Secretly, it had thrilled her.
It had also worried her, because if the queen had taken Ronan as her lover, Her Majesty would not be pleased if he was attracted to another woman. Bella rather enjoyed her head on her shoulders.
So one evening Bella took matters into her own hands. She cornered Ronan and asked him point-blank what sort of game he was playing with her life. That was when Ronan told her he wasn’t sleeping with the queen . . . and then he’d kissed her.
Ronan’s hadn’t been the first kiss of her life, but it had been the first kiss that made her knees go weak and her toes curl. It had been the first kiss that had ever blanked her mind clean of rational thought, made her bones turn soft as warm butter. It hadn’t been her last kiss from Ronan, nor had it been her last kiss, period.
Still, brushing her fingers across her mouth even now, she could recall the first touch of his lips.
They’d shared a strong romance from that day forward, though they’d never slept together. The court had buzzed about their affair and even the queen took notice. The Seelie Royal finally asked Ronan what his intentions toward Bella were and gave him her blessing if he chose to ask Bella to marry him. That’s when Ronan, in front of the entire court, had declared he was finished with her.
Just like that.
In love one minute and publicly dumped the next.
Bella’s heart had shattered. His rejection of her had been humiliating, but it had been her broken heart that had made her literally sick.
Even worse had been the years of having to live at court with him. She became a master at avoiding him, until she’d decided her pride couldn’t allow that kind of behavior. They said hello once in a while in a corridor, made small talk when forced. She’d tried to build a wall of non-emotion between him and herself. She’d never managed it. Not quite.
Ronan emerged from the bathroom wearing only a towel around his middle. Water droplets still clung to his chest, and his dark hair was slicked back, throwing his handsome face into sharp relief.
Bella sat up against the pillows and cleared her throat. There was not even close to enough fabric covering that man. His smooth golden chest, back, and arms rippled and flexed with every movement he made. She knew it was only some primitive female mating directive that made her react to all that muscle and strength. That’s what made her want to lick him all over. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact it was Ronan. Nothing. She fussed with the coverlet as Ronan moved around the edge of the bed, closer to her.
“I won’t drop my towel, I swear.”
Anger flared in a hot rush through her veins. She glanced at him. “It doesn’t matter to me. Drop it. See if I care.”
“Okay.” He removed the towel and she turned her head away, but not before she got an eyeful of his narrow hips and long, wide cock.
“You’re blushing, Bella. I thought you didn’t care.”
“Danu, Ronan.” She cleared her throat again and concentrated hard on the opposite wall. It was better to change the subject and fast. Something. Anything. “Tell me what it’s like in the Unseelie Court.”
“The Unseelie Court?” He pulled on his pants and zipped them up, then worked the towel through his damp hair. “I told you my impression of the Black Tower long ago.”
“Tell me again.”
He shrugged. “It’s dangerous, but not as bad as you’ve been led to believe. The Summer Queen likes to demonize the Unseelie. Although it’s true it’s where the dark fae live. It can be brutal and violent, but it’s not the absolute evil that most of the Seelie Court believes it to be. The Seelie Royal herself is darker than many of the fae who live in the Black Tower.”
Bella disagreed. The Seelie Queen’s magick was dark in nature, and she had the will to spill blood—which she’d demonstrated amply over her long lifetime—but her magick could not be used directly to cause harm. She could only take life if it was in defense of herself or her court, and the darker portion of her power was never passed on to her progeny. That was the law of the Seelie and the confines of the royal station.
“But to be Unseelie one must love to spill blood, that’s the saying. One must be able to kill with one’s magick. You don’t enjoy spilling blood and that’s why you came to Seelie.”
“No, you’re wrong.” He shook his head. “I came to the Rose Tower for you and no other reason, Bella. If I had never met you I would still reside in the Black.”
She looked away from him, her jaw locking. Right. Then why had he dumped her and broken her heart?
He dropped the towel on the bed. “My magick is dark and I can cast spells that will take someone’s life. It’s that capacity that makes me welcome in the Unseelie Court. I have the ability to kill with my magick; I just don’t have the will.” He paused and then said gently, “There are many more Seelie than you can imagine in the Summer Queen’s court who have Unseelie blood.”
Her gaze jerked upward and locked with his. She had the capacity to spill blood with her magick. Did he know that somehow? Did Ronan know she was Unseelie?
“Many Seelie carrying the DNA of the Unseelie? That’s impossible. A couple, I could imagine.” Herself and Aislinn, namely.
He held her gaze in a way that unsettled her. “There’s more crossover than you might think. More liaisons between the Seelie and Unseelie than you can imagine. It’s secret on the rose side, considered shameful, but not so much on the black.”
She licked her lips and fiercely examined the fabric of the blanket covering the bed. If what Ronan said was right, they’d been fed a pack of lies about the supposed flip side of the fae coin. Even if it was possible that many more Seelie were in a predicament like hers and Aislinn’s, she still wished she could shake her attraction to the dark.
Just as she wished she could shake her attraction to Ronan.
Mastering her emotions so they didn’t show on her face, she commented, “Maybe one day I’ll see it, the Black Tower, I mean.”
“No.” Ronan shook his head and pulled his shirt back over it. For a moment Bella mourned the loss of his bare chest. “It’s not as bad as you think, Bella, but if I have anything to say about it, you’ll never find out firsthand.”
She glanced up at him. “Why? Don’t you think I can handle it?”
“You can handle anything, but the Black Tower is too dangerous for someone who hasn’t grown up there.”
“So what’s with being so protective of me?”
“You haven’t figured it out yet, Bell?”
Their gazes held for a moment, until she broke away and scooted off the mattress. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”
She inched around the bed and went directly into the bathroom to wash her face and shed as much clothing as she could to sleep better. When she exited, Ronan was on the floor, lying wedged on his side between the bed and the wall. She wasn’t going to think for a minute about how uncomfortable he must be. He’d been the one to get himself into this situation, after all, not her.
Bella crawled onto the bed and lay down with a heavy sigh.
She wasn’t going to think about what this bed was normally used for, either.
SIX
The light snicked out in the quiet air and the room sank into inkiness. Outside the window, fat snowflakes had begun to drift down again, catching and melting on the metal of the fire escape. Tomorrow night was Yule, and all the fae in Piefferburg were celebrating the coming of the longest night of the year. The day after Yule the light would begin to increase and rule the world once again.
“Why did you do it?” she asked, her voice startling in the quiet. “The job for the Phaendir? I know you won’t tell me what you stole for them, but can you tell me why you did it?”
Silence.
“Ronan?”
“Sometimes you guide your life down a path where it seems like you have nothing to lose, so why not?”
“That’s not really an answer.” She sighed. “You’re the king of non-answers and games.”
He rema
ined silent for several moments before saying, “It is an answer. You’re just not listening closely enough.”
Rolling to her side, she sighed again. “Ronan, you’re a mystery to me. There was a time in our lives when I thought I knew everything about you, but now you’re nothing but an enigma.”
“You always did like puzzles.”
“Ugh. Go to sleep.” Bella flopped onto her back, closed her eyes, and tried to follow her own advice, but her muscles were tight with stress.
On top of it, every couple of seconds she would hear Ronan shift on the floor, trying to get comfortable.
“Ronan, get into bed. There’s no sense in you being down there when this bed could fit three people.” She winced, wondering how many times the bed really had fit three people.
He crawled onto the bed. “I thought you’d never ask,” he said on a groan as he lay down.
“Just remember it’s an invitation to get into bed, not into me.”
“I value my balls. I know better than to try anything with you right now.”
Silence and darkness descended, intimacy closing around them like a velvet fist. His body heat radiated out and melted into her, relaxing her better than a massage. The stress leached from her body and drowsiness closed over her. Finally, she slept.
ella awoke to a picture of enticement almost too strong to resist. Ronan lay on his back in just his low-slung pants, the top of his dark blue briefs visible at the waistband. His feet were bare, as was the muscled, lickable expanse of his chest. One strong arm was thrown over his face, shielding his eyes from the dawn streaming in through the uncurtained window—undoubtedly designed to get the hotel guests out of the room as quickly as possible in the morning. His other arm was thrown wide on the mattress, his hand reaching out in unconscious supplication toward her.
Bella eyed his broad hand with a mixture of alarm and contentedness.
Dear Danu, she needed counseling. Apparently this man was the worst kind of addictive drug. No matter how low her addiction brought her, a part of her still needed more. Maybe her hormones were reversed in some masochistic way, making her want only the men who were the absolute worst for her.
Her gaze skated down the smooth sweep of his chest, to the jut of his lean hip bones. Her teeth made furrows into her lower lip. It had been a long time since she’d had sex. That was obviously not a good thing, since her libido was unnaturally revved up by the sight of Ronan.
“Good morning,” came Ronan’s sleep-raspy voice.
Her gaze jerked to his face. She was well and fully clothed, but in that moment she felt naked in front of him. Could he tell that the sight of him excited her? Did he know that his mere presence in her bed helped her to sleep? Could he read all that on her face? “Good morning.”
“Sleep okay? You’ve got dark smudges beneath your eyes.”
“I didn’t sleep enough, but I’ll be all right. We should get going. I want you to get this object back, whatever it is, and clean this mess up as soon as we can so I can get back to my life.” Such as it was.
“That’s my plan too.” He pushed up on his elbows. “Thank you for coming with me.”
She finally felt able to look him in the eye again. “I only came because I had to.”
He held her gaze. “Really? Is that true?”
Her impulse was to look away, but she was mesmerized by the look in his eyes. “Why did you reject me all those years ago, Ronan?”
The question had slipped out on a whisper, without her even understanding she’d asked it until it was too late. Those words had been locked up within her for so many years, it felt great to finally let them free. Even though coldness at the possibilities of Ronan’s answer coated her stomach and throat. She’d imagined them all at some point over the years. I never loved you topped the list of her nightmares.
She barreled ahead, suddenly sorry she’d asked. “The queen was ready to allow us to marry and I really thought you”—she swallowed hard—“cared about me. Then out of the nowhere you stood up in front of the court and rejected me.”
He exhaled slowly. “I was stupid, Bell. I thought I was protecting you from what our union would bring.” He paused and rubbed his face with a hand, looking weary all of a sudden.
Bella blinked. That wasn’t one of the answers she’d imagined. “That makes no sense. What does that mean?”
Ronan reached for her hand, but she pulled away before he could touch her. His hand closed into a fist. “You have Unseelie blood.”
Her heart stopped, skipped, and then began beating rapidly. “How can you know that?” she whispered.
He shook his head. “I’m not sure how I know. It’s a part of my power. I just do. Your blood sings to mine. It’s one of the things that first attracted me to you, but, Bella, if they ever found out, the Summer Queen would toss you out of the Seelie Court. You don’t have the novelty of powerful magick to keep yourself in her favor.”
She swallowed hard. “I am aware.”
He took her hands. “Imagine if we had children, you and I. Any offspring of ours would have strong, dark magick and the Seelie Court would know. I thought that if I left you, if we never created a child together, you’d be safe. Even though it would kill me to watch it, I thought you’d find yourself a Seelie nobleman and have children with only a small bit of Unseelie in them. You’d be all right.”
She’d been so in love with Ronan—and so young—she’d never thought very deeply about the possibility of having children with him. Infertility was rampant among the fae, keeping their population low, but it was possible she and Ronan could produce offspring who had strong dark magick. And they wouldn’t be able to use birth control to prevent conception because no method of birth control for the fae seemed to work. Not even condoms were effective. When a fae female conceived, it was a little like magick—it just happened, no matter if the couple had been taking every precaution.
It was dumb. She should’ve thought about it. After all, she remembered the disgraced Maugin family who had been banished from the Rose Tower after their child had turned up Unseelie. That family’s wealth had been based on their lineage, and they’d been supported financially by the rest of the fae. Surely they’d slipped into poverty now, unless the Shadow King had taken them in. They’d lost everything. Her family would’ve too, if she’d been discovered as a child.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you love your place at the Seelie Court more than you loved me?”
“No!” He swore low under his breath. “I don’t give a damn about the Seelie Court. I’d leave it tomorrow if it weren’t for you. You cared about your place at court, Bella. That’s what I was protecting.”
She stared at him in stunned silence for a several moments before whispering, “I never loved it more than I loved you, Ronan.”
“I know that now, though I didn’t realize it back then. I made a mistake and I paid for it. I could never move on after I let you go. I found my soul mate in you and losing you slowly destroyed me over the years. Still, better me than you, Bella. Back then I thought banishment from the Rose Tower really would destroy you.”
“You were wrong. All I needed was you.” The rest of the words she could’ve said left her, and all the saliva on her tongue dried up. Bella exhaled slowly and got off the bed. She needed some time to absorb what he’d told her. She’d spent years imagining he’d say something . . . well, something other than that.
Once off the bed, she whirled to face him. Seems she had words after all. “Why didn’t you tell me back then why you were rejecting me? Why did you let me live all those years thinking I’d done something wrong or that you’d used me in some way?”
“I thought it was better if you hated me. I assumed that if I told you I knew you had Unseelie blood, you’d argue with me. You might have wanted to leave the Seelie Court to be with me and I couldn’t allow that.”
“Yes, you’re right. That’s exactly what I would’ve done.”
He pushed off the bed and paced to the b
athroom and back. “You’re in the highest ranks of the Seelie, Bell. You’ve had money your whole life. You’ve had luxury and servants. If the Summer Queen threw you out of the Seelie Court, you’d have to give all that up. You’d live in poverty. You don’t know how hard it would be—”
“Don’t treat me like I’m a child, Ronan! Don’t assume I’m some ignorant, lovesick woman who, in her naïveté, assumed life would be all puppies and sunshine as long as we were together. I knew back then that leaving the Seelie Court would be hard. Don’t you think, knowing that I had Unseelie blood, I would have considered it?” She clenched her fists and made a frustrated sound. “All I want—wanted—was to be with you, Ronan. I would”—she made another sound of frustration—“would’ve given up any amount of physical luxury in order to bind my life with my soul mate’s.” She bored a hole into him with her gaze. “I knew back then you were my soul mate, Ronan. Knew it.”
Ronan only stood and stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face.
Bella drew a shaky breath, gathering herself, and waved a hand. “It’s done now, all over with. Out of love and a desire to protect me, you made a high-handed decision that ruined my life. I get it.”
“It ruined my life too, Bella. I can only say that I thought I was doing the right thing for you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, you weren’t.” A breath huffed out of her. “So why tell me all of this now?”
“Because now I know you always loved me as much I loved you. Because now we have a way to be together.”
She stared stonily at him. “Who says it’s not too late?”
“I know it’s not too late. I know it because you came to me in the prison and proved that you still have feelings for me.” He paused, his jaw locking. “I know it’s not too late because you’re mine. Then. Now. Forever.”
She turned and walked toward the bathroom so he couldn’t see the expression on her face. When she got to the doorway, her knees went doughy and she reached out to steady herself with a hand on the doorjamb. “Why didn’t you ever come to me during these last thirty years? Why didn’t you tell me all this sooner?”
“I thought you hated me.” His voice came from right behind her, and his proximity made her shoulders tighten. “It wasn’t until you came to the prison that I had any reason to believe you might still have a flicker of love left for me.”
Bella closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as her world shifted a little to the left. “I don’t know what to say.”
“The Phaendir came to me. This object I stole for them, I never planned to let them have it. I never planned to allow the Summer Queen to have it either, but now that I know you still care for me, it gives us a chance. The Summer Queen will bargain for what I have to give her; maybe she’ll even agree to protect our union, no matter how much Unseelie blood our children may have.”
Gods, he wanted them to be together.
He was doing all this for her.
His hands cupped her shoulders, the heat of his body bleeding through the fabric of her sweater and into her skin. He turned her to face him, but she wouldn’t look up into his eyes. “Just give me a chance, Bell, that’s all I’m asking. I know I screwed up the first time. Give me a chance to show you I’m telling the truth.” He tipped her chin up, forcing her to look into his face. “I never stopped loving you. It never faded and it never failed.”
She blinked, her huge brown eyes coming into focus. “I can’t do this. I—”
He dipped his head and stopped her words with his lips. Bella stiffened and almost pulled away, but the sensation of his mouth on hers after so many years was like a balm on an old wound—healing, nourishing. He brushed his mouth across hers as though he had all the time in the world—like he was savoring her. Then he nipped gently at her lower lip and she melted.
Ronan made a low, hungry sound in his throat and dragged her up against his bare chest, his mouth slanting over hers. He eased her lips apart and branded her tongue with his. The taste of him filled her mouth, the scent of him teased her nose, and the hard, warm press of his body against hers did things to her she could only barely recall were possible. After so many years the sexual spark was still there.
Bella grasped his upper arms, trying hard not to think about the huge bed behind them and the part of her that wasn’t sure she could resist him if he pulled her toward it. She’d always been attracted to him on a primal, sexual level. Even though they’d never had sex, she knew it would be explosive between them. They shared the kind of chemistry that made it impossible for it to be any other way.
But there was so much more to love than just good sex.
She stepped back, breaking the kiss, and closed the bathroom door in his face.
SEVEN
Ronan stared at the closed door separating him from Bella. His lips felt electrified from her mouth, and his body was tight, anticipatory. His cock had gone rock hard in the very first moment of their kiss. He wanted her, had wanted her for years, craved the scent of her skin, yearned for the slide of it against his. Now he’d had a mere taste, and the need for more was nearly overwhelming. It made his hands curl involuntarily at the thought of touching her silky bare body. He forcibly caged the beast within that screamed for her.
It was an effort not to pound on the door or rip it from its hinges. He wanted to throw her down on the bed and use every sexual wile he possessed to lure her to him. If he tried hard enough, he could tempt her past her misgivings, make her forget that he’d rejected her all those years ago. If he put his mind and body into seducing her once she exited the bathroom, he could lure her into giving in to him completely . . . carnally.
But the problem was that he wanted more than just a coupling of their bodies. He wanted her heart and maybe just the slightest bit of her soul. Ronan wanted what he’d been so stupid to give up before—he wanted eternity with the one woman in the world whom he loved.
He wouldn’t obtain that by letting his cock rule his head. No, he needed to be patient and regain her trust. Ronan wouldn’t accept anything less than the whole of Bella.
He made a fist and almost slammed it into the wall beside the door frame as a way to vent the emotions that roiled within him. Next to the door he leaned up against the wall and rested his forehead against his forearm, trying desperately to get a handle on his lust and to calm the condition of his lower body.
It wasn’t the Summer Queen’s wrath or the Imperial Guard that Ronan feared might bring an end to him. It was Bella. Could he survive being this close to her and not being any closer?
The door opened, and Ronan stepped back as far as the edge of the bed would allow, clenching his hands at his sides so he wouldn’t leap on her. Just the scent of her skin made him crazy. He wasn’t sure how much longer he would last without a deeper taste of her. He wanted the flavor of her on his tongue. He wanted to drown in her.
She drew a long, slow breath and studied him without speaking, while Ronan’s heart d