"I can't," she said again.
Jake reached for her hands, joined their fingers together and pulled her arms over her head. "Look at me, honey. Open your eyes and look at me."
She whipped her head back and forth on the sheets, her fingers clinging to his, her hips feeling his body as he moved in and out of her, desperate for release.
"Emma, honey, open your eyes and look at me. See me." His voice slid over her like a soothing balm, caressing her sensitive skin with strokes of velvet--with tenderness. "We left something out and you need it. I need it."
"I'm going crazy, Jake. I am. She's driving me insane." She wailed it, pushing her hips tight into him, grinding, trying to get release when her body refused to give it to her.
"Emma," Jake said softly. "Love me. I want you to love me." His voice was husky and tender. "You think you're separate from your cat because she did something you found abhorrent, but she saved our child. She saved me. She's you, Emma. And you love me. Every time you touch me, you love me. Look at me and let me see you loving me."
Hot tears burned her eyes, but she forced her lashes up and looked at Jake. There was love etched into every line of his face. It was there in his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her trembling mouth, his fingers pressing her wrists into the sheets. "I love you, Emma. And thank God you love me."
He continued to thrust hard, pounding deep, yanking her legs to him and drawing up her hips to the angle he wanted, his gaze holding hers so she couldn't fail to see the love there.
Her eyes went wide, glazed over as her orgasm ripped through her, destroying everything she was, shattering her with exquisite pleasure, making her wholly his. She cried as every bone in her body seemed to melt into him, as they shared the same skin, the same body, the same soul.
Jake emptied himself into her, pleasure ripping through his body beyond anything he'd ever known. He collapsed, holding her tight as her body rippled and rocked around his. He buried his face, hot with his own tears, against her throat, which was marked with wounds gotten from defending their son. She stroked his thigh, her fingers running caresses over each scar.
"I love you, Emma. I can't live without you and I don't want to. We can't separate love from sex. You taught me that. No matter if we're feeling like the cats, rough and hard, or more like my Emma, tender and gentle--we're making love. We're showing each other love. It's the same. You saved our lives with your courage. And you gave me the courage to love you."
He lifted his head, framing her face with his hands, his voice filled with emotion. "Do you have any idea what you've given me? I love my son and my daughter because of you. I feel love for them. I have friends. Most of all, I have you. I love how you love me, Emma. You take everything I give you and make it into something special. That's what I want to do for you."
He wiped at her tears with his fingertips. "Emma, I'll never be easy. I won't. I'm not going to pretend your life will be a bed of roses, but I can tell you that no man will ever need you more, want you more, or love you more than I will."
She stared up at his beloved face through the tears swimming in her eyes. "We just seem so crazy sometimes, Jake. It isn't normal."
"Why do we have to be normal, honey? This is normal for us. The children are happy. I swear I'll make you happy. You certainly make me that way. Let this be our normal."
She squeezed her eyes closed tight. "She killed that man. I tasted his blood." She began to cry all over again, this time burying her face in his neck. "There's nothing normal about that."
He held her tightly, reaching down with one hand to press her hips tighter against his. "Honey, my cat--me--I killed him. Without you there to protect me, I would have been dead. If not me, Joshua or Conner. You did what you had to do by stopping him. We don't have to like harming others or ending life, but we had no choice if we wanted to survive."
"I didn't know that was a part of me, that I could be like that." She lifted her head and looked at him. "It is a part of me, isn't it?"
"Yes. And I'm grateful. I saw it in you the day Cathy came to try to take Kyle. I know you can protect the children if you have to. And I know you love me enough to do something that abhorrent to you. No one has ever loved me, Emma. No one. Believe me, more than any other person on the face of this earth, I know what a gift that is. Spend the rest of your life loving me, Emma and I swear you'll never be sorry."
"I said yes."
"Say it again and say we can arrange it immediately."
"You're so relentless when you want your way."
His white teeth gleamed at her and his golden eyes went molten as his hips began to move again in hers. "Always," he agreed, unrepentant.
Emma laughed and rose up to meet him. "Yes, a million times over."
Turn the page for a sneak peek at
HIDDEN CURRENTS
the next novel in the Drake Sisters series by Christine Feehan
Available in July 2009 from Jove Books!
"HAVING fun, Sheena?" Stavros Gratsos rubbed his palms up and down Elle Drake's bare arms to warm her as he stood behind her at the railing of his large yacht.
All around them the sound of laughter and snatches of conversation drifted past her out to the shimmering Mediterranean Sea.
Sheena MacKenzie, Elle's undercover name--and her alter ego. Sheena could sit at any dinner table and rule, her polish and sophistication and air of mystery guaranteeing she'd get attention. Devoid of makeup and with her hair in a ponytail, Elle Drake could slide into the shadows and disappear. They made a nearly unbeatable combination, and Sheena had done exactly what Elle needed her to do--she'd lured Stavros and kept him interested long enough for Elle to poke around in his glamorous life and see what she could turn up, which so far was . . . nothing.
Elle couldn't read Stavros's thoughts and emotions the way she did others when they touched her, and that amazed her. Elle's psychic ability to read thoughts was disturbing most of the time, but there were a very few who seemed to have natural barriers, and she had to purposely "invade" if she wanted to see what they were thinking. Elle rarely intruded, even when she was using her undercover persona, Sheena MacKenzie. But she would have made an exception in Stavros's case. She had been investigating him for months and had found nothing either to clear him or to point toward his guilt.
She glanced over her shoulder at Stavros. "It's been wonderful. Amazing. But I think everything you do is like this and you know it." Stavros always put on the best parties and his yacht was bigger than most people's homes. He served the best food, had the best music, surrounded himself with intelligent, fun people.
In all the months she'd been watching him, she had yet to discover even a hint of criminal activity. Stavros had been kind and generous, giving millions to charities, supporting art and working out deals with his employees in a hands-on discussion that avoided laying off an entire group of workers. She had come to respect the man in spite of earlier suspicions, and she was ready to go back to Dane Phelps, her boss, and write a very strongly worded report that the rumors concerning Stavros were wrong--except that his aura indicated danger and a strong penchant for violence. Of course, some of the men her sisters had chosen as their mates had that same vivid color swirling around them.
"I held this party in your honor, Sheena," Stavros admitted. "My elusive butterfly." He tugged on her arm to turn her around so that her back was against the rail and she was caged in by his body. "I want you to come to my island with me, to see my private home."
Her heart jumped. According to rumor, Stavros never took any woman to his island. He had homes all over the world, but the island was his private retreat. Any undercover operative would have relished the opportunity to enter Stavros's private sanctum, but her boss had been adamant that she not go if the opportunity presented itself. There was no way to communicate from that island.
Stavros took her hand and carried her knuckles to his mouth. "Come with me, Sheena."
She tried not to wince. Sheena. She was such a fraud. This wa
s the man she should fall in love with, not the worm--he who could never be named, who had broken her heart. Here was Stavros, handsome, intelligent, wealthy; a man who solved problems and seemed to care for many of the same causes she did. Why couldn't he be the man she fell madly in love with?
"I can't," she said gently. "Really, Stavros. I want to, but I can't."
His eyes darkened, became stormy. Stavros liked his way and was definitely used to getting it. "You mean you won't."
"I mean I can't. You want things from me I can't give you. I told you from the beginning we could be friends--not lovers."
"You're not married."
"You know I'm not." But she should have been. She should have been settled in her family home with the man destiny had provided for her, but he had rejected her. Her stomach churned at the thought. She'd put an ocean between them and still he tried to reach her, his voice a faint buzz in her head, trying to persuade her to return--to what? To a man who didn't want children, or a legacy of magic. He didn't understand that was who she was--what she was. In rejecting her legacy, he rejected her. And she needed a man who would help her, who would understand how difficult it was for her to face her future. She needed someone to lean on, not someone she had to coax or take care of.
"Come home with me," he repeated.
Elle shook her head. "I can't, Stavros. You know what would happen if I did and we can't go there."
His white teeth flashed at her. "So at least you've thought about it."
Elle tipped her head back and looked up at him. "You know how charming you are. What woman wouldn't be tempted by you?" And she was. It would be so easy. He was so sweet to her, always attentive, wanting to give her the world. She reached up and touched his face regretfully. "You're a good man, Stavros."
She was ashamed she'd suspected him of the heinous things she had--human trafficking among the worst. Yes, he'd started out smuggling guns in his freighters, years earlier when he had nothing. But he seemed to have more than made up for all of his mistakes, and as far as she could ascertain, he was truly legitimate. At least she could clear his name with Interpol and the other agencies around the world where his file kept coming up. That would make her feel better about spending these last months working to befriend him and earn his trust.
"I'm hearing a 'but' in there, Sheena," Stavros said.
Elle spread her arms wide, taking in the yacht and the shimmering sea. "All this. This is your world and I can step into it occasionally, but I could never live in it comfortably. I've looked at your track record, Stavros, and you don't believe in permanency. And no, I'm not holding out for marriage with you. I just know myself. I get attached to people, and breaking up is terribly painful."
"Who says we have to break up?" Stavros said. "Come home with me." His voice was soft, persuasive, and for a moment she wanted to give in, wanted to take what he was offering. He made her feel like a beautiful, desirable woman when no one else had. But in the end she wasn't glamorous, sophisticated Sheena; she was really Elle Drake, and she carried her baggage with her everywhere she went.
"I can't tell you how much I want to go with you, Stavros," she said sincerely, "but I really can't."
Swift impatience crossed his handsome face and he blinked, his dark eyes growing a little frosty. "The boats are beginning to take some of our guests back to shore. I need to speak with a few of them. Stay here and wait for me."
Elle nodded. Where was the harm in that? After tonight, Sheena MacKenzie was going to disappear and Stavros would never see her again. Maybe he already knew she was saying good-bye. She couldn't blame him for being upset. She'd tried to stay within boundaries and not lead him on, yet gain his trust enough to get into his inner circles. She'd attended his charities and his parties, and never once had she heard the whisper of illegal activity. If he was the criminal her boss suspected, he was amazingly adept at hiding it, and she no longer believed it was possible.
So why couldn't she fall in love with him? What was wrong with her? Certainly the worm--he who could not be named ever again--was not worth holding out hope for. Was she stupid enough to do that? Hope that he would come after her? That would never happen. He didn't want her. He didn't want her legacy, or her name, or her house--and he certainly didn't want the seven daughters that would come along with her.
No, she had stopped hoping Jackson Deveau would ever come to love or even want her.
Now she just had to stop hurting.
Elle used to envision a life of laughter and happiness with her soul mate. That was before she'd met him. He was a morose, silent, brooding, very dominant male. She knew he could bring stillness and peace to her, or turn her veins to liquid fire with one smoldering look. But he refused to accept who she was--refused to love her as she was. And if he didn't, she feared no other man ever would--or could. Not the real Elle Drake, at least.
Movement caught her eye and she shifted her gaze to see the captain approach Stavros and whisper something in his ear. She was adept at reading lips but she couldn't see his mouth clearly. Stavros frowned and shook his head, glanced at his watch and then over at Elle. She kept her face still and turned her gaze back to the sea. Stavros's bodyguard, Sid, said something as well. He was facing her and she caught his words distinctly.
"It will be dangerous to have her on the island, sir. Think about this. Take her off the boat now and we'll give the driver orders to take her to your villa. They can hold her there until the meeting is over."
Elle's stomach tightened. The bodyguard was talking about her. Stavros shook his head and said something she couldn't catch, but the bodyguard and captain both looked toward her again and neither looked happy.
That built-in alarm, which had saved her numerous times on countless assignments, shrieked at her and she didn't hesitate. She moved quickly through the thinning crowd toward the side of the yacht where the boats were coming in to pick up the guests and return them to shore. Though her purse and overnight bag were still in the cabin down below, Elle was careful never to carry anything in her purse or her belongings that could betray her. She would leave the yacht, and if Dane wanted her to return, she could use the retrieval of her things as an excuse to contact Stavros again.
She made herself small, trying to blend in with the other guests. As Elle she could disappear easily into the shadows, but Sheena stood out. Her heart sped up and a sense of urgency rode her as she wound her way to the departing boats. It wouldn't do to look back and check to see if she was being hunted; she already knew she was. She had one chance to step onto the departing boat as it was taking off. She had to time it perfectly.
Elle slid through the last of the guests waiting for the next boat and stepped onto the platform, holding out her hand to the young man pushing off the departing boat. He grinned and guided the boat back into position so she could step into it. Just as his fingers slid around her hand, she felt another hand catch her upper arm in a firm grip, pulling her back.
"Mr. Gratsos would like the pleasure of Ms. MacKenzie's company a while longer," Sid said smoothly, drawing her much smaller frame against him.
Elle inhaled sharply, feeling the burst of emotion spilling from Stavros's bodyguard. He almost wished he hadn't caught her--in fact he'd considered just missing her, but knew Stavros would have stopped the other boat. She allowed herself to be pulled back without a struggle. The bodyguard was bigger and much stronger than she was, and even if she could have caught him by surprise, what would be the point? None of Stavros's men were going to let her leave the yacht against his orders. She smiled graciously at the driver and looked up at the bodyguard. He wasn't Greek; she wasn't certain exactly where he was from. He spoke with a Greek accent, but there was something off about him.
"You're hurting me." She kept her tone low, very low, her gaze on his face.
He let her go immediately, so fast as if her skin burned him. "I'm sorry, Ms. MacKenzie. Mr. Gratsos asked me to bring you back to him and I was afraid you'd fall into the sea if I didn't keep hold
of you. I didn't realize how hard I was gripping you."
He's been afraid she'd make a scene, but strangely, that was all she could get from him. Why was that? How was the bodyguard protected from her psychic abilities in the same way Stavros was? It couldn't be coincidence that two people who worked together had strong natural barriers, and yet Sid's barrier was as strong as or stronger than Stavros's, although it felt different.
Elle flashed him a quick, forgiving smile, very much in keeping with Sheena's sweet personality. "I certainly wouldn't want to fall into the sea with this dress on."
He stepped back and indicated for her to make her way through the small knot of guests. Elle hesitated. "Sid, this is the last boat for shore and they're already boarding. I have to get off." Deliberately she glanced at her slim, diamond watch. "I have an appointment this afternoon."
"Mr. Gratsos will get you to your appointment in time," Sid assured.
That was a lie. He didn't like lying to her. Whatever protection he had built on or had been provided with, his more intense emotions slipped through--unless he'd allowed it, which was possible. She could do that. Sid was worried about her, and if he was worried, she needed to be worried too. She stayed very still, measuring the distance to the boat. She was fast, but she doubted the boat would take her against Stavros's orders.
Sid shook his head. "Don't try it, Ms. MacKenzie. If Mr. Gratsos wants you here, you'll stay."
It was a warning. A clear warning. And had he read her mind? She didn't think she'd given away her thoughts on her face. He looked at her directly, his dark eyes meeting hers. Her heart jumped at the caution, her mouth going dry. "Let me go now."
For a moment regret showed in his eyes, but she knew he wasn't going to cross his boss. "You'll have to take that up with him."
Elle nodded and made her way back toward the shipping magnate, very aware of Sid following directly behind her.