“You might think that, but you didn’t. I’ve done time with hardcore felons. Do you think they’re sitting on their beds, slowly starving to death because they feel bad about their crimes? Fuck, most of them are planning what they’re going to do next when they get out and how to do it better without getting caught.”
“I should be locked up with them.”
“Will that make you feel better?”
“Yes. It’s where I deserve to be.”
Calder ran his hand along his jaw, thinking. “Why don’t we go about it this way? Let’s get you stronger, and you open up to me about why you think you deserve to go to jail. Then we’ll ask Diamond to come talk to you.”
At the mention of telling Knox’s wife, Gavin started shaking. “No!”
“You think the police will arrest you without you confessing to a crime, that a jury will convict you without hearing the charges? Even if you don’t want it, the court will appoint a lawyer for you… unless you’re going to defend yourself?”
Gavin ran his hands through his hair. “I have no defense.”
“You weren’t in your right mind. If you don’t want to talk to Diamond, that’s cool. We can find someone else to talk to. But I think that’s a mistake. Diamond is pretty cool, and as a lawyer, she won’t talk to Knox about anything you discuss with her.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“While you’re thinking about it, I’ll go ask your nurse for some more soup and another sandwich. While I’m doing that, when I come back, think of one thing that you want to tell me, and then we’ll go for a walk. How’s that sound?”
“I don’t like turkey sandwiches.” He didn’t say he wasn’t hungry or that he was ready to talk, but he didn’t say no either.
Taking it as a yes, Calder stood.
“Who’s coming today?”
“It’s Saturday, so Train and Killyama should be here in a few,” Calder replied.
Gavin’s face brightened when he heard Killyama’s name. “Do you mind if we wait for the walk until they get here?”
“No.”
Calder went to the front desk, searching for Gavin’s nurse. After he found her and asked for another lunch tray, he took his time returning to Gavin’s room, giving him time to think about what he wanted to share with him.
His hopes weren’t high when he returned. Gavin had turned on the television and was watching it fixedly. Calder didn’t push, watching the movie with him.
When the nurse brought the tray in and set it down next to Gavin, Calder kept watching the movie, noticing him lifting the mug of soup to his mouth. When he picked up the sandwich, he wanted to jump up and down, but he remained seated.
Gavin was eating the second half of the sandwich before he spoke. “They videotaped me having sex with members of the club.”
He threw his sandwich down, running into his bathroom. Calder followed him, wetting a washcloth as Gavin heaved his lunch into the toilet.
When he was finished, Gavin sank down onto the tiled floor, his arm resting on the lid to support himself, as if he wasn’t finished vomiting.
Calder flushed the toilet then lowered himself down to the floor, handing the wet cloth to him.
“The Last Riders aren’t shy about fucking in front of each other. I didn’t think I could be embarrassed or ashamed about anyone watching me, but they took it to levels I never knew existed, and I’ve been in some fucked-up situations when I was in the war.”
“You were in a war.” Calder tapped the side of his forehead. “Your mind and soul were rebelling against them. If that isn’t a war of its own, I don’t know what is. Just because you weren’t on foreign soil doesn’t mean it wasn’t as traumatic.”
Gavin tilted his head to the side. “You think so?”
“Hell yes. I’ve never been in the military, but I’m sure they trained you to survive at all odds.”
“They did.”
“You survived; that’s what counts.”
“Does it? I don’t know anymore if it was worth a fight.”
“Because of Taylor?”
Gavin nodded imperceptibly.
“Was she the only reason you fought so hard to stay alive?”
“I wanted to kill the Road Demons and the three who put me there. The Last Riders took out the Road Demons. Bedford and Memphis are dead. They’re saving Crash for me. I couldn’t kill a fly right now.”
“So, all you thought about was Taylor and killing?”
“No,” he admitted. “I thought about Ton and Viper. I was used to talking to them every day. Not being able to do that was hard.”
“Is that why you won’t take their calls? Because you don’t want to get in that habit again?”
“I’d rather not get used to having them around if I’m going to lose them again.”
“Meaning, if you went to prison?”
“Yes.”
Calder scooted over, leaning his back against the bathroom wall. “We don’t know if you did anything you can be charged with—”
“I did.” Gavin started heaving over the toilet bowl again.
“Okay, let’s assume you did. You think Viper and The Last Riders won’t stand behind you?”
“Yes.”
“Even in prison, you’re allowed to talk to family and correspond with friends. You won’t lose them again, but they’ll lose you again if you don’t start eating. When Viper comes, take a good look at him. He’s suffering without you, and so is Ton. Shit, Ton’s living in a hotel near here and comes by every morning to eat breakfast with you, yet you don’t say a single word to your father. What if something happened to him? Sooner or later, we lose everyone, whether through age, sickness, or accidents.
“You being afraid to resume those relationships is what I went through with Stud. I never felt like I measured up to him, or the brothers he leads. I still don’t. Stud was smart not to take drugs, he beat me at those races we rode together, and he even married the mother of my child when I was too stoned to get my life together. My girlfriend told me she had miscarried. Then, two months later, Stud comes to visit me at the prison and tells me he’s marrying Candi. Six months later, he sends me a picture, telling me they had a baby.”
“Stud didn’t tell you the baby was yours?”
“No.”
“Have you talked to him about the kid since you got out of prison?”
“What am I supposed to say? Star is healthy and happy. She believes Stud is her father, and she loves Sex Piston like she’s her own mother. She is. Candi is in prison and doesn’t get out for another year, unless she makes parole. I don’t want Star to know both of her parents are worthless. Stud gives her the stability I can’t.”
“For a sponsor, you’re just as fucked up as I am. At least I don’t have the hots for a woman named Crazy Bitch.”
“You want to see what she looks like?”
“Sure.”
Calder reached into his pocket, taking out his cell phone. Flipping through the photos, he said, “This is my kid.” He turned the phone so Gavin could see Star’s picture. He had taken it when she had been blowing out her birthday candles. Sex Piston and Stud were standing behind her.
“Cute kid.”
“She’s beautiful.” Calder cleared his voice, turning the phone back around to scroll through his pictures. Then he turned it back to Gavin. “That’s Crazy Bitch.”
“What’s she doing?” Perplexed, Gavin raised his eyes from the phone.
Calder frowned, turning the phone back toward himself. His frown cleared when he saw what Gavin meant.
Usually when he looked at her, he just thought about how beautiful she was. He hadn’t paid attention to the hand gesture she was making when he had been taking the picture.
“Oh, that. She’s telling me to fuck off.”
9
Crazy Bitch pushed down hard on her brakes, parking in front of the Destructors’ clubhouse. When the car determinedly kept rolling, she set the emergency brake.
Ta
king her strong cup of coffee, she carried it into the clubhouse, seeing the men groggily sitting around.
“What are you fuckers up for?”
Rock stared at the large coffee in her hand. “Same reason you are. We’re waiting for Stud to get here.”
“Go back to bed. I’ll wake you all back up when he gets here,” she magnanimously offered.
“Like I believe that,” he scoffed. “The only one who is gullible to fall for that horseshit is Fat Louise, and she’s not here.”
“I don’t even think Jane would believe it.” Cade yawned, staring at the large coffee. “You going to share that?”
“Uh… let me think about it for a second.” She sat down and propped her legs on another chair. “No.”
“You could have picked us up one when you went through the drive-thru.”
“Why in the hell would I do that? I didn’t think any of you assholes would be awake.” Crazy Bitch moved her coffee cup closer to her on the table. “Where’s Calder?”
It wasn’t a good start that her partner was still in bed.
Tired, Cade didn’t take his eyes off the coffee. “He must still be in bed.”
“No, I’m not.” Calder came out of the hallway, still pulling down his black T-shirt.
“I thought you might still be in Lexington with Gavin.” Crazy Bitch gave him an appraising glance. “You look like shit.”
“I rode in from Lexington a couple hours ago. I’m tired.” He took a seat at the table next to her, running a hand through his tousled hair.
She nearly blanched. Crazy Bitch didn’t want him to see that she had fucked over his haircut before they won the prize. He would be mad enough to blow the prize, or the contest.
Nudging the coffee cup toward him, she said, “I brought you a coffee.”
“You did? Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. We’re partners now. I have to take care of my best bud. Stop by the shop today and I’ll trim your hair for you.”
“It’s fine. You only cut it a couple of weeks ago.” Calder took the lid off his coffee, blowing on the rising steam. “It’s hot.” Calder caught her gaze before she could stop staring at him.
Turning her gaze away, she saw Cade staring at her with a quirked eyebrow. Giving him a death glare, Crazy Bitch jumped when Calder’s cell pinged. Straightening, she dropped her legs to the floor.
“That Greer?” she asked, not looking toward the door as Stud came in.
“Give me time to see.” He unhurriedly pulled out his cell phone, but Stud beat him to it, reading off Greer’s message.
“I see you every day, but I can’t see you at night, though I stay in the same spot.”
“Huh?” Crazy Bitch snatched Calder’s phone from his hand, staring down at the message, hoping that Stud had read it wrong or there was an attachment. “What in the fuck is this? Where’s the treasure map?”
“I guess Greer has decided we’re going to play it his way.” Calder laughed, taking his phone back.
“Call him and tell that cocksucker to email me a map,” she snarled.
“If I do that, he’ll send me a map leading us to the sewage plant,” Stud shut down her demand.
She snapped her mouth shut. He was right, and she was losing time arguing. Switching gears to think of the lame-assed clue, she listened to the others already trying to decipher it.
“What sees us every day?” Rock asked Pike.
“A drone?”
Crazy Bitch rolled her eyes at that answer. Anyone stupid enough to fly a drone over these parts of Kentucky would have it shot out of the sky right after takeoff.
“We see Stud every day.” Ginger moved closer to Stud’s shoulder, laying a caressing hand on it.
Stud reached up to brush her off absently.
Crazy Bitch reached out, picked up the coffee cup, and flung the contents in Ginger’s face. The men stood up to miss the coffee splatter.
“Keep your fucking hands to yourself,” she hissed at the woman who took a step back.
“Crazy Bitch!”
She ignored Stud’s yell, staring malevolently at the ginger-headed slut. “I see you touch Stud again, I’ll cut that hand off. Don’t think I won’t tell Sex Piston you’ve been touchy-feely with her man. There’re enough single hornballs here to keep you satisfied without you trying to steal someone else’s.”
“I was just talking to him.”
“Bitch, who do think you’re talking to? Sluts like you are a dime a dozen, and I’ve already tossed eleven bitches out of here who thought they were going to get in Stud’s britches. You get close enough to let him smell your perfume, and your ass will be riding the pavement instead of the back of a bike.”
“I think Ginger got the message.” Amused, Calder pulled Crazy Bitch back down to her chair.
Crazy Bitch hadn’t even been aware she had stood up while screaming at the woman who retreated behind the bar. She forced her fury down into a slow simmer, running the clue through her mind to distract herself.
“You ever think of taking anger management classes?”
“Why would I pay someone to tell me I have a bad temper?”
“To help you manage it better,” Calder advised helpfully.
“I manage it just fine.” She angrily gave another evil grin in Ginger’s direction.
“Fuck, no one is going to be able to help her.” Looney slid his chair away from her. “She has four different personalities, and that’s on a good day.”
“Look who’s talking. At least none of them are named after a duck.”
Crazy Bitch paid no attention to the brothers when they started ribbing Looney. Glancing down at her watch, she realized she had promised to open the shop.
When she stood up, the men around her flinched as if they were afraid of what she was about to do.
“Pussies.” She snorted. “And you think Rider’s a pussy.”
“Who thinks Rider’s a pussy?” Stud asked.
Crazy Bitch looked down at Calder, who kept his head down, staring at the clue Greer had sent. She made a face at him, losing the effectiveness of it, since the fucker didn’t lift his head.
“I guess no one. I have to get to work. I have an eight o’clock coming in.” Reaching down, she grabbed Calder’s arm, tugging him to his feet. “Be a gentleman and walk me to my car.”
She expected him to give her hell once they were outside. Unexpectedly, he sauntered next to her, even opening the car door for her before she could.
“You doing anything tonight?” she asked once she was seated behind the steering wheel.
“You asking me out on a date?” He braced his arm on the roof of her car, bending down until his face was just inches from hers.
“Not like you’re thinking. You figure out that clue yet?”
He didn’t answer, turning it around on her. “Have you?”
“Yes. You going to tell any of them inside if I tell you?”
He pretended to zip his mouth and throw away an imaginary key.
“I’m not joking. I want that prize. If you’re not going to take this seriously, I want to know now.”
Calder’s expression turned serious. “You’re not the only one who wants to win. You’re not the only one who’s worried about someone sharing information. Have you ever kept anything from Sex Piston?”
Crazy Bitch looked away. She had, but she had no intention of telling him that. She hadn’t told her or the others in her crew about Sam. Fat Louise worked in the same building as him every day. She didn’t want her to get into trouble if any of her crew hurt him. Truthfully, she didn’t want anyone hurt because she had been stupid enough to pick another loser.
“My crew all have motorcycles; I don’t. I want that bike. My half of the money will catch me up on some bills I owe, so don’t worry about me.”
“Same here. I don’t plan on losing my bike to anyone else, and the money I’ll win will come in handy. You’re not the only one who has bills to pay. We’re going to have to trust each ot
her, so we might as well start now. Who can see you every day, but can’t at night yet stays in the same spot?”
“Look around. A mountain.”
Calder squinted up at the mountains surrounding them. “Which one?”
“Greer hasn’t given us that clue yet, but I think it’s Black Mountain. It’s the largest, and it looks down on The Last Riders’, the Destructors’, and the Blue Horsemen’s clubhouses. That’s why I want you to spend the night. We can ride to the overlook and wait for Greer’s next clue. It’s Sex Piston’s turn to open the shop tomorrow morning. I can be back before my first appointment at eleven.”
“What if it’s a waste of time? It could be Pine Mountain. If it’s not Black Mountain, we’ll have to wait until the next day when another clue comes out,” Calder argued.
“Several of the trails on Pine Mountain have been shut down because of the fires last month. It has to be Black Mountain. That’s why I want you to stay the night at my house—no one will see us leaving, and we can get there first.”
“What time do you want me there?”
“I get finished at eight.”
“I’ll pick up a pizza and meet you there at eight-thirty.”
“What excuse are you going to tell the brothers for you spending the night?”
“Does it matter?” Calder shut her car door as she started the motor.
“No, as long you don’t say something happens that doesn’t.”
“I’m sleeping on the couch?”
“You can have Fat Louise’s old room.” She put her car in gear, releasing the emergency brake.
“What if I’m afraid to sleep alone?” he joked, hastily stepping back when the car started rolling backward.
“If you get scared, I won’t make you sleep alone.” She blatantly stuck her head out of the window as she backed up, giving him a sensual smile that had Calder moving toward her car.
“Don’t fail me now,” she muttered to her old car, its tires squealing as she peeled out of the parking lot, shooting gravel into the air. She left him eating her dust as she drove to work.
Her day was filled with appointments, her last being one she wished she could have avoided. It was a set of eighty-year-old twin sisters who wanted their hair colored and cut exactly alike. Sex Piston had offered to take one of them, but the younger by two minutes wasn’t having it.