I swallowed heavily. He seized hold of my hand, stopping me as I reached to pull my shirt over the healing blister. “I don’t want you to see it!” I cried, feeling an irrational urge to cry as I tried to tug my hand and shirt free of his grasp. He was flawless, everything about him was perfect, and I was unbelievably flawed in so many ways. Now I had that awful wound, and rearing horse, to constantly remind me of that fact. He seemed confused by my outburst, but he gently released my hand and allowed me to cover it back up.
“What happened?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t want to…” My voice broke off. I blinked back tears as I gazed at him. “I don’t want to talk about bad things. Not right now. Not with you here. Oh God you’re here. I’d thought you were dead!”
Tears burst free of me as I threw my arms around him. There was no desire between us this time; no lustful need as I clung to him, crying out the misery of the past month. Crying for the blessed joy of our reunion. There was no hunger in his hands as they ran over me, clinging to me, soothing me with love and wonder.
“My Bethany, my beautiful Bethany.”
I sobbed harder, burying my face in his neck, grasping franticly at him. I was never going to let him go, never going to release him again. I was whole once more, I was truly alive, and he was here. He was here.
“I thought you were dead. I had given up hope of ever finding you again, ever seeing you again.”
“I know.” His hand wrapped around my head as his fingers threaded through my hair.
“I shouldn’t have given up, I should have known. Maybe I could have found you sooner…”
“You never could have found me Bethany,” he interrupted.
“Where were you? How did you get away?”
His lips were warm as they brushed against my temple, soft as they found my cheek. “I don’t want to talk about bad things now either.” I pulled slightly away from him, searching his charcoal eyes intently, looking for some sign that he was different. For some sign that they had damaged him in some irreparable way. There was no such sign in his gleaming gaze as he bent to kiss me gently. “Tomorrow we can discuss everything.”
He wiped the tears from my cheeks as I continued to cry softly. Happiness engulfed me; love surged through me as he kissed my nose. “I love you too,” I breathed. “I never got to tell you that. You were taken so fast. I thought you had died without ever knowing how I felt. But I love you Cade and I was broken without you. I could barely breathe…”
“Hush, stop, I know. I knew you loved me Bethy, I’ve always known. I’ve been so worried about you, so lost without you also. You’re not the only one who was broken, not the only one who feared the other was dead. I know what you went through, I went through it myself. But I’ve found you now and that’s all that matters.”
“How did you find me?”
His smile was slow and lazy and so achingly familiar that I couldn’t help grinning wildly back at him. “I could find you anywhere love. I’ll always be able to find you.”
It wasn’t a real answer, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was that he was here! I threw my arms around his neck again, burying myself against him. He placed gentle kisses against my face and neck as I stroked and clung to him. There was nothing sexual about this, it was simply a need to touch and feel each other. To reassure each other that we were not dreaming, that the other was in fact real.
He pulled me down to the ground, cradling me gently against his side as his fingers entwined with mine. I couldn’t stop touching him, couldn’t get over this sudden good fortune as we simply held and stroked each other late into the night.
CHAPTER 12
I bolted upright the next morning, my heart leaping and jumping in my throat as I searched wildly around. It couldn’t have been a dream, it simply couldn’t have! It had been so real! My lips were still swollen from his kisses; my skin tingled from the lingering effects of his heated touch. I searched frantically as I leapt to my feet, tears burning my eyes as I took a frightened step forward. Oh God, please no, I pleaded silently.
I couldn’t take losing Cade again, even if it had only been a dream. I searched the woods desperately as I took a shaky step forward. It had been so real. I could still smell him upon me, still feel his lips against mine; still taste him! It couldn’t have been a dream. It couldn’t have been.
“Bethany?” I spun, a strangled cry escaping me as Cade stepped out of the woods. I didn’t know where he had gone to, or why, and I didn’t care as I raced at him, throwing myself into his arms. “Whoa what’s wrong? What happened?”
“You weren’t here. I thought it was just another dream, I thought it hadn’t been real.”
I could feel the surprise in his body, but his arms came slowly around me as he pulled me against him. He sighed softly, pressing his face into my hair as he inhaled deeply. “It wasn’t a dream. I’m not leaving you ever again Bethany.”
“You can’t promise that.”
He hugged me tightly before lifting me against him. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as I leaned back to look down at him. “Maybe not,” he admitted. “But I can promise you that I will do everything possible to make sure that we are never separated again.”
I studied him for a long moment before nodding slowly. I wanted to be soothed by his words, but I couldn’t be. Our world was so precarious right now, so full of danger and death that every day was an uncertainty. I kissed him gently, clinging to him in my relief at finding that he was not a dream. I had meant for it only to be a quick kiss, but our long time apart and aching longing for each other quickly turned it into something more.
His hands grasped hold of me, clasping my head to him as he held me firmly against him. I lost myself to the blissful feel of his mouth as I clung to him. My heart hammered, my body responded eagerly, but I broke away before I lost myself to him. Before we finished what had been started last night.
“Cade I’ve never…” I broke off, heat flaring over my face and down my throat as the words clogged in my throat.
He frowned at me, his dark eyebrows drawing tightly together as worry flitted over his features. “Never what?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him as I slid from his grasp. His hands remained on my waist as he set me on the ground. “Never you know… ah… I’ve never…”
“Had sex?”
I was fairly certain that even my hair was about to catch on fire with my mortification. “Yes,” I mumbled. “I mean no.”
He laughed softly, his fingers threading through my hair as he pulled me a step closer to him. I frowned angrily up at him, irritated by his laughter. “I know.”
“What do you mean you know?” I demanded thrown off by his words. Was it so obvious then? Was I so obvious?
“Bethany…”
“I was dating Bret for a year.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me, but his amusement did not abate. “You were,” he agreed. “But it wasn’t the same.”
“You don’t know that.” I regretted the words as soon as I uttered them, what I felt for Cade was extremely different than anything with Bret. I never wanted him to doubt that.
His smile vanished, but his were still sparkling. “I do know that.” He kissed me gently, then again, and quickly once more. “I haven’t either, you know.”
I started in surprise. I pulled away from his mesmerizing kisses as I gaped at him. “How is that possible? All the girls in school were after you, you could have had anyone you wanted…”
“And I do have her. I told you once Bethany that it was you; that it has always been you, and I meant that. Do you think just anyone could have taken your place, even for a moment?” I opened my mouth to answer, but I had no idea how to respond to that. I was adrift, caught up in his words and the love that brought tears to my eyes. “No, they couldn’t have. Just as no one could have taken my place with you.” I was crying openly now, weeping with the wonder of it all. “You may have been dating Bret, but you were ne
ver with Bret, not in your heart.”
He placed my hands against his chest. Beneath the muscle and bone I could feel the hard, steady beat of his heart. “And you are in my heart.” He wrapped his hand into my hair, brushed his lips over my forehead. “I was made for you Bethany; and you were made for me. You always have been, and nothing could change that.”
I was humbled by his words, enveloped by the weight of them. He was right, I knew he was right. I had always known where I belonged, always known who I belonged with, even when I had been dating someone else. My body, my heart, my soul was all his. It always had been; it always would be. “Yes, yes, yes.” I agreed with him wholeheartedly.
He wiped my tears away, bending to me as he kissed me ever so lightly upon my nose. “Yes,” he mumbled, smiling as he kissed me again.
I wanted to lose myself to him, but I knew that I couldn’t. Not right now anyway. Soon though, so very soon I could shut out the rest of the world by losing myself in him. Then a thought occurred to me. “But if you knew all this, if this was what you had always wanted, why did you avoid me so much? Why didn’t you come to me before I started dating Bret? Why did you leave me all those years ago?”
Something flickered in eyes, there was a slight recoiling that he was quick to bury, but had been unable to hide. My eyes widened, I wanted to grab at him, to pull him back to me, to make him stay when I felt his withdrawal. Then he was smiling, a small curve of his mouth that barely tipped the hard edges of it. “Because I wasn’t sure how you felt about me, not until all of this anyway.” He shrugged absently. “I didn’t approach you because I was afraid of being rejected by you. I had nothing to offer you, I was an orphan, and definitely not the golden boy Bret was. It was obvious to me that your feelings for him were more platonic than his were for you, but I wasn’t going to stop you from going down a path that I felt you needed to travel.
“I knew you’d eventually realize it was me you were supposed to be with after all.”
His tone was light, airy. He said the words, but there was something crawling through me. A dark knowledge was slithering through my mind, one that I could not shake. For the first time ever, Cade had just lied to me I was certain of it even though I had no proof. I just didn’t know why. It had been such an easy question, but one that he had not answered honestly. There was something behind his eyes, something withdrawn and secretive, even as he smiled at me.
I wanted to press him on it, wanted to understand why he would lie over something so simple, but I knew he wasn’t going to tell me the truth. Perhaps I was imagining it, but I didn’t think so. “I wish we could stay, but I have to get back. I’m sure Abby and Aiden have started to worry about me by now.”
He nodded, the distance in his gaze fading as his fingers stroked over my cheek. I buried my doubts as I leaned into his gentle touch. I didn’t want anything to spoil the joy of this moment. I couldn’t get over how wonderful it was to have him here again, how whole I felt with him here. I had never thought of myself as boy crazy or needing a man to make me happy. I had never thought that I would ever need someone else to survive. But I did need him.
I had survived without him, but I had been unable to truly live. Now I could live again, now I could feel again. And I could smile and laugh without feeling guilty or lost or adrift in a world that terrified me without him. A world that, though it still possessed love and wonder, without him had been empty and cold.
“I wish we didn’t have to go either.” He threaded his fingers through my hair, curling it gently around his fingers.
“They’ll be shocked to see you.”
God I loved his smile. It was so rare, so fleeting, and yet it lit his entire face. It sparkled in his eyes and radiated with his love for me. “No less than you were.”
He pulled me closer to him, kissing me softly. That wonderful smile, those magnificent lips. All my doubts and fears were pushed aside as they warmed me to the very depths of my soul. He pulled slowly away from me; his eyes glowed with more than just love. My toes curled in response to the ravenous gleam in his gaze. I was certain that he could devour me, that he wanted too, but it was more than just my body he wanted. A jolt of surprise tore through me as I caught sight of something within Cade that I had never seen before. Something dark and dangerous. Something that I didn’t understand, but it wanted possession of me in ways that I couldn’t even begin to fathom.
Had they done something to him in there? Had they changed him somehow? Was that why he had lied to me?
The thought terrified me, but I couldn’t shake it as that dark gaze burned into me. Seeming to realize my sudden trepidation he blinked and then managed a wan smile. The look was gone from his gaze, but I couldn’t forget it, and he couldn’t hide it completely.
“Cade…”
“Let’s get you back Bethany.”
“Are you ok Cade?”
“I’m fine.” His fingers entwined with mine. He lifted my hand to place a soft kiss against my knuckles. “Lead the way.”
I studied him for a moment longer, but there was no evidence of the darkness I had seen just moments ago. No evidence of anything other than the man that I had always known and loved. I must have been imagining things. I had become so accustomed to the bad, that I could not allow myself to simply enjoy the wonder of his return.
I squeezed his hand tight as I led him back through the forest. Even though my runs were often hectic and panicked with my need for escape, I was somehow always able to make my way back to the farmhouse. Something in my subconscious must have remembered the route because I sure as hell wasn’t any good with directions. As we walked, I told him everything that had happened since he’d been gone. Everything we had gone through, the losses we’d experienced, the places we’d been, and our trip to Plymouth.
In the beginning he asked questions, but the more I told him, the quieter he became. Anger slowly settled over him as I told him about the creature that had attacked me. I did not go into detail about the pain, I didn’t think anyone should know about that, ever. It was a long moment after I had finished speaking before he finally did so.
“You trust this Dr. Bishop?”
That wasn’t the response I had expected. I had told my tale; I had thought that his was going to be forthcoming now. “Well, yes,” I said hesitatingly. “He’s very smart, he saved my life, and he’s a good man.”
Cade made a noncommittal sound that puzzled me. My uneasiness grew. I didn’t know what had been done to him, what he’d had to endure while imprisoned by the aliens. I studied his countenance. Even if they had somehow managed to change him, I knew that he still loved me, it was obvious. But what had happened to him? Where had he been? How had he escaped? And why wasn’t he telling me?
I tried to bury my multiple questions and doubts, hating myself for them. Of course they had changed him, of course he was different. We were both different after what we had endured. We were all different from what we’d endured.
“Does he have any idea why you are different than the others?”
His question sounded nonchalant but there was a new tension racing through his body. His shoulders were tight, his eyes hard. I didn’t tell him about my own fears, my own doubts about myself. I couldn’t bring myself to speak of them. I didn’t want him to look at me differently; I didn’t want him to fear for me. And if I was going to be honest with myself, I didn’t want to think about them right now. Cade’s return had given me a reprieve from the abnormalities in my blood, and until this morning I hadn’t thought about it again. I wasn’t ready to worry about it now either.
“No. Not yet. But hopefully he will be able discover something that will help the others.”
“Hopefully.”
He had agreed with me, but he didn’t sound overly convinced. “What is your blood type?” I asked softly.
The small smile he gave me did not reach his eyes. “O negative.”
“At least Bishop won’t be trying to stab you on a daily basis.” I had tried to sound
light, but my voice sounded flat even to me.
“He shouldn’t be stabbing you, either.”
I swallowed heavily, my hand tightened around his. “What happened to you Cade? Where have you been?”
He was silent for a long moment, his hand was firm and warm in my tight grasp. “There are some things that you are better off not knowing Bethany.”
“Cade…” His dark gaze swung toward me, the turmoil within it more than apparent. I wanted to push him, wanted to know what had been done to him. Wanted to know why he seemed so off, but it was more than apparent that he did not want to talk about it. I swallowed heavily. “Whatever happened I can handle it Cade. If you decide one day that you want to talk to me, I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I want to talk to you every day for the rest of our lives Bethany, just not about this. Not right now anyway.”
“Ok. I understand.” I said the words, but I was slightly wounded and still a little confused by him.
He stopped walking suddenly. A small gasp of surprise escaped me as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against him. “I don’t want to hurt you; it’s the last thing in the world that I want. For right now though, this is all I want. I just want you, and I just want to live in the present. I want to think of our future, not the past. I just want to be.”
His eyes were haunted, but there was a feverish light in them. He needed this, he needed me to understand his desires, and I could not refuse him. There were things I did not wish to discuss with him, at least not right now anyway. He was not asking me to kill someone; he was not asking me to abandon my family. He was simply asking me not to make him relive his pain. My heart swelled, ached. I wished that I could take whatever it was that had hurt him so badly away, wished I’d had more faith that he had somehow survived, maybe I could have rescued him sooner if I’d had.
“I never should have given up on you. I should have come after you.”
He frowned at me, his mouth pursed tightly. It seemed he wanted to say something, but instead he shook his head and dropped a soft kiss on my nose. “There was nothing you could have done. If you had come after me we wouldn’t be here right now. You would have been captured or killed also. None of this is your fault Bethany and it all worked out for the best. This, right here,” he placed my hand firmly against his chest, his other hand stroked lightly over my cheek. “This is all that we need; just us and our loved ones.”