A smile curled my lips. It was touching in that he-wouldn’t-let-me-starve way.
Before I could say anything, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see Darius crossing the courtyard toward the small cottage there. When he saw Maddox, Trayton, and me, his steps slowed. He hunched his shoulders up and growled. “It’s a half hour until curfew. I’d hate to have to dole out more extra duties today.”
But something told me he wouldn’t hate it at all. His tone sounded almost eager.
Trayton didn’t look worried. Maybe he’d never had the luxury of an afternoon spent weeding the garden before. My palms were still stinging. With a small smile, Trayton said, “In that case, we’d better hurry.”
He took off at a run and I bolted after him, forgetting the pain in my knees and palms, breathless as we ran across campus. I threw a glance over my shoulder to Darius, who wasn’t bothering to watch after us.
Trayton and I ran across the commons and finally, in a fit of laughter, reached a large, round building. Trayton opened the door and a man inside said, “Trayton, I’m just closing up.”
“Please. My Healer is here and she loves to read. Fifteen minutes, no more. I promise.”
The man sighed, as if he were powerless to refuse Trayton’s whim. “All right. Fifteen. But lock up on your way out.”
The man dropped a second set of keys on the desk and walked out, and Trayton turned to my guard. I was the only one still trying to catch my breath from our sprint. “Maddox, may we have a moment?”
“Alone?” Maddox’s defenses were up. I could tell by the way she slanted her eyes. “You’re seriously asking me to break Protocol after I just got my head handed to me by the headmaster this morning?”
Trayton smiled and I could see what a charmer he was. “Come on, Maddox. We’re supposed to be Bound tomorrow and we haven’t even had a short, private conversation. We won’t do anything, just talk. I give you my word. We won’t even touch.”
Maddox flicked her eyes to me, then back to Trayton, and groaned. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll owe you one. Seriously.”
“By one do you mean a new head? Because if we get caught, mine’s getting bitten off.” Maddox folded her arms in front of her, tapping her foot as she mulled over his offer. Finally, she sighed in exasperation and threw her arms up. “Fine. But you owe me big-time. Don’t forget it. I’ll be right outside. No touching. Not until after your binding tomorrow.”
Trayton reached inside for the light switch. I was no way near prepared for what was coming.
A giant, golden chandelier hung from the ceiling, dripping with crystals. It cast a warm glow over the entire room. Rich, ornate rugs covered the hardwood floors. And if it weren’t for the obvious, I would have doubted that I was in a library at all. The walls were covered with immense, dark bookcases, each lined with hundreds and hundreds of books, their spines soft and faded with age. More shelves stood like a maze in the middle of the room, and through it was a smattering of cozy chairs and small tables topped with lamps which spilled soft light into the darkened maze. To the right of the front desk a spiral staircase wound its way to a loft area—the steps were marble and wide, which led me to believe the library often had droves of students eager to make the climb to what awaited them above.
Trayton stepped forward slowly, as if asking my permission with his hesitancy. I met his eyes, so dark, so full of questioning. He looked so fragile, like he’d been hurt before. The last thing I wanted was to be responsible for causing Trayton any pain. I smiled and followed him inside.
His eyes instantly brightened. “Come on. It’s upstairs.”
We climbed the stairs at a moderate pace, and I marveled at how beautiful the library was. The ceiling was an immense glass dome, something I hadn’t noticed from downstairs. As we climbed higher, I noticed that some of the glass ceiling panels were stained glass, miniature portraits among crystalline squares.
Once upstairs, I saw what drew the attention of so many students, the purpose of the stairs being so wide, and the reason that the handrail was careworn. An enormous fireplace commanded the far end of the room. In front of it were several velvet sofas. Large, fluffy pillows and cushions lay here and there, as if students were quite comfortable sitting on the floor. And then, a dreamer’s room come true. Whereas the bookshelves downstairs were filled with textbooks and works of academia, the shelves up here, though much smaller, were overflowing with hundreds of works of fiction, as far as the eye could see. In the corner was another bookcase, this one filled with sketchbooks and tumblers stuffed with drawing implements. An enormous tapestry that seemed to trace the war’s history stood guard between the restroom doors at the back of the loft, and I was instantly transported back home. Back to where I read a new book every week, just for fun. Back to where my father sketched and my mother did her needlepoint.
My chest ached. I missed them so much.
Trayton said, “By the look on your face, I’m guessing you like it. We call this place the loft. It’s probably the most interesting place to hang out on campus. But…it’s not what I brought you here to see.”
He released my hand and my palm tingled as it cooled in his absence. I plucked a book from the shelf and flipped through it, reveling in this moment of normalcy. “This library is incredible.”
Trayton was fiddling with something on the wall behind the tapestry. “Just wait. It gets better.”
There was a clicking sound and a section of the wall beside the fireplace swung open. Inside was another set of stairs, this one narrow and made of bare wood. I dropped the book on the nearest shelf and looked with wonder at Trayton. “A secret room?”
He grinned. “I told you I wanted to show you my favorite place. Go on up.”
Unable to resist the unknown, I stepped into the narrow corridor and slowly made my way up the steps, which creaked as I ascended. Trayton stepped in behind me and closed the hidden door, leaving us cloaked in shadows. My eyes adjusted after a moment and I kept moving upward, not knowing what awaited me above. I could feel Trayton close behind me in the darkness, and I knew without asking that he would catch me if I fell, that he would never lead me anywhere where I would be in danger. But even if danger found us, he’d protect me. I slowed my steps, and in a breathy voice, Trayton said, “Is something wrong?”
Smiling in the darkness, but suddenly hesitant, I said, “Why aren’t we supposed to be alone together, exactly?”
He was quiet for a long time, and as I turned around on my step to face him, I caught his sweet breath on my cheek. His voice was hushed, and our bodies intimately close in the small space. “Tradition, mostly. I…it’s not like I’m going to hurt you or anything, Kaya. I just…wanted to show you that not everything about Shadow Academy is terrible.”
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t thought it was so apparently obvious that I’d resolved myself to hating everything about the academy. After a moment, I turned around again and continued up the stairs. At the top of the steps was a small, round room with dust-covered boxes and larger items covered with dusty sheets. I moved forward, wondering why Trayton would bring me here. He stepped to my left and whispered, “Look up, Kaya.”
I raised my eyes to the ceiling and discovered that it was also a glass dome, though much smaller than that of the main library. This one didn’t have any stained glass, but it was perfectly clear. Thousands of stars twinkled above us, and I gasped at the sight of them. Moonlight filtered through the clear panels, lighting the room in a cool bluish tint. I marveled at the perfect view of the star-speckled sky until I heard Trayton moving something behind me. When I turned, he was uncovering what looked like a velvet chaise. He sat down and leaned back, looking up at the stars. After a moment, I sat beside him. “What is all this stuff?”
I opened the satchel he’d brought me and munched on grapes, soft cheese, warm bread, and roasted chicken while he explained. “I think it’s an old storage room. No one but me knows about it, so I really d
on’t have anyone to ask. Of course, now you know, but I don’t suppose you have any idea what it was used for, hmm?”
I laughed and finished my dinner while watching the stars twinkle. After a while, I could feel Trayton’s eyes on me. I met his gaze. His close proximity both elated me and made me nervous at the same time. What was I doing in a room alone with a boy that I hardly knew? My dad would have a heart attack if he knew. Clearing my throat, I asked the only thing that I could think to ask him. “Do you want to be Bound to me, Trayton?”
Trayton leaned forward, elbows on his knees. His soft hair fell forward, hiding his face like a curtain. After a long silence, he said, “Did you know the one you were Soulbound to?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not.” He lifted his head to look at me. The curtain drew back, revealing his pale, handsome face. “Did you?”
I debated for several seconds what to tell him and finally settled on the absolute truth.
“No. But when I learned he’d died, I felt…broken. I didn’t leave my room. I was just so sad.” I shook my head. “It sounds crazy, but I can’t explain what it felt like to lose him…and I don’t know why I felt that way over a total stranger. I’ve never talked about it until now.”
He watched me for a moment, and I couldn’t tell if he was gauging my sanity level or empathizing with my loss. When he spoke, his voice sounded gruff, as if he were on the verge of tears. “Now imagine having known him, having been there to hold him when he cried, having held him and kissed him and dreamed of a life together. Imagine how much bigger the pain of that loss would have been if you had counted on him always being there for you, if you had loved him before you lost him.”
A tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek, glistening in the light of the moon.
It was all I could do to keep our promise to Maddox, to not reach out and wipe his tear away, to offer him whatever comfort I could. “Oh, Trayton…I’m so sorry.”
“When Samantha—my Healer—died, I sank into a deep depression. After her funeral, I wouldn’t leave my parents’ home to return to the academy, wouldn’t even receive any visitors. I was broken and nobody could fix me. After a month, my father brought me into his office and told me that he had offered the headmaster a substantial amount of money as a show of gratitude for treating our family so well. But I knew what he meant. It was a bribe to move my name to the top of the list of those who were waiting for Healers.” He clenched his jaw. “I hated him. And when I learned your name, I hated you too.”
He took a deep breath and wiped his tears away, something I couldn’t do. “But the hate, the reluctance, the fear went away with time. And now, I’m just hopeful that maybe we’ll find even a small part of the happiness, the closeness that Samantha and I shared.”
He met my eyes then and his became warm, all tears gone, all sorrow tucked neatly at the back of his mind. It had to be unbearable to live with that kind of pain. “You’ll never replace her, but if I had to choose someone to stand by my side, I can’t think of anyone more fitting than you. So…yes. Yes, I do want to be Bound to you, Kaya. But something tells me you don’t feel the same way.”
I nodded, not wanting to lie. Trayton deserved better than that. “Up until this evening, I would have said that you were right. I mean, I was threatened away from my home, forced into training for a war I don’t have anything to do with, and given no choice of who I’ll spend the rest of my life with. It’s awful.”
I fell silent.
After several minutes, Trayton cleared his throat, as if preparing for the worst, and said, “And now?”
“Now I’m not so sure. Now I’m wondering what tomorrow will be like. Now I’m…” I dropped my eyes to the floor. “Now I’m curious about what it will be like to be Bound to you.”
When I looked back at Trayton, he was smiling.
“We should get going before Maddox has a heart attack.”
I chuckled. “Should you walk out shirtless, just to make her wonder what we were doing?”
“I like the way you think. But I think we’ve caused her enough stress for one evening.” He smirked as we made our way out of the room and down the grand staircase. After a pause, he said, “Maybe tomorrow.”
Trayton locked the door and we stepped outside. The sky had grown overcast with clouds—gray puffs against the black nighttime sky as an unexpected storm rolled in. Lightning flashed, lighting up the night. Suddenly, the sky opened up and rain poured down on us in sheets. I lifted my face, closing my eyes, enjoying the cool water on my skin. After a moment, I looked at Trayton, who was smiling at me. “Promise me that you’ll always be so open with me, Trayton, that you won’t change once we’re Bound.”
Trayton leaned close and my heart was completely still. My rational mind knew that he was a virtual stranger to me, but I comforted myself with the fact that he was also a completely gorgeous, highly kissable stranger. His lips were incredibly close to mine, and I could feel his whisper on my skin. “I promise.”
A cough, almost indistinguishable from the rain, gave his actions a pause. Maddox spoke from several yards away. She didn’t sound happy. “Three minutes until curfew, you two.”
Trayton frowned. “It takes at least five minutes to walk back to our quarters.”
“What’s the matter, Trayton? Out of breath?” I grinned, egging him on.
His grin returned. “Maybe if you’d stop stealing it away…”
Maddox practically shouted. “Two minutes! I suggest you run.”
We took off running through the rain and reached the door of our dorm building dripping wet and breathless, with about ten seconds to spare. Trayton didn’t leave my side the entire time. He smiled brightly. “Thank you, Kaya. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. Maybe we could talk more tomorrow, go for a walk after our binding?”
“I’d love that.” I meant it. I wanted to spend time with Trayton. I wanted to get to know him. Even if the idea of being Bound forever with no choice did leave me a little nauseated and a lot terked off.
Trayton had just reached for the door when the headmaster opened it from the other side. “Ah, just the man I wanted to see. Trayton, if you would accompany me to my office. We have a few things to discuss before tomorrow’s festivities.”
“Of course, Headmaster.” He threw me a smile and departed with the headmaster, leaving Maddox and me alone.
Maddox grumbled. “There better not have been any touching, Kaya.”
“No touching. Promise.” A light caught my eye and I turned my head. The upstairs window of the cabin was open. Darius was standing in the window, his shirt partially undone, leaning on the frame with both hands. Something in his expression looked haunted, sad. Then suddenly, his jaw tensed and anger returned to his eyes. He slammed the shutters closed.
I jumped at the sound of it.
Maddox shook her head. “What is his problem?”
But the answer seemed obvious. It was me. And I had no idea why.
Yanking open the door to my dorm, I huffed inside with Maddox right behind me.
C H A P T E R
Eight
I woke early, just as the sun’s light had pierced the window glass, to the scent of roses. Light, airy, beautiful roses. A dozen of them—in rich, glorious red—were sitting in a vase atop the table near the door, a small piece of parchment tucked neatly between their leaves. Slipping out from under my down-filled covers, I plucked the note from the bouquet. In swirling, elegant script, it read simply Yours, T. A smile touched my lips then and I couldn’t help but wonder just how Trayton had managed to get the flowers past Maddox. After all, he owed her after our alone time. Did his charms know no bounds? I rummaged in my trunk for something to wear. Something comfortable, with maybe a hint of pretty. I still didn’t have a uniform, but I wagered that the headmaster would insist on it soon. Especially once…
Something in my chest clenched my heart.
…once Trayton and I were Bound. Which happened to
be in about an hour.
I’d forgotten. I’d completely forgotten that I was about to be forever Bound to a boy I hardly knew.
Dragging my feet, I slowly made my way into my washroom, bathed and got ready—my thoughts never far from Trayton and what our binding meant exactly. It meant that there would be no other boys for me. It meant that we were an item, in a way, and that I had no choice but to go through with it if I truly valued my parents’ lives. It meant that I had better suck it up and stop moping, because there was no other choice in the matter.
In short, it meant that I was royally fakked.
After running a comb through my freshly dried hair, I checked my reflection in the mirror, pausing when I heard hushed voices from the other room.
“Is she awake?” Trayton. Even though we’d hardly spoken, I would have known that voice anywhere.
Maddox’s voice followed with a hint of harshness. “Yes, but I’m not letting you in. You know the rules, Trayton. And I’m not breaking them for you again.”
“You do know that we’re due at the temple in a half hour.”
Maddox’s voice took on a more formal tone. Something in it suggested it wasn’t the first time the two of them had butted heads. “I’m well aware of that fact, Barron.”
When I opened the door, the looks on their faces were priceless—a mingling of surprise and embarrassment. I forced a smile, despite the sick feeling that was churning in my stomach. “Good morning.”
Trayton brightened. Maddox cleared her throat, and grumbled, “Are you up for breakfast, Princess?”
My stomach clenched at the thought of food, threatening to cramp. Nerves, I supposed. “I don’t really feel like eating.”
The corner of Maddox’s mouth lifted in a smirk. I was sure she was looking at Trayton with her peripheral vision. “Nauseous, huh?”
Trayton ignored her jibe and stepped closer, careful not to touch me. “Did you like your flowers?”