize _what_ is going on."
The visi-screens now showed the second wave of the assault: endlesscolumns of workers, their mandibles twitching with eagerness to devour,bustling along the logs, kept in line by two rows of warriors to theirright and left. The noises they produced in the loudspeakers were as ofsome big cattle-drive.
With no interruption in the lengthening line the third wave followed:the virgin nurses, the frustrated mothers carrying the whitish larvae,like babes in arms, carrying them with the indomitable determination topreserve their lives which human nurses showed in the Second World Waras the bombs crashed into maternity wards. And then at last the heavyrearguard: the holiest of holies, the living spirit of the hive, thequeen. Majestically she was carried on her warrior's backs; enormous asshe loomed on the visi-screen, the white of her uncouth body was hardlyvisible, swarmed over as she was by her fanatical courtiers which,licking and caressing, kept her covered as by a shield. Her consortstrotted meekly in her trail; unhappy little men, rudely aroused fromtheir harem sinecure, jealously guarded and prodded on by the queen'scountless ladies in waiting and the palace guard.
* * * * *
Things moved very fast now; Lee's quick pencil strokes could hardlyfollow the events:
10:30 a.m. The foremost columns are now out of reach of thevisi-screens. But I can see them moving along the logs with the nakedeye. Interesting new fact: the crossbreeds from the most belligerentspecies are far and ahead of the rest. They don't take time out to drivetunnels. But even the tunnels of the more pacific strains are forgingahead at an extraordinary rate; six feet across the floor already....
10:40: "_Bellicosus_" has reached the south wall; it is now movingalong the wall toward the "Lignin-Filler-Spout." There is no hesitancyas they change direction at the angle of 90 degrees. The Queens are nowcoming up at a very rapid rate from the mounds farthest to the rear.It's fortunate we have these differences in behaviorism and temperamentbecause otherwise a terrific traffic jam would occur at the"Filler-Spout"....
10:50: "_Bellicosus_" is now ascending to the "Filler-Spout." Thewarriors have ringed the pipe. With their body-tremors they are givingthe "come-on" signal to the workers. The workers are piling in--anaverage batch--about 65,000. It's a good thing that there is an airspace in these horizontal nerve-path pipes. That gives them a chance tomarch along the ceiling and work down from there....
11:00: There are now a score of columns converging at the"Filler-Spout." Amazing that even under such provoking conditions"_ant-termes_" won't fight. The warriors act like the most accomplishedtraffic-cops; it's marvelous how they keep their columns in order andkeep them moving side by side into The Brain....
11:10: The first million, I should say, is now well inside the"Filler-Spout." They're marching at a rate of at least 300 yards perhour; amazing speed; I never saw them move that fast before. Even so Iwon't have time to watch the outcome of the experiment. I've puteverything I had into this thing. 500 hives--that would make it 35million individuals of the species at a conservative estimate. It's thebiggest mass-migration I've ever seen, but will it be big enough to dothe trick?
11:20: The foremost columns must have reached the neighboringapperception centers to the right and left of mine by now. But theywon't stop; I know that from experience in Australia. To them it's justlike any other "hollow tree"; they'll drive right on to the top; theywon't bivouak before they are completely exhausted. That won't be beforefive or six hours. At the rate of 900 feet per hour that would make italmost a mile, covering the whole "occipital region" of The Brain. Andthen they are going to feast; boy, will they be ravenous....
11:30: About 3 million are safely inside now I should say. Don't thinkthat I could stay at my post much longer. There's a certainextracurricular idea coming up from the subconscious like a tidal wave.The dams of willpower don't seem able to hold back that idea; I've gotto get out before it spills across the dam and floods my consciousness.The phone rings; for once it is a welcome sound.
* * * * *
It was Oona's voice; trembling with emotion as if she were stillsuffering from this morning's shock or had suffered another:
"Semper, are you all right?"
Lee reassured her that he was and then listened astounded as she heaveda sigh of relief.
"Listen, Semper, this is terribly important. I've got to see youimmediately. No, I cannot tell you over the phone; it's a personalmatter and it concerns you. You cannot make it? Is your business _that_important? You're in the midst of a vital experiment? That's awful,Semper; it really is in this case. No; I'm all right personally; itisn't that. It's _you_ Semper, it's _you_. 5 p.m. at the earliest, isthat the best you can do? All right then. Meet me at the airport. Andtake good care of yourself, do you hear me: _take good care of yourself,Semper_, up to that time."
She hung up quickly, as if suddenly disturbed.
Lee frowned at the clock: 11:35. He could have managed to meet Oonaduring her lunch hour at the hotel. But there were things he still hadto do even more important than Oona. More important to him than evenOona. He shook his head; it wouldn't have seemed possible a few daysago....
With the climax of the experiment now over Lee felt his mentalresistance ebbing fast.
"They're on the move," he thought. "Nothing can stop them now; it'sbeyond my control, but they're marching. I'd better get out of here...."
With fevered eyes he glanced around the floor and like a victim ofdelirium saw it moving, crawling as with snakes, crawling into theirhole all of them, black snakes, grey snakes, red snakes, endless theirlengthening bodies....
He carefully closed the door of the lab, locked it and then pressed thebutton which opened the elevator door. Only as the cage tore downthrough the "dura mater", only when he felt safe from the sensory organsof The Brain, only when he was sure that not even a human eye would seehim in this racing little cage, only then did the dam of willpowercollapse. He put both hands before his eyes in vain attempt to stop thetears from streaming; those tears of a soldier over the body of hisfallen chum; those tears of a greying scientist who sacrificed theresults of his life's work to some higher cause.
Lee caught the one p.m. Greyhound-Helicopter for Phoenix only a secondbefore the start. He panted from the run, but in his sunken eyes therewas a light and in his mind a new serenity which comes to men when theyare fortunate enough to meet with some very wonderful woman, when withadmiration and humility they stand confronted with a courage greaterthan man's. Gus's wife had been that woman; the way she had taken theterrible news was the source of Lee's new strength and confidence.
The flying commuter was almost empty.
Noting Lee's astonished glance the stewardess gave a nervous littlelaugh:
"People get jumpy traveling," she volunteered.
"That so; why do they?"
"Didn't you hear the news all morning; wait...."
She flicked the radio on. On the television screen appeared an aerialview of a big city, vaguely familiar looking, yet as foreign as Venice,and then the voice of the announcer broke through.
"New Orleans: It is now ascertained that the break in the levees wascaused by a huge trench digging machine left unattended overnight at alonely spot twenty miles South of Baton Rouge. Levee engineers believethat i
ts engine was started possibly by saboteurs, approximately atmidnight and that it then proceeded automatically digging itself intothe levee until it was drowned by the incoming river. The initialeight-foot breach has now been widened by the Mississippi to a width of200 feet. Along Canal street and all over downtown New Orleans the floodhas reached a level of ten feet above the streets as evacuationcontinues. The government has concentrated every available piece ofequipment to close the breach. All normal activities have come to astandstill; property damages are estimated at 50 million dollars; thedeath toll has passed the 500 mark in this most catastrophic flood inNew Orleans' history."
* * * * *
New aerial pictures, similar to the results of a blockbuster bombingattack flicked on the screen:
"New York: The bursting of the watermains at dawn this morning at sevendifferent points of Manhattan's downtown area which has already causedthe collapse of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel and seven big apartmentbuildings along Park Avenue now threatens Macy's and the Public Libraryon 42nd Street.
"All subway traffic has stopped. Evacuation of panicky Metropolitansfrom the Central Park district proceeds in an orderly manner. In theHarlem district, however, disorders and plunderings have been reported.An estimated seven million people are without drinking water. Truckscarrying water from New Jersey are severely hampered by unprecedentedtraffic snarl-ups, since owners of private automobiles are fleeing thecity with their families. Due to the flooding of sub-street levels inboth Grand Central and Penn Station, evacuation by rail can proceed onlyfrom 163rd Street for the New York Central and from New Jersey for thePennsylvania Railroad system. Effectiveness of railroad transport isreduced to less than 30% of normal capacity. I. C. Moriarty, SanitaryCommissioner of New York, declared in his press conference that thecatastrophic bursting of the watermains was caused by failure of theremote-controlled automatic mainstem valves. For reasons which stillpuzzle city engineers these valves closed suddenly and completely at 5a.m. this morning. Because of the failure of the alarm system,high-pressure pumps in the powerhouses continued to work and to build uppressure in the closed system of the watermains till almostsimultaneously, and with explosive force, the breaks occurred, the firstone right under the Columbus monument. In view of the extremely gravesituation which threatens the world's biggest city, Governor Charlesdeclared martial law this morning at 10 a.m.
"Chicago: The city-wide calamity caused by the unprecedented breakdownin the sewage disposal system gets more threatening with every minute.As engineers are still unable to enter the atomic power plant and as thesewage disposal-pumps continue to work in reverse, all Chicagoland israpidly turning into a cesspool as millions of toilets and kitchen sinksspill sewage into every apartment. The Fire Department has received morethan two million calls from harassed citizens battling vainly againstthe unsavory flood.
"Harrowing scenes are reported from hotels where 3,000 members of theAmerican Federation of Women's Clubs are taking turns in sending protesttelegrams and gallantly holding down by the weight of their own bodiesthe facilities-front in the 3,000 bathrooms of the hotels. At a fewpoints workers have succeeded in digging up sewage mains and tons ofconcrete are being poured to stop the devastating reversal of the flow.
"Even now, however, the partially closed mains and the overflow fromhouses are flooding the streets. As it gradually seeps into LakeMichigan, source of Chicago's drinking water supply, health commissionerSegantini has already warned against the appalling dangers of epidemicswhich might result from this.
"Nuclear physicists of Chicago University, called in to aid cityengineers, have declared that dangerous amounts of escaping gamma-raysin the Atomic Powerplant were first discovered by the Geiger-counter attwo a.m. Evacuation of all employees was ordered one hour later as asafety measure. Just why the pumps resumed operations after the shutdownof the plant and just what caused the system to work in reverse remainsa mystery. Prof. Windeband, spokesman of the group of nuclearphysicists, confesses that he has no explanation for the phenomenon.
"Washington: Rumors are flying thick and fast in the nation's capital.In the rapidly darkening picture of international politics themobilization of Mexico is the latest shadow. Official explanation givenby Mexico's ambassador Rivadivia, is that his government has orderedmobilization as a protective measure to guard frontiers against theillegal entry of thousands of panicky American refugees chiefly from NewOrleans. The State Department is said to be planning a protest. Even so,the unprecedented series of catastrophes on the home-front of Americaovershadows everything. Washington insiders report a growing convictionin high government circles that the events of the past 48 hours areproof absolute that large numbers of foreign saboteurs and agents are atwork."
"Had enough?" asked the stewardess.
Lee confessed that he had.
* * * * *
With its helicopters feathered, the Greyhound came sliding down onto theBus Terminal's roof; fifteen minutes later Lee stood again at hisfather's door, that door he had thought once before he would never seeagain.
The old man's loose-skinned face, tanned like saddle leather, didn'tmove an inch at the sight of the son: "You again, Semper? Come in then."
Lee vaguely sensed that his father was glad he had come; that there wassome unfinished business left from their last conversation and that hisfather welcomed the opportunity to finish it.
"You know," he said as his stiff-jointed legs carried him back to thetable with bottle and glasses trembling on the tray in his hands, "youknow, I've named these four walls after old friends of mine--all of themdead--but sometimes they won't answer when I talk to them. And then I'mglad when somebody happens along. But don't take that to mean that I'min my dotage now or getting mad."
"No, Father; that's just loneliness."
"In any case, Son, there are lots of people lots madder than I am.There's a woman living next door, a spinster, answers to the name ofPimpernel. This morning she came running over crying that hervacuum-cleaner was chasing her all over the house. And by God, Semper,it was a fact. Never saw anything like it. One of those new-fangledautomatic contraptions which are supposed to do the job all alone bythemselves, and it banged around and chased about as if it had ahornet's nest under its bonnet. Scared the poor woman to death."
"What did you do?"
"What could I do? I'm not a mechanic; there was no cord attached oranything to plug out. So I got my automatic and shot the damn thing."
"Shot it?"
"Sure; bullet must have penetrated something; anyway it stopped dead onthe spot. And now she threatens to sue me for damages; there's gratitudefor you. What brought you here?"
Lee felt elated; obviously his father was in high spirits from thismorning's successful hunt; for once he was in a receptive _mood_.
Rapidly, with all the precision he could muster, Lee explained, as anadjutant would explain a new development in a strategic situation to hiscommanding general. After a while the old man started pacing the floorin rising excitement. A spark of the old fierceness had come into hisblunted pale-blue eyes as he swung around.
"Before this morning's incident I would have considered all this as araving maniac's gibberish. Now as I put two and two together I can see adistinct possibility that you've got something. Tell you what I'lldo--what I consider my duty to do--I'll call out the National Guard.We'll encircle The Brain and present an ultimatum to the thing. Ifnecessary we'll take the place by storm."
The younger Lee answered with a vigorous shaking of his head.
"You cannot do that, Father. In the first place the National Guarddoesn't stand a chance against the defences of The Brain. In the secondplace your action would mean civil war. No, we must go after this in adifferent manner. The Secretary of War is an old friend of yours. Allright: take the next plane to Washington. Don't tell him anything hecouldn't believe. Tell him--what is strictly the truth--that some powerhostile to the United States threatens to interfere with the remote
control of automatic war equipment. Tell him to redouble guard over theremote-control rocket launchers, to have their automatic computatorsdisconnected temporarily and for the commanders to accept only ordersdirect from Washington. The greatest danger is not the domesticdisorders; that situation we'll have in hand if my scheme works. But letone rocket accidentally be launched into some big foreign capital and itwill set the whole world on fire in an Atomic war. That is what TheBrain wants, that is what must be prevented at all costs. Will you dothat, Father?"
Even years after Lee never understood just what had happened or how itcould have happened that his position to his father became reversed withsuch startling suddenness. In the extremity of the situation he hadaddressed his father with the authority of of a commander toward one ofhis aids--and the father had accepted the son's command unquestioningly.
"Semper," he had said, "I have always considered you a militarynincompoop. I was mistaken, son, I apologize. Now let me grab my hat andcoat. You kept the taxi waiting? Good: tell the man to go to theairport, and let her rip."
* * * * *
At 5 p.m. the Flying Greyhound dropped on Cephalon airport and there wasOona looking very pale, but very beautiful in the gathering dusk. Shegrabbed Lee by the arm leading him to the other side of the hangar wherestood her little jetticopter plane. "Let's get in here," she said. "I'mfreezing and I don't want you to be seen around here."
She didn't put on the lights, yet even in the dark Lee could see thegolden helmet of her hair shimmering like the pale gold in the halo ofthe Virgin as the primitive art of Tuscany presented her a thousandyears ago. She nestled the soft fur of her coat against Lee's shouldersand as she did he felt her shivering. He put a protecting arm aroundher, careful to do it as a friend, careful to suppress the surge ofblood which started burning in his veins. She seemed to be groping forwords; it took a little while before she began to speak, with clarityand simplicity as she always did but with an audible effort to keepcomposed:
"I've brought you a suitcase, Semper, with a few necessities. And Ibrought you some money, later you can send me your check. And here arethe keys of the plane. Fly over to Mexico; go back to Australia fromthere or anywhere you want, but _do_ get out of this country and do itquick. I couldn't tell you that over the phone and I shouldn't betelling this to you now, but I feel I must.
"You're in danger and it's serious. Why? I don't know, but Howard seemsto suspect your loyalty. He also seems to think that you've gone out ofyour mind. And Howard has taken measures; he has ordered re-examinationof your broad aptitude test. He has voiced his suspicion as to yoursanity to Bondy and Mellish and you know what kind of yes-men thosefellows are in the face of an authority like Scriven's. Trust them todiscover something wrong with you, trust them to give the test some kindof a convenient twist. They're going to have you certified, they'regoing to put you into a mental institution, Semper.
"Do you get that? Do you realize that it's fate worse than death? Do youunderstand that there is nothing you can do to escape that fate exceptby flight? I have no idea when it's going to be, this trap they're goingto spring on you; but for God's sake, Semper, get going as long asthere's still time. Any moment now some plainclothesman might grab youby the arm and then...."
It was she who had grabbed him by the arm, Oona who looked into hisface, her big eyes moist.
Lee strained his willpower so it would control the tremor of his voice:
"Oona; there's one thing I have got to know: What made you tell methis--and do all this so I could get away?"
The girl's eyes didn't waver from his. "I remember," she said slowly,"I remember that I felt as if I could throw conventions into the windat the very first time we met. I've always been frank with you, asmuch as I could be in my position. So then I don't mind telling you nowthat ... I like you immensely, Semper."
As if agitated by some electric shock, Lee's arm tightened around thegirl's waist. "Oona, I have asked you once before to be my wife. Yousaid you couldn't and I thought it was because you didn't like me wellenough. But now, after what you've just told me, now that we both knowabout The Brain and that I wasn't insane in my observations, I'm askingyou again: Be my wife, Oona, and then let's go together--anywhere--awayfrom all this, to the end of the world."
In the darkness her uplifted white face shone like the moon; there weretwo limpid luminous pools in it. All of a sudden they overflowed withtears streaming down her cheeks. Her mouth half opened, swallowed hard.There was now nothing left of that "integrated personality", nothing ofthe calm and the poise which the younger set of scientists admired somuch. There was only a young woman torn with torment.
"I would have loved to go with you to the end of the world when we werefloating over the Canyon. I would love to go with you a thousand timesmore tonight," Lee heard her say and then the gnashing of her teeth asshe continued: "But it cannot be, Semper. It cannot be because my die iscast, because my fate is made. Did nobody ever tell you? Didn't you evenguess? Howard and I--we've been living together for the past six years.He's not a very good man; rather beyond good and evil; but then: I feelthat I have got to stick to him now more than ever."
The golden helmet of her hair dropped to Lee's breast. "I'm ashamed,"she sobbed, "terribly, terribly ashamed, Semper. I've made such a messof things, of you and me--such a mess of my whole life."
He buried his face into the fragrance of the golden wave. "It's nothing,darling," he whispered close to her ear. "It doesn't mean a thing to me;it's less than a cloud which passes across the face of the moon, andthen it's gone and never will come back...."
She freed herself from his embrace. With both her hands upon hisshoulders she looked straight into his eyes.
"_That is not true, Semper_," she said and there was the fierceness of ayoung Viking warrior in the flash of her eyes: "That is not true andthere's been already too much of lie in my life. I just cannot stand forany more of that. _It can not be, Semper._ I've told you plainly and itmeans not _ever_, not _ever_. Go now. Do as I told you. Go immediately.If you really love me, grant me this, let me feel that I could do atleast something--this one thing for you."
"Oona!" Lee exclaimed and it sounded like a deep-throated bell in anancient cathedral town as it rings the last stroke of midnight and thenhangs mute in the dark sky. That happiness he had felt, that cometflightthrough all the stars in heaven; it was too big for him, it couldn'tlast. He had sensed the blow before it fell. It wasn't like being hit inaction; it was like in that field hospital when the doc had told him:"This is going to hurt, Joe--I'm sorry, but we're shy of morphine."Howard's name had cut just like that expected knife. What was there leftto say? Nothing; nothing, but one small matter.
"I love you, Oona, and that means forever just as much as you mean thatnot ever you can come with me. And I thank you, Oona, for this hour.Yes; I think I'll go back to Australia--where I belong. But not tonight.I've set a great experiment going--the outcome is no longer in my hand.Still I feel I mustn't run away now. In fact I cannot; it's somewhatlike a soldier's duty to stay up front. I'm going to see this to theend."
She buried her face in her hands: "I knew it. You child, you--you DonQuixote charging against the windmills. They're going to _kill_ you,they're going to _kill_ you. And now there's nothing I can do."
For a second her small fists pounded against Lee's breast and the nextmoment, before he could do anything, she had jumped out of the planeslamming the door in his face. For a few seconds more he heard herfootsteps rushing across the frozen turf and the receding wails ofechoes from the hangar walls:
"And now there's nothing I can do--nothing I can do."
When after a minute of fumbling in the dark he pushed the door open, itwas too late.
* * * * *
He walked over to the hotel; not by an act of will, but with his legssomehow doing the job alone and by themselves. He ordered himself a carfrom the Braintrust garage. He entered The Brain and went up in theelevator to Apperce
ption 36. Nobody seemed to notice that there was asomnambulist passing by.... He unlocked the door and under the rows ofneon lights things were as he had left them eight hours ago. Only therewere no longer any snakes crawling across the floor towards a hole inthe wall. But the hole was still there and he thought that he had bettertidy things up a bit. If nobody had noticed the arrangements for thisnew experiment so far; why should anybody be forewarned?
Lee put the lid back on the "Lignin-Filler-Spout." He closed the panelso the wall looked whole again. He gathered the sticks of cordwood fromthe floor and piled them neatly to their stacks again. All this he didlike a child putting its things away after a long day's play; agrey-haired child, weary, with the sandman in its eyes. He looked aroundand found everything done and over with. On the fluorescent screens allcurves The Brain described had dropped to the bottom. Like dead thingsthey lay flat. On the visi-screens some stay-behinds of the great exoduswere looming large, a hapless little ant-king scurrying about; a fewdisabled workers, their blind eyes staring into the face of death. Itwould come soon to them; their work on earth was done....
Lee looked at the clock: 10 p.m. He put out the lights and locked thedoor behind that yawning emptiness which once had been his lab, which hewould never see again. As he descended in the elevator he felt verytired.