Her eyes welled up and tears spilled over. With a cry, she fled the porch. She ran into the house, leaving him alone.
He sat for a minute. “I guess I better practice my delivery a little,” he said to no one.
* * *
Sierra was not entirely surprised when Maggie called her, but she was a little surprised by the request. “Can you come over? I have a couple of things to show you.”
She went as soon as she could. She found Cal in the kitchen chopping veggies, marinating salmon filets. “Maggie’s in the bedroom. Go ahead.”
She gave a couple of taps before pushing the door open. She was immediately pulled into Maggie’s arms for a loving hug.
“I guess Cal told you,” Sierra said.
“Yep. I have some things for you to try on. I’m taller than you are but they might not be too big.” There were clothes spread on the bed. She held up a black sleeveless dress and matching jacket. “We can have this shortened and taken in and you can keep it. I’m due a new one and I have no idea what size I’ll be after the baby comes. Jaycee said to count on an extra size. Every woman needs a suit. I used to call this my funeral suit but it worked very well in court.”
“Court?”
“Oh, I’m sure you heard. I was the defendant in a wrongful death suit. It was a nightmare, really. I was terrified I might lose in spite of the fact I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t make any mistakes.”
“I think I know the feeling,” Sierra said.
“Well, you’re not going to court, don’t worry about that. Then there are these,” she said, holding up a pair of cream-colored dress slacks with a silky blouse and a matching vest. Next there was a pencil skirt and a sweater set.
“What’s this about?” Sierra asked.
“Unless you’re hiding something, your wardrobe is made up of jeans, shorts, sweats, T-shirts and so forth. You should go to the police department looking classy. Smart. Your lawyer will be wearing a suit. He’s delicious in a suit—I live for those days he puts on a suit. You can’t go to the police department to be questioned about a felony looking like a homeless teenager. Cal will take you by a store for the right shoes. My feet are more like paddles than feet or I’d loan you shoes.”
Tears gathered in Sierra’s eyes. One of these days, she thought, I am going to actually break down and cry.
“I want to come with you, but I can’t,” Maggie said. “But I bet I can help—I’ve been through about a million depositions as the alleged guilty party. It can be brutal.”
“Oh, Maggie...”
“You’re going to be all right,” she said. “Cal is brilliant. He was one of the most sought after criminal defense attorneys in Michigan. Before Lynne died. He knows the ropes.”
“I know,” she said with a sniff.
“Well, come on, let’s try it on,” she said. She sat down on the bed, rubbing her belly. “I know someone who can make alterations for us in a hurry but we have a few days. I think he’s got plane tickets for the weekend...”
“Sunday,” Sierra said. “I took a week off at the diner—I said it was a legal matter, that I had an accident over a year ago and there’s a deposition for a lawsuit, but that I wasn’t in trouble. I hope that’s true. A week. Those high school waitresses are getting all the time they need.” She pulled her shirt off over her head.
“If they fire you, we’ll find something else. Maybe something better,” Maggie said. “Don’t worry about stuff like that. This is survival. We’re all going to back you up.”
Off came the shorts. She slipped the little black dress over her head and turned around for Maggie to zip up the back.
“Wow,” Maggie said. “That’s close. I think we need to take it in a little bit, right up the side seams and raise the hem a couple of inches. It has to fit right and be the exact right length—you can’t wear it too short or too long. Cal says when you’re perceived as guilty, you don’t go to court with tight, revealing clothes but it’s even worse if you try to look Amish. Style and taste, that’s the prescription. Whether people realize it or not, their first impressions are hard to erase.”
Sierra put on the jacket which seemed to fit in the shoulders.
“A little hem in the sleeves—they’re a little too long,” Maggie said. “We might be okay on the length. What do you think?”
Sierra turned in front of the mirror. “It’s beautiful, Maggie. Thank you. I never would have thought of this. What I’d wear was the furthest thing from my mind.”
“I bet you’re terrified,” Maggie said. “I certainly was for my lawsuits. And I’m pretty brave.”
“There are so many parts of this adventure that scare me, I can’t even describe,” Sierra said. “It feels like a problem with a lot of moving parts.”
“Sierra, have you had counseling?”
Sierra nodded. “It came up in rehab. I cheated—I didn’t tell the whole story. Well, I wasn’t sure of the whole story. I suspected we hit something and he acted like we hit a person but I thought... I hoped he was just trying to terrify me. Sexual assault came up a lot in rehab.” She shook her head sadly. “I never would have imagined how hard it is, how much shame is involved in rape.”
“I haven’t experienced it, thank God, but I’ve learned a lot about it. Sierra, I’m just so damn sorry.”
“Thanks. But now it’s time to be accountable. I’d rather not be, but I’m afraid there aren’t any options.”
“He needs to be accountable,” Maggie said. “He’s a criminal.”
“Yeah.”
She tried on the pants and blouse; only a hem was needed.
“Is Sully taking care of Molly? I would be glad to but I’ll be in Denver for a couple of days...”
“I haven’t talked to Sully yet but I’m sure he’d be happy to. He loves her. She’s kind of a handful, though.”
“What about Connie?” Maggie asked, her voice soft.
Sierra shrugged. “He knows about a lot of my checkered past, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell him this one.”
“Why?” Maggie asked.
Sierra lifted her chin. “I get that it’s not my fault but it’s very hard not to feel dirty. It’s like he stained me and I can’t get the stain off.”
“Oh baby,” Maggie said. “You have to live it off. One day at a time, just like everything else. But there’s one thing I think you should consider. While you’re going through this, while you’re in Michigan, let’s get you set up with some counseling. Cal knows who to ask, how to find the best person.”
“That’s worth considering, but I’m hoping not to be with the police too long,” Sierra said. “Hopefully I’ll spend a couple of hours answering questions and tell them where I can be reached, then come home.” She smiled. “Home. I like thinking of this as home and I’ve only been here since March.”
“Can I ask a personal question?” Maggie said.
“You think I have anything personal left?” Sierra asked.
“Did you have a full medical workup after...after the assault?”
“The very next morning I went to a women’s clinic. They did a rape kit even though I had showered. Since I wouldn’t go to the police, I have no idea what’s become of it, but I was tested for STDs. If I’d gone to the police, the kit would have been preserved in evidence, but that didn’t happen. I had a follow-up exam a few months later and was treated for an STD. Then there was a checkup to make sure that was taken care of. All clear.”
“How about depression?” Maggie asked.
“I ran the gamut. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, you name it. It’s the rare person who doesn’t flirt with all the disorders. It’s also the rare person who doesn’t bring a lot of crap in addition to addiction to the program. I have a feeling that now I’m going to get to do all of that again. For a while anyway.”
/> “I’ll talk to Cal about lining up some counseling, just in case. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Sierra folded up the clothes she’d be taking to the dry cleaner in Leadville who did alterations; Maggie had given her the name. She stayed for dinner with Cal and Maggie and learned that Cal had already put in a call to an old colleague of his, a woman who had an extremely good reputation in criminal law. “I’m going with you to the police, but I wanted to give her a heads-up. We won’t call her unless we have legal issues. Normally I would advise any client of mine not to talk to the police, at least not without a lawyer, but under the circumstances I think the best course is cooperation. I’ll be there to be sure the questions you answer are directed at solving the felony hit-and-run, not at turning you into the suspect. We’ll cooperate because you’re the victim.”
“Could they charge me with obstruction?”
“They could, but they’d have to prove you knew you were hiding something. You can’t really obstruct if you don’t know the facts yourself. You were very specific—you were fleeing the rapist, not the law. You can’t tell them what you can’t remember, what you didn’t see.”
“I’m so afraid I’m going to screw this up somehow,” she said.
“I’ll be right there,” Cal said. “Just remember the four magic words. I want my lawyer. Don’t take any questions, no matter how casual, without me present. If you run into a police officer in the ladies’ room and she asks you a question, use the four magic words. No matter what.”
“You’ve done this a lot, I guess,” she said.
“It’s been a while,” he said. “But it’s like riding a bike.”
Sierra called Connie and she was invited over without hesitation. Molly started to wag and whine the second Connie’s house came into view. As usual, he didn’t even wait for her to knock. He opened the door, slid an arm around her and simultaneously gave Molly a pat. “I have ice cream,” he said.
“Maybe we can have some,” she said. “Something has come up. I’m going to have to be out of town for a few days.”
“Oh?” he said, pulling her into the house.
“Get out the ice cream. I’ll tell you about it.”
“Bowls?” he asked, heading for the kitchen.
“You only use bowls with your parents and grandparents and with your warm cookies,” she said. “With your girl, two spoons and a carton.”
“In bed?” he asked hopefully.
“How about the couch,” she suggested.
They settled in, her legs draped over his, the ice cream carton on a dish towel.
“So, I was involved in a car accident back in Michigan. Someone was hurt—a guy on a bicycle. He’s fine now, I’m told. I wasn’t driving but I guess the driver is still being sought by the police. I barely knew him and don’t have much information but I’m one of the only people who did. I need to go back, answer questions.”
“So was there a crime?” he asked.
Of course—he was a paramedic. He probably knew a lot about accidents. “I guess it remains unresolved and the driver is long gone. So, I have to go back, tell them anything I can, which is hardly anything. Cal is going with me to make sure I don’t somehow get myself in trouble. I’ll be gone just a few days. It shouldn’t be too complicated.”
“Do you have to pay a fine or anything?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Look, I told them at the diner it was a legal matter and I had to take a week off. I didn’t want to mention the police. If you could manage not to mention this...”
He put a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “I don’t talk about you. What aren’t you telling me?” he asked.
“Can we wait on all the grim details?” she said. “There was a thing with the guy, the driver, that I still can’t talk about, that I have trouble even thinking about. For right now all I have to do is tell the police what I remember of the incident. It shouldn’t take long.”
“And your brother is going to make sure you’re protected?”
“Well, he’s a lawyer. He’s much smarter about things like accidents and laws than I am.”
“Sierra,” he said, filling her mouth with ice cream again, “are you coming back?”
She couldn’t answer right away, her mouth full of ice cream. “Of course.”
“Are you taking Molly?”
“I can’t take her. We’re flying. We’re leaving Sunday and coming back on Thursday. I think Sully will be happy to watch her and Maggie will be around the Crossing some of that time but she has to go to Denver.”
“I’ll check in on them,” he said. “Make sure they’re doing okay with Molly. But, Sierra, listen, don’t be afraid to tell me things. It’s okay to trust me.”
“I know.”
“Let Molly stay with me,” he said. “I’ll take her to Sully when I have to work.”
“She might get into mischief. She might chase the elk, if they show up.”
“I’m going to have separation anxiety if both of you go.”
“Well, Connie, it’s not as if we’re always going to be together 24/7, you know. I’m sure there will be times in the future when I’ll want to go somewhere and can’t take you.”
“I know that,” he said. “But this is different.”
“Why is it different?”
“Because, for some reason you don’t want to talk about, you’re afraid.”
Sierra stayed the night with Conrad, of course. He told her that just because he wanted to make love to her all the time, that wasn’t all he cared about. “I care about you in a way so solid and sure, I don’t doubt you at all. Not a shred of doubt. So you take all the time you need to get sure of me. I’ll be right here when you are.”
As she lay in his arms she decided. She loved him. She had since almost the beginning. She would go back to Michigan to see if she could clean up her mess, and then she would come back to him and tell him everything. It was only fair. He deserved a chance to decide if his feelings could hold up after everything was said.
What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life...to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.
—George Eliot
Chapter 15
LOLA WASN’T SURE she would ever get over the embarrassment of bursting into tears at a compliment. A compliment? It was practically a tribute! And then her behavior only got worse and worse. She wouldn’t answer Tom’s knock at her door because she was nearly sobbing. When he called her later that night, she begged him to forgive her but to let it go and not talk about it. Cole was working that night but Trace asked her what was wrong and she said she had a headache and wanted to go to bed early. Typical of a sixteen-year-old boy, he didn’t push that excuse because he really didn’t want to know if his mother had some kind of girl problem.
Lola had been enjoying Tom’s company so much. It was all right with her that they were only going to be friends. In fact, it was better that way. They had plenty to talk about, laugh about, even argue about, though if they disagreed it was always friendly. They had shared interests. Having someone of the opposite sex to talk to met a need for Lola. She didn’t need a lover or a partner or husband but she was human—it was nice to have a man for a friend. And if they were just friends, there was no room for disappointment or dashed hopes.
Then he held her hand and remarked on her attractiveness. He made her sound like a beauty queen when she really was a plain, unfussy, unremarkable, overweight forty-year-old woman with two kids. Alone with two kids and an irresponsible ex who had never been that much help. She didn’t wear makeup, she cut her own hair and had lately been looking at the hair color section of the drugstore. She didn’t have enough money to be getting fancy dye jobs at the salon. Her clothes were the nicest she could
find in the discount store and she wore them long after the styles had advanced. She just didn’t live up to all he was saying.
And no one had ever said those kinds of things to her before. Not even when she was a pretty cute, slim, smart high school cheerleader.
Maybe it would have been different if Tom was a dumpy, ordinary guy. But he wasn’t. He was heart-stopping handsome. He had thick brown hair that showed no sign of getting thin. And he was a laborer with all the muscles and fitness of a man who used his strength every day. His smile melted her and he had dimples for the love of God! And if it wasn’t enough that he could be in films, he wasn’t that shallow movie-star or model type. He was kindhearted, funny, smart. Tom was a good father. A responsible man who put his family first and took very good care of them. She was in awe of him.
And being his friend was so lovely.
It had not been easy to train herself to not look for that one special person, that constant and loving companion, a man who would love her through thick and thin. A man who would stay. And now, by saying what he had said, she would get her hopes up and begin to dream of a beautiful man to wake up with, to go to sleep with, to hold on long, cold, winter nights. She didn’t want those fantasies but she was only human.
Tom came in to the diner the next day and they talked of ordinary things. He told her what his kids had planned for after dinner; she told him about the kitchen remodel she’d seen on the Home Channel. “Are you feeling better, Lola?” he finally asked her.
“Yes, thank you. I apologize for the other day. I don’t know what happened to me. I must have been emotional for no reason and didn’t even know it. Besides, I think it’s best if we don’t talk about it.”