“No one’s filed for divorce.”
“Would it surprise you if Rob did?”
Allyson frowned. “I don’t know.”
“Have you told Carson that he’s coming?”
“Not yet. I want to make sure he’s not going to back out. She’s been through enough disappointment.”
“You did the right thing.” Nancy put the knife down, lifted a tomato slice and ate it. “He’s up to something. I don’t trust him.”
“I’m not sure that I do either. But for Carson’s sake I’ll give him a chance. But I’m keeping him on a very short leash.” She held her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. “Very short.”
Chapter 54
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20. TWELVE DAYS UNTIL NEW YEAR’S.
Standing at the doorway of my own home waiting for Allyson to answer the door was excruciating. I was left to stand there for several minutes, and I wondered if it was intentional. While there might possibly have been a part of Allyson that wanted to see me badly, I suspected that the larger part of her just wanted to see me badly maimed. Hell hath no fury . . .
Allyson looked out the peephole in the door. Then the door opened. Allyson’s expression was stoic, steeled for the encounter. For a moment she just stared at me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.”
“May I come in?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside. Suddenly Carson came running up behind her. “Daddy!”
I stooped down and lifted her in my arms. “Hi, pumpkin.”
“Where have you been?”
Allyson looked at me sternly, her arms folded at her chest, awaiting my reply.
“I’ve just been working too much,” I finally said. “Are you ready to go ice-skating?”
“I’m wearing a sweater.”
“I can see. Is it new?”
“Mommy bought it.”
“I still think you better get your coat and mittens. It’s really cold.”
“They’re right here,” Allyson said, handing me Carson’s small down parka. “The gloves are in the pocket. Where are you going skating?”
“I thought we’d go to the rink at the Gallivan Center.”
“When will you be back?”
“Eight or nine.”
“She’ll need to have a bath when she gets back.”
“I’m staying at a hotel near the center. She can have a bath there. Where will you be?”
“Nancy and I are going to see a show. Don’t keep her out too late.”
“I won’t. I’ll just put her to bed and wait here for you. I have a book in the car, so be as late as you want.”
Allyson looked at me warily. “All right. Just don’t give her too much sugar. Do you have a house key?”
“Yes. Unless you changed the locks.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then we’ll be on our way.”
Carson grabbed my leg. “Carry me, Daddy.”
I lifted her. I said to Allyson. “I’ll see you later.”
She didn’t say a thing.
The rink was crowded, and we stood in line for nearly forty minutes just to rent our skates, which is more like a week in child minutes. By the time we got on the ice, Carson was already complaining about being too cold.
“How about we go back to my hotel and watch a movie and order pizza.”
She smiled. “Yeah.”
We went to my room at the Monaco. Carson liked the place but was baffled by it all. “Why do you live here?” she asked. “How come you don’t come home?”
I didn’t know what Allyson had told her. “Right now I’m staying here because I’m still on book tour.”
In Carson’s mind my book tour was a great enigma beyond her understanding. As such, she accepted my excuse as plausible. I bathed and dressed her in a T-shirt of mine that fell like a nightgown on her; then we ordered pizza and hot chocolate from room service and lay on my bed to watch an in-room movie—an animated feature for children. We ate on the bed, which was a special treat as it wasn’t allowed at home, and before the movie was over Carson fell asleep, her warm, little body cuddling into mine. I held her until the end of the movie. Then I put on her coat and carried her down to my car and drove her home. I tucked her into bed then went out to the living room sofa to read.
I decided to wash the dishes in the sink and ended up cleaning the entire kitchen. I had only been reading for fifteen minutes when Allyson returned. I saw her before she saw me.
“Hi.”
She jumped. “I didn’t see you there.”
“How was the show?”
“It was good.” She looked around the kitchen. “Thanks for cleaning up.”
“You’re welcome.”
She hung up her keys and then her coat. “How was skating?”
“We only skated for about ten minutes. She got cold, so we went back to the hotel.”
“I didn’t think she’d last long. What did she have to eat?”
“Pizza. And hot chocolate.”
“I’m sure that made her happy.”
“It did.” I closed my book. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
“I haven’t finished Carson’s Christmas shopping. I was going to try to find a babysitter.”
“Well, you have me. I can take her all day. Maybe we could have dinner together tomorrow night. The three of us.”
Allyson looked at me. “We’ll see.”
I got up and put on my coat. Allyson was just a few feet from me and it was against all of my instincts not to touch her. I didn’t. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night.”
Under the circumstances it had been a good night. Allyson was distant, but I’d expected that. I returned to my hotel. The room was different to me now. With Carson in my room, it had seemed warm and alive. Now it seemed as cold as a cemetery. I quickly wrote in my diary then crawled into bed, pulling the covers around me. I looked at the clock. I had eleven days.
Chapter 55
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21. ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL NEW YEAR’S.
The next morning I arrived at the house before anyone was up. I let myself in and went straight for the kitchen. I brought out the ingredients for omelets. I mixed the eggs in a bowl then started cooking bacon in a frying pan. I was cutting vegetables when I noticed the smoke billowing from the bacon. I had turned the heat on too high, and before I could remove the pan from the burner, the smoke set off the kitchen’s fire alarm. I opened the back door and was fanning out the smoke with a newspaper when Allyson ran in wearing only her underwear. She stopped when she saw me. “What’s going on?” she asked breathlessly.
“I burned the bacon.”
“I thought there was a fire.” Allyson surveyed my mess. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry about the alarm. I thought I’d surprise you by making breakfast. My world-famous Denver omelet and scrambled eggs.”
I had forgotten how cute she looked in the morning with her hair tousled.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll clean up after myself. Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll bring breakfast in like I was planning before I set off the alarm.”
She looked at me dubiously then turned and walked off. Fifteen minutes later I brought the omelet into her bedroom. She was lying beneath the covers but awake. “Where would you like me to put your breakfast?”
“The nightstand.”
I laid the tray down. Then I opened the shutters behind the bed letting in streaks of the morning sun. “You were out of orange juice, so I made some cranberry-apple.”
I sat down at the foot of the bed, mindful not to touch her. “So about today. I have nothing scheduled, so I’m at your disposal. You can either make a shopping list and I’ll pick up some things for you, or I can take Carson with me while you go shopping.”
“What’s up, Rob?”
“What do you mean?”
“You go four weeks without speaking to me and now you’re playing the überspouse.
I deserve to know what’s going on in your head.”
I had been waiting for this question. “I’d tell you if I knew.” She looked unsatisfied. “I have an idea. How about we take a break from reality until after the holidays.”
She thought about it for a moment. “All right. We’ll live in denial until Christmas.”
“Until New Year ’s.”
She slowly shook her head. “All right, New Year ’s.” She picked at the omelet.
After several bites I asked, “How is it?”
“It’s good. About today. How long can I be gone?”
“As long as you want.”
“Okay,” she said. She took another bite of her omelet. “This is a pleasant fiction.”
Carson woke while Allyson was showering. She walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes. When she saw me, she screamed with joy. I fed her scrambled eggs with ketchup, and then we sat down together and watched cartoons. She clung to me the entire time. It was about forty-five minutes later that Allyson came out completely dressed, her purse slung over her shoulder. “I’m ready.”
“Where are you going, Mommy?”
“Shopping.”
“I’m going to play with Daddy today.”
“What time should I expect you?” I asked.
“I’ll be home by seven.”
“That’s fine.”
“There’s bologna in the fridge for lunch,” she said. “You’ll have to thaw the bread. Did it snow last night?”
“A little. I already shoveled the drive.”
She looked at me. “Thanks.”
Shortly after Allyson left the house, I called Nancy. “Hi, Nancy, this is Robert.”
“Robert?”
I knew that she knew who I was. “. . . Harlan . . .”
“Oh, the author. To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“Just back for the holidays.”
“I’ve got my eye on you, mister. So where in the world are you?”
“I’m at the house.”
“Really? Where’s Ally?”
“She went shopping. I have Carson for the day. Listen, I wanted to see if you could watch Carson tonight so I could spend some time alone with Allyson.”
“Ally agreed to that?”
“Not exactly.”
There was a long pause as she considered my request. “ ’Course. I’m always up for Carson. What time?”
“Allyson will be home around seven. I’ll have Carson ready for bed.”
“I’ll see you then.”
It was ten minutes before seven that Allyson returned. I met her in the foyer. “Where’s Carson?”
“She’s playing a computer game in the family room. You have packages?”
“They’re in the trunk. But I’ll wait until she’s in bed. What did you guys do today?”
“A little of everything. I took her to that candy factory in Alpine. Then we did a little shopping.”
Carson ran into the room. “Mommy, me and Daddy went shopping for you.”
“Really?” She glanced over at me. “Did you have dinner?”
“Not yet. I was waiting for you. I thought maybe we could go out.”
“Carson was up too late last night. She needs to go to bed early tonight.”
“I meant just the two of us.”
“Nancy’s going to watch me,” Carson said.
Allyson glared. “You called Nancy?”
“Yes, I, well we haven’t talked since I came back. I thought . . .”
Anger grew in her countenance. “Carson, go get ready for your bath.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Go now.”
Carson stomped out of the room. Allyson looked at me angrily. “What makes you think I want to be alone with you?”
Before I could answer, there was a quick rap on the door and Nancy stepped in. “Hi, guys. Sorry I’m late.”
Allyson abruptly walked out. Nancy looked at me with a slightly amused smile. “So I take it she didn’t like the idea.”
“Allyson,” I shouted.
Allyson walked back in, her arms crossed at her chest. “I can’t believe you put me on the spot like this.”
I raised my hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. Stupid mistake. New plan. You two go out for dinner and I’ll finish out the day with Carson. There’s a Jazz game on tonight anyway.”
“Sounds good to me,” Nancy said.
Allyson didn’t say anything.
“I’ll see you later,” I said. “Carson’s waiting for her bath. It’s good seeing you again, Nancy. Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay.”
I walked out of the room. A minute later I heard the front door slam.
Chapter 56
I read Carson several books and she fell asleep before nine. I went into the living room to read. I was asleep with a book in my lap when Allyson finally came home. She lightly shook me. “Rob.”
I woke disoriented. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. “Sorry it’s so late.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost one.”
I stood unsteadily.
“Are you okay to drive home?”
“I’m fine. The cold air will wake me.” Then I staggered toward the back door, pulling on my coat as I walked. Allyson followed me. “How was she tonight?”
“Good. As always.” I stopped to look at her. Though the foyer lights were off the glow from the moon shone through the transom window, silhouetting Allyson in a bluish halo. She looked at me gently.
“Robert, I’m sorry about what I said. Or at least the way I said it. It wasn’t very nice.”
“No, it’s my fault. You were very clear on the rules at the outset. I shouldn’t have assumed.”
“Well, I could have been a little nicer.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I put my hands in my front pockets. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to go to church with you tomorrow. The three of us.”
“Carson would like that.”
“I’ll be here, what, a half hour before.”
“Better make it forty-five minutes. Being Christmas service.”
“Right.” There was an awkward moment. I knew that kissing her wasn’t an option, but even good habits die hard. She looked at me, her expression somewhere between fearful and hopeful. “Good night, Ally.”
“Good night, Rob.”
She shut then locked the door behind me as I walked out to my car. By the time I finished scraping my car’s windows, I was wide awake. The car clock turned one as I headed back to my hotel. These days I noticed such things.
Chapter 57
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 22. TEN DAYS UNTIL NEW YEAR’S.
I slept in Sunday morning. I ordered room service granola with strawberries for breakfast then made the trek to the house. I figured that Allyson would be frantically getting herself and Carson ready, so I let myself in. I found Allyson in the bathroom brushing Carson’s hair. They wore matching Christmas dresses. Carson saw me first.
“Daddy!”
Allyson looked up. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You both look beautiful.”
“Thanks. We’re just finishing up.”
The church parking lot was completely full, and I ended up letting them off near the front of the church and parking the car a couple blocks down the street. They waited for me at the door. As I caught up with them, Carson took my hand and Allyson took her other hand. We looked like a family again. In the words of Anne, my Alabama escort, it felt just wonderful.
Pastor Tim’s sermon was about Christmas, of course, but focused on the angels of Christmas: the angel Gabriel of the Annunciation, bringing word to Mary of the Holy infant. The angels who appeared to the shepherds bringing tidings of great joy.
I had always thought of angels as mystical beings. Kind of like unicorns. My encounters with Michael had changed all that. I could envision the angels gathered together before the shepherds—a small mob of people just like us. No wonder the
shepherds were afraid.
On the drive home Allyson said, “Pastor Tim always gives a nice Advent sermon. I had never thought of angels quite that way.”
Carson asked, “Daddy, have you ever seen an angel?”
I looked over. “Your mother.”
“Mommy’s not an angel.”
“That’s for sure,” Allyson said.
“Don’t be too sure,” I said. “The thing is angels don’t have wings. They look like us. That’s how they walk among us.”
“They walk around us?” Carson asked.
“They’re closer than you think.”
Allyson turned quiet on the ride home. After Carson ran into the house, she turned to me. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“I’d like to. But I have a flight back to New York tonight. Good Morning America has a special last-minute Christmas shopping show. They’re featuring my book.”
“Do you realize that’s the first time you’ve mentioned your book since you’ve been back?”
“I guess I figured that you had had enough of it. Or maybe I have.”
She looked solemn. “So is this good-bye?”
“Not if you’ll let me back. This is just an in-and-out thing. I fly back to Utah tomorrow night. I’ll be here Tuesday morning, if that’s all right. Christmas Eve.”
“It’s all right,” she said softly.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to plan the day.”
“That will be nice. Carson will be disappointed that you’re leaving,” she said. From the tone of her voice I wondered if perhaps she spoke of herself as well.
“I’ll say good-bye to her before I go.”
“What time are you on TV? I’m sure Carson would like to watch.”
“I don’t know. I’ll be there by six, but I probably won’t be on until nine or so. You know how these things go.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I’ll see you Tuesday.”
She looked at me kindly. “Bye, honey.”
It was clearly a slip, but I was glad for it. “See you, Al.”