“Yep,” Judge grinned. “Great day.”
Damian nodded. “I think, considering this is our first week in our new arrangement, we’re all going to take a day. Our first official day with her, we’ll each take it off. Follow Judge’s leadership on this.”
Applause sounded through the room. Had they simply not had a lot of days off before?
I looked to each of them but didn’t find an answer. Judge’s foot played with mine under the table. This was as much, I decided, a result of his need to move as his wanting to touch me. How had he gotten through school?
A loud boom sounded, the lightning making itself known in an otherwise quiet night. They barely reacted, yet I jumped in my seat. “Sorry.” I rubbed my neck. “Still getting used to it.”
“You don’t have weather on space stations,” Cash said as an answer.
“No, but we had it when I was little on this side of the galaxy and the year we spent on Earth.”
Lewis sat forward in his seat. “Why did you leave Earth?”
“My grandfather runs Earth, unofficially. There’s a government, but they all answer to him. That pissed off my dad, my uncles, and my mom. They hadn’t left one kind of hell to land in another. On Mars Station, it’s not perfect. There’s wheeling and dealing to be sure, but my mom could lose an election. It’s not rigged. Nothing is ever perfect, but it was certainly better.”
Damian had the next question. “Where would you go if your mom lost?”
“C.J. always said, somewhere far away, on the outskirts. There are planets being hydrated and terraformed all the time. They’d go there, get some land, use their skills, and live quietly. I personally don’t know what I’d do there. I don’t know a lot of people, but I like watching them. Having no one around for endless distances would be … sad. Even here, I watched you guys in the morning. It was something. I can’t go back to the way it was in the black hole. Not again.”
Lewis nodded, turning his head to see me better. “You won’t ever have to.”
“Speaking of which, Sterling told us you are worried about being Infected. I won’t let you be Infected. I’d cut out my right eye first,” Damian pronounced.
Cash sucked in his breath. “Charming image over dinner, my friend. Diana, there’s always the chance something can happen. I suspect you know this better than anyone. You got sucked into a black hole and thrown through time. If you were to be bitten, scratched, or scraped by the Infected, there is, initially, a way to stop the spread.” He nodded toward Lewis. “Lewis over there invented it.”
I touched Lewis’ arm. “You did? That’s amazing.”
He shrugged. “Ten years ago. It’s a little of, ‘What have you done since?’”
“That would be enough for someone’s lifetime.”
Lewis rubbed his eyes. “Not mine.”
Cash finally finished, “The point being, while I would never let you become Infected, were you to be bitten, we could stop Infection from happening within the first couple of minutes. So don’t worry.”
Lewis pointed at Cash. “What he said.”
I should feel better. All five of them of them had assured me now that they wouldn’t let anything happen to me. I was going to do my best to make sure I didn’t encounter a Zombie. Still, a nagging worry plagued at me. I pushed it away, and the rest of dinner was filled with laughter. I stayed quiet, listening to them and feeling like I really started to gel with them. Even Sterling, who was naturally the quietest of the bunch, cut some jokes. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so relaxed.
We cleaned up together, and I hummed to myself while I wiped up the plates. Judge elbowed me. “One day with me and you’re humming to yourself.”
I shook my head, grinning. “I had fun today.”
“Me, too.” He nodded toward the game room. “Watch a movie tonight?”
“I love movies.”
He patted the back of my head. “I’m going to go pick one out.”
“Okay.” He’d been in one place for too long. I shook my head. The guy needed to move. Was he going to be able to sit through the movie?
Cash hopped up on the counter. “I get you tomorrow. We drew straws, Lewis and I. I won. So I get to go first. He’s the day after. Then you’re back to Damian and then Sterling. We’ll do that order from now on.”
I smiled at him. “Sounds great.”
He nodded. “Tell Judge I’m picking you up at eight.”
That was early. We didn’t start working until nine usually. I had no idea what Cash wanted to do first thing in the morning.
Cash raised his eyebrows. “Unless that’s too early for you, Boo?”
I wondered if he knew he’d used a term of affection. He hadn’t done so before. I liked it. Boo. It was sort of … sweet. He’d also issued me a challenge I meant to meet. “I’m up for whatever, Champ.”
I wasn’t sure where I pulled out the nickname. He grinned from ear-to-ear, both from my agreement to be ready really early for our day and also from the term of endearment.
“Cool.” Cash jumped off the counter. “I hope you like anime. I can guarantee we’re watching one tonight. Judge loves them.”
“I like all movies. I don’t get to see too many of them. Any kind is a treat.”
I put up my last dish and joined them in the game room.
Unlike the last time I’d hung out with them, I wasn’t too tired to think. I could probably learn a card game if they wanted to teach me. However, a movie sounded like a great idea. They were setting up the couches in front of a big screen when I came in. Judge sat on the left side of one and extended his hand. “Di.”
I took his offering and tucked in next to him. If I understood the scheduling of this, it was still his night. Cash took over in the morning. We could all hang out together although I should show them individual attention. I wished there was a handbook for this. We were such a family growing up I’d never really noticed what my mom did during her days with my father and uncles. They rotated at nights. Had she made the days special? The kids had changed things anyway. Babies needed attention, and whoever was with my mom had baby duty too. When Nolan’s kids had been born, he’d been around a lot more at night than his usual turn on the schedule. That was how it worked.
I think the only one of them that got shafted on that regard was my father. He’d never had me as a baby. Nothing about my life had worked the way it should have.
Sterling sat on my other side, his foot touching mine. Cash plopped down on his other side. Lewis and Damian took the other couch. Soon the movie started, and I stopped caring about who sat where or how I behaved. Cash had been right. Judge picked an anime. That didn’t, however, do the movie justice. The presentation was so extraordinary the images were practically real. The story was interesting, too. It was a love story and a trope I was familiar with. Girl from the right side of the world, boy from the wrong. But he rose up to be such an important man, he eventually earned the right to court her.
I didn’t see the end coming. She died, mauled down on the streets trying to get to him to save his life. I gasped, tears coming from my eyes. Her lover eventually became king of the universe, better for having known her.
“Aww, Di.” Judge pulled me even closer against him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know she died. I thought it was lightweight. They send us thousands of movies. I liked this director before.”
I laughed, wiping at my eyes. “Sorry. Guess I got caught up.”
I sat up while the lights in the room came back on. Five sets of eyes stared at me with various emotions quickly passing over their faces. It was too much. I couldn’t deal with being stared at or even figure out, particularly, why they’d have such strong reactions to my being ridiculous over a movie.
“Sorry. Hope I didn’t spoil the movie for everyone.” Various no’s and denials sounded while I stood. “I should go to bed. I’m clearly all kinds of sappy.”
Judge hopped to his feet. “Night everyone.”
“Eight a.m.,” C
ash called over us. “If you’re not up, Judge, I’m waking your ass.”
We held hands as we walked. He’d been quiet and still while the movie was on and clearly needed to make up for the stillness now. I had a thought and almost dismissed it. But playfulness wasn’t a side to my personality which came out often. I decided to embrace the urge.
I dropped his hand. “Race you.” I took off running.
There was no way Judge wasn’t going to beat me to Artemis. He was over six feet tall, and in my bare feet I was five feet exactly. Still, to hear him hoot with laughter behind me was worth the run. I’d made maybe one hundred yards before he scooped me up in his arms and flung me over his shoulder.
I squirmed until I managed to get onto his back, piggyback style, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. When I steadied, he took off running, me squealing the whole way. When we got to Artemis, he slowed then set me down. A second later, he pushed me against the ship, kissing me hard on the mouth, once.
He backed up to stare at me. “Caught you. I’ll always catch you. You run, I follow. I’m never going to lose you, Di.”
“Thank you for that promise.” Why did I feel so free tonight? I wasn’t going to overanalyze it when it would likely be gone soon. We walked together into the ship. Judge checked out some of Artemis’ computers while I undressed in the bathroom. I needed to do laundry soon. My clothes were all so huge on me. I needed to get the one-sized outfit cleaned up so I could wear it again. When I came out, it was to find Judge in boxer shorts staring at my bedroom computer screen. I’d set it up so pictures of my family rotated through at night. I liked to see them before I went to bed, and when I turned off the light in the room, the wattage was low enough it didn’t bother me.
I stopped short. Both Damian and Sterling had slept with their clothes on. This was a change. Not that I was complaining. Judge was gorgeous. I’d had no idea he had so many muscles hidden beneath his clothes. He was thin and lean yet at the same time one giant muscle. Also, somewhat shocking, was the giant spider tattooed on his back. I rocked back on my feet. If he could perform, I’d be more than willing. Still, it was probably best they were all incapable. We were getting to know each other before there was any sex because we had no other choice. If this blew up in our faces, there’d be no hurt from getting too close too soon. I supposed. Bitterly.
I shook my head. That was my constant state of lust thinking and not my better self.
He turned to grin at me. “Can we go over them sometime? I want to know your family.”
“Sure.” I pointed at his back. “That’s an incredible piece of ink. A spider. Red, black, intense.”
I wouldn’t have pictured Judge with a tattoo. Damian and Sterling maybe. Judge surprised me.
“I hate spiders. They terrify me. Creepy things. I had that put there to remind me what scares us can remain behind us and not have to dictate our lives.”
I walked toward the bed, expecting him to follow; when he didn’t, I looked him square in the eyes. What I found there stopped me short. He was afraid. Right now. “What are you worried about? I can’t imagine it would be sleeping with me. I don’t think I take up the whole bed.”
A bad joke, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“I have to tell you something. I thought I didn’t. Then Damian asked me if I had. Reminded me lying is not a good way to start things. I liked how you looked at me, how you seemed to think of me. I didn’t want you to know I’d been in jail.”
Jail? What had he done? Where I was from, prison was for murderers and people who had done things that could not be forgiven. I wasn’t certain how the penal system worked here.
I crossed my hands over my chest. “What did you do?”
He took a deep breath.
Chapter Ten
The Spider on His Back
“When I was young, Evander would ask me to make something, and I’d make it. I never thought about the consequences of anything I did. They asked, I made. It was like a challenge. I could do things people twice my age couldn’t manage. And fast.”
I sat down on the bed. He stood in front of me in his black boxer shorts with his spider tattoo, looking at me as though he expected me to boot him from the room any second.
He ran his hands through his hair or rocked on his feet. Constant movement to go with what he had to tell me.
“What kinds of things were they asking you for?”
He took a second to answer. “Weapons. Bombs, mostly. I also made body armor. No one cared if I could build a holding facility for the Infected or transport ships that could get the sick to a hospital sooner.”
“My father makes bombs. He was the best bomb maker the Nomads ever had.” And I hated the bombs. I was always terrified one of them was about to go off. “He doesn’t make them for anything but defense anymore.”
Judge put his hands on his hips. “For real?”
“Yep.”
He waited like he expected me to go on about something. Should I say something more? When I didn’t, he continued. “Then one day, when I was about eighteen, I heard these two soldiers talking. They seemed pretty beat up. Covered in blood. Gook. Oil. I came out of the underground facility where we designed products. I needed some sunlight, and I wanted to read my comic. They were talking. One of them asked why they were getting sent out on so many missions. And the second one, he said it was because they had to try out the products the genius in the basement was making. The company needed to see if they worked. The soldiers employed by Evander were test dummies for Evander to sell the weaponry to militias. Their bodies, their lives were being destroyed.”
His eyes were distant. “I found the nearest garbage can, and I threw up. How could I have been so stupid?” His voice cracked. “To me it had all been hypothetical. A challenge. Could I do it? I never stopped to ask, should I do it. I walked up to the soldiers. I asked them, how were they? Were the products holding up? Who were they fighting?”
I took his hand, but it stayed limp in mine. He talked, but he wasn’t in the room with me, not mentally. “They told me. The last mission, my bombs had been great. They’d blown up another corporation’s headquarters. They’d only lost five men. And they didn’t know how many on the other side. The guy who told me, he looked kind of sick about it. Then he let me know that the mission before had not gone as well. They’d been nearly decimated by one of my air bombs. It detonated too quickly. I’d wondered about that one, if the timer was off. I’d told Evander. They took the product from me anyway. I could never understand why. The pursuit of profit is fine, only not at the expense of people’s lives. I threw up again, right there behind where those two were talking. One of them was nice to me. He brought me a soda.”
A thought dawned on me. “Who was the soldier?” I asked even though I knew. I could see it clearly in my mind’s eye. I could picture the soda exchange.
“Sterling.” He breathed in through his nose. “I promised this stranger that I was done making bombs. I don’t think he believed me. I refused to work on any war-related products. Evander threw me in jail for failure to meet my obligations. I spent a year in jail, underground. Alone. They fed us three times a day. No one spoke to us. Some of the people there were very bad.” He shook his head. “Then out of nowhere, Damian came. I’d never met him. He had a project he wanted me to sign on to. He’d convinced Evander I was worth more to them on a mission like this than in the cell. I didn’t outright lie to you. I did sign on to help the Infected, like my parents. I am happy. I’m grateful. I’m lucky. Damian and Sterling, they’ve been friends for a while. Damian saved Sterling, too. Sterling told him about the engineer who refused to make any more bombs. That’s how I’m here.”
I stood then, like I’d been doing it for years, I threw my arms around him. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t have words.”
He put his forehead on my shoulder. “When I think about the lives lost. Because I made the product.”
I squeezed him tighter. “My father
and my uncles, they’ve all done bad things. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. Guilt follows them, tied to their backs with a rope only they can see. I didn’t know when I was little. I learned bit by bit. I can’t make you forgive yourself. Maybe you’re not supposed to. I don’t know. I do think you were very young when you went to Evander, with no parents. You didn’t have the context in which to understand what they wished of you. They fed you. They clothed you. They asked; you provided. They took advantage of your genius.”
“I’m …”
I didn’t let him finish. “When you realized, you stopped. Not one person in a million would have the guts to do what you did. You have a conscience. A big one. I cannot discount those who died. If their memory makes you careful from now on, then that is a gift in a strange, sad way. You’ll get no judgement from me.”
Judge didn’t cry in a big way. He didn’t have heaps of sobs. Simple, long strains of tears left his eyes in silence. They hit my shoulder and travelled down my torso. I drew him toward the bed, not letting go of him. He was so much bigger than me. It had to hurt him to be so bent over. We lay together on top of my bedspread, just as we’d stood.
I rubbed his back, tracing the spider with my fingertips while he quietly cried. I’d never seen anyone weep so silently. Had someone told him he couldn’t make noise? I took his cheeks in my hands, and I kissed him gently. “You can let it out. Don’t hold it back. It won’t scare me, and I won’t leave.”
As though my giving him permission to do so made it happen, his quiet crying turned into sobs. I held him while his body shook and the depth of regret inside of him rose to the surface. He’d told me he was a happy person, and he was. I didn’t doubt him. Happy people could hold sadness inside too. I believed my family didn’t understand or approve of me, yet they’d been there. Judge had been all alone. In a corporation. I hated Evander Corporation. I’d never tell my five that. I understood they had a sort of loyalty to them. As far as I was concerned, it sounded like they owned Cash’s genius, Sterling’s body, Damian’s loyalty, and Judge’s soul. I didn’t know with Lewis yet, although I knew there would be something.