not even when his mother had disappeared: tears.
“B-Bob?”
When he heard the name, Puller reached out and touched the wall to keep himself upright.
Robert said in a quavering voice, “It’s… me… Dad.”
The old man crossed the room with surprising swiftness to stand in front of his son. He looked him up and down again, taking in all aspects of the uniform, his gaze coming to rest on the rows of decorations there. He reached out and touched one of them. Then his hand drifted up to his son’s face. The hair had not yet grown back, but Robert had divested himself of all the other elements of his changed appearance.
“It’s me, Dad,” he said firmly. “Back in uniform.”
Puller continued to hold on to the wall as he watched this.
Puller Sr.’s hand dipped down to his son’s uninjured one and gripped it.
“Good, son. Good.”
Then his father let go, turned and drifted back over to his chair, and slowly sat down. He turned his face to the wall.
Robert glanced at his brother, his features confused. Puller inclined his head, indicating that Robert should follow his father.
Robert walked over, pulled up another chair, and sat next to his dad. His father continued to stare at the wall, but Puller could hear his brother speaking to him in low tones. He continued to watch for a few moments and then stepped outside the room, leaned against the wall, closed his eyes, exhaled a long breath, and tried to fight back the tears.
As he slumped down to the floor, he lost that fight.
CHAPTER
76
PULLER STEPPED BETWEEN the graves at Fort Leavenworth until he found the one he wanted. He was once more wearing his dress blues, his cover on his head. The sun was warming and the skies were clear. Big Muddy was flowing hard from all the recent rains. Fort Leavenworth was back to normal. The DB was back to normal, although still missing one prisoner who would never be returning.
It was a pity, thought Puller, that Reynolds had not been sent to the DB to serve her prison term. She was the wrong gender and she was not in the military. She was now currently in a max civilian prison in Texas. She would never be leaving. And he knew it was still too good for her.
He had gone to see AWOL at the kennel and would be taking his cat home with him. The feline seemed happy to see him, although that might just have been the treat he had brought her.
He eyed the sky and then his gaze fell to the tombstone. He knelt down in front of it. That’s when the person appeared next to him. He got a good glimpse of her long legs from his squatting position.
He looked up to see Knox standing there. Her skirt was black and short, her legs bare, and her blouse was white and revealing. She held her high heels in her hand. Her bandages were gone and her hair had mostly grown back after the surgery, though it was a lot spikier now.
Puller actually liked the look. It seemed to fit her better. Bohemian. Yes, the woman definitely marched to the beat of her own drummer.
He stood. She gazed up at him and dangled the shoes in front of him.
“Stilettos are obviously not designed for muddy graveyards.”
“I can see that,” he said, smiling.
“Okay, you summoned me here. You said meet at Thomas Custer’s tombstone on this day at this time. And so here I am.”
“I appreciate your coming. I didn’t know if you would.”
“How could I refuse?”
“Can we walk?”
They turned and strolled side by side down the row toward the parking lot.
“I took my brother to see our dad a while back.”
“And how did that go?”
“He recognized Bobby.”
“Is that unusual?”
“Well, considering he’s been calling me XO for the last year or so, I’d say, yeah, it is unusual.”
She lightly punched him in the arm. “You sound a bit jealous.”
“I am. Maybe more than a bit.”
“But that’s a good thing, right? I mean your dad recognizing him?”
“The doctors said it was probably only temporary. The shock of seeing him.”
“What do doctors know? I say stick with the belief that your dad is still there, Puller. And he may come out from time to time. And when he does, enjoy having him back. And never take it for granted.”
He stopped walking and turned to her. “I’ve come to expect good advice from you.”
“Well, I don’t often get the chance to give it. It feels nice in a life that is usually centered around deception.”
“I can understand that.”
There was an awkward moment of silence until she said cheerfully, “So your brother’s fully reinstated. Record cleared. His military career can take off like a rocket again.”
“Yes. He’s excited and scared.”
“I would be too. Anyone would be. But you could have said all this over the phone. We didn’t have to fly out to Kansas.” She added quickly with an impish look, “Now, don’t get me wrong. I like graveyards as much as the next girl.”
“I thought I’d lost you,” he said abruptly, his voice breaking slightly.
She gingerly touched her head. “See, you did lie to me. You said you were sure I was going to make it. But I don’t hold it against you.” She paused and then added jokingly, “And my brain is still all there. Docs assured me. Nothing leaked out. Not like I had any to spare.”
However, her look revealed how moved she was by what he’d said.
He drew closer. “Saying things like that are… hard for me.”
She touched his cheek, her expression now serious. “I know that, John. Believe me.” She ran her gaze up and down him. “You look so handsome in your dress blues. Going somewhere?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? You don’t know?”
“It’s actually up to someone else.”
“Someone else? Who? Your CO?”
“No. Actually, it’s up to you.”
She seemed taken aback but drew closer to him. “And how is that?”
In answer he took out two tickets from his jacket and held them up.
She looked at them. “Plane tickets?” She glanced up at him and said in a panicked voice. “Wait a minute. Not to Vegas?”
“No, to Rome.”
“Rome?” she said quietly.
“Ever been there?”
“Twice. Probably the most romantic city in the world.”
“I have a week’s leave. I want to spend it with you. And only you. I want us to get as far away from crime scenes and clandestine ops as is humanly possible. I just want us to be… normal. Just for a week, Knox. And see what happens. Together.”
Knox seemed overwhelmed by all of this. She said, breathlessly, “Puller, we really don’t even know each other.”
“I know enough.”
“You know nothing. You only know what I told you. And as you quite rightly pointed out, I’m a liar.”
“Knox, I—”
She gripped his arm. “I can’t tell you how flattered I am.”
Puller took a step back, his whole body seemed to deflate, and he looked at his feet. “Flattered? Isn’t that what women say when their answer is no?”
She used her finger to lift his chin so he was looking at her. “Like I said before, you’re a ramrod-straight kind of guy. Honorable to a fault. And my life is…none of that.”
“But only the professional side. And only out of necessity.”
“I’m not sure there’re any distinct lines there, Puller. Not for me. Not anymore.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Whether you do or not is immaterial. A fact is a fact.”
Puller looked down at the plane tickets.
She said, “I hope they’re refundable.”
He grinned for a second but there was nothing behind it.
“But you might have need of them one day.”
He quickly glanced at her. “Why?”
She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him. “Because you just never know, do you?”
“So where do you go now?” he asked dully.
“Where they tell me to. Just like you.”
“Can you answer something for me?”
“What?”
“Why were you crying that day back in Charlotte? Was it because we were talking about your dad?”
She looked down at her bare feet, her toes pushing against the wet grass. “No. Like I said, I had gotten over him a long time ago.”
“So what, then?”
She let out a quick breath. “It was because I knew I was going to have to keep lying to you. That I was going to keep on using you.”
“So?”
“So before it didn’t matter to me. Suddenly it did and it hit me like a train that morning.”
“What changed?”
She grazed his cheek with her hand. “I think you know what changed.”
He remained silent.
“I am human, Puller. Despite what you might have thought. I do…care.” She touched his cheek. He clutched her hand, holding on tightly for a few seconds before letting it go.
She said, “Rain check? A big one?”
He nodded. “Yeah, okay”
She ran her gaze up and down him and shivered slightly. “And can I tell you once more how damn fine you look in uniform?” On that, she turned and walked off, swinging her shoes in one hand. She looked back once, smiled a smile that shook him to his knees, and then got into her car and drove off.
Puller watched her go until she was out of sight.
He looked down once more at the plane tickets.
He had never done anything this spur-of-the-moment in his personal life. His whole existence had been rigid, structured, thought out. Whimsy was not part of his wiring. But today all had been based on spontaneity, something he no longer thought he had. He took risks all the time in his professional life. He had taken none in his personal one.
Again—until today.
But Knox was right about many things she had said. They really didn’t know each other that well. And maybe her life was very different from his. And maybe it was all irreconcilable.
But he didn’t regret what’d he done. For at that moment in his life it had been the thing he wanted above all other things.
She had been the person he had wanted above all others. He had never felt that way about anyone before. He wanted her so badly it was actually painful to bear.
He put the plane tickets away in his jacket and headed to his car.
He had gotten his brother back.
And he had lost the woman he believed he could love.
It should have been a wash.
But life didn’t work that way, did it?
He took off his hat and climbed into his car.
He sat there staring in the direction of Big Muddy, his thoughts mirroring the murky depths of the river.
Knox had her national security troubleshooting to pursue.
Puller had his criminals to catch.
Maybe one day their paths would cross again.
He put the car in gear.
Until then, John Puller would just keep doing what he did best.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To Michelle, for always going on the journey with me.
To Mitch Hoffman, for always hitting the right notes.
To Michael Pietsch, Jamie Raab, Lindsey Rose, Sonya Cheuse, Emi Battaglia, Tom Maciag, Martha Otis, Karen Torres, Anthony Goff, Bob Castillo, Michele McGonigle, Andrew Duncan, Rick Cobban, Brian McLendon, and everyone at Grand Central Publishing, for all you do.
To Aaron and Arleen Priest, Lucy Childs Baker, Lisa Erbach Vance, Frances Jalet-Miller, John Richmond, and Melissa Edwards, for a stellar job across the board.
To Anthony Forbes Watson, Jeremy Trevathan, Maria Rejt, Trisha Jackson, Katie James, Natasha Harding, Sara Lloyd, Lee Dibble, Stuart Dwyer, Geoff Duffield, Jonathan Atkins, Stacey Hamilton, James Long, Anna Bond, Sarah Willcox, Leanne Williams, Sarah McLean, Charlotte Williams, and Neil Lang at Pan Macmillan, for continuing to build me to new heights worldwide.
To Praveen Naidoo and his team at Pan Macmillan in Australia, for doing such a spectacular job.
To Sandy Violette and Caspian Dennis, for taking care of me so well.
To Arabella Stein, for being such a good friend and agent. Best of luck in your new career.
To Ron McLarty and Orlagh Cassidy, for your outstanding audio performances. Congratulations on the Audie! Well deserved.
To Steven Maat, Joop Boezeman, and the Bruna team for keeping me at the top in Holland.
To Bob Schule, for doing a particularly superb job on this one.
To Chuck Betack, for keeping me honest on all matters military.
To Steve Jennings, I will never look at DTRA in quite the same way. Your help was invaluable. But I still can’t let you win at tennis (sorry).
To auction winners Shireen Kirk, Lenora Macri, and Susan Reynolds, I hope that you enjoy your characters.
To Roland Ottewell for a great copyediting job.
To Kristen and Natasha, for keeping me reasonably sane!
To Lynette and Art, thanks for everything and best wishes to you in Florida.
And to Spencer, for picking up the laboring oar.
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