"You are welcome to visit Meriel here whenever you wish, Sir Alan," Adrian added. No matter how uncomfortable such a visit might be, he owed the other man all possible consideration.
De Vere's venomous expression did not augur well for future visits, but he said nothing that might distress Meriel. "Treat her well," he said tightly, then turned to his sister. "Good-bye, Meriel. May God keep you."
"You will not stay for the feast?" she asked shyly.
With some effort, her brother smiled at her. "I am in no fit mood for a wedding celebration." Remembering the silver mirror, he handed it to her. "Here, a bride gift. I bought it for you in France before I heard that you had disappeared."
Meriel stood on her toes and kissed him. "Thank you for caring enough to find me, and for understanding."
Wanting some questions answered before Meriel's brother left, Adrian said, "I assume that if your sister was already betrothed or married, you would have said so?"
De Vere nodded. "I've considered possible marriages for her, but nothing had been settled."
Probably that meant her brother had not been able to afford to dower her, which must have hurt his pride. Adrian understood pride. Not showing his thoughts, he said, "I've also wondered if Meriel was educated at a convent."
Her brother paused, one hand on the doorknob. "More than just educated. She spent several years at Lambourn Priory and came within two days of taking the veil." He left the solar, closing the door behind him rather harder than necessary.
No wonder Meriel could read and sing Benedictine hymns! And Jesu, Lambourn Priory of all places! Adrian stared at his bride. Meriel had been gazing after her brother, but now she turned to face Adrian, her face strained and vulnerable.
Richard pushed himself off the table where he had been perching. "I suspect that neither of you is in the mood for further feasting or a formal bedding. Luckily, no one will dare try to persuade an earl to do either against his will. Shall I take it on myself to ensure that the wine continues to flow, the dancers to dance, and that no young hothead starts a brawl?"
"I would be eternally grateful," Adrian said with a weary smile. "I feel an intense need to be alone with my wife."
He took Meriel's hand and together they walked down the corridor to his chamber.
Chapter 14
When they had reached the safety of Adrian's room and he had locked the door behind them, Meriel silently turned into her husband's arms. He held her tightly, seeming almost as shaken by Alan de Vere's angry visit as she was.
Meriel was genuinely glad to have met her brother. He seemed a fine man. She didn't doubt his identity, nor that he loved her.
But the meeting had been a disturbing interlude in a day that had started as pure, uncomplicated pleasure. For Meriel, her world had begun with blazing light, and with Adrian. The life Alan de Vere described was that of a stranger.
Abruptly Adrian released her and paced across the room to stare out the large window, every line of his body taut. "Is there anything you want to ask me? Any questions your brother raised that you want answered?"
So that was why he had been upset by Alan de Vere's visit. Meriel thought about it, then shook her head. "I know that you are afraid of what I might ask, and afraid of what you might have to answer," she replied gravely. "But there is nothing I need to know, except that you love me."
He turned swiftly to face her, his soul in his eyes. "You are a miracle," he said, his voice unsteady, "and I don't know what I have done to deserve you."
She smiled as he walked over to her. "Is love something that must be earned?"
"Not in heaven perhaps, but on earth few things are given freely." Adrian removed her flower chaplet, now somewhat the worse for wear, and set it on a table.
Rubbing her temple, Meriel asked, "There is one thing I do want to know. Am I very different from the way I was before I was injured?"
Adrian stood quite still for a moment. Then he placed warm hands on her shoulders. "No. The essence of you—gentle, loving, and free—is the same. Perhaps losing your memory has made that essence more visible, stripping away some of life's wariness, but it didn't change you."
"Then... if I ever recover my memories and become as I was before, you will not cease to love me?" she asked hesitantly.
"Jesu, Meriel, of course not!" His fingers tightened on her shoulders. "When your brother said you'd been at Lambourn Priory, I realized that I met you there once about five years ago. Though we exchanged only the briefest of words, you have flitted through my dreams ever since. You must have been a novice, but I thought you were a nun and was thoroughly ashamed of myself for desiring a holy sister."
"Truly?" she asked, surprised and pleased.
He nodded. "It was not chance that brought us together, ma petite, but fate. If I had known that you had not taken your vows, I think I would have offered for you then. Since I did not, fate gave us another chance." His mouth twisted. "Or perhaps two more chances."
She liked the idea of that, because from the time she woke up after her mysterious accident, she'd felt that they were bound together. Perhaps she should take this opportunity to ask just what kind of accident she had suffered, but she shied away from the question, sensing that it might be better not to know.
Adrian removed her veil and tossed it toward a chair. The gauzy silk opened in the air and floated silently to the floor. In the distance Meriel heard the music and voices of the wedding feast, which would continue through the night. But even though she had longed to be alone with her husband, between shyness and fatigue she found herself not quite ready to discover the mysteries of the marriage bed.
After a perceptive scan of her face, Adrian suggested, "Let us lie down and just relax in each other's arms. I've often thought that having the wedding and the bedding on the same day is a mistake. Beginning a marriage when husband and wife are both tired and anxious is difficult at best, and today has been more distressing than either of us expected."
Meriel nodded with relief and started toward the bed, so tired that she was ready to lie down in all her finery.
Adrian caught her by the waist and deftly untied her girdle, then turned her around and began unlacing the tight silk gown. "You will relax more without this."
He was right. She felt immediately better after Adrian peeled off her gown and draped it over a chair. Bemused, Meriel wondered if he would suggest that she would feel better yet without her shift.
Instead he swept her up in his arms. Before she had uttered more than a small squeak of surprise, he deposited her in the middle of the bed. Then he removed her elegant slippers and hose and spent a few minutes rubbing each of her bare feet between his hands.
"That feels wonderful," she said, wiggling her toes in surprise. "I didn't know feet could feel that way."
Adrian chuckled. "It isn't easy to be feet. There they are, carrying all our weight, supporting us day in and day out. They deserve a little kindness now and then."
Meriel smiled at his whimsy as she lay back on the feather mattress with a sigh of pure pleasure. But as Adrian took off his own shoes and outer tunic, she glanced toward the window. The setting sun flooded the chamber with glowing orange light. The sight was oddly disturbing.
Before she could define her unease, Adrian lay down and drew Meriel into his arms so that her head was pillowed on his shoulder. She sighed and relaxed against him, her arm across his chest, the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear. Adrian's hand gently massaged her head, easing the ache. She hadn't known how exhausted she was until now. Within moments she was asleep.
It was full dark when Meriel opened her eyes again. In the distance sounds of celebration could still be heard, but they were unimportant. The true reality was her husband's nearness. In the velvet darkness she was acutely aware of the length of his body along hers, his warmth and subtle masculine scent, the faint sound of his breathing.
When she stirred, Adrian lifted his hand and brushed her heavy hair back from her face. "Feeling better, m
a petite?''
Though the air had cooled, she felt warm and safe under his arm. She sat up with some reluctance. "Much better, but you must be very stiff from holding me."
"A thousand years of holding you would not be too long." Adrian leaned over to strike a light for the tall candle by the bed. Then he punched up a pillow against the headboard and leaned back, candlelight etching the planes of his face and gilding his bright hair. "Are you hungry, or would you like some wine? I gave orders earlier that food and drink be left here so that we would not have to venture out."
"Such wisdom." She smiled, amused and touched by his thoughtfulness. But it was not his consideration that was in the forefront of her mind. Even relaxing, even shadowed, Adrian compelled attention, and she could not take her eyes from him.
Abruptly Meriel remembered the day they had gone swimming, and the image of his lithe body was so vivid that it was as if he were naked now. She knew precisely how broad were the shoulders beneath his tunic, how supple and tight his muscles, how lean his waist and hips.
As she looked at Adrian, something warm and powerful began to move deep inside her. The anticipation she'd felt earlier in the day returned. With a slow smile she said, "It isn't food or drink I need."
A phrase from the Song of Solomon floated up from the mysterious well of Meriel's memory. Leaning forward, she cupped his face in her hands and touched his lips with hers, murmuring, "Kiss me with the kisses of thy mouth, for thy love is better than wine."
Adrian's relaxed demeanor disintegrated instantly at the touch of her lips. He pulled her down so that she lay full-length on top of him. "I slept, but my heart wakens," he said softly, quoting also from the Song of Songs. "It is the voice of my beloved that calls me, saying, 'Open to me, my love, my dove, my spouse.' '"
His yearning kiss both demanded and gave, as if he could never have enough of her. Meriel wondered how much it had cost him to bank his desire for her sake. His hands caressed every part of her that he could reach, and wherever he touched, her body came to tingling new awareness.
Only a few layers of fabric separated them, but even that was too much. When his drifting hand found the edge of her shift, he tugged it up to her waist so that his warm palms could knead her round backside.
As Meriel wriggled closer against him, he gave a soft groan of pleasure and slid her shift up her torso. Their lips separated when he pulled the garment over her head. "Behold, you are fair, my love," he whispered, "behold, you are fair!"
"As are you." Meriel gave him a melting smile, half-innocent and half-temptress, then tugged at his tunic. "His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether lovely."
Adrian sat up so she could remove his clothing, a task she performed with great pleasure. Her hands lingered wherever they touched. The lightest brush of her fingers left trails of fire.
Once more they were flesh to flesh, as they had been that day in the stream. Though the love Adrian felt for Meriel went far beyond desire, passion was the most powerful way of expressing how she held his heart in her hands. The sight of Meriel's slim body made him ache not only physically but also in his soul.
Brushing back her ebony mantle of hair so that none of her loveliness was obscured, Adrian said quietly, "I have wanted you so long and so intensely that it's hard to believe that you are really here, not just a dream more vivid than most."
"I am very real," Meriel said, her deep blue eyes glowing with tender amusement and her smooth flesh warm with passion. Her smile deepened and she quoted, "His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.''
He laughed and obliged, his lips and hands worshiping his wife. "How fair and pleasant thou art, O love, for delights,'' he whispered just before his mouth found her breast.
Adrian was glad that this was not the first time they had explored each other's bodies, for now he could savor the pleasures of recognition. It was pure delight to once again spread his hand across the gentle curve of her belly, to once more caress the tender flesh of her inner thighs, to gently probe the moist waiting depths of her.
Her breathing rough, Meriel did not lie passive but thrummed with response like a taut lute string. Her restless hands stroked his neck and shoulders and twined in his hair, arousing him to a point just short of madness.
Using every shred of will at his command, Adrian pulled back, slowing his breathing and laying his head against her soft breasts until the fire in his blood had cooled to a manageable heat. Then he lifted himself and said, "Meriel, look at me."
When her dazed eyes had opened and focused on him, he continued, "The first time for a woman can be uncomfortable. There may be some pain. I'm sorry, I would take it on myself if I could."
A shadow crossed her face. "What if it is not my first time? Since I don't remember, I cannot promise that it is. Will it matter to you?"
Adrian knew that she might not be virgin. In fact, her utter lack of shyness and passionate response argued that she was a woman of experience. The thought of another man possessing her was agony. But whatever Meriel had done, it was in the past, a past she did not even remember.
Obliquely he said, "A wise woman once told me that one is always a virgin the first time one makes love with one's beloved. In the most important way, this is the first time for both of us. What your body might have done before means nothing. What matters is what is in your heart now."
"What is in my heart is love." She caught his hand and kissed his fingertips. "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."
"Then let us make love together." With one arm he held her against him and with his other hand he caressed her intimately until her whole body pulsed with readiness and soft urgent sounds formed deep in her throat.
Adrian shifted into position between her legs. Rigid with control, he pressed gently against her until he had gained partial entry. Breathing tight, he stilled so she could accustom herself to the feel of him.
He'd thought that surely now she would feel diffidence, but when she opened her eyes, he saw absolute trust. With a slight mischievous smile, she moved her hips against his. He gasped under a surge of passion so intense that his vision dimmed. Then he forced himself to breathe slowly again, knowing how easy it would be to lose himself in his own needs.
In spite of his primitive male possessiveness about his wife, Adrian found himself hoping that this was not her first time, because he could not bear the thought of causing her pain. With infinite gentleness he moved forward again until his progress was halted by the barrier that proved her innocence.
For an instant fierce exultation flooded him, but that was immediately damped down by concern. "Steady, love, it will only hurt for a moment," he whispered, hoping that was the truth, for in the ways of virgins he was as innocent as she.
He leaned into her with slow, even pressure as her wide eyes held his, utterly without fear. The fragile membrane suddenly gave way and he was inside her. Meriel gave a quick gasp of shock, reaction rippling through her entire frame.
Reining in every natural instinct, Adrian held stone still. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered, clasping her face between his hands.
"I'm not. That did not hurt so very much." She smiled up at him, and in the candlelight he saw the glint of tears in her eyes. "Pain means that you are the first, does it not? I'm glad, my first and only love."
There were no words to speak the depth of emotion he felt, so he kissed her, exchanging the breath of life. Slowly he began to move, slightly at first, then gradually taking longer strokes.
Meriel responded with her whole body, pulsing, learning what it meant to be one with her beloved. The pain had gone within moments, and the sense of strangeness at his invasion lasted scarcely longer. Now each discovery was one of pleasure, a whole world of new awareness and rich sensation.
As they moved together there was heat, there was depth, there was exquisite friction. Deep within her was an indescribable sensation, melting, welcoming, demanding as her body found an involuntary rhythm.
Her arms tightened around him as she trembled on the edge of a delirious new discovery.
Then Adrian slid his hand between them and touched her where he had found fire the first time they had explored each other's bodies. Under the pressure of his expert hand, Meriel once more dissolved in liquid flame. As she cried out, her body wholly out of control, she felt him surrender to his own passion, groaning as he crushed her to him. And the world shattered and reformed in a new configuration that made them forever a part of each other.
In the aftermath of rapture, Meriel found herself so weak that she doubted she could have walked across the room to save her life. She lay hazy with happiness as Adrian moved his weight from her, retrieved a couple of thin linen cloths from the table by the bed, and carefully cleaned away the small amount of blood. Already that brief, insignificant pain seemed eons ago.
Then Adrian tucked her under the covers and settled down beside her, his arm under her head. "So this is why people get married," Meriel murmured.
He chuckled. "One of the reasons."
"I have a confession to make." Adrian made an encouraging sound, so Meriel continued, "I took some liberties with the translation of the Song of Solomon."
"I know. So did I."
Meriel smiled. "An education is a wonderful thing." Dreamily she ran her hands along his ribs, loving his solid warmth. "Perhaps we made a baby tonight."
She sensed a slight withdrawal on her husband's part.
"Perhaps." There was a long silence, then Adrian continued, "I should have told you before. I have not lived a celibate life, but I have never fathered a child. Perhaps I cannot."
Meriel's sense of well-being was too deep to be disturbed. " I doubt you were one of those men who coupled with a different female every night. Maybe you just didn't try often enough."
Adrian laughed. "What a wonderfully common-sensical point of view. It's true that I had one mistress for a long time rather than lying with many different women. That makes a difference."
She was almost asleep by now, but she was awake enough to whisper, "Everything will be all right. You'll see."