Hapless was amazed and embarrassed. “You saw it all?”
“We did,” Feline said.
“There was too much hugging and smooching,” Myst complained. “Not enough coaster-roller riding.”
“Some of the details were fogged out, fortunately,” Merge said.
And he had been talking about Feline and Merge. He tried to remember what he had said, hoping he hadn’t mortally offended them. “Uh—”
The two got up and came to him. Feline kissed him on his right ear. Merge kissed him on his left ear. Apparently they did not feel offended. He was relieved. They were evidently in a forgiving mood.
“Now it is time to conclude our mission,” Zed said. “We have wishes to be fulfilled, and by the terms of our agreement, you must grant them, Isis.”
“True,” the Goddess agreed. She was now fully robed, with no sign of lemon meringue.
There was a pause. “Well?” Zed asked.
“Not yet.”
“Are you reneging?”
“No. Merely invoking the small print. No time limit was set for the completion. I will get around to it when I am ready.”
“And when will you be ready?” Faro asked.
“Maybe in a century. Maybe two.”
“But we’ll be faded out by then!” Feline protested.
Isis shrugged. “Perhaps you’d like to consider rephrasing the deal to include immediate settlement.”
“At what price?”
“Give me Hapless, and control of the Orb.”
“But you are the Orb!”
“That’s why I need Hapless, and the members of the Quest, with the five Totems. To invoke and control its power. I can’t do it myself.”
“That’s the deal you lost!”
The Goddess shrugged again. “I will honor the deal we made. In due course.”
Zed looked at Hapless. “Is this something you’re ready to consider?”
That answer was easy. “No.”
“But we seem to be at an impasse. Isis won’t cooperate without getting you.”
“Then we’ll do what we came to do,” Hapless said.
The others nodded. It was the answer they had been waiting for.
“You have decided to wait?” Isis asked brightly.
“No,” Hapless said. Then he started conjuring musical instruments and passing them out. In two and a half moments all five Companions had theirs. They spread out in a circle around Isis.
“You’re going to play music?” the Goddess asked dismissively.
“Maybe you overlooked another detail of the fine print,” Hapless said grimly. He gestured, and the others started playing their instruments.
“What detail?” Isis asked, alarmed by the sound.
“Enforcement,” Hapless said.
“I’m getting out of here!”
“I believe we can reach you anywhere in the comic strip,” Hapless said, advancing on her. “And you can’t leave the comic strip.”
She backed away from him. “This is preposterous!”
“Unless you’d like to reconsider the timing? We’ll still settle for the deal we made, if our wishes are granted now.”
“And mine is not? Forget it!”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Now you will lose more than time.”
She tried to escape him, but he had her pinned against the wall of music. He reached out and took her hand.
And she was the Orb: a great glowing sphere sitting in his hand, whose translucent interior showed the Goddess struggling to get out. She was indeed a prisoner.
The music stopped. The Orb remained. It was Hapless’s Totem, the center of power. Now all he needed to do was figure out how to make it perform.
Well, he could ask Isis. She could no longer try to balk his will; he was her master now. He held up the sphere. Isis, he thought.
She stood in place, inside. “Yes, I am your slave,” she agreed. “I must answer immediately to your bidding.” Her thought was mental, but he heard it as her voice. “I am also obliged to warn you before you go wrong, so you will not come to harm via your ignorance. There are cautions.”
“Cautions? We just want to have our wishes granted. How do we do that?”
“Let me put it on speakerphone, so all of you hear.”
“Okay.”
“The power the Orb controls is immense,” she said, and the sound was amplified so that it filled the house. “It could tear Xanth in half. Any carelessly phrased wish could be taken literally and become disastrous.”
“What’s so careless about just wishing for, say, love?”
“I am getting to that. For example, you might want a drink of tea. If you said ‘Make me a glass of tea,’ you could become that glass of tea. That would be an error from which you could not recover. Because of your careless phrasing.”
Hapless shuddered. He could readily make such a mistake. The others reacted similarly. This device was more than they had bargained on.
“Or if you asked to visit the moon, you could land amidst a lake of spoiled green cheese and drown.”
“We do want to be careful,” Hapless said. “How do we safely make it grant our wishes?”
“You tell me informally, and I will rephrase it to make the wording safe. Then you can get your answer.”
“Very well. We have six wishes.”
“Its aura of power also tends to corrupt the user, at best making him overconfident. At worst, making him insatiably power hungry.”
Hapless felt that aura. It made him feel slightly giddy. “Okay. I’ll try not to be too confident. Now about the wishes—”
“Wait. There is more. The Orb is what can be called an attractive nuisance. Creatures are attracted to it, so it is best to keep it hidden at all times when not in use. Otherwise—”
“Are you trying to stall?”
“No, Hapless. I am trying to enable you to use the Orb safely.”
“Oh, come on! It can’t be that complicated.” Hapless flipped the sphere up into the air, and caught it like a ball.
“Don’t do that!” Isis screamed in near panic.
“Don’t do what? This?” He tossed it up again.
An ugly bird swooped down from seemingly nowhere and caught the Orb in its beak. It flew on, swallowing it, disappearing through a hole in the wall.
Hapless and the others stared after the bird. “Oops,” Hapless said, chagrined.
“She did try to warn us,” Zed said.
“I’ll catch that bird,” Faro said, and launched into the air. She crashed into the wall, taking a section of it out, and flew on.
“I just keep messing up,” Hapless said. “I thought she was only trying to scare us.”
“She was trying to warn us, as it seems she is obliged to do,” Zed said. “But the aura was already making you careless.”
“Yes.” Because now Hapless had no confidence at all.
“Maybe we no longer need the Orb,” Feline said thoughtfully.
“We don’t?” Hapless asked.
“I already got my wish.”
“You did?”
“When you were being courted by the Goddess. She said her curves were better than mine, and she was right. And you said you loved me for more than my curves.”
“I do,” Hapless agreed.
“That’s my wish. To be loved for more than my curves. You said it in a moment of candor, not realizing I was listening.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Of course I’m not mad, Hapless! You granted my wish before we invoked the Orb.” She walked to him and kissed him ardently. “Now I know it has happened. I don’t need to be concerned any more. I don’t need the Orb.”
“Uh, okay,” he agreed.
“And Faro,” she continued. “Did you see what she just did?”
“She took off after the bird with the Orb.”
“Yes. And she did it alone. Her eyes were wide open. How could she have done it if she still feared the heights?”
The o
thers stared at her. “How, indeed,” Zed said.
“Maybe it happened when she got her Totem, the Void Horn, and didn’t realize, because she’s so used to walking on the ground when unridden. Maybe her fear will return when she gives up the Horn. But right now she doesn’t need the Orb either. Two down.”
Zed nodded. “Two down.”
“And Hapless. I think I made the connection when he conjured our instruments so we could play the Goddess into the Orb. He has his instrument.”
“I do?” Hapless asked.
“Your instrument is yourself. You make the rest of us play. Without you we can’t do it. You’re a musical conductor.”
Hapless stood open mouthed. She was right! He had unconsciously conducted them as they circled Isis and played. He was his own musical instrument.
“And it’s not just music,” Merge said. “He organized the Quest. He’s a conductor of people.”
“But I’m such a klutz!”
“You are,” Feline said fondly. “So no one suspects you of being the leader you are.”
“And I think it is coming clear why you were selected for this Quest,” Zed said. “You are steadfast. You would not betray the Quest or your friends no matter how much the Goddess tempted you.”
“And she tempted you pretty hard,” Quin said.
There was the heavy sound of wings. Faro glided back in through the smashed wall. “I caught it,” she said, and produced the Orb. “It was quite a chase high in the sky, but I would not let the bird get away. I made it cough it up.”
Feline looked at her. “Are you aware of what you just did?”
“I saved the Quest, I think.”
“You flew alone,” Hapless said. “High in the sky, you said.”
Faro looked at herself. “I lost my fear of heights!”
“We conjecture that your Totem is responsible,” Zed said. “Possibly the effect is temporary.”
“Oh, I don’t think so. Not only did I fly high, I reveled in it. I was focusing on the bird, yes, but I felt the power of the air as I forged through. It’s my realm!”
“Surely it is,” Zed said gravely.
Faro caught the tone. “Don’t even think what I think you’re thinking! You sought to find true love. You found it! I am your love, and I will not desert you just because I can fly. I will trot along happily by your side most of the time.”
Zed looked relieved. “Then I think it is four down.”
“Four down?”
“Feline is loved for other than her curves. You can fly. I have love. Hapless has found his musical instrument. Only Nya and Quin remain.”
“And we are a couple,” Nya said. “We relate well as dragons. But I’m still looking for my purpose, and Quin still wants to become human.”
“About that,” Zed said. “I believe you were thinking of forming a physically human compromise. But humanity is more than the physical. It is the mental, which you have, and the social, which you also have. Doesn’t that suffice?”
“I suppose it does,” Quin agreed, surprised.
“And Nya,” Zed continued. “You seek to find your purpose. There’s an obvious one: with your combination of traits, you could be an envoy, a connection between the dragon folk and the naga folk. Does that appeal?”
“Actually it does,” Nya said. “And I must say, I have found a temporary purpose supporting the Quest. So it is true: I don’t need the Orb.”
“Did we do all this for nothing, then?” Hapless asked, dismayed.
“By no means,” Zed said. “We required the experience of interaction with each other, rising to challenges, gaining a better understanding of ourselves and our world, to achieve these breakthroughs. The Quest for the Orb enabled us to focus; without it we would not have met each other and would not have found our answers.”
“Which maybe was what the Good Magician had in mind,” Feline said. “Now we can dump the Orb.”
But Hapless wasn’t so sure. “I’d like to be certain our wishes are complete. Maybe Faro’s fear of heights will return when she gives up the Horn. Maybe Quin does really want a fully human form. I don’t want to give up the Orb until I’m positive we’re done with it.”
“Ask Isis,” Nya suggested.
Hapless lifted the Orb. “Uh—”
“I heard,” the Goddess said on the speakerphone. “You are right to be uncertain. Faro’s fear will return when she no longer has the magic of the Void at her beck. Quin does want a physically human form. The Orb can grant both.”
“But there’s a caution?”
“Always. It is this: your first use of the power of the Orb will expose you to the Temptation of Power.”
“Temptation?”
“There are three Temptations. The first is that of Passion. I have already exposed you to that, and you resisted, thanks perhaps to your love of the two good girls. The second is Power. The third is Knowledge. This will affect you primarily, Hapless, and the others to a lesser extent. Your second use of the Orb will strengthen that desire. You will want more, and more, until you are thoroughly corrupted.”
“But I wouldn’t use it for myself.”
Isis smiled. “Temptation always wears a beneficial mask at first. It is easy to justify. But in time the justifications become shallow, and finally are dispensed with entirely. Power becomes its own object.”
“Not for me.”
Her smile was sad. “Trust me in this, Hapless. I have been the route. At first I sought only to be the best wife and mother I could be, wanting nothing for myself. But in time I kicked over the traces and became the grasping, deceitful creature I am today. The progression is insidious, with never a clear stopping point. It’s like putting on weight. Have you seen how fat Mundanes are getting? They don’t want to be fat, they hate it, but they keep putting on the pounds. Because they lack the discipline to pass up the tasty cakes and drinks they so like. It’s obvious, they know better, but they continue. Power is like that, only worse. Once a person tastes it, he wants more of it, and more; what he has is never enough. He thinks he can stop it at any time, but he deludes himself. He reasons that he deserves it. There’s always a rationale, but the reality is that it is a craving that can never be completely satisfied and will in time inevitably destroy the seeker. The love of Power is the most addictive thing there is.”
“She is making sense,” Zed said, and the others nodded. Even little Myst, who was evidently not too small to want more power for herself.
“Well, I wouldn’t be corrupted,” Hapless said.
“So thinks every inexperienced person,” Isis said. “Tell, me, Hapless, if you discovered you could transform yourself into any other kind of creature, whether a mouse or a dragon, would you do it?”
“I guess, if I needed to. But—”
“And you could similarly transform any other person, merely by invoking the Orb, becoming the greatest transformer ever seen in the Land of Xanth, would you?”
“Well, I—”
“And others flocked to you, begging you to transform them into better forms, or to give them riches, or beautiful slave women, and you could do it almost without effort, would you?”
“I guess.”
“And if the line of supplicants got to be endless, everyone wanting something, without limit, and be mad at you if you didn’t do it?”
Hapless became annoyed. “I’d tell them to go away. What right have they to beg favors from a stranger?”
“That is the beginning of arrogance. You will become imperious, like a king. That is corruption.”
She did seem to have a point. So he changed the subject. “Why are you telling us this?” Hapless asked.
“Not because I want to,” the Goddess said. “Because I am required to. When you made me become the Orb, you also invoked its constraints, which I am obliged to interpret for you. I have to warn you about the cliff you are about to step over, even though I know you will ignore the caution. It’s a thankless chore.”
“What do you advis
e? To throw away the Orb?”
She winced. “No, don’t do that. Someone will find it, because it seeks to be found, and that person will become corrupted by it and probably do incalculable harm. No, instead you must decommission it. Release me, then release the Totems, so that no one will be able to draw on this power without going through what you did, braving the five Regions and then tackling me. Chances are that won’t happen in a century, or in a millennium, or ever. Your lives will return to their utter dullness, but Xanth will be safe, at least from this particular threat.”
“But if I release you, you’ll try to seduce me again, and make me do your will.”
“Indeed. This is another thing about Power, whatever form it takes: it can be as difficult and dangerous to release as to acquire. You can’t just let it go and forget it.”
“Bleep,” Hapless muttered.
“Uneasy is the head that wears the crown. Believe me, I understand.”
Hapless put away the Orb. “I guess we have some thinking to do.”
“But it’s your decision, Hapless,” Feline said.
Hapless sat down beside Myst, who was playing with illusion balls borrowed from a fragment of the wall that Faro had broken. “What do you advise?
“Fix Faro. Quiet Quin. Orbit Orb. Marry Mom.”
Hapless kept a straight face. “What do the rest of you think about this advice?”
“I’m not completely sure about that last,” Feline said, with only the suggestion of a trace of a smile.
“If I may translate,” Merge said, “my daughter thinks you should grant the wishes of Faro and Quin, then shut down the Orb. Then, if Feline is amenable, marry me and adopt Myst.”
The child clapped her little hands. “Yes! Aunt Feline can help with the wedding.”
They looked at Feline.
“Are you a virgin?” Feline asked Merge.
How did that relate? Hapless was confused yet again.
“What’s a virgin?” Myst asked.
“Someone who’s never done more than kissing and hugging a friend,” Feline said.
“Oh,” the child said. She took her illusion balls and went to play by herself, not caring to be bored by any such dull adult discussion.
Now Merge answered Feline’s question. “Yes. I am a virgin.”