“Why not?”
“She says Killyama gets sick. But me and Harley don’t. Can we go?”
The thought of two sick kids while on his and Crazy Bitch’s watch had him deciding against that suggestion.
“I don’t think tacos would sit on your stomach well before going to dance. How about we go to Popeyes?”
“We like Popeyes, too. We never get to go there, either.”
“What’s wrong with Popeyes?”
Jamestown was a small town. They didn’t have much to choose from.
“Nothing. Mama is just sick of eating there. It’s Fat L—Jane’s favorite.”
“Then Popeyes it is.” He merged into traffic, driving toward the restaurant while listening to the children talk about their day. His eyes went to the back seat intermittently as Star talked about her teacher, her childish face stubbornly set as she told her brother that her teacher didn’t like her.
“She made me sit in the back row next to Ricky, and he always steals my pencils and copies me.”
“You want me to beat him up for you?” Harley’s legs had stopped swinging at his sister’s complaint about Ricky.
“He’s bigger than you.”
“I don’t care! You’re my sister. I’ll ninja him and make him give your pencils back.”
“Mama said she will buy me more pencils, so you don’t have to do that. But if he keeps pinching me to show him my papers, and if you get bigger, I’ll let you.”
“He pinches you?” Harley’s jaw was set, reminding Calder of Stud.
“Have you told your mom and dad about him pinching you?” Calder asked, parking in front of the restaurant.
“Yes, Mama and Daddy went to the school. Mrs. Holder said I was making it up. Ricky never gets in trouble.”
“She didn’t move Ricky?”
“No.”
He held the door open as they went inside. Instead of ordering, he wanted to drive back to the school and have a talk with Star’s teacher himself.
Placing the order, he kept his eye on the children as they found a booth and sat, waiting for him expectantly.
Calder carried the tray of food over, giving the kids their food. As he ate, Calder felt a swelling pride that he had created such a beautiful child. He had screwed up so many aspects of his life, but Star wasn’t one of them. He could never regret creating her.
His aunt Katy was wrong. He would never do drugs again. What he couldn’t do for himself, he could for Star. The temptations and the lure weren’t there anymore, and never would be as long as she was on earth.
When they finished eating, he drove them to Star’s dance studio.
He waved to Crazy Bitch as she stood in front of the class.
Lily was corralling the older girls to the other half of the studio. They had combined their classes for the recital.
“Are you going to stay and watch, Uncle Calder?” Star looked up at him with bright eyes.
“Of course. Me and Harley wouldn’t miss it.” He nudged Harley, who didn’t seem happy at his answer, toward a group of chairs on the side of the dance floor.
“You must be Star’s uncle Calder.”
He recognized the woman as the bus driver from the last time he had watched Star’s lesson.
“Yes, I am,” he acknowledged.
“I’m Nettie. I drive the bus for the girls. The girls all call me Nettie because I work in the cafeteria at the school and I always have a hairnet in my hair.”
He was charmed by the older woman who reached into an oversized purse to pull out a coloring book and crayons, giving them to Harley.
Crazy Bitch and Lily started their lessons by having the girls warm up. Seeing her in the leotard with the bright socks bunched up to hide her monitor, moving fluidly across the dance floor, he promised himself to take her out to the club that weekend so he could feel that sexy body dancing against him.
“Anna-Kate is really great with the girls.”
Calder felt her stare as he watched the lesson start. “Yes, she is.”
“I don’t know what me and Lily would do without her and Norma’s help.”
Calder turned his attention from Crazy Bitch at the mention of a Norma, realizing she must be talking about Sex Piston. There weren’t many who knew her real name. For all he knew, only her own family and Stud knew her name. Then he realized Sex Piston had toned down the use of Crazy Bitch’s nickname, therefore, as well as her own not to embarrass Star and Harley.
“I’m sure Anna-Kate gets as much enjoyment out of teaching them to dance as they get from her.”
Nettie nodded. “The foster parents love her. It gives them a break, and most of them can’t afford the lessons. It also gives the parents a way to see them in a neutral atmosphere.”
Calder stared at the women who were also watching, sensing the heartbreak in some of them.
Nettie patted his arm. “It’s unfortunate that they have to be separated from their children. That’s why Anna-Kate, Lily, and Norma are such a godsend. They are even saving their tip money to help build an extension off the women’s shelter. We hope to build ten small apartments, so if the women who are victims of domestic violence have to leave home, they will have a place to stay with their children. So far, we only have two large dormitory rooms with bunk beds for them to stay in. Many of the women don’t want their children to stay there, even if we had the room, but sadly, we don’t. We’re filled to capacity. Our organization services two counties, Treepoint and Jamestown. Those ten apartments will make a big difference. Just think, ten of those girls will be able to return to their mothers.”
He didn’t have to imagine. He knew the agony of being separated from a child.
“We’re having a groundbreaking on Monday. You should come. A few days ago, we were worried we would have to postpone it, since Norma didn’t know if she could come up with the twelve thousand she had pledged. I was relieved when she called back the next day to say she would. We have a long way to go in our fundraising, but with them on our side, we’ll make it.” She beamed, reaching into her bag to hand Harley a baggie of trail mix and a juice box.
“If I can do anything to help, let me know,” he offered.
“We’re going to need volunteers to help build. You look strong enough to swing a hammer.” The wily woman hadn’t been randomly talking to him; she was searching for volunteers.
“Count me in.” He gave her his cell phone number, planning to get several of the brothers in the Blue Horsemen and Destructors to volunteer. The problem was getting enough funds to build the apartments and furnish them. With Lily involved, it stood to reason The Last Riders would pony up for much of the money.
Crazy Bitch and Lily’s lesson lasted an hour. When it was over, Star came rushing over with her juice box and snack that Nettie had given to each of the girls. “How’d I do, Uncle Calder?”
“You danced like a butterfly.”
Star giggled. “You’re teasing me. I need to practice more. Anna-Kate is teaching me for Daddy’s birthday.”
Calder swallowed the lump in his throat. “He’ll love it.”
He had never been jealous of Stud being their father’s favorite, or his fans, or being his aunt’s favorite, but he was jealous of the dance that his daughter would be giving Stud.
“Something wrong, Uncle Calder? You look sad.”
“Do I? I’m not. How can I be sad when I have you and Harley to keep me company tonight?”
“Can we make popcorn and watch Beauty and the Beast?”
“Yes. If Anna-Kate doesn’t have any, we’ll stop at the store on the way to her apartment.”
“Whoopie!” Star jumped up, setting her drink down to do a cartwheel. “I’m going to tell Regina. I want her to spend the night, but she can’t.”
“Why can’t she spend the night?”
“I don’t know. Never mind. I won’t tell her. I’m going to go say bye to her before she leaves on the bus.”
“Why can’t Star’s friend stay?”
Nettie, who was taking the coloring book and crayons from Harley, glanced at him. “Children in foster care aren’t permitted to spend the night away.”
“That sucks.”
“Sadly, I can say that it’s for the children’s safety. Children aren’t always in foster care because of domestic violence. It’s sad to say, but it can be because it’s safer for some of the children to be away from both parents.”
Crazy Bitch had been one of those children. Her father hadn’t cared enough to make sure she had been taken care of, too concerned with the stigma of having her. And she had a mother who couldn’t take care of herself, much less her own daughter. There were no winners in cases like hers. It was just survival. And she had survived, and now she was on the other side of the coin, volunteering her time and efforts to make sure little girls like she used to be had the opportunity to dance.
Outside, he made sure Star and Harley were strapped into their booster seats before getting behind the wheel.
Crazy Bitch, who was already sitting in the passenger seat, paused as she lifted her bottled water to her lips. “What’s that look for? You cheat on me today?”
Confused, his mouth dropped open. “I was just smiling at you. How did you turn that around in your mind to make you think I’m cheating?”
“A man doesn’t stare at a woman unless he’s guilty of something.”
“They do when they’re in love.”
“Damn.”
“What’s wrong now?”
“I hate saying I’m sorry.”
“Just save your apology for when I really screw up. Then we can call it even.”
“That doesn’t seem like a fair trade to me.”
“It could be worse. I could have cheated,” he teased, driving toward her apartment.
“You know, I take it back. I’m not sorry. You’re being a d-i-c-k.” She had lowered her voice, looking back at Star and Harley. “So, what was the smile about? I know it wasn’t because you felt a sudden outpouring of love for me.”
“How do you know that?”
She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “You only get emotional when I make you happy.”
“I met Nettie. She told me what you and Norma are saving your tip money for.”
“You call her Norma, it’ll be your funeral. And don’t tell Stud what it is for. She’s holding it over his head as divorce money.”
“By the way, I promised Star popcorn and a movie. Do you have popcorn, or do we need to stop?”
“I have it. Did she make you promise to watch Beauty and the Beast?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because I’ve watched that with her a dozen times already. I’ll paint her fingernails and let you two watch it in the living room. Me and Harley can watch Power Rangers.”
“We can all watch it together. What do you think, Star?”
“Uncle Calder, I really want to watch my movie. Please?”
Crazy Bitch grinned, knowing what he would do next.
“Star, you’re the guest. You can do anything you want.”
When they arrived at Crazy Bitch’s apartment, Calder took Harley outside to toss his football around in the lot behind her apartment building, while Crazy Bitch helped Star practice for Stud’s birthday surprise.
He waited until they were in her bedroom and Harley was asleep in her spare bedroom, while Star was happily asleep with her fingernails painted in the same color as Crazy Bitch’s on the fold-out couch before telling her about seeing Candi that afternoon.
Reaching for the television remote, Crazy Bitch turned the TV on so Star wouldn’t hear what they were discussing if she awoke. “That bitch is going to try to drive a wedge between you and Stud.”
“It won’t work. If our father and Aunt Katy couldn’t, Candi doesn’t stand a chance.”
“It’s different with kids. People get emotional where kids are concerned.”
“I’m going to talk to Stud first thing in the morning. Whatever she’s planning won’t work. I made an appointment with Diamond for tomorrow, too. Hopefully, she can intervene, and Star doesn’t need to know before Stud and Sex Piston decide to tell her.
She got to her knees on the bed to glare down at him. “It’s not only Stud and Sex Piston’s decision. You have a say in it, too.” Her voice was low but forceful. “Why do you put yourself last where she is concerned? I love you, but you have a serious self-esteem issue. No matter how much I tell you I love you, or Stud and Star show you how much they love you, you don’t consider what your wants and needs are. Why?”
He wanted to look away from her but couldn’t. Instead, he focused on the wall past her shoulder, trying to maintain his composure. It took a minute before his voice was steady enough to keep from exposing his emotional turmoil.
“I’ve been selfish most of my life. I didn’t want to deal with my father’s badgering to be a racer like Stud. I didn’t want anyone but me working on his or Stud’s motorcycle, and then my irresponsibility cost him his life. Because I couldn’t man up and accept the responsibility for what happened, I did drugs. Then, when I became hooked, I wanted them despite Stud trying to stop me. I wrecked his first marriage. I wanted Candi sexually, and I didn’t use a condom because I didn’t want to. I wanted you, but I didn’t want to drag you into my fucked-up life. Even when I was clean, did I come back and try to make you see I was worth having in your life? No. Because I was still afraid I would backslide. It was Gavin who made me realize I would never go back to that way of life. Ever. I would fucking shoot myself before I’d let another drop of that poison in my body.
“The only thing, and I repeat, the only thing I’ve done right was protecting her from me. Father is just a word. Being a father is another ball game. Any sucker like me can get a woman knocked up, but it’s men like Stud who deserve the Father’s Day cards and birthday… dances.” Calder’s voice choked with emotion, his eyes going glassy with unshed tears that he couldn’t bear to spill in front of her.
“Hot thang.” She lay down on his chest, hugging him close. “Star’s not going to love you any less when she finds out she’s your daughter. Look at Meri and Keri. They love Sex Piston as much as their own mother. It’s not either/or between you and Stud. She’ll be able to handle it. I know she’ll be fine.”
“How do you know? You can’t promise me that.”
“Yes, I can. You’re forgetting the most important part.”
“Which is?” He stared down at her doubtfully.
“She’s tough. Star’s the worst dancer in my class, but she has the most heart. She gets that from you.” She poked a firm finger into his chest. “From you, Calder. That’s what she’s gotten from you, despite you not being there when she was born, or being there when she took her first steps, her first birthday dances. You might have missed a lot of her firsts, but it’s up to you if she saves a dance for you during father-daughter dances, or her sweet sixteen, and her wedding reception. Those are up to you. Her dance card isn’t filled yet; it’s just waiting for you to put your name on it.”
30
Calder pulled into the garage. He had dropped Star and Harley off at school, so he hadn’t counted on Stud beating him to the garage. He had been mentally preparing himself to talk about Star to Stud. Jesus… each scenario was like a broken record that started and stopped as he would start a pretend-talk in his head. Then he would think of a different way to start until he had given himself a headache. He still had no idea what he was going to say.
Parking the van, he was still deciding the best way to begin when he entered the bay and came to a dead stop.
Candi was in the office with Stud. He could see them through the glass window.
Calder strode through the garage, reading Stud’s expression from three feet away. He didn’t bother knocking, going inside and bringing the shouting match to an end.
“What are you doing here, Candi?”
“What are you doing here? Stud call you?”
Stud sat down on the end of his desk. “
How could I have done that? You’ve been here with me since I opened the door.”
“How’d you get here? I didn’t see a car outside,” Calder asked her.
“I got a taxi. A friend of mine is giving me a car, but he needed it today. What does it matter how I got here?”
“Because if any of the Destructors or Blue Horsemen are giving you rides, we’re going to have a problem.”
“I’m not seeing anyone you would know. I don’t hang out with trash anymore,” she venomously struck out at him.
He accepted her insult, because frankly, he didn’t care what she thought of him.
His eyes went to Stud, whose cold expression belied the real concern in his eyes. His brother was disturbed by something Candi had said before his arrival.
“What did you need to talk to Stud about so badly that it got your ass out of bed before noon?”
“I don’t sleep till noon anymore—prison breaks that habit. And what Stud and I talk about is none of your business.”
Calder, seeing a warning look from Stud, instantly knew what the bitch had been doing.
“Have you been threatening him into telling me that Star is my kid?”
He could tell from the surprise Stud couldn’t hide that she had.
Shaking his head, Calder said, “Candi, I’m going to give you two minutes to get your ass out of here. Your blackmail wasn’t going to work, even if I hadn’t come. Stud may have always tried to protect me, but Star is more important than me. He’s been what neither of us could be to Star—a parent. Star’s the most important thing in my life, has been since I realized she was mine. But you? You don’t have an excuse, other than using Star as a pawn, which nearly hurt or killed her if Sex Piston and Killyama hadn’t stopped you.”
“Stud took my baby away and wouldn’t let me see her—”
“Stud took her away because that was the deal when he found out you were pregnant and wanted to abort my baby. Yeah, I knew before you told me yesterday. Aunt Katy told me when I got out of prison. She also told me how much money Stud gave you to get a divorce from you and for you to sign over sole custody to him. You’re a greedy bitch who nearly bankrupted him, yet you’re still not satisfied? What is she wanting this time?” he posed the question to Stud, ignoring Candi.