"Pardon?"
She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, then gave him her rehearsed speech. "Grant, I've thought about our situation a lot. And I believe that you were right about us--that my feelings for you were mere infatuation. It occurred to me that I couldn't possibly suspect myself of having more substantial feelings when I hardly know you and don't know other men at all."
"What?" His whole body grew rigid.
She made her tone businesslike. "You were kind enough to point that out, even when I was so obstinate about it. I've come to my senses, so you have nothing to fear."
"It's a little late for this. I've bedded you," he pointed out needlessly.
She stretched her fingers to study her nails. "And I trust that won't get out to any of my possible marriage prospects when we get back to England."
His eyes widened, then blazed with anger. "You won't have prospects. You have no dowry. Your grandfather is impoverished. What will you do then?"
His words left her shaken, but she masked it. "Cammy and I will live with Grandfather at the Court."
"You won't be doing that either." His tone was ruthless.
"Why not?"
"The Court is mine. It's my payment for finding and returning you."
Her head slanted forward. Could she have misheard him? "You neglected to tell me that I would return to England prospectless, penniless, and homeless?"
"You didn't need to know at the time."
Her shock gave way to anger. "You lied to me."
"I never lied."
"You're claiming my family's ancestral home?" she asked in disgust. Her tone was scathing when she added, "Then you were wrong on the island. You are some hack delivering me."
"So would you like to tell me about your recent change of heart?" Cammy said over dinner in her cabin the next evening.
When Tori didn't answer, Cammy coaxed, "Please, tell me what you're thinking."
Tori set down the bread she'd just buttered. "I don't want to bother you with petty things--"
Cammy gave a short, humorless laugh. "I'm cabin-ridden for an interminable amount of time. I need you to bother me."
Tori took a deep breath. "I made love to Grant."
Cammy sat silently.
"Aren't you going to say something? Show any surprise?"
"I may be sick, but I can still see which way the wind blows," Cammy said, pushing her plate away.
"Aren't you upset with me?"
Cammy shook her head. "No, because Grant is a good man. I know he wouldn't have done that if he didn't intend to marry you. I suspect he's planning a wedding right now."
"He already told me we would marry."
Cammy leaned back and blew out a relieved breath.
"But I won't do it."
"What do you mean?" she asked slowly.
"I think I could hate him."
Cammy got a strangled look on her face "Do explain!"
"I overheard Grant tell Ian that he was...that he was embarrassed by me. That he was ashamed of me."
"Did he say those exact words?"
"No, but the meaning was clear. He said he would shudder to see me loose in England. That I was a mistake."
Cammy sucked in a breath. "He wasn't saying this for Ian's benefit? Men sometimes..." She trailed off when Tori shook her head.
"When he told me we would marry, I asked him if he cared for me. If he would be proud of me. If he was marrying me for more than his sense of obligation. He answered poorly on all counts." Tori dashed away a tear with the heel of her palm. "Besides, it makes perfect sense. I thought he found me attractive, and I absolutely let him know I was attracted to him, but he usually shied away. And the times he didn't--he obviously felt a deep measure of guilt."
"The times he didn't shy away?" Cammy asked in a choked voice. "Just how many times did he not shy away?"
Tori waved her hand as if the information was trifling. "We've kissed and such a few times."
Cammy looked heavenward. "And this before we even get to England."
Tori checked another irritating tear. "Yes, well, our arrival's going to be a bit different than it was presented. He lied about the Court." At Cammy's blank look, she explained, "He gets it--when Grandfather dies, Grant will own it. He'll own my family's land."
Cammy scratched her temple. "Why would Belmont make such a deal?"
"He has no money," she said sadly. "It was the last thing he had to offer."
"Let's think about this," Cammy began in a sensible tone. "Grant did spend more than a year on this mission. He deserves to be compensated for it."
Tori shook her head. "I think it's wrong, and he must too. Why else wouldn't he have told me about it?" She rose to stare out of the small cabin window. "Cammy, for the first time since I could remember, I felt secure. But it was false. We don't know what kind of life we're sailing into. To believe I thought so highly of him. He was only pretending to be this gentleman surfeit with honor." She placed her hand on the cool glass. "I fell for it, but I'll never let down my guard again."
"Tori, what if you're with child?" Cammy asked gently.
She was silent for a long time because she didn't know how to feel about that. She didn't have words to express the turmoil the idea brought her, the joy, sadness, worry, and regret. She faced her friend. "I'll know soon, in the next week, I believe."
Cammy nodded, and they agreed to put off any further discussions until then.
So Cammy spent the week resting and eating her new foods, and Tori and Ian strategized on the best way to make his lady forgive him for disappearing for so long. Their conversations helped break up her misery. He loved to talk about Erica's big, gray eyes, her sharp intellect, her shyness. At least one man on this ship was in love.
Ian couldn't wait for Tori and his sisters and mother to meet Erica. He predicted that all would adore her as much as he did. When Tori remarked that she would have loved to have so many siblings, Ian promised her she was about to have three new sisters, four with Erica, and a quirky yet lovable Aunt Serena. It was the first time Tori had smiled in days.
She sometimes caught Grant observing her and felt him even more, yet he never said a word to her, until on the very day she was sure she would not be having his child, he approached her.
"Victoria, I'd like to speak with you."
She exhaled as though very put out and walked to the cabin, sitting on the edge of the bed. He shut the door behind him, then moved to sit across from her. His blue eyes were somber yet watchful, searching her face--he seemed very concerned about her. That thought made it difficult to remain indifferent to him. But look how wrong I've been about him before. Obviously, she was woefully ignorant of what people were thinking and how they really felt. Her mind flashed to her bumbling attempts at seduction, and her face flushed.
"I'd like to ask you if you...has there been?..."
She gathered what he was trying to say. Part of her wanted to make him uncomfortable and force him to say the question. Finally, she said, "Am I with child?"
"Yes."
She fingered the coverlet in snappish movements. "Why do you care?"
"Why do I--? How can you ask that?"
"What would you do if I was?"
"I'd marry you." There was steel in his tone. "At the first opportunity."
She boldly met his gaze. "I wouldn't marry you under any circumstances."
His lips thinned as though he just held his fury in check. "This has gone on long enough. I don't know what I did to cause you to cool toward me, but you shouldn't take that out on an innocent child. You'd make a bastard out of my child to spite me?"
"You, you, you!" She leapt up. "Why does everything have to be about you? Do you think I go about my days thinking of ways I can spite you? You flatter yourself if you believe I think of you at all."
"Then why?"
"Because I wouldn't chain myself to you for the rest of my life. I think you've been absolutely right about me all along. You aren't right for me. I hadn't had eno
ugh experience with men to know what I wanted before. And now, now that I will have that chance, I'm certain I will find someone who'd be better for me. No, we won't marry."
His hands knotted into fists. "You wouldn't have a choice. Do you think you're my ideal bride? I assure you you're not, but I'd marry you to spare our child any unnecessary hurt."
Oh, she knew very well that she wasn't his ideal bride. She was a mistake. Before she began crying, she said, "No."
"No, what?"
"I'm not with child."
He sat staring at her, his eyes dark and...hurting? "Very well, Victoria." He exhaled a long breath. "I wanted to make sure."
"There's no child. When we get to England, we can go our separate ways."
Grant turned back to her one last time before he left, confusion plain on his face. She ignored the pain in her heart and told herself for the hundredth time that it was for the best.
Twenty
Tori stood on the bow of the Keveral, her excitement at seeing London dimming as the city's mist settled into droplets on her coat. She sighed at her dismal surroundings, breathing in dank air that tasted like soot, surely from the tall chimneys on the horizon choking up black smoke.
"So this is what all the fuss was about," she said loud enough for Grant to hear. He stood close by on the bow, and she told herself it was to pine near her. Not to oversee the steam tug towing them up the Thames.
She thought she saw him flush. The port was not showing well. With a pointed look at the thick, cloying refuse in the Thames audibly knocking about the sides of the ship, she said, "And to think I might have missed this, if not for you."
Grant scowled at her and stalked off to give instructions for docking. As soon as he left, she felt empty. What did that say about her? That she would rather be with him in anger than without him in peace? That was sorry of her, and she didn't want to be like that. No, she didn't, but another part of her mind whispered, Peace is a relative term, anyway, and urged her to torment him.
For the last month, she'd been cutting, mumbling insults at him, glaring at him. If she had one wish, it was that he'd stay and take her anger, absorb so much that it faded from her. And then he would, of course, apologize abjectly and say that he loved her.
She sighed. It wasn't in her nature to be this churlish. Squaring her shoulders, she resolved that she would endeavor to be civil to him.
This day would mark a new beginning. She frowned up at the sky. This gray, faded day. Regardless, it was a new beginning in a new land and a new life--a life far from the one she'd envisioned for herself, but spiting Grant helped nothing.
She would try to change and make the best of things. Keep what was past in the past. She gave herself a sharp nod. A new start--
Something thumped against the bow. Dooley exclaimed, "That one must've been a body." The crew howled with laughter.
Tori drummed her nails and rolled her eyes. New beginning...
How utterly auspicious.
Hours later, as they traveled deeper into what Tori learned was called the "pool of London," she took in one bewildering sight after another. It was like a forest upon the water, there were so many masts from the ships clotting the harbor. Low, nebulous clouds slid along with the gusting wind. The sounds of chains grating, construction, and a multitude of vendors hawking wares assaulted her ears.
The steam tug chugged onward, towing them to a system of wharves and a monstrous warehouse bordering the river. The ship was docked at one of the largest piers as gently as a baby laid to cradle. Sodden flags matching the pennants of the Keveral snapped from masts at the shore.
After the crew secured the ship, Tori and Cammy said farewell to them. Tori hugged Dooley with watering eyes, wishing him luck on his next voyage. When Dooley teared up too, Ian quickly conducted Tori and Cammy to the warehouse. They were to wait there while Grant oversaw the details of arrival.
The goods inside were piled so high it was as if they walked a maze. They inspected the spectacular lots of marble, teas, carpets, and spices. In a separate room, the blue room, they saw stacks of compacted bales of indigo powder. Tori knew all these materials were expensive, even without noticing the guards walking the perimeter. "So Grant does well as a captain?"
Ian looked at her quizzically. "He owns half of this."
Her eyes widened. "But I thought he was only a captain, or just owned a share."
"The brothers own it jointly," Ian said. "Rich as Croesus, both of them."
Tori looked at Cammy in shock, then back at Ian. "Then why didn't Grant just buy an estate, instead of make this deal with my grandfather?"
Ian sank onto a roll of carpet. "There simply aren't unentailed estates that large left. Not for sale and not near Grant's family's home."
"Just how big is the Court?" Cammy asked.
"Vast, because the family stipulated it never could be divided, almost as though it were entailed. So in a time of dwindling estates, the Court still has its parklands, woodlands, downlands, and a village of tenants."
"Why does he want such a large property?" Tori asked as she and Cammy sat in a pair of wrapped antique chairs across from Ian.
He shrugged as if he didn't know very much about the subject, but Tori knew Ian observed and recorded more information than anyone suspected. He finally explained, "Grant's clever and ambitious. He knows that in England, land means power. As a younger son, Grant never hoped to acquire an estate like your family's, but if he did, he'd have a seat of power."
When Tori gave a cynical smirk, Ian said, "I want to be clear about this. Land means power but it also means responsibility, and I swear Grant's the only man in the kingdom who wants the latter more than the former. I don't want you ever to doubt his motives in this."
She would always doubt his motives. She feigned a smile and Ian relaxed, apparently convinced that she did in fact understand him.
While she pondered this new information, Ian waved his now calloused hand around the warehouse and said, "The family didn't see fit to cut ol' Ian a piece of the pie when my mother, Serena, inquired years ago. Told her some nonsense about 'unfortunate predilections' and an 'absurd disregard for fiscal responsibility.' " He shook his head. "Picky, picky."
Cammy remarked, "Your mother was good to ask for you."
"She didn't give a whit about the money." He chuckled. "She just wanted the brothers stuck watching out for me as they always had, keeping me straight..." He was about to say more, when they heard Grant's voice carrying from somewhere in the warehouse. Ian rose and stretched his long arms above his head. "I'll just go check with Grant and see if he's ready to escort you from here."
"Are you certain you can't accompany us to the Court?" Cammy asked. "We will miss you, Ian."
Ian leaned forward to kiss her hand. "I have to go find Erica. Still, I wouldn't leave you if I didn't know Grant would care for you both."
When he took Tori's hand, she said, "You must write and tell us how you're doing."
"Write?" Ian scoffed. "As soon as I find Erica, I'm introducing her to Serena and my sisters, then dragging my gaggle of females west to see all of you." He looked very young, but so sure when he said, "You won't get rid of me that easily, I'm afraid."
Grant was as ready to be on his way as any of them. He figured his best chance at sanity was leaving Victoria at the Court. Apart from her, his feelings would fade. They had to. He worried that they hadn't already. He had, after all, dodged a bullet. He'd bedded her and didn't have to pay the ultimate price. So why did he feel like he wanted to be shot at again?
"What are you so nervous about?" Grant asked Ian when he joined him outside Peregrine's office. For the past two weeks, Ian had seemed more anxious about landing than any of them.
Ian shrugged. "Nothing that concerns you."
"If this is about those creditors, I can lend you some money. Again."
"It's not about them," Ian said coldly.
Grant raised his eyebrows, but changed the subject. "I'm still surprised you don't
want to accompany the ladies, although I'm not complaining."
Ian glared, then said, "I want to, yes. I feel like I'm abandoning them. Especially since Tori appears to despise you." He cast Grant a confounded look, as though he'd never figure that one out. "But I've got other things I need to see to."
"Like what?"
Ian scrutinized Grant, as though determining if he could trust him. He apparently decided he couldn't, because he ignored the question, and asked, "Are you going to send word to Derek and the family?"
"No, just to Belmont. The papers would have a field day with this story, so I'm trying to keep it under wraps. I'll visit Whitestone afterward."
Ian nodded, then said, "We're returning Cammy home, but for Tori this will be as new and you'll have to be patient. We can't even begin to understand how she feels about all this."
"I can't believe you are lecturing me on the care of a woman."
"Since I can't go, I'm going to have to trust you to care for her."
Grant made a disbelieving sound, then grated, "I already care for her." His eyes narrowed. "That didn't come out as it should."
"Didn't it?"
Grant turned to the object of their conversation as though searching for some idea how to respond. Victoria and Camellia waited across the busy street by Grant's carriage, taking in the confusion and riot of the London docks with eyes wide.
A group of towering, foreign sailors with blond cropped hair stopped in their tracks when they spotted Victoria. In their strange northern language, they chattered to her, surrounding her. She half-smiled, unsure what to make of the men, some holding their hands over their hearts, others bowing with great solemnity.
Ian chuckled. "Looks like they've found their Scandinavian princess."
"The hell they have...." Grant started for them, intending to crack skulls. Before he could get near, Camellia raised her umbrella warningly, and the group dispersed, throwing kisses back in their wake, while Victoria smiled and waved. Grant didn't slow, but made his way in front of Victoria to glower at the men until they disappeared from sight.
After Ian joined them and gave his farewells, Grant helped Camellia up into the carriage, then turned for Victoria. She ignored him and offered her hand to Ian.
"I wish it were you taking us to Belmont," she said in a not-low-enough voice.